木偶新知（2024）

Hell yeah.
这可是那些吸可♥卡♥因♥的家伙
They're the preferred sunglasses
首选的太阳眼镜呢
of social cocaine users.
那没事了
Never mind.
卡尔 专心点
Carl, please focus.
大家都很疑惑 我为啥没有
Everyone is confused about why I don't have
你的电♥话♥号♥码呢
your personal phone number.
劳伦 我觉得我们有点偏题了
Lauren, I think we've gotten a little off track.
是啊 可不嘛 芭布
Yeah, no shit, Barb!
都怪蔡斯搞的太阳眼镜
Because of Chase's fucking sunglasses!
我可不好说你没有卡尔的电♥话♥号♥码
I'm not sure you not having Carl's phone number
和种族歧视有什么关系
has anything to do with racism.
和种族歧视关系大着呢
It has everything to do with racism.
这已经不是天才墨镜小子的事了
This isn't about the Peabody anymore.
你觉得那么重要你就自己留着吧
You can keep it if it's so important to you.
这是关于我和卡尔彼此之间坦诚相待 毫无保留
This is about Carl and I laying ourselves bare,
而恐惧的问题
naked and afraid.
我们两个一起 取得了种族问题上的大进展呢
Together, we're making huge racial progress.
但你不想看到我们进展 对吧 芭布
But you don't want that, do you, Barb?
我为什么会不想看到进展
Why wouldn't I want that?
因为我又在搞老白男那一套了
Classic white man shit.
你越挑拨离间我和卡尔
The more you divide Carl and me,
就越能控制我们的思想
the more you can control our minds.
但这不会发生 芭布 因为我们和美国一样
But not today, Barb, because we are America too.
抓住我的手 卡尔
Hold my hand, Carl.
卡尔 手
Carl, your hand.
让我们直面那个白人恶魔 卡尔
Let's confront the white devil, Carl!
让我们直面压♥迫♥说出真♥相♥
Let's speak truth to power.
白人恶魔是谁 -芭布
Who's the white devil? - Barb!
但我俩是朋友啊
Barb and I are friends.
别跟我说她都有你的电♥话♥号♥码吧
Don't tell me she has your phone number.
什么 怎么有的 为什么
What? How? Why?
她友善冷静 人也很能干
She's kind and calm and hyper-competent.
她是个很棒的女性
She's an incredible woman.
我也是个很棒的女性
I'm an incredible woman!
芭布真的很火♥辣♥ 我说物理意义上的
And Barb's really hot, physically speaking.
噢谢天谢地 有人来电了
Oh, thank God, a caller.
你好 来电者 你已经上广播了
Hello, caller. You're on the air.
噢 我...我叫桑迪
Oh, oh, it-it's Sandy.
我要做包皮手术了
Uh, m-my penis is about to be put under.
但我医生跟我说得找人
But the doctor says I need someone
手术后来接我 所以
to come pick me up after, so--
我都没法哭
I've never been able to cry.
运动会让人麻木
The sport makes you numb.
而我在这项运动里打的太出色了
And at this sport, I've excelled.
所以 我都不知道那应该是种什么样的感情
So you know, I don't even know what that emotion's like.
反正在我印象里 他们管我叫天生打比赛的
For as long as I can remember, my name has been Gamebred.
他们只期望我做一件事
They expect me to do one thing,
做一条流浪狗 然后杀戮就行
to--to be a dog from the street and kill.
所以哭泣都 都不是我能选的 你能懂吗
So crying is--is not even, like, in the menu, you know?
豪尔赫 看着我
Jorge, look at me.
流浪狗也值得被爱
Street dogs deserve love.
你也是
And so do you.
或许我不呢
Maybe I don't.
你值得的
You do.
你也很美好 豪尔赫
You're beautiful, Jorge.
这确实让我有很大改观 劳伦
This has been life-changing, Lauren.
但我觉得是时候结束了
But I think it's time to wrap things up.
我刚给你转了1619块 卡尔
I just Venmo-ed you $1,619, Carl.
啥 为啥
What? Why?
补偿费
Reparations.
每一块钱都代表了一年的奴隶制
It's $1 for every year of slavery.
要是这么说 那应该是1865减去1619这么多钱啊
$1 for every year of slavery would be 1865 minus 1619.
要是奴隶制真的结束了
If slavery were really over,
你现在觉得你是个自♥由♥身了吗
but do you feel like a free man?
目前没有感觉到 没有
Not currently, no.
我也不知道能做什么了 卡尔
I don't know what to do here, Carl,
所以只能花钱解决
so I'm throwing money at the situation.
你确定你给我转了
Are you sure you Venmo-ed me?
我啥也没收到啊
I didn't get anything.
什么 让我看下名字
What? I'm looking at your name.
他把你名字都写错了
Mm, he spells Carl with a C.
什么时候改的 -一直都是这样
Since when? - Since always.
靠
Fuck!
劳伦 我们还在广播呢
Lauren, you're still on the air.
转错的补偿费 请转回来
Mistaken reparations. Please return.
马上转回补偿费
Return reparations immediately.
别等着让我让法律部门介入
Don't want to have to get law enforcement involved.
噢 你要让法律部门来处理
Oh, you're calling law enforcement
你转账给的那个黑人
on the Black person you sent the Venmo to?
这贱♥人♥给这笔转账点赞了呢
This motherfucker just liked the transaction.
这是有史以来最糟的酸奶周了
This is the worst Yogurt Week ever.
还以为上个月已经够糟的呢
And I thought last month's was terrible.
卡尔 我也不喜欢怪罪别人
Carl, I am not one to cast blame.
那再好不过 -但我还是忍♥不住想
That's for the best. - But I can't help thinking
如果我之前就有你的号♥码
that if I had had your phone number,
我就不会把补偿费
I wouldn't have sent reparations
转错黑人了
to the wrong Black person.
你现在缺你自己补偿费的
And now you're owed reparations
补偿费了
for your reparations.
奴隶制真是无穷无尽啊
Slavery's evil knows no end.
你发错了的那位卡尔想要更多钱
Karl with a K just requested more money.
不
No!
老天
God!
费比安 你可以哭泣的
Fabian, you can cry.
做不到
I can't.
你行的
You can.
信我 真的 感觉会很好的
And trust me, believe me, it feels amazing.
我就是做不到 好吗
I just fucking can't, okay?
我们究竟在干什么 豪尔赫
What are we even doing here, Jorge?
我只是个留着鼠尾辫的普通女孩儿
I'm just some girl with a rattail
我的免疫系统还对自己宣战
and an immune system that's declared war on itself.
我...我很挑剔
I--I am picky.
我很难打交
I am difficult.
我是鱼素主义
I'm a pescatarian.
我对大部分季节都过敏
I'm allergic to most seasons.
如果我们俩在现实生活中认识
If you and I knew each other in real life,
你肯定都不会看我一眼
you would walk all over me.
费比安
Fabian.
别因为我们两个都感到很脆弱 就想隔绝我
Don't push me away because we're both feeling vulnerable.
我们就到这儿吧
We should wrap up.
这又是个愚蠢的预采访罢了
This was just another stupid preinterview.
你错了
No.
这就是个采访
This was the interview.
我只花了五秒钟击倒本·阿斯克伦
It only took me five seconds to knock out Ben Askren.
一个短暂的时刻
Just because a moment is brief
不代表它就不棒了
doesn't mean it's not wonderful.
一个不让我们做朋友
A system that keeps us from being friends
还骗了我1600块钱的系统
and defrauds me of $1,600
必须被毁了
is a system that must burn!
没错 惹火起来吧
Yes! En Fuego time.
把这戴上
Put these on.
真棒 -旁白意识到
Nice. - The narrator realizes
是时候挑起一场种族暴♥动♥了
it's time for a race riot!
罗莎坐了下来 这样马丁就可以走了
Rosa sat so Martin could walk.
马丁走了 这样我就可以毁了我自己的办公室
Martin walked so I could destroy my own office!
噢不
Ah--oh, no.
劳伦
Lauren,
别再像小孩儿一样不成熟了
stop acting like a baby.
我不
No! Uh!
小心点电线 劳伦