木偶新知（2024）

他们经常把我看作一个男人
They often perceive me as a man,
这还挺奇怪的 我的胸部很美好吧
which is weird because I have a great rack.
我的天呢
Oh, my goodness!
罗克珊 -真的
Roxane! - It's just true.
你也太可爱了
You're a delight.
对了 你说你写作时会放
Now, you've said you like to write
《法律与秩序：特殊受害者》当背景音
with "Law and Order: SVU" playing in the background.
我觉得这部剧的节奏
The rhythm of the episodes, I have found,
对我的写作非常有帮助
is really conducive to my writing process.
我准备访谈时也会做类似的事情
I do something similar when I'm preparing for interviews.
我会放索朗在电梯里爆踢杰斯
I put on the video of Solange kicking Jay-Z
的视频
in that elevator.
你知道吗
You know what?
我每天都看着这视频健身
I work out to that every day.
超爽的
It's amazing.
线上健身教练比不上为姐姐怒揍男人的妹妹
A Peloton instructor can't compete with sisterly rage.
谁会拒绝拿起武器保卫碧昂丝呢
Who among us wouldn't want to take up arms for Beyoncé?
我曾经在希伯来学校扇了一个男孩耳光
I once slapped a boy in my Hebrew school
因为他侮辱了罗贝塔·弗莱克
for insulting Roberta Flack.
你知道吗 你做得对
And you know what? You were right for doing that
因为罗贝塔·弗莱克是女神
because Roberta Flack is a goddess.
不好意思稍等一下 芭布
Excuse me one moment. Barb!
劳伦 怎么了 你还在访谈啊
Lauren, what is it? You're mid-interview.
我觉得可能就是这把办公椅的加热功能
I think the seat warmer feature on my office chair
让我的精♥子♥变得被动了
might be causing my passive sperm.
我要你去换一把
I need you to exchange it.
好 访谈结束就去
Fine, right after the interview.
不 现在去 芭布
No, right now, Barb!
我可不能让我的精♥液♥泡一天温泉
I'm not trying to give my semen an endless spa day.
我半个小时后回来
I'll be back in 30 minutes.
趁我还没忘
Oh, and before I forget,
卡尔会接替我担任安全代表
Carl will be taking over as safety rep.
是的
That's right.
卡尔 你对情感支持火焰
So, Carl, what's your position
怎么看
on emotional support flames?
反对
Against?
那我也反对你
Then I'm against you.
没有自♥由♥公正的选举
No transfer of power can happen
权力就不能转移
without a free and fair election.
很好
Nice!
我最喜欢《蒙面歌♥王》里的投票环节了
Voting is my favorite part of "The Masked Singer."
因为我能发表意见
I get a say!
如果要选举的话
And if there's going to be an election,
我也要参选
I will be throwing my hat in the ring.
我去
Oh, shit!
那现在投票
So vote right now?
稍等
Hold on a second.
别着急
Let's slow things down.
作为一个摇摆选民 我需要你们色♥诱♥我
I'm a registered swing voter, and I need to be seduced.
你是说 说服你
You mean convinced.
随你怎么叫 老爹
Whatever you want to call it, Daddy.
酷哦
That sounds cool.
我也要被色♥诱♥
I would also like to be seduced.
天呢
Dios mío.
你的比例坐椅子简直完美
You have the perfect proportion for a chair.
你叫什么
What is your name?
芭布
Barb.
芭布 我是马丽奥拉
Barb, I'm called Mariola,
很荣幸为你寻找
and it will be my great pleasure
你的完美椅子
to find you the perfect chair.
我就是要换把椅子 然后就得回去了
I just need to do an exchange and get back.
不是我自己用的
It isn't for me.
但是芭布 每个人都需要一把椅子
But Barb, everyone needs a chair.
我的办公桌是站立式的
I have a standing desk.
站立式办公桌
A standing desk?
真可怕
Qué horror.
他们要把所有美丽的东西都夺走
They won't be happy till they've taken
才能满意
everything that is beautiful.
他们是谁
Who are they?
你知道他们是谁
You know who they are.
如果把拳击比作美妙的科学
If boxing is the sweet science,
那么我们的下一位嘉宾就是拳击界的奥本海默
our next guest is J. Robert Oppenheimer.
他的力量极具毁灭性 时而也美丽动人
And like his atomic bomb, the power our guest produced
就像奥本海默的原♥子♥弹♥一样
was devastating and, at times, beautiful.
迈克·泰森 欢迎来到《新知》
Michael Tyson, welcome to "In the Know."
非常开心你能来 -谢谢
We're so happy to have you. - Thank you.
来到这里是我的荣幸
It's an honor for me to be here.
我最喜欢的运动是《大英烘焙大赛》
My favorite sport is "The Great British Bake Off"
因为让丑人也能上电视
because it's so important to show
这非常重要
ugly people on television.
你觉得人们喜欢看拳击赛是因为什么呢
What do you think people enjoy about watching boxing?
技战术吧
The science.
有的人喜欢的是战术 技巧
Some people enjoy the science, the technique.
有的人就是喜欢看暴♥力♥场面
And some people are truly into the brutality of it.
你在比赛中有没有这样想过
Did you ever think in the middle of a bout,
要是我能看着对手的眼睛
"I wish I could just look my opponent in the eye
说"我足够强" 就好了
and say, 'I am enough'"?
我打烂他的脸的时候就会这么做
I do that when I smash his face.
有意思
Interesting.
迈克 很多人都知道 你为比赛训练时
Now, Michael, when you're training for a fight,
只听忧郁民谣
you famously listen exclusively to moody folk music.
不 我训练的时候
No, when I'm training,
只听硬核嘻哈 必须是硬核的
nothing but hardcore hip-hop-- Hardcore.
最具破坏性的嘻哈 最卑鄙的嘻哈
The most destructive hip-hop, the most vile hip-hop,
我训练的时候就听这个
that's what I listen to when I train.
对 但你在训练时一定
Right, but you must have trained
听过卡罗尔·金的那首
to Carole King's rendition
《你让我觉得自己像个自然的女人》
of "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman."
我绝不会听那首歌♥的 先生
I would not-- I would never use that song, sir.
那么乔妮·米切尔的呢
What about Joni Mitchell?
我也不会用米切尔女士的歌♥
No, I would not use Ms. Mitchell.
巴菲·圣玛丽的呢 -不会
Buffy Sainte-Marie? - No.
琼·贝兹的 -不 不会
Joan Baez. - No, no.
听着 -帕蒂·史密斯呢
Listen-- - Patti Smith.
瓦实提·班扬的
Vashti Bunyan?
麦加里格尔姐妹的 -不会
The McGarrigle Sisters? - No.
但是我们的调查员法比安坚称
But our researcher Fabian insisted
你喜欢一边听《峡谷的女士们》
that you love to shadowbox while listening
一边操练打拳
to "Ladies of the Canyon."
不 法比安搞错了
No, Fabian fucked up.
很高兴听你这么说 迈克尔
You know, I'm glad to hear you say that, Michael,
因为我每次对她提出建设性的批评
because any time I give any constructive criticism,
她都说 所有反馈都是暴♥力♥
she says all feedback is violence.
暴♥力♥是一种精神状态
Well, violence is a state of mind.
暴♥力♥是一种看法
It's a perspective on violence.
在你看来不算暴♥力♥的事 对她来说就是暴♥力♥
That's not violent to you, but it's violent to her.
迈克尔 你要是喜欢措辞强硬的嘻哈
Well, Michael, if you like strongly-worded hip-hop,
就该听听林-曼努埃尔·米兰达对
you should listen to Lin-Manuel Miranda's rap
《白宫风云》的说唱
about "The West Wing."
特别上口 特别放克 -哇
It's deliciously funky. - Wow.
你看过他在艾米·舒默节目上的小品吗
And have you seen his sketch on the Amy Schumer show?
时长超过六分钟
It's over six minutes long.
我喜欢 听起来不错
Hey, I like that. That sounds good.
那个垃圾槽要是不承重
And if the garbage chutes aren't weight-bearing,
那条逃生路线就会变成死亡陷阱
that escape route just became a death trap.
哇 你果然是专业的
Wow, you really know your shit.
我有个安全问题
Uh, I've got a safety question.
让这个办公室发生火灾
How many horny boomers could you have
需要多少个饥渴的大爷大妈
in this office after hours before it's a fire hazard?
假设来说吗
Hypothetically?