木偶新知（2024）

现在30:40调频
The time is now 30:40 in the FM,
所以不要害羞
so don't be shy.
这水刚好合适
The water's fine.
我们跳进去开始做募捐派吧
Let's hop on in and make pledge pie.
从我们最后的休息时间 这是巴比安
During our last break-- This is Babian, by the--
巴比安
Babian?
那不是我的名字
That's not my name.
我是个婴儿
I'm a baby.
不 你是个成年人了
No, you're a grown person.
黑♥手♥党♥确实杀了肯尼迪
The mafia did kill JFK.
是BTS
BTS.
记住BTS
BTS.
做一个牙齿绞杀者
Be Tooth Strangler.
它那么小 声音却那么大
It is so small, yet the sound is large.
还有一个小圈圈可以用来套在你老二上
With a handy loop to crimp your wiener.
是皮带 皮带
Belt! Belt!
今天用这个"方巾"来夹紧你最喜欢的香肠吧
Use this "squaribiner" to clam your favorite wiener today.
什么情况
What is happening?
没事的 我见过更糟的
It's okay. I've seen worse.
什么时候见的
When?
油管上猴子攻击人的合集视频
YouTube compilations of monkey attacks.
天啊
Oh, God.
现在 在一次泽访中
Now, when asked in an interview
当被问及你如果可以出演任何你想演的电影 你会选什么时
if you could star in any movie you wanted, what would it be,
你的回答是 《大白鲨》
your answer was, "'Jaws.'
我想成为一个喜欢
"I'd like to be an ocean creature
吃人屁♥股♥的海洋生物
with an appetite for ass."
你能详细说明一下吗
Can you please elaborate?
你这话是什么意思
What did you mean by that?
我不知道
I don't know.
我想你能把潜台词弄明白
I think you can tease apart the subtext.
任何公共广播听众
Any kind of public radio listener
都能从这话里理解我在说什么
could understand what I was saying from that.
喜欢吃人屁♥股♥
An appetite for ass.
真可爱
That's lovely.
潜鸟的叫声意味着我们有了新会员
The call of the common loon means we have a new pledge.
捐赠人有权得到一件《新知》T恤
And the donor is entitled to an "In the Know" T-shirt.
吉恩 你能帮我们拿一件
Gene, would you like to help us grab one
打包寄出去吗 -能
to pack up and send out? - Yeah.
然后也许吉恩会把垃圾倒了
And then maybe Gene would like to take out the garbage
然后把墨粉放进复印机里
and put toner in the copy machine.
我只是觉得他可能会喜欢
I just thought he might enjoy--
来吧 吉恩 我给你拿件衬衫
Come, Gene. Let's get you a shirt.
我们把它们放在哺乳站
We keep them in the lactation station.
你想干什么
What do you want?
我们只是想拿件T恤
We were just grabbing a T-shirt.
为什么 -这是给捐赠人的
Why? - It's for a donor.
谁
Who?
吉恩 这是桑迪 工作室的小妖精
Gene, this is Sandy, the studio's hobgoblin.
衬衫10美元
Ten bucks for the shirt.
桑迪 衬衫是礼物
Sandy, the T-shirt is a gift.
我 没事
I-it's fine.
必须尊重企业家精神
Got to respect an entrepreneurial spirit.
给你二十 这样吧
Here's $20, and you know what?
不用找了
Keep the change.
如果我们能炒了他 我们会炒的
Well, if we could fire him, we would.
但每次我们炒他 他都会因为卖♥♥淫被抓
But every time we do, he gets picked up for prostitution.
显然 他是恋尸癖者的合法选择
Evidently, he's a legal alternative for necrophiliacs.
他的体温才17度
His body is 6♥4♥ degrees.
传奇劳伦
♪ Legendary Lauren ♪
诺拉·琼斯 小时候 你在教堂唱诗班
Norah Jones, as a girl, you were given multiple solos
有过多次独唱机会
in your church choir.
因为即使在上帝的殿堂里
Because even in the House of God,
你也是真正的大明星
you were the real star.
我没有拿到所有的独唱机会
I didn't get all the solos.
我记得有一次在一个教会节目里
I remember auditioning once for the part
试镜圣母玛丽这个角色
of Mary in a church program.
结果 我得到了养父约瑟这个角色
And instead, I got the part of Joseph.
我很沮丧
I was upset,
因为我真的很想要玛丽那段独唱
'cause I really wanted the Mary solo.
而且 我比得到玛丽那段的
Also, I was about two feet shorter
那个女孩矮了两英尺
than the girl who got Mary.
你有没有想过自己动手
And did you ever think about taking matters
像坦雅·哈丁那样和那个邪恶的
into your own hands and pulling a Tonya Harding
女巨人来干上一场
with that unholy giantess?
我觉得她妈妈是合唱团指挥 所以
I do think that her mom was the choir director, so...
我没说这就是原因哈
I'm not saying that's why.
全世界第一个裙带关系婴儿就是圣诞节的玛丽
The original nepo baby was Mary on Christmas.
对
Yes.
卡尔
Yo, Carl.
准备好宣誓了吗
You ready to pledge?
什么 噢 没有
What? Also, no.
好吧 我知道今天不是搞兄弟会的日子
Okay, I know today isn't literally about frats.
但这仍然是一个绝佳的机会
But it's still the perfect opportunity
作为一家入一起伤害我们的肝脏
to traumatize our sweet little livers as a fam.
我就不来了
I'm good.
你还好吗 费比安
How you doing, Fabian?
我可以帮你
I can help you.
吸这个管子 直到吸出泡沫为止
Suck on this tube till you hit foam.
说实话 费比安 这可能是个好主意
Honestly, Fabian, that might be a good idea.
这不是对希腊生活或
This is not an endorsement of Greek life
其有强♥奸♥色彩的狼文化的认可
or its rapey wolf culture.
喝 喝 喝 喝
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
这办公室真令人印象深刻
This office is so impressive.
你是第一个这么说的人
Oh, you're the first person who's reacted that way.
看看这个
Look at this.
这是我因为得小儿骨刺恢复最快
That's the blue ribbon I got for fastest recovery
得到的蓝♥丝♥带♥奖
from pediatric bone spurs.
多有趣的纪念品啊
What a fun piece of memorabilia.
天呐
My God.
这是我小时候的录音机
It's my childhood recorder.
天呐
Oh, my gosh.
我的第一个采访对象是我父亲
My first interview was with my father.
那时我才五岁
I was five years old.
这只是一个简单的问题
It's a simple question.
妈妈为什么要离开
Why did Mommy leave?
该死 劳伦
God damn it, Lauren!
穿上你的夹克 我们要去上学了
Put on your jacket. We're going to school!
你在转移话题
You're pivoting.
神童啊
A child prodigy!
他一直没有回答这个问题
He never did answer the question.
劳伦
Lauren,
我今天不是来参观录音室的
I didn't come here today for a studio tour.
我是来找你的
I came here for you.
我们是要接吻了吗
Are we about to kiss?
要吻也行
We could.
但我想我有更好的建议
But I think I've got something better.
我要创建一个播客系列
I'm starting a podcast network,
我想让你主持我们的旗舰节目
and I want you to host our flagship show.
系列播客
Podcasts.
我们会赚大钱的
We'll be rolling in Casper money.
古恩 我全身都脸红了
Gene, I'm experiencing a full body blush.
但我永远不忍♥心离开公共电台
But I could never leave public radio.
我要写一个数字
I'm going to write a number down.
不 没有意义
No, there's no point.
吉恩 公共广播不是一种职业
Gene, public radio is not a career,
而是一种使命
it's a calling,
去扰乱安逸的人
to disturb the comfortable,
去安慰不安的人
to comfort the disturbed.
这是为了发生 因为 天哪
It's about giving voice to--