良师难为（2024）

这包怎么越来越重了，你都放了些什么啊？
This thing is getting heavier and heavier. What do you keep in there?
假发啊，兄弟
It's fucking wigs, man. - What is this?
这是什么？你后车厢都塞了什么啊？-是假发
Some wigs. - What's in your trunk?
你偷学校的东西？
You're stealing from the school?
不是，这是我之前的东西
No, this is stuff I've owned before.
你之前的东西
Stuff you've owned before.
什么你之前的东西？
What does that even mean?
天哪，那这里面是什么？
Oh, my God. What is in this?
顶级雪貂饲料
马♥勒♥瑞小姐教室里的雪貂饲料？
Ferret food from Miss Mallory's class?
我有小孩要养，好吗，艾文？
I have children to feed, Evan. Okay?
你拿雪貂饲料喂小孩？
You feed your children ferret food?
雪貂们就是我的孩子，艾文 我又不是专门养雪貂的，哪来那么多饲料？
My ferrets are my kids, Evan. I don't have a school full of 'em.
我要赶紧把这些东西搬回去
We have to get this fucking stuff back inside.
什么东西？-全部啊
Which stuff? - All of it.
我来帮忙好了 -不，你别帮了
I'll help. - No, you can't help.
你是小偷耶
懂吗？我还在校长面前替你做担♥保♥
You're a fucking thief. Do you understand?
我真该马上报♥警♥叫警♥察♥来抓你
I vouched for you with the principal. I should call the cops right now.
校长？天哪，你以前超痞的耶，兄弟
Oh, the principal? God, you used to be so punk rock, man.
我不知道，你变了
I don't know. You changed.
你搞砸了
You are so fucked up.
无所谓，明天排练时吧
Anyway, I'll see you at rehearsal.
不，不必见了，你被开除了
No, you won't because you're-- you're fired.
大家老爱对我说这句话
People are obsessed with saying that to me.
我们需要打印机啦 -我要闪了，艾文
We need those printers. - Peace out, Evan.
学校需要打印机打印东西啊
感谢老天影印机你塞不进后车厢
People have to print things at this school.
Thank God you can't fit a fucking copy machine in that trunk.
十部打印机，其中有激光跟喷墨的
"Ten printers, laser and inkjet."
五台笔记电脑，还有我的相框
"Five laptops, framed picture of me." Hmm?
一幅美国国旗，一个算盘，还有45磅雪貂饲料
"An American flag, an abacus, 45 pounds of ferret food,
iPhone手♥机♥充电器，20至30台iphone手♥机♥...
iPhone chargers, 20 to 30 iPhone"--
这下大家都没有充电器了
No one can find their iPhone chargers.
还有个学生借了夏珊300块
Oh, and a student lent Shazam $300.
好吧，他们要不回来了
Well, they're not getting it back.
听我说，没料到她会是这样的...
真的没料到吗？
Look, there was no way of knowing, really, that she was--
你朋友凯斯是有前科的，艾文
No, there's no way of knowing? Your friend Keith has a record, Evan.
我们说的是窃盗重罪呢
We're talking grand larceny here. - Right.
一个有前科的变装皇后进到了学校
A criminal drag queen was brought into the school.
你基本上是凭空捏造了一个保守派的论点
You basically conjured a conservative talking point out of thin air.
你难道没有事先...查过他...她的背景吗？
Did you not even think to check his-- her background?
没有，他是我的一位老友，我...
No, this was an old friend. I--
对啦...因为你一心只想完成你的小任务，对吧？
No, no, because you were so consumed with your little mission, right?
好，太好了，恭喜你，艾文
Okay, well, congratulations, Evan.
恭喜你，你办到了
Congratulations. You-- You-- You succeeded.
天哪
Oh, God.
我要取消粉扑赛男生部分的表演了
I am canceling the Powderpuff boys' performance.
为什么啦？-不过就三分钟的短秀
Why? - A three-minute skit
不值得这么麻烦，好不好？已经够多了
isn't worth the hassle.
It's already too much.
多元性别团体的孩子们还传简讯给我
I'm getting texts from the LGTBQ kids.
我甚至不知道他们是怎么弄到，我的手♥机♥号♥码的
I don't even know how they got my personal phone number.
想到布恩督学还要来参加，不...
And with Superintendent Boone being there, no, no, no, no, no.
你知道这有多重要吗？
Do you understand how big this issue is?
这不光只是足球赛中场的一个小表演
This isn't just about a little skit at a football game.
这可是变装秀啊
This is about drag.
是啊，你把它搞成变装秀了
Yeah, you-- you made it about drag.
噗...
Purr.
等等，她有前科？
Wait. So she had a record?
是啊，你永远想不到 某人有三次醉驾纪录
Yeah. I mean, you can just never predict that someone has
而且还被奥斯汀动物园列入永久黑名单
three DUIs and is permanently banned from the Austin Zoo.
我们一定要演出 -的确是
We gotta go there. - We do.
我们一定要演出，别忘
We've got to go there. Don't forget that.
但问题是，我不知道
The point is, I didn't know.
会这么糟糕，就这么结束了，就...没了
It's awful that it's over, you know. It's just, like, it's over. It's over.
就没了啊，我猜女生踢足球，会比较好玩吧
I guess the girls' football game will be fun.
是啦，我是不知道女孩们，学了多少足球技巧
Yeah. I don't know how much football they learned,
但她们未来不会在高速公路休息站，被人杀死了
but they're not gonna get killed at a highway rest stop.
我跟你保证
I can guarantee it.
我想我应该不会参加足球赛...
I think I'm not gonna go to the game--
足球赛你一定要来
You gotta come to the football game.
我不知道，就很可悲啊
I don't know. It's so sad now.
如果你能来，坐在观众席上 这对我来说，意义是很重大的
It would mean a lot to me that you come and you're just in the stand.
我真的很努力耶 -是啊
I worked really hard. - Yeah.
你可以带本书来看啊，放松一下罗
You can bring a book and just, like, chill.
好吧，我去 -谢谢你
Yeah, I'll go. - Thank you.
可恶！
Goddamn it!
外头是尼克吗？-是啊，他在弄游泳池
Is that Nick out there?
我看到了 -你说他在干嘛？
Yeah, he's working on the pool.
他要自己建游泳池？
What is he doing again? He's building a pool by hand?
我们想说多省一点钱 因为他不想雇推土机
We're, like, basically saving so much money because he doesn't need bulldozers.
不想雇工人 他只想靠自己，一铲一铲自己挖，所以...
He doesn't need people. He just needs himself and shovels and all that stuff--
这也太夸张了吧
That sounds so crazy.
不会啊，不就是水泥填一填，泥土挖一挖，我猜啦
No, it's just concrete and digging, I think.
一但完工后，就把它放到Swimply，网站上出租
And then, once it's done, it's gonna get listed on Swimply.
你刚说那什么字？
What's the word that you're saying?
Swimply是一款手♥机♥App，你可以上传你的游泳池跟后院
Swimply's an app where you list your pool and your backyard
你可以出租几小时给人们
and you rent it for hours to people,
给陌生人，然后他们付你租金
strangers, and they pay you.
在你还在家的时候？-在我还在家的时候
While you're home? - While we're home,
如果他们要用你的盥洗室，那就要多收钱
and then you charge more if they come in and use your bathroom.
好吧，愿你成功
我请他来跟你解释好了，尼克
Well, good for you.
不，不用叫他来了 -不行...尼克
I'll get him to explain it to you. Nick!
你不用来啦
You don't need to get him-- - No, no. Nick!
你... -嘿，尼克
You don't have to come! - You do--
嘿 -嗨
Hey, Nick. - Hey.
嗨，宝贝，你好吗？
Hi. - Hey, babe. What's up?
我刚还在说那游泳池的事
是啊...
- I was just bragging about the pool. - Yeah. Yeah.
我是说，这附近都没人
在使用Swimply
I mean, look, it's like nobody in this neighborhood is on Swimply.
他们有游泳池没错，但他们都没用那App
They have pools, but they're not on the app.
但某天我去了乔氏超♥市♥
But I was at Trader Joe's the other day,
我的邻居听到了我跟你的谈话
and I think my neighbor heard me talking to you about it,
所以要赶紧开挖了
so this is like a rushed dig.
需要赶工了
It's gonna be a rushed dig.
好，我很赞成
All right. Well, I support that.
我认为很酷，也很激励人心
I think it's cool. I think it's inspiring.
真的很好玩，好了，我要继续去外头工作了
It's so much fun. I gotta get back outside.
好的，掰啦
Okay, bye.
我可爱的游泳池工人
My little pool man.
很高兴见到你 -我也是，艾文
Nice to see you. - Good to see you, Evan.
你们俩个真是可爱
You guys are so cute.
还好他还有这事可干 他需要分心一下
It's so good that he has this though 'cause he needs to be distracted,
因为找工作耗费他太多心力了
'cause the looking for a job thing was a lot.
摩里森汉斯理高中，粉扑大赛，今天6点
给我后退
Get the fuck back!
耶！太棒了 -天哪，那样有得分吗？
Oh, my God! - Yeah. Yes.
有...有得一分了
Do we get points for that? - We do. We do.
我们硬梆梆，不怕啪啪啪
Go for one! Yeah!
赞啦... -老天保佑
Oh, God. - Yeah. Yeah.
艾文
Evan.
嘿 -嘿
Oh, hey. - Hey.
你好吗？-不错，你呢？
很高兴见到你
- How's it going? - Good, and you? Good to see you.
你有认识谁有20台打印机，可以借我用吗？
Hey, do you know anybody who has, like, 20 printers I could use?
真是好笑
That's funny.
嘿...
Hey, hey, hey.
这位是布恩督学
Oh. This is Superintendent Boone.
这位是我们的大学顾问，瑞克
This is our college counselor, Rick.
幸会，瑞克
It's a pleasure to meet you, Rick.
只要你别跟我提加薪的事就好
As long as you don't ask me for a raise, that is.
其实，如果能找五个人跟你聊聊这件事