伦敦生活（2016）

你还好吧 有没有什么八卦
How are you? What's going on with you?
我有喜欢的人了
...I met someone.
- 什么 真的 - 是啊
- What? Really? - Yeah.
天啊 太棒了 他是做什么的
Oh, my God, that's amazing! What does he do?
他是神父
He's a priest.
是那个
Is it...?
是
Yep.
- 我的老天 - 是吧
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
- 你是在开玩笑吗 - 没有
- You are joking? - No.
- 抱歉 - 我懂
- I'm sorry. - I know.
- 就是 我知道这肯定很复杂
It's just, I'm sure it's very complicated.
- 对 非常痛苦 - 但是 难道这不是
- Yes! It's very painful. - But it, it's just...
- 你可真是个人才
...you're a genius.
你是被派来拯救我的吧
You're my fucking hero.
克莱尔
Claire?
是你吗
Is that you?
天呐 天呐天呐天呐
Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
- 克莱尔 - 科莱尔
- Claire! - Klare!
- 嗨 - 天啊 克莱尔
- Hi! - Oh, my God, Claire,
- 我好喜欢你的发型 - 哦
- I love your hair! - Oh!
克莱尔 真的又可爱又前卫又酷
Claire, it's so cute and edgy and cool.
- 谢谢 - 像超级巨星 偶像
- Oh, thank you. - Like superstar, pop star.
听着 这二位要带我去看
Listen, these penguins are taking me
一出新的超棒的音乐剧
to this new amazing London music thing.
- 你有空吗 - 有
- Are you free? - Yes.
- 你想来吗 - 哦 我
- You want to come? - Oh, I...
我还得把大管送到我继子那儿
I have to take my step-son his bassoon.
我是说 我真希望能去
I mean, I wish I could.
我明天就要走了 所以...
Well, I leave tomorrow. So...
哦
Oh.
我去送
I'll take the bassoon.
我来吧 我去送
I've got it. I'll take it.
不 他想让我送
Oh, um... No, he's expecting me to.
没事 告诉杰克大管在我的咖啡馆
No, no. No, just, just tell Jake it's with me at the cafe.
- 真的 没问题 - 哦
- Honestly, it's fine. - Oh.
不想妨碍你们家人共度时光
Hey, I don't want to get in the way of your family day.
没事 我来 妨碍她共度时光吧 拜托了
No, I'll take it. Please, get in the way of her family days.
告诉杰克大管在我这儿
Just tell Jake I've got it.
没啥的
No biggie.
拜 克莱尔 拜 科莱尔
Bye, Claire. Bye, Klare.
拜 克莱尔
Bye, Claire.
我真不敢相信你剪得这么好看
I can't believe your hair!
真的超级时髦 超级可爱
It's so chic and cute! It's all the things!
真的吗
Really?
和你的上衣很搭
Goes so well with your top.
天啊 你嘴真甜
My, God, that's so sweet of you.
说真的 今天可折腾死我了
Honestly, I've had such a day with it.
- 好吧 - 是啊
- Yeah, all right. - Yeah.
该死
Oh, fuck!
对不起
Sorry!
把我累得够呛
Well, that was exhausting.
- 新的豚鼠... - 仓鼠
- The new guinea pig... - Hamster.
...和希拉里在一起
...is in with Hillary.
她们分享了黄瓜 非常甜蜜
They shared the cucumber okay, which was quite sweet.
谢谢
Thanks.
我想说随时效劳 但是...
Well, I'd say any time but, uh...
你找到了新工作
You have a new job.
我还会常来的
I will be back, though.
我妻子会喜欢唠嗑星期三的
My wife would love Chatty Wednesdays.
爱上它们
Love them.
你有访客
Oh! You have a visitor.
他说认识你 所以我就让他进去等了
He said he knew you, so I let him wait in there.
很高兴能与你工作
Pleasure doing business with you.
拜
Bye.
他带走了围裙
He took the pinny.
他要讲大管的笑话了
He's going to make a bassoon joke.
你手里的是大管吗 还是见到我太高兴
Is that a bassoon in your hand or are you just pleased to see me?
你对你儿子也这么说吗
Would you say that to your son?
当然 当他拿着大管时
When he has his bassoon, sure.
但他不会高兴见到我的 所以...
But he's never pleased to see me, so...
好没道理 为什么我拿着大管...
It doesn't even make sense. Why would a bassoon in my hand...
因为在你手里像大屌♥
Like a dick in your hand.
如果我拿着一截切掉的大屌♥朝你走来
Oh, right so if I was walking towards you with an amputated dick
你会觉得我很淫♥荡♥
in my hand you'd think I was horny.
我会认为你生性如此
Well, I'd assume that you had been.
当然 就算你把别人的大屌♥给切了
Certainly wouldn't put it past you
我也不会惊讶的
to chop a dick off.
把豚鼠放下
Put the guinea pig down.
- 她在哪儿 - 干嘛
- Where is she? - Why?
应该是她送大管才对
Well, she was meant to have dropped that off
而且她也不在办公室
and she's not at the office.
我不知道她在哪里
Oh, I don't know where she is.
那大管是从哪儿来的
So, you just found that, huh?
别伤害豚鼠
Please don't hurt the guinea pig.
我绝不会伤害豚鼠
I would never hurt the guinea pig.
我不会的
I wouldn't do that.
下来吧 甜心
Here we go, sweetie.
过来 这里
Come on, here.
可爱的要命
It's fucking adorable.
你确定我们还要聊吗
Are you sure we should even be talking?
你不是想让我坐牢什么的吗
Aren't you supposed to be getting me arrested or something?
她真的什么都跟你说 不是吗
She really tells you everything, doesn't she, hm?
可爱的桌子
Cute tables.
- 天哪 马丁 - 少废话
- Ah, Jesus, Martin. - Fuck off!
你才是原因所在 知道吗
You are the problem, you know that?
我如此悲催 都是因为你
You are the problem in my perfect, awful life.
我都一年没见你了
I haven't seen you in a year.
但她还是会为你两肋插刀
And yet still off she runs, into the night, for you.
我甚至没法让女人怀孕
I can't even get the woman pregnant.
结果你竟然炫耀自己流产了
And then you come in showing off about your miscarriage,
好像你根本不想要那个孩子
like you didn't even want the one you had.
我只是想让她好受一点
I was just trying to make her feel better!
- 把手♥机♥给我 - 不
- Give me your phone. - No.
把手♥机♥给我
Give me your phone.
不
No!
她是要离开我吗
Is she leaving me?
希望如此
I hope so.
别让她离开我
Don't let her leave me.
别让她离开我 求你了
Don't let her leave me, please.
我希望她今晚不回家
I hope she doesn't come home tonight.
羊绒的 羊绒的
Ah! Cashmere, cashmere, cashmere!
你给我等着 臭婊♥子♥
I will take you down, fucker.
你给我等着 傻♥逼♥
I will take you down, fucker.
- 去你♥妈♥的♥ - 去你♥妈♥的♥
- Fuck you! - Fuck you!
- 操♥你♥妈♥ - 操♥你♥妈♥
- Fuck you! - Fuck you!
操♥你♥妈♥ 你最好赶紧找个律师上♥床♥
Fuck you! You better start sleeping with a lawyer!
我已经和一个律师睡了
I'm already sleeping with a lawyer!
幸运的律师
Yeah, lucky lawyer!
该死
Shit!
最后赶紧给我律师打电♥话♥
I'd better call my lawyer.
你们懂的 当一个帅气 但疑似厌恶女性的人
You know that feeling when the hot misogynist who might not be
四十八小时内再一次出现在你的家中
a misogynist is turning up at your house for the second time
把你干到高♥潮♥九次 而你和他搞
in 48 hours to give you nine orgasms you don't want,
只是为了
just to do something to
逃避现实 因为世界上
get your head out of the fact the only person
你唯一想见的人是个神父...
you want to see in the world is the priest that you...
所以你要振作起来 浑身涂满椰子油
So, you pick yourself up, cover yourself in coconut oil
希望他没有注意到 你忘了刮毛...
and hope he hasn't noticed that you haven't shaved your...
嘿
Hey.
你姐姐把你家地址给我了
Your sister gave me your address.