木偶新知（2024）

这小子回家了
A bloke's come home.
对 这小子溜进了我们家
Right, a bloke has wandered into our house,
我们也不知道他是个疯狂的街溜子
and we don't know if he's a crazed drifter
还是我们老妈众多后宫男宠中的一个
or whether he's one of our mother's many boyfriends.
没错 这个嘛
Right. That would--
我觉得你说得更贴切
Yeah, that would be closer, I think.
说到爸爸 我小时候
Speaking of daddies, when I was young,
我父亲有时会让我呆在房♥间里玩纸牌游戏
my father would ask me to stay in my room and play solitaire
而他会邀请成人朋友来家里 这是他的原话
whenever he'd invite over a, quote, "adult friend,"
成人朋友是他对妓♥女♥毫不掩饰的昵称
which was his thinly-veiled nickname for prostitutes.
直到今天 我还发现自己
To this day, I still find myself
会被一副纸牌激起性♥欲♥
sexually aroused by a deck of cards.
你和你父亲的关系怎么样
What was your relationship with your father like?
反正不是你那样的
Not like that.
还要多长时间
How long do these last?
你是说在时间上 还是在情感上
In clock time or emotionally?
我不知道
Mm, I don't know.
每做一次节目我都觉得自己苍老了很多
I feel much older after each one.
我们谈谈音乐吧
Let's talk music.
蓝调和爵士乐你都会
You play both blues and jazz.
白人音乐哪里让你不喜欢了
What is it about white music you don't like?
我
I--
很明显 你这样说是不对的
It's--obviously, it's not true to say
我不是不喜欢白人音乐
I don't like white music.
很明显你知道 -抱歉我打断你一下
Obviously, you know-- - Let me cut you off,
有时我也确实喜欢这么干
wh-which I like to do sometimes.
许多学者认为
Many scholars believe
莎士比亚不是一个人
that Shakespeare was not a single person.
你也曾声称自己的作品是由
You yourself have asserted that the work was created by,
我引用一下 一个作曲家的房♥间里全是犹太人
and I quote, "a writer's room full of Jews,
犹如伊丽莎白时代的席德·凯撒
a veritable Elizabethan Sid Caesars."
你能详细说一下吗
Can you elaborate?
不 劳伦 我从没这么说过
No, Lauren, I never said that
包括类似意思的话
or anything close to it.
想找点乐子吗
Wanna have some fun?
好啊
Yeah.
你们英国人以善于
You, um--you-- You Brits are famous
抑制情绪而闻名 然而
for repressing your emotions, whereas--
不好意思 是有技术问题吗
Sorry, um, are we having technical problems?
好吧 我们加快进度
Okay, speed round.
快问快答 开始
Short answer questions. Here we go.
咖啡还是茶
Coffee or tea?
咖啡
Coffee.
伯特还是厄尼
Bert or Ernie?
这都谁啊
Who?
休 我们应该
Hugh, what should we--
搞什么
What sh--
卡尔 你听到了吗
Carl, are you hearing that?
对不起
Sorry.
在广播站附近有些
We got invading frequencies
外来的干扰信♥号♥♥频率
from a neighborhood station.
现在都好了
All good now.
休 我们该拿怎么处理梅根·马克尔
Hugh, what should we do about Meghan Markle?
我不知道为什么要处理她
I--I--I don't know that any action is required.
环保还是购物
Going green or going shopping?
两者之间
Doing the work
必须给老子选一个
or doing the damn thang?
选环保吧
Going green.
《欲望都市》
"Sex and the City"
还是性与
or "Sex and the--"
性
"Sex--"
这不是你♥爸♥爸的电台
This ain't your daddy's station.
你现在听的是 103.9频道的雄鹰台
You're listening to 103.9 The Hawk.
卡尔 卡尔 你听到了吗
Carl. Carl, are you hearing it?
真的 我真的受不了了
It's really--it's overwhelming.
干扰声音不会播出去的
Mm, it's not coming through on the tape,
所以 放心吧
so we're all good.
好的
Okay.
休 休 -嗯
Hugh. Hugh. - Yeah?
现在是劳伦
It's been--Lauren.
好吧 但我得
Okay, but I need to get--
我打算开始结尾了
I was-- I was about to do my outro.
如果我们顺利把这个环节搞定 那就太好了
If we could get that clean, that would be wonderful.
好的 -休
Okay. - Hugh.
但是不要冷场啊
But don't--don't ice me.
如果我叫你的名字 你可以回应
If I'm saying your name, you can respond to that.
休 -劳伦
Hugh. - Lauren.
好吧
Okay.
结尾环节弄得干净利落 是非常非常重要的
It's very, very important that I get the outro clean.
我只想把这一点说清楚
I just wan to be clear about that.
休
Hugh.
劳伦 -谢谢 不
Lauren. - Thank you--no.
该死的
Damn it.
该死
Damn it.
休 我很珍惜你的时间
Hugh, I value your time.
你珍惜我的时间吗
Do you value my time?
当然了 -好的
I certainly do, yes. - Okay.
那就拜托了 咱们利利索索的
Then please, we just need to get it clean.
你一定要回应我 但不要在我说的时候捣乱
Make sure you respond, but just not when I'm doing my outro.
行吗 -好吧 好吧
Okay? - Okay, okay.
好的 休 -劳伦
Okay. Hugh. - Lauren.
非常感谢你
Thank you so much...
能来参加我们的节目
For being on the show.
我们很感激
We appreciate...
好吧 你会回应我吗
Well, are you gonna respond?
我不明白
I don't understand.
我也很感激有这个机会
I, too, appreciate the opportunity
能上你的节目 然后...然后...
to appear on your show, and--and--
以上就是我们的节目了
And that's our show.
这是一场人际关系 情绪
This has been a banquet of connections,
思想和感请的盛宴
emotions, thoughts, and feelings.
当然 -谢谢
It certainly-- - Thank you.
谢谢你
Thank you.
你们觉得如何
So what'd you think?
我很喜欢
I loved it.
真是妙趣横生吧
Wasn't it scintillating?
听着 我知道我们错过了和赫尔曼一起吃小吃的机会
Look, I know we missed tapas with Herman,
但是我们可以随时和某个泛性恋地质学家一起约饭
but we can nosh with a pansexual geologist any time.
我觉得你们更想看你♥爸♥爸我大杀四方呢
I thought you'd rather get to see your dad do what he do.
不 不 不 我说的是卡尔
No, no, no, no, it's Carl.
他太有趣了
He's so funny.
他应该有自己的抖音号♥什么的
He should have his own TikTok or something.
英雄所见略同 小家伙
Preaching to the choir, little man.
你应该看看他怎么模仿你♥爸♥爸
You should see his impression of your dad.
什么
Wh--pardon?
快啊 卡尔 还等什么
Oh, come on, Carl. Do it!
我应该去看看我的
I should probably go check on my--
来一个
Do it...
来一个 来一个
Do it, do it!
模仿是最真诚的赞美
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
来吧 卡尔
Go ahead, Carl.
好吧 这是劳伦叫外卖♥♥的样子
Okay, this is Lauren ordering takeout.
我敬畏你们美丽的文化
I revere your beautiful culture.
但如果你敢在我的泰式炒粉里加一丝香料
But if there is a hint of spice in my pad Thai,
我就去起诉你
I will press charges.
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
太像了
That is so good.
你真是个老戏骨 卡尔
You're a thespian, Carl.
你简直就是喜剧大♥师♥ 伙计
You're literally Frank Caliendo, dude.
他甚至连你的发音都模仿到位了
He even got the way your vowels sound wet.