难以伺候

This is really shitty,
我就直说了
I'm just gonna say it.
我刚测出来衣原体是阳性
I just tested positive for chlamydia,
我们并不骄傲
and we are not proud of it.
要一直瞒着你们简直太煎熬了
And it was killing us to keep it from you guys.
什么
What?
我们跟其他人鬼混有一阵子了
We've been fucking around with other people for a while now.
我们觉得你们都该去检查一下
And we just think you should all get tested,
就是 简单来说
and, you know, suffice it to say,
我们今晚可能不该一起玩乐
we probably shouldn't play tonight.
什么 这他妈太操蛋了
What? This is-- This is fucked up!
这根本没道理
It doesn't make any sense!
你们怎么不早点去检查
Why wouldn't you get tested earlier?
这不像你们啊
It's not like you guys!
我觉得源头是那两个背包客
I think it was those two backpackers, you know,
那两个巴西背包客 他们看起来...
the Brazilian backpackers, they were, they seemed--
你是想勾引我玩3P吗
Are you trying to trick me into a threesome?
不是 如果是我会说的
No! I would've mentioned that!
背包客脏死了 脏脏脏
Backpackers are dirty. They're dirty, dirty, dirty.
你现在跟派对上的人说
And you tell everyone at the party
他们可能都感染了衣原体吗
that maybe they have chlamydia?
-这算派对礼物吗 -你不能就这么走了
- Is that like the party gift? - You can't just leave!
怎么不行
Yes, I can!
不好意思 我拿下外套行吗
Sorry, excuse me. Do you mind if I just get my coat?
还是有其他事情可以做的吧
There's still other stuff we can do, right?
我们可以玩性挑逗
We can still do some heavy petting.
可以...对了 看 我的新流苏
We can do juj-- Oh! Look! Got my new tassels!
达比 我们大老远去布鲁克林可不是为了
Deb, we didn't haul our asses to Brooklyn for some dry humping
摩擦下♥体♥和吃过期的皮塔饼屑的
and some fucking stale pita chips.
-去你们的 -麦克
- Fuck you guys. - Mike!
你们打算不告诉我们吗
Were you just planning on not telling us?
说实话 我想着要是我们都感染了
Honestly, you know, I thought if we all already had it
那我们可以好好玩玩 然后明天可以
that we could play, you know, and then we could tomorrow
开始吃点抗生素啥的 然后一起好起来
start taking antibiotics and get better together.
一起好起来 你♥他♥妈♥说真的吗 利奥
Get better together? Are you fucking serious, Leo?
那可太不负责了
Hey, that is so irresponsible.
-而且也行不通 蠢货 -别激动
- And that's not how it works, you idiot. - Oh, come on. Relax.
其实 听着
You know, listen.
他说的话也有点道理 我是说...
There is some logic to what he's saying. I mean--
-你说什么呢 -我当然不会高兴
- What are you talking about? - I wouldn't get carried away,
但他说的还是有点道理的
but there is some sense to it.
好吧 知道吗
Okay. You know what?
也许我们只是第一个意识到的
Maybe we're just the first to realize it.
可你们怎么知道
But how... how do you all know that
我们不是被你们传染的
we didn't get it from you guys?
我能告诉你为什么 知道为什么吗
Oh, I can tell you why. You know why?
因为我和达比 我们会遵循规则
Because Deb and I, we follow the rules.
我们是老实人 老实人
Rule followers. Rule followers.
我们他妈会守规矩
We follow the fucking rules!
好吧 真要说实话的话
All right, if we're fucking being honest here.
我和史蒂夫分开前
When... before Steve and I split up,
我们说要把他妈送去
and we said we were going to put his mother
麦迪逊的养老院
in a home in Madison,
其实我们去了别克斯岛 跟另一伙人玩去了
we actually went to Vieques and we played with another group.
蕾妮
Renee! ?
我就知道 你晒得太黑了
I knew it! You were too tan!
-大冬天的不可能晒那么黑 -我知道
- You were too tan for winter! - I know!
我只是要说出来
I fucking just had to say it.
-你早就知道 -我得找人说说
- You knew? - I had to tell someone.
我很自豪自己是个靠谱的人
I pride myself on being a very discrete person. Okay?
要是有朋友让我保守秘密
If... if a friend asks me to keep a secret,
-我得对得起人家 -那可真操蛋
- I have to honor that! - Wait, that is fucked up!
怎么就操蛋了
How is that fucked up?
拜托 我们在试图挽救婚姻
Come on! ?Look, we were trying to save our marriage
我们带了套
and, you know, we used protection,
大部分情况都戴了吧 我们都喝高了
for the most part, we were pretty drunk.
我觉得 我觉得很糟糕
I feel like, you know, I'm feeling really shitty about it.
这证明了没人是完美的
It just proves that no one is perfect.
真不敢相信我的耳朵
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
你们他妈都是什么人啊
Who the fuck are you all? Huh?
我都不认识你们了
I don't even know you anymore.
吃点药就没事了
You take a Z-Pak, you're fine.
我觉得自己被深深背叛了
I feel-- I feel so betrayed.
这他妈就像歌♥剧似的
It's like a fucking opera.
不 抱歉 达比 我说真的
No! I'm sorry, Deb. It's true.
我还买♥♥了个阴♥茎♥环给你过生日 狗♥日♥的♥
I bought you a cock ring for your birthday, motherfucker.
-生日快乐 -听着
- Happy birthday. - Hey, look.
也许这只是个警钟
Maybe this is just a wake-up call,
我们只是需要重新设定界限了
and we just need to set new boundaries, okay?
所以你邀请了男女维克多参加我们的派对吗
Is that why you invited Victor/Victoria to our party?
别那么叫他
Whoa. ?Don't call him that!
-太不友好了 -他穿着裙子呢
- It's not nice! - He's wearing a dress.
外边没人在乱搞
No one's actually fucking out there.
对 但听起来他们马上就要搞了
No, but it sounds like they're about to.
科林 贝基
Colin? Becky?
抱歉 马上就好
Sorry. We'll just be one sec.
我以为人们喜欢轻拍呢
I thought people liked tapping.
轻拍挺好的
Tapping would be great.
但使劲扇就有点过了
Slapping is a little excessive.
这有点为难人啊 是吧
It's a little harsh, right?
那只是个敏感的身体部位
You know, it's just a sensitive body part.
我可不会做那种事
I don't do that!
你确实会 你会
You do do it. You do.
我们的翘臀邻居
There's our tight-ass fucking neighbor
又他妈准时来了
right on fucking schedule.
伙计们 拜托小点声
Guys, please keep your voices down.
我以为我们要参加的是性♥交♥派对
I thought we were going to a fucking party,
没想到是蠢蛋大会
not an asshat convention.
我得跟你老公谈谈
I need to talk to your husband.
现在不是时候 我们在款待...
It's not a good time, we're entertaining...
我们根本没开音乐
The music is not even on!
不关音乐的事 你们往楼里带毒品了
Not about the music, you people, bring drugs into the building.
啥 你说什么呢
What? What you talking about?
我给你看 看 这个
I'll show you now. Here, this.
抱歉 派对真棒 谢了 我得走了
Sorry, thanks for the great party, I have to go.
这是大♥麻♥
This is pot!
这不算毒品
This isn't drugs.
众口难调
第一季第二集