难以伺候

冰♥毒♥只在乎冰♥毒♥
Uh, crystal just cares about crystal.
没错
That's true.
-是的 -没错
- Yeah. ?- Yeah.
有时候我就想成为冰♥毒♥
And yet, sometimes I think I want to be crystal,
而那些是我最黑暗的日子
and those are my darkest days
因为我 我他妈为了冰♥毒♥
because I'm-- I'm spending all my fucking time
付出所有时间和精力把自己变成了同志小丑
and energy being a gay clown for crystal.
为什么呢 冰♥毒♥不会把
And why? It-- Like, crystal won't pay me back
我花在她身上的钱还给我
the fucking money I've spent on her.
我过生日却不知道妈妈会不会来电的时候
Crystal won't be there for me when I'm spending my birthday
冰♥毒♥也不会在那陪着我
wondering if this is the day my mom's gonna call me.
冰♥毒♥要我付出全部的注意力
Crystal demands all the attention.
冰♥毒♥夺走了我的全部注意力
Crystal demands all the attention
直到我完全丧失生命力 失去一切
and she won't be satisfied until I'm completely drained
她才会满足
of life force, of everything.
而且她非常种族主义
And she's very racist.
他根本没试过冰♥毒♥ 各位
He's never even tried crystal meth, you guys!
不过独白倒是很蠢萌
Cute monologue though.
这就是你的剧本朗读会吗
Is this your little play reading?
这是个非公开的会议
This is a closed meeting.
冷静点 切莉·琼斯Settle down, Cherry Jones.
著名女同 代表作《24小时》
请你离开 你认识她吗 这个女人
You need to leave. Do you know her? This woman?
好了 尼尔·帕特里克·哈里斯t
Okay, Neil Patrick Harris!
著名男同 代表作《老爸老妈的浪漫史》
出去
Get out.
看着点
?Watch out!
该死
Dammit, man!
你看着点 这不是自行车道
You watch it. No bike lane.
-你好 -我知道你说过不该给你电♥话♥
- Hello? - Hey, so I know you said I shouldn't call you
或是我不该给你回电♥话♥之类的
or whatever or I shouldn't call you back
但我真的做了件很蠢的事
or anything, but I did something really stupid
我们真的需要碰面 用你的东西冷静下
and I really need to meet up and chill out with your stuff, man.
情况非常紧急
It's like totally an emergency!
-我刚在路上捡到这个手♥机♥ -你什么
- I just found this phone on the street. - You what?
我是送外卖♥♥的 我刚捡到这个手♥机♥
I'm the delivery driver. I just found this phone.
那是我朋友的手♥机♥ 我来带给他
That's my friend's phone! I'll take it for him.
反正我明天要见他
I'm seeing him tomorrow anyway.
我们碰个面吧 你在哪
Let's meet up! Where are you?
非常感谢 我有现金
Thank you so much! I have cash!
是吗 手♥机♥上显示“混♥蛋♥”
Is it? Phone says "Asshole."
是吗 那是高中时的绰号♥
Really? Oh! That's a high school nickname.
我们一直是朋友 也会永远是朋友
We're friends forever. Always will be friends.
但你在哪 我说了我有现金
But where are you? Like I said, I have cash.
你出多少
How much?
售票处
-歌♥选得不错 -没错 哥们
- Excellent song choice! - Yeah, boy!
你在那后面睡觉吗
Do you sleep back there?
对 更衣室里有个榻榻米
Yeah. There's a futon in the dressing room.
这很适合你 哥们
This is very on point for you, man.
没错 我很喜欢
Yeah, I love it.
唯一的问题是没有淋浴 因为这是剧院
The only trouble is there's no shower 'cause it's a theater.
但拐角处有个便宜的健身房♥
But, um, there's a cheap gym around the corner.
所以我在那儿洗澡
So, I do that.
这很查德
Very, very Chad.
对 很棒
?Yeah.It's awesome.
等等 你说的"很查德"是贬义吗
Wait, are you saying "Chad" In a pejorative sense?
应该是吧
I think so.
你
You...
差不多得了吧 哥们 我需要个手♥机♥
All right, man. Please? I need a phone.
能借下手♥机♥吗 谢了
Can I just get a phone please?
-谢恩 谢恩 -怎么了
- Shane? Shane? - Yeah?
-你剩下的战舰呢 -我不知道
- Wh-- where's the rest of your battleship? - I don't know!
你真... 你这儿已经乱得爆表了
You're really-- You're up to 11 over here.
-好吗 -很好
- All right? - ?Good!
有太多要做的了
There's so much to do.
你好 今晚我有什么可以帮你的吗
Hello, how may I help you this evening?
今晚我有什么可以帮你的吗
How may I help you this evening?
-谢谢你的来电 -什么 你好
- Thank you for calling. - What? Hello?
今晚我可以在哪找到你
What location can I find you at tonight
帮忙一起解决下你的大♥麻♥
where I can assist you with your weed? ?Uh...
你是哪位 这是我的手♥机♥
Who is this? This is my phone.
你好 国会女议员
Hello, Congresswoman.
我一直在等待这一刻
I've been waiting for this moment.
捡到你手♥机♥的人
The person who found your phone,
那人把你的手♥机♥托付给我了
a man, entrusted me.
他让我把手♥机♥给你
He t-- and told me to give you your phone,
我会给你的 但你要付出点代价
which I will do, but it's going to cost you.
你得带着普拉达的经典手袋
You're gonna come meet me
来见我 明白吗
with a Prada Inside bag, okay?
装满现金还有你手头的所有毒品
Full of cash and whatever drugs you have.
我不知道你现在还有没有毒品
I don't know if you have any drugs right now.
你可以来找我或者我去见你
You can meet me here or I can meet you there
-我手♥机♥里装了优步 -什么鬼
- 'cause there's Uber on my phone. - What the fuck?
你要用我的手♥机♥干什么 哥们
What are you doing with my phone, man?
-冷静点 -什么
- Calm down for a second! - ?What?
你安静点 我好告诉你
If you just be quiet, I can tell you!
我认识这货 妈的傻♥逼♥
I know this guy. He fucking sucks.
你的手♥机♥一晚上来电不断
People have been calling you all night,
所以我知道你赚翻了
so I know you're making crazy money!
先让我看看钱
Show me the money!
太可笑了 我第一次真正的口♥交♥
That's hilarious because my first real blowjob
是八年级的时候和科里·雅各布森做的
was in eighth grade from Corey Jacobson
那时候《甜心先生》还在用VHS放呢
while "Jerry Maguire" was playing on VHS!
我现在就可以给你口♥交♥
I'll give you a blowjob right now!
很好 听上去很棒
Okay! Sounds great!
我跟你说什么来着 钱越多 什么越多
What did I tell you? More money? More...
-现在 -闭嘴
- Now... ?- Shut up.
我们在哪碰头
where are we gonna have our meet?
碰头 什么意思
Meet? What do you mean meet?
我们的私下谈话
Our little tête-à-tête.
我们的双人舞
Our little pas de deux.
不可能 哥们
That's not gonna happen, man.
我会把这个手♥机♥初始化了
I'm just gonna erase this phone.
-别 别 -没错
- Oh no! Oh no! - Yeah.
他就像《黑客军团》之类的什么鬼
He's like Mr. Robot or some shit!
他要把手♥机♥初始化
He's erasing the phone!
好悲伤的故事
Pretty sad.
但你还会过来卖♥♥大♥麻♥给我们吗
But will you still come sell us weed?
哥们 去看医生吧
Hey, man, get help.
哥们
Dude!
-真该死 -抱歉 这太扯了
- Damn. - I'm sorry, man. That sucks.
谢了
Well, thank you for that.
你居然就这么把一次性手♥机♥初始化了
It's impressive you can just erase your burner like that.
不是一次性手♥机♥ 是iPhone
It's not a burner. It's an iPhone.
我要把这个放哪
Uh, where do I put this?
随便
Meh. Wherever.
好吧
All right.
好了
There you go.
谢谢你 查德
Well, thank you very much, Chad.
随时效劳
Yeah. Any time, man.
大门一直敞开着 除了每周六
Doors open, except twice on Saturdays
-还有每晚七点关门 -知道了
- and every night at 7:00. - ?Cool.
你还好吗
You okay?
挺好的
Yeah. I'm great.
你确定
You sure?
要不要去我那洗澡
Wanna use my shower?
太好了
I'd like that.
好 那走吧
All right. Come on, man.
-要关灯吗 -不用
- You gonna turn off the light? - No.
我不知道怎么关
I don't know how.
这太疯狂了 你给他父母打电♥话♥了吗
That's crazy! Did you call his parents?