良师难为（2024）

♪ Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night ♪
♪ Lookin' for the fight of her life ♪
《男性时尚百科》
尼古拉斯埃莱斯普鲁，伊凡马可仕老师，AP英文
♪ In the real-time world no one sees her at all ♪
探索狄更斯作品中的爱情主题，A+
C+，不错
♪ They all say she's crazy ♪
特别注意
♪ It can cut you like a knife ♪
♪ If the gift becomes the fire ♪
♪ On a wire between will and what will be ♪
♪ She's a maniac Maniac on the floor ♪
《良师难为》
♪ And she's dancing like she's never danced before ♪
一切皆有可能
♪ She's a maniac... ♪
哈罗 -啊呀，你迟到了
Oh, hello. - Oh, you're so late.
你帅呆了 -你才美呢
You're so beautiful.- You're beautiful.
下课后记得打我
Call me after class.
早安啊，大家请坐好
Morning.Let's have a seat, huh?
课堂守则
洁西卡，跟你妈说，别传那样的电邮给我，好吗？
Jessica, tell your mom she can't send me emails like that, okay?
实在很不妥
It's inappropriate.
英文无极限
有创意哦！你们最近好吗？
Oh, this is fun. What up to you guys as well.
你好吗，马可仕老师？
好的...不对，等等...好
Oh, right... No, wait... All right.
大家都有看书吗？
Everyone did the reading?
你知道吗？我觉得今年的学生，脑子不知道在想什么
The kids this year, I feel like they're less woke. Did you notice that?
你有发现吗？-有
They're not into being woke anymore.
完全心不在焉 -就像鬼打墙
It circled back around.
就是鬼打墙啊
It circled all the way around.
现在的他们简直在打脸自己
Now they're for what they say they're against.
是啊，还在那边说些有的没的
Right. And they're saying the R-word again.
你的那个学生，他说西班牙宗教裁决所怎么来着？
You had that kid... What was he saying about the Spanish Inquisition?
我提到西班牙宗教裁决所的，正反两面
I had to teach both sides of the Spanish Inquisition.
结果他气到哭出来？这也太夸张了吧，！
It's so insane. - He got upset, started crying.
还有学生拿爱尔兰诗人，奥斯卡王尔德
It was a whole thing. - I have kids that are showing me
与女生做♥爱♥的AI合成影片给我看
AI porn of Oscar Wilde having sex with women.
人家是同志好吗？
He was gay.
今天我是来这学校六周年 -没有丁提摩尔炖牛肉？
Six years at this school. Today, no Dinty Moore.
丁提摩尔炖的罐头牛肉？
Dinty Moore stew? - What is Dinty Moore?
我不敢相信那东西还有在卖♥♥
I can't believe they even still make that stuff.
每次我看到那个，都觉得很像狗罐头
Whenever I see it, I think it's a can of dog food.
我今天节食，感觉还不错，顺便一提
Guess I'm dieting today, which is good, by the way,
现在这些小痞子四处游荡，在街上到处乱拍
'cause all these little fuckers roaming around
然后把影片再传到中♥共♥国去
filming everything we do... - I know.
你在说什么啊？-这个...
...and sending it off to communist China.
为什么... -我们不谈...
What are you talking about?
为什么全球最热门的手♥机♥app... -我们不谈政♥治♥ 是美国的敌人发明的？
Let me ask you. Why is the number one app in the world...
不谈政♥治♥，我们刚不是说了？
No politics. - ...run by America's only enemy?
不谈政♥治♥，好吗？-我的确有说
Didn't we say no politics? - I did say that.
你知道吗？很多人会用，“钱包”来投票
Didn't we make a policy: no politics?
很多人用会“美金”来下架候选人 我用美金来“上架”候选人
People say they vote with their dollar. A lot of people do.
但我也用“个人意愿”来决定要投谁 我通常都是等辩论之后，
I vote with my dollar. I also vote with my vote, okay?
才决定要投票给谁 这点我要说一下
And I never choose who I'm gonna vote for till after the debates.
鬼才信 -百分之百真的
That is not true. - It's 100% true.
鬼才信你会等到辩论后才决定... 老兄，你就相信吧，好吗？
It is not true that you wait... - Believe it, buddy, all right?
这叫做“高贵情操” 你也有啊，在你内心深处
It's called nobility of spirit. You got it too. Deep inside.
你只需要一个帅哥，每天早上帮你“打”出来
You just need a hot boyfriend to spank it out of you every morning.
兄弟，别带午餐回家吃，
Do not bring lunch from home.
今年的午餐很“落漆” -等等，什么？
It's not worth it this year. - Wait, what?
我再也忍♥不下去了
I can't be carrying this much shit!
等等，你为什么说“今年”？
What do you mean "this year"?
校方把午餐升级啦，你看
They upgraded the lunch.Look.
马奇点了胡桃派 -谁把午餐升级了？
Markie's got pecan pie. - Who upgraded the lunch?
各位，你们一定得，回信给我的股票伙伴
Dude, you guys gotta respond to my stock guy.
他有不少新的赚钱机会，我不想你们错失良机
He's got new opportunities. I don't want you guys to miss out.
瑞克，我很礼貌的请求你，能不能别再传那些电邮给我们了
Rick, I would politely ask you to stop sending us those emails
因为那些都是诈骗信... -那些不是新赚钱机会
because those actually are spam, and that guy, I think, is scamming you.
而那个人，我也觉得他在骗你 不，我在TED讲坛上认识他的
This guy is legit. I met him at a TED talk.
TED？-你去参加TED？
You went to a TED talk? - Yeah.
是啊 -还是你去参加TEDx讲坛？
Or was it TEDx?
两个不是一样吗？有差吗？
It's different? What's different?
所以我喜欢直接领现金，可以马上放进保险箱
This is why I get my paycheck in cash. It goes right in the safe.
你有病了哦？怎么那么蠢？一年8%利息都没有了耶
That's insane. Are you stupid? You're losing .8% each year.
领现也要缴税吗？
You pay taxes on that?
收税那叫“抢劫”
Taxation is theft.
好吧，那谁啊？
Right. Who is that?
新来的物理老师
That's the new physics teacher.
他是来帮珍妮佛代课的，好像...
He's filling in for Jennifer... - He's cool.
代第一个学期... -他很酷耶 或许代一年，如果她在《惊险大挑战》成功晋级的话
...for the first semester, or the year, if she does well on The Amazing Race.
真不敢相信她有疝气还能参加那节目
I can't believe she got on that show with a hernia.
不对，我觉得那是一个有，“异位性皮肤炎”的婴儿
No, I think it was a atopic baby.
你说错了吧 -艾文...
That's not the word. - Evan.
你能来我办公室聊一下吗？-现在？
Evan, can I talk to you in my office?
对，来...
Now? - Yes. Come, come.
不准抽电子烟，我都闻到了
No vaping. I can smell it.
才怪，你闻不到
No, you can't.
找到了
Here it is...
好...好...好
Okay. Yeah.
校方正在调查你 -校方调查我？
You're being investigated. - I'm being investigated?
为什么？-好，有位叫琳达哈里森的妈妈...
For what? - A mom named Linda Harrison...
琳达哈里森？等一下，我知道这个人
Linda Harrison? - I know that name.
指控你在上学年结束时...
...alleges that you kissed your boyfriend
当着她儿子和全班面前 -我的天哪
in front of her son... - Oh, my God.
当时发生这件事时 亲吻你的男朋友
...and a whole class of other high schoolers at the end of last school year.
你有跟我说过，那根本没什么
You talked to me about that when it happened. That was nothing.
我知道，但现在人家向校方投诉了 然后我就得看啊
I know. But now she's made a formal complaint, and I have to read this.
等等，她的小孩...那孩子已经毕业了
Wait, her kid... That kid graduated.
他都已经上大学了耶，她现在跑来投诉是有事吗？
He's in college now. Why is she doing this now?
我哪知道啊，人家做事，又不会跟我报备
I don't know. Why does anybody do anything?
等一下，琳达哈里森，我记得这名字
Wait a minute. Linda Harrison. I remember that name.
她就是之前抱怨，指定读本的那个妈妈
That's the mom that complained about the assigned reading.
猥亵书籍 -猥亵书籍，是吧？
Lewd content, yeah. - Lewd content, right?
你记得她所谓的“猥亵”书籍，是哪一本吧？
And do you remember what the book was that she said was lewd?
《大亨小传》-《大亨小传》
The Great Gatsby.
而你知道这本书，列入指定读本名单里多久了吗？
Do you know how long that's been on the curriculum?
烦死了 -我就说这太不合理了
Oh, my God. - This doesn't make sense.
这是政♥治♥迫♥害♥，她正在搞政♥治♥迫♥害♥
This is political. She's doing a political move.
对，政♥治♥是现实的 -我就问，为什么
Yeah, politics are real.
马奇讲干话时，都不会被投诉？
Why doesn't Markie ever get investigated for all that shit he says?
谁？-马奇啊
Who? - Markie.
那个体育老师，马奇
Markie, the gym teacher. Markie.
马克哦，调查不到他啊
Mark... He can't be investigated.
他有“受保护受害者身份”...
He has a protected victim status...
那我怎么没有？ 因为在他参加预备役
How do I get that? - ...because he was injured
军官训练团的第一周 就出过一次大车祸
in a car accident in his first week of training in the ROTC,
而且他还表明自己有1/32，美国原住民血统，还有证书为证呢
and he's 1/32nd Native American, and he has paper proof of that.
这太扯了 -我说啊，你亲吻她儿子的...
This is insane. - I mean, you kissed her...
你亲了...呃...在她儿子面前，亲吻你男友
You kissed your boyfriend in front of her son.
这很严重唉 -不是，我不过就是...
This is serious now. - I literally was just, like...
小小的...轻轻的...
Just like barely... Just like...
我甚至不知道我们的嘴唇，有没有碰在一起
I don't even know if our lips touched.
你懂吗？这根本是恐同症嘛
Do you understand? This is homophobia.
恐同的人就是这样夸张
This is what homophobia's like. - I don't care what it is.
这也太阴险了 -我才不在乎恐同，我还有恐慌症咧
It's insidious. - I'm agoraphobic.
那现在我该怎办？等校方裁决吗？
So what do I do? I just wait for my fate to be decided?
我不知道，你想干啥就啥啊
I don't know. You can do anything. You...
如果你愿意自动提辞呈
If you hand in your resignation letter,
你可以去餐厅工作或是做其他工作
you could work in a restaurant or something,
你知道，就跟你的好友们，拍拍短片之类的
or, you know, do a short film with your friends.
加入安丽做直销，安丽很不错的
Join Amway. Amway is very good.
你这是在赶我走吗？
You want me to quit this job?
不，不是我要你走，是她要你走
No, I don't want you to quit. I don't want you to quit.
是她要你走
She wants you to quit.
听着，我要你做的就是写一份声明
Look, what I want you to do is write a statement
来扞卫你的立场，好吗？
in defense of your position, okay?
我会代表你将这份声明提交给地区
I'll submit it on your behalf. - In defense?