基和皮尔（2012）

Because you're my wife, and you love the theater,
因为你是我老婆 你爱死那家戏院
and... it's your birthday!
而且今天还是你生日
Great.
太好了
Unfortunately, the orchestra is already filled up.
可惜很倒霉 管弦乐队演出已经满座了
But they do have seats that are still left in the dress circle.
但是特等席还有剩些位子
If you wanted me to get them theater tickets right now,
只要你想要 我就去给你整剧院票
所以启动较为街头的黑人腔来吓唬对方
恶搞有时黑人见黑人 也怕被抢劫
I'll do it right now. Sup, dog, I'm about 5 minutes away.
老子立马去办 好兄弟 我再五分钟就到
Yeah... Okay... Yeah... Cool...
好 没问题 行 妥了
No, they're all good singers. They're all good singers.
放心 他们都贼能唱 歌♥喉贼棒
Yeah, son... No man...
对 没
I'm telling you man..., I'm about to cross the street.
真的 大哥过马路就到了
They have the one dude in it that you love.
里面有你喜欢的那个男的
He gonna be in it. Yeah.
他也会上场
Come on... You know I'm almost there, right?
干嘛 你明知道爷真的快到了
Right now, I'm gonna pick your ass up at 6:30PM.
行 老子他妈六点半去接你
Cool! All right! Yeah yeah yeah yeah...
好 没问题 对 对
The parking is... The park is free.
停车... 停车不要钱
Oh my God, Christian! I almost totally just got mugged right now!
天啊 小克克 人家刚才差点被抢劫了啦
Welcome. Welcome to the show, everybody.
欢迎 欢迎来节目现场 各位
I am Keegan. I am Jordan.
我是基根 我是乔丹
矮个全名是乔丹·皮尔
高个全名是基根·迈克·基
And this is "Key & Peele". Thank you, yes...
节目是《基与皮尔》 谢谢
Jordan and I, we're biracial.
乔丹跟我 都是混血儿
Yes. Half-black, half-white.
是的 半黑人 半白人
And, because of that,
也因此
we find ourselves particularly adept at lying.
我俩发现自己都是说谎达人
Because, on a daily basis, we have to adjust our blackness.
因为我俩每天都得调整自己的"黑"度
You know what I mean?
懂我意思吗
I know there's many reasons we do that, I mean.
我们这么做是有很多原因的
To terrify white people.
比如吓唬白人
Yes, that's one of the main reasons.
这是其中一个主要原因
Because, I mean, you know... with the way that we sound,
毕竟就我们俩说话这声音
the way that we actually talk, we're not intimidating anybody.
我们平常说话的那样子 完全没威胁性
No, no, no, no, no...
根本不吓人
We sound very white.
听起来就很死白人
We sound whiter than the
我们听起来比
black dude in the college acappella group.
大学里参加无伴奏合唱团的黑人还白
用人声来达到多声部音乐表演
通常都是白人参加的社团
Yes... We sound whiter than Mitt Romney in a snow storm.
比暴风雪中的死白人政客还"白上加白"
You know what I mean?
懂我意思了吗
But that's just... that's the reason.
但就是因为这样
When we're around other brothers and sisters, you will see us.
当我们跟黑人兄弟姐妹相处时 会变
You got to just... You got to dial it up a little bit...
你得融入... 得稍微加点"黑"度
You know what I'm talking about, brother...
兄弟 你懂我说的是啥意思[开始黑人腔]
You know... I know what you're talking about...
你懂我懂你说的是啥意思
I know you know... You know that I know that you know...
你懂我懂... 你懂我懂你懂...
...what you're talking about. Look at me, man. No doubt.
你说的是啥意思 兄弟 不用怀疑
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt....
不用怀疑 不用怀疑 不用怀疑...
All right, dude...
好啦
It's all right, because you never wanna be
这没什么 因为你永远不想成为
the whitest-sounding black guy in a room.
一群黑人中最像死白人的那个
You put five white-talking black guys in the same room,
你把五个说话像白人的黑人聚到一起
you come back in an hour,
一个小时后回来
it's gonna be like Ladysmith Black Mambazo over there.
他们会"黑"到像纯正非洲土著合唱团
Hi, sweetie, that's for you. Hi
亲 这是送你的 你也好啊
Girl, I got a sunken tub, you gotta see it.
我们新弄了入地式浴缸 你得来看看
Oh, I gotta see this.
我绝对得看
有时只是把生活小事 社会现象给放大夸张化
他们的段子并不见得全是在讽刺
You two have a good time, now. Have fun, have fun.
你们俩玩得愉快 好好玩 好好聊
Dude, I'm sorry we're late. It happens, man.
抱歉我们迟到了 在所难免嘛
She talked about how we were supposed to be in the car at 6:45.
她本来唧唧歪歪说6点45分开车出门
I'm like "All right." Oh oh!
我说"行啊" 惨了
Tell me my dumb ass ain't sitting in the car, waiting until 7:15!
结果我这傻♥逼♥坐在车里等她到了7点15
Okay, when I track my wife down twenty minutes later,
20分钟后我找到我老婆时
she's stepping out of the damn shower,
她才他妈刚走出淋浴间
talking about "Can I help you?"
还好意思对我说"找我有事吗"
You see, that's crazy right there.
这太扯了
Right? I look this woman in her eyes, I said,
对吧 我看着这臭女人的双眼 我说
"Bitch, you told me 6:45..."
"臭三八 你跟我说好6点45..."
You said that? Yeah, I said,
你这么说了吗 是啊 我说了
"Bitch..." You know, I laid it out.
"臭三八..." 就当面这么叫她
You said "Bitch" though.
你真说出"臭三八"了吗
Huh? You said "Bitch."
什么 你说出了"臭三八"
Yeah!
是啊
You gotta see the fireplace downstairs in the living room.
你得跟我下楼看看客厅里的壁炉
"Don't play games, man. Just tell me what you want to tell me."
"别拐弯抹角嘛 你想说啥就直说"
Exactly, it's like, "say what you mean, mean what you say."
对啊 "有话直接说 有屁直接放"
Is that so hard? It's just like last week, man,
这很难吗 就像我跟她上周
we were going out to dinner, right?
准备要出去吃晚餐
I'm like, "Where do you want to go?"
我就问"你想去吃哪一家"
She's like, "You decide..."
她就说"你决定..."
I'm like, "All right... Outback Steakhouse."
行 那我就说"澳美客牛排馆"
She's like "Na..." All right, straight up, "Chili's."
她说"表要" 行 然后我说"奇力斯餐厅"
She's like "Uhhhh!" No, no,
她又在那边哼唧 不行 不是吧
Darrell, I named seven more restaurants...
戴罗尔 我之后又说了7家餐厅
No way, Craig, no...
哇靠 不是吧 克雷格
I finally said "Taylor's",
我最后说了"泰勒餐厅"
the place I know she wants to go in the first place.
我知道她一开始就想去那家餐厅
Right... She looked at me and she said,
太对 她就看了看我 然后说
"lf that's where you want to go."
"如果你想吃那家 行啊..."
- No, she didn't! -"That's where I wanna go",
靠 她不是吧 "还如果我想去咧"
Darrell, I looked my woman in the eye sockets,
戴罗尔 我瞪入我媳妇的眼眶中
I told her straight out, I just said it, man.
我就直接骂出来了 直接喷她
I said it, I said, I said, I said...
我说了 我说 我说 我说...
I said "Bitch!" Hey, guys!
我说了"死三八" 你们俩
Hey girls! How you doing? Are you having a good time?
姑娘们 怎么样了 玩得开心咩
Have you been to the bedroom? Seen the washing machine?
去看卧室了吗 看洗衣机了没
The washing machine is huge, you can put a whole bunch of clothes
那个洗衣机超大 你可以一次放超多衣服
in that washing machine.
进那台洗衣机
Hey baby, I gonna take Rebecca up to the kitchen
宝贝 我要带蕾贝卡去看厨房♥
and show her the dishwasher.
带她看看那个洗碗机
Hey, Darrell? Yeah, baby?
戴罗尔 亲爱的请说
I want a kitchen island just like the one upstairs.
我也想要他们家楼上那种厨房♥中岛
And you'll get it too.
想要就买♥♥给你
I love you. I love you.
我爱你 我也爱你
I said, "Beeeeeeeeeeeetch!
我说 "死三八八八八八"
"If you wanna go to Taylor's, just tell your brother you wanna go
"如果你想去泰勒餐厅 就他妈直接说
Taylor's. Okay?" You said that?
你想去 可以吗" 你真这么骂了吗
Oh, yeah, man. I laid it out.
当然啦 我就直接骂了
Right... I says... I says... I says...
对啊 我就说 我说 我说...
I said, "Beeeeeeeeeetch...
我说"死三八八八八八
I'm the man of the house."
老子才是一家之主"
You said, "Bitch" though. You called your wife a bitch!
你真说出"死三八"了吗 你叫你老婆死三八
Huh, yeah...
是啊
Craig? Darrell?
克雷格 戴罗尔
Where are those guys? I don't know.
他们俩上哪去了 不知道
So, she's like, "Why don't you rent a movie we both like?"
她就叽歪"你为什么不租我们都喜欢的电影"
No she didn't!
她不是吧
After I spent 25 minutes in the goddamn Blockbuster's,
我辛苦在影带出租店挑了足足25分钟呢
Craig, I looked this woman in her optic stands, and I says it,
克雷格 最后我看着这娘们的狗眼 我说
I says, "Bioooooooooootch!"
我说"臭臭臭臭臭三八"
You said that? Ain't nothing but a thing!
你这么说了吗 说了又咋地
But you said "Bitch" though?
但你真的叫她"臭三八"了吗
Yep. See...
对啊 行啊
Hey, honey! Craig is giving me the neighborhood tour.
亲爱的 克雷格带我参观社区附近
So, then, she's like,
她就哇哇叫
"I didn't know we'd be doing so much walking."
"我不知道我们会需要走这么多路"
I'm like, "I didn't tell you to wear those shoes."
我就说"我又没叫你穿那种鞋子"
She said, "Don't raise your voice at me."
她回我"不要对我大小声"