基和皮尔（2012）

What?
什么
Dar- rell,
戴 罗尔
I looked this woman dead in the windows of her soul!
我死死看入这贱妇的灵魂之窗
I said,
我说
I said,
我说
I said, "Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!"
我说"死三八八八八八"
So, I'm a huge fan of reality television...
我是真人秀节目的脑残粉
And I have little use for it. Yes.
而我对这方面不太感兴趣 是的
All right, but no, we agree on one thing,
是的 不过我们俩都同意一件事
that reality TV has completely gone bananos.
现在的真人秀已经疯到没边了
It is redinc to the hinculous.
扯到比扯铃还扯
It is, it is.
是的 没错
It used to be very simple. It used to be just,
曾几何时 这些节目十分简单 节目就是
"Live in a house, and we'll film it.
"共住一屋 我们拍下来
And then, we'll do the same thing next year."
然后明年下一季继续这么拍"
And it was like that for ten years...
这大概维持了有10年吧
And then, all of a sudden, it turned into,
然后突然就画风一转 变成了
"You can live in the house, but we might kick you out,
"你们可以住在这房♥子里 但随时可能因为
If you don't run the raw diet food coop correctly."
没玩好经营生食物摊游戏而被踢走"
That's right...
没错
And then it was, "No house for you.
再接下来就是"不给你房♥子住
Live on a beach, starve, and make alliances with each other."
去住海滩 饿肚子 与其他人组成同盟"
But that show happened,
这节目出来之后
and that's when it went to
就是这类节目
straight-up nutburger crazytown right there.
开始乱七八糟 狗屁不通了
All of a sudden, it was, "Be a gay man designing things
突然就变成了"基佬设计师设计东西
and get angry at other gay men designing things."
还看不爽别的基佬设计师设计东西"
Or "Mad lesbians in a kitchen."
或者是"火爆拉拉在厨房♥撕逼"
Yes. Or "Please install
没错 还有"请帮忙我
the television on my mode of transportation."
在我的交通工具上装电视"
"Eat a bug, win a car."
"吃虫子 赢车子"
"Dangerous fishing"
"危险钓鱼"
Or "You've always been poor, but now, you have a pool table."
或者"你很穷 送你张台球桌"之类的
Or "You have a mental illness.
还有"你有强迫症 神经病
Let us rearrange the furniture for you."
让我们帮你重新排列家具"
Drew, come forward.
德鲁 上前来
Yes, chef, this is a chicken quiche, with crimini mushrooms,
大厨 这是鸡肉乳蛋饼 内有洋菇
baby spinach, and feta cheese.
嫩菠菜以及菲达奶酪
Unbelievable.
难以置信
喜欢卖♥♥关子 一段话分两段说 误导观众
恶搞真人秀《地狱厨房♥》主厨戈登·拉姆齐
Walter, I have a huge problem with this dish.
沃特 你这道菜我有很大的意见
It's that you haven't made it for me sooner.
就是你老早就该做给我吃
Thank you, chef.
谢谢你 大厨
Because if you had, Drew, then I would know
因为如果你早点做给我吃过
how good you are at cooking food...
我就能早点知道你有多会...
that's bad.
煮坏
I'm sorry, chef.
对不起 大厨
When I say "bad", I mean Michael Jackson bad
我说的"坏" 是迈克·杰克逊的"坏"
Thank you, chef.
谢谢你 大厨
You know, how he looked really,
你懂的 就是在他去世之前
really bad at the end of his life?
他人不人鬼不鬼的样子
Chef, I'm sorry. I don't know if you like the dish or not.
大厨 抱歉 您到底喜不喜欢这菜
You don't know if I like the dish or not?
你不知道我喜不喜欢这道菜吗
Well, let's put it this way. Pack your fucking knives,
那这么说吧 快他妈收拾你的刀子
get out, you're off the show.
滚出去 你不用回来节目了
I'm sorry, chef.
对不起 大厨
Because...
因为...
you should be working in the finest restaurant in the world.
你应该到全世界最顶级的餐厅里工作
Thank you, chef. Just not any world that I live in.
谢谢你 大厨 但不是我生活的世界里的
Sorry, chef. Because, frankly, Drew,
对不起 大厨 老实说 德鲁
I'm jealous of you.
我好嫉妒你
Thank you, ch-chef.
谢谢你 大厨
And your ability to not give a shit
以及你能完全
about what you cook.
不在意你煮的是什么狗屎
This... is not fit for human consumption.
这东西不适合给人类食用
No, this... should be eaten
这东西 应该是给
by a higher life form, with a more complex palate.
更高层次 有更发达味蕾的生命体所食
But also an altruistic
它们还得有
drive to save humanity from dishes like this.
为人类牺牲 消灭这盘菜的赴死之心
Joking! Not! You just have to die!
开玩笑的 不是 你必须死
So you won't have to endure a life
这样你才不用一生忍♥受
in which you will never exceed what you have achieved
再也超越不了你今日所达到之成就的
here today....
痛苦...
Thank you, chef.
谢谢你 大厨
In conclusion,
总而言之
meh...
一般啦
Lil Wayne, y'all!
我是李尔·韦恩 各位
他入狱前后都曾拍过心路历程 现在帮他补上过程
恶搞曾入狱的知名饶舌歌♥手李尔·韦恩
The Carter, yeah yeah yeah...
出《卡特》系列专辑的 是的 是的
Yeah, I'm coming to you
老子要从
all straight from Rikers penitentiary, bitch.
雷克岛监狱给你们带来新作品 婊♥子♥们
You heard me.
你听到啦
There are haters out there
外面那些黑我的人
who think that I'm playing, that I'm some kind of joke, man.
觉得我在装 我只是个笑话
Yeah... Young Money...
年轻富豪
Yeah, check this out right here, man.
现在就露一手给你们瞧瞧
Yeah, yeah, I'm the baddest mother fucker
老子就是整间监狱
on this whole prison here, bitch, yeah!
最狠的人啦 小婊♥子♥
You heard? Take it out! Let's go!
听到没 来 听我唱
♪ I'm the baddest dude of all... ♪
♪ 整间监狱我最狠... ♪
What can l say about ancestry.com?
我对家谱网有什么能说的吗
My adventure began when l received a leaf
我的冒险是从我收到一片叶子
pointing me in the direction of my great grandfather,
直指我的曾祖父
who was a pilot with the flying aces in World War l.
是一次世界大战的王牌飞行员开始的
On my mother's side, l found an aunt who traced
我妈的亲戚那边 我发现我阿姨
her lineage all the way back to Thomas Jefferson.
是托马斯·杰斐逊的后人
曾跟黑奴有过数个孩子的传言
本段在恶搞托马斯·杰斐逊
l was able to trace my bloodline back to nobles,
我的血统还能一直追朔到贵族
and even a king.
甚至一个国王
l discovered l'm a direct descendent of Erik the Red.
我还发现了我是红胡子埃里克的直系后人
由于他 有约4000名北欧移♥民♥移入
维京探险家 格陵兰的开♥发♥者
After only a couple of hours on ancestry.com,
在家谱网上只花了数小时
l was able to trace my family line
我就能追查到我家族的祖先
all the way back to none other than our third President,
居然正是我们美国第三任总统
Thomas Jefferson.
托马斯·杰斐逊
Marie Antoinette.
玛丽·安托瓦内特
Thomas Jefferson.
托马斯·杰斐逊
Aristotle.
亚里士多德
Thomas Jefferson.
托马斯·杰斐逊
Alexander the Great.
亚历山大大帝
Thomas motherfucking Jefferson.
托马斯·操♥黑♥娘的·杰斐逊
Join ancestry.com and begin a one-of-a-kind journey
快加入家谱网 为你独一无二
into your unique past.
追寻祖宗之旅启程
Because you never know where your story begins.
因为你永远不知道你的故事起源何处
Thomas Jefferson.
托马斯·杰斐逊
So, Jordan does not drive, which, I think, is completely crazy.
乔丹不会开车 我觉得这真是太扯了
That's true. I can explain. I'm from New York.
这是真的 我能解释 我是纽约人
Originally, first of all...
纯正纽约人
Yeah, we don't drive in New York.
我们纽约不需要开车啊
And I'm from the polar opposite.
我跟他完全相反
I'm from the Motor City. I'm from Detroit,
我来自汽车[与黑人]之城 我是底特律人
and so, you have to drive, or you get stabbed.
所以你要么开车 要么被人捅刀子
But that's just it. You just landed on it.
这就是原因了 你刚才说到了
That's why I don't drive, because people go crazy, man.
这就是为何我不开车 人一开车就发狂
People turn into Mr Hyde.
人们会变成恐怖魔王
That is not true that
这不是真的
everybody that gets behind the wheel of a car
并不是所有人一坐上驾驶座
flips out. You do.
就会暴怒 你就会
No, I don't. I do not. When would have I done that?
我才不会 我什么时候这么做过了
When that one lady cut us off, that one time,
有个女人别了我们的车那次