木偶新知（2024）

I thought you were boycotting the preinterview.
要不是你规定那种恶法
If you hadn't made that fascist rule
规定我一天只能抵♥制♥一样东西
that I can only boycott one thing a day,
其实我两个都想抵♥制♥
I'd skip both.
好好享受这场狗屎秀吧
Enjoy the shit show.
卡尔 我们需要几个麦克风
Carl, we're gonna need a few mics.
蔡斯 请准备圆桌
Chase, the round table, please.
劳伦 我们不能这样
Lauren, we can't.
我们已经预约嘉宾了
We have a guest booked.
那真是太糟糕了
That's really too bad
因为我在想 如果我来做圆桌会议
'cause I was just thinking that if I were to do the roundtable,
那会消耗掉我很多精力
it would zap so much of my energy
我不可能有那么多精力
that I-I wouldn't possibly have the bandwidth
去消费这两张大卫·塞达里斯的票
to use these two David Sedaris tickets.
我的天啊 -大卫·塞达里斯
Oh, my God. - David Sedaris.
不是已经卖♥♥完了吗
But it's sold out.
嗯 没错
Mm, that's right,
市政厅的读书会已经座无虚席了
a sold out reading at Town Hall.
有那么一种可能
There's a world in which
我会不得不把票送给欣赏
I'd be forced to give them to someone who appreciates
他关于英国乡村生活的不羁故事的同好
his irreverent tales of English provincial life as much as I.
总有一天我们会勇往直前
♪ We shall overcome someday ♪
今天早些时候 发生了一件令我沮丧的事
Earlier today, to my deep dismay,
我的反种族主义思想发现
my anti-racist mind discovered
我的肉体竟然是个落后分子
that my body still has work to do.
所以今天的《新知》就献上
So today's "In The Know" will be dedicated
去种族圆桌会议
to a racial roundtable.
为了去除我潜在的白贵思想
In order to decenter my whiteness,
我将只以叙述者的身份发言
I will speak only as narrator.
我从我们的社区里召集了各色人等
I've gathered a melting pot of voices from our community
去讨论 去教育 也许还能去治愈
to discuss, to educate, and just maybe to heal.
不幸的是 为了完成这项重要的工作
Unfortunately, in order to do this vital work,
我们不得不取消预约的嘉宾
we had to cancel our scheduled guest,
是一位年轻的非裔美国作家 我记不得他叫啥了
a young African American writer whose name escapes me,
她的处♥女♥作标题我也忘了
as does the title of her debut novel.
但我肯定 不管她是谁
But I'm sure whoever she is,
她肯定会举双手赞成我
she is raising up a fist in solidarity.
我明白 这本应该
I understand. This should have been
通过适当的渠道通知您
run through the proper channels.
我当然记得上次
O-of course I remember last time.
莫德罗施展出一记绞摔
The fight clock is brought to you by Modelo.
好的 首先
Um, okay, first off,
我想说我不想待在这里
you should know I don't want to be here.
我觉得MMA太邪恶了
I think MMA is evil.
如果我能出于道义上抵♥制♥这次采访
And if I could be a conscientious objector
我肯定会这么干的
to this interview, I would.
哇 抱歉 我没听清你的名字
Wow. I-I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
你叫什么来着
What was it again?
费比安
Fabian.
你好 费比安
Hi, Fabian.
我是豪尔赫
I'm Jorge.
你为什么认为MMA是邪恶的
Why do you think MMA is evil?
因为它是为了纪念克鲁马努人的侵略
Uh, because it celebrates Cro-Magnon aggression
然后 这些粗暴的选手在身心俱疲时
and then abandons these brutes as soon
通常会马上遭到抛弃
as they've been physically and mentally enfeebled,
都是为了让白人亿万老富翁中饱私囊
all to line the pockets of old, white billionaires.
嗯 这我看得出来
Uh, I can see that.
MMA当然不是完美的
It's definitely not perfect.
绝对不是
No, it's not.
我觉得找工作挺难的
I think it's hard to find a job,
尤其是眼下这个环境
especially nowadays,
想找个清白的工作或者和犯罪黑钱
that's not connected to, like, something dirty
不沾边的工作更难了 你知道吗
or some dirty money or something, you know?
但也许只是我的借口
But that could just be a cop-out of mine.
你觉得呢
Well, what do you think?
呃 我不知道
Uh, I-- I don't know.
嘿 也许我只是精神衰弱
Hey, maybe I'm just mentally enfeebled.
我不想这么干
I don't want to do this.
卡尔刚才私下表示 他希望
Carl expresses off-mic that he wishes
这类谈话其实根本没有必要
conversations like this weren't necessary.
本旁白君表示同意
The narrator agrees.
但我们都知道 自己做的事很重要
But they both know what they're doing is important.
我们脸上都带着非常深情的表情
They share a very soulful look.
我真的很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
看来卡尔需要一点时间
Sensing Carl needs a moment,
蔡斯 我们的亚裔美籍实习生
Chase, our Asian American intern...
哟 哟 哟 大家好
What up, what up, what up?
请讲述一段自已被区别对待的经历吧
Recounts a time he's been othered.
完全没问题
Totally.
什么叫区别对待
What is othered?
因为你的肤色而受到不一样的对待
Uh, treated differently because of how you look.
天啊 这种事经常发生
Man, that happens all the time.
请分享一下吧
Mm. Please share.
有时候当我正在
Well, sometimes I'll just
做我自己的事
be minding my own business,
然后一个陌生人跑来说我很漂亮
and a stranger will tell me I'm beautiful
然后给我买♥♥很多贵重的东西
and offer to buy me something expensive.
等等 不
Wait. No.
不 我不是说这个
No, that's not what I want.
区别对待 区别对待
Othered, othered.
好吧 有一次
Okay. Well, one time,
我在普拉达店里
I was in a Prada store.
我注意到店里的保安
And I noticed the security guard kept
一直在跟着我
following me around.
哦 太可怕了
Oh, horrendous.
结果他只是在鼓足勇气
Turns out he was actually just working up the courage
想约我去看脱机魔力红乐队
to ask me out to see Maroon five unplugged.
蔡斯 别说些没用的了
Chase, finished shilly-shallying,
请你鼓起勇气分享一个
works up the courage to share an instance
我们讨论的真实案例 就是种族主义
of what we actually want here, which is racism.
等等 我想到了
Oh, wait, I've got a good one.
去年春天 有家太阳镜公♥司♥要
Last spring, this sunglass company was
挑选新的品牌形象大使
picking a new brand ambassador.
是在我和一个超级火♥辣♥的白人之间竞争
It was between me and this super hot white guy.
最后他们选了那个白人
And they chose the white guy.
并不是 -该死
Nope. - Damn it.
蔡斯 他们看不到你
Chase, they can't see you.
哦 对哦
Oh, right.
蔡斯戴上了酷酷的墨镜
Chase puts on dope shades.
我才是旁白君
I'm the narrator.
不管是群趴还是泳池趴体
At the "clurb" or in the pool,
惹火太阳镜让你变成最靓的仔
En Fuego Frames are always cool.
不好意思 你刚是在我们的种族清算节目中
I'm sorry, did you just do product placement
加入了植入广♥告♥吗
during our racial reckoning?
太他妈的对了 -蔡斯 我不
Hell yeah! - Chase, I don't--
这首歌♥献给所有的胖女人们
This one goes out to all my thick women out there--
还有朋友们
And fellas.
我喜欢丰满型的
I like them big cakes.
卡尔终于觉得时机已到
Carl, realizing that the time has come,
可以分享他的故事了
finally shares his story.
我叫卡尔
My name is Carl.
我是本广播站的工程师
I'm the engineer here at the station.
呃 卡尔 请详细阐述下 让观众知道
Uh, Carl elaborates, giving the audience
关于你的重要背景信息
important context about who he is.
当然
Sure.
我喜欢越野滑雪和硬科幻小说
I like cross-country skiing and hard science fiction.
你懂的 我说的是生理上
And you know, physically.
我觉得自己应该再减减肥
I could stand to lose a few pounds.
我举个例子吧 我本人很不幸是个
Well, for example, I am, unfortunately,
天生的白人
a cis white man,
然而 你是个