萌犬先生（2017）

最近 我感觉我和南的关系
Recently, I think Nan and I have come to kind of, like,
已经达到了完美的阶段
the perfect point in our relationship.
因为我们现在已经
Because we've gotten to this place
太习惯有对方在身边
where we're so used to each other that it's almost like
似乎都忘了彼此的存在
we've forgotten that each other even exists.
挺好的 因为我小时候
It's great, because when I was younger,
我们总是缠着彼此
we were all, like, so obsessed with each other
以至于我当时只想着她
that it was all I could think about.
我整天就只在计划各种小恶作剧
Like all day, I was just plan these little pranks,
比如把遥控器藏到哪
like, where I hid the remote from her
或是「干掉」几个枕头
or, like, murdered some pillows.
有时我会很激动 等她到家了
I mean, sometimes I would get so excited that when she came home,
我会尿一点 跟她开个玩笑
I would like pee a little, like, as a joke.
你好啊 宝贝
How you doin'? Hi, baby! Hi!
太棒了
Oh, great.
确实 那段日子真的
And sure, like, that was a really, truly,
非常欢乐有趣
deeply wonderful, like, amazing time of life.
但现在也挺有意思
But now -- like, now is great too,
因为我没被这些永无止境的深情分心
because I'm not distracted by all that endless love and affection.
我终于有「个狗」时间了
I can finally get some "me" time.
「往前」的意思你哪里不懂了 丹
What part of "straight on" don't you understand, Dan?
你来了
Hey, you're here!
是啊 我来了
Yeah, I'm here!
-真不敢相信你现在没在工作 -是啊
- I can't believe you're not at work right now! - I know!
就像灵魂出窍一样
It's like an out-of-body experience.
这才是真正的周末嘛
This is what they call a weekend, right?
我想喝酒
I need drinks.
到了这个阶段 我把南
At this point, I kind of just think of Nan
当作破旧的睡垫
as, like, a well-worn sleeping pad,
在扯掉所有情感填充物之前
which when it was new, of course, it was more exciting
新的睡垫当然更有吸引力
before all the emotional stuffing got ripped out.
但破旧的睡垫虽然干瘪肮脏
The old pad is like -- yeah, like flat and stained,
上面却留有我的印记
but, like -- like, it has my imprint on it.
安全又温暖
It's -- it's safe and warm.
没错 是有点老套乏味
And -- and yeah, it's a little predictable and boring,
但我十分确信
but, like, I know for a fact
它永远不会背叛我
that it's never gonna betray me.
不对 掉地上了
No, that one hit the ground.
确实是啊 搞什么 别
It did! Wha-- Don--
别那样看着我
Don't look at me like that!
不是我定的规则 丹
I don't make the rules, Dan!
你怎么不去找「丢沙袋公♥司♥」理论
Why don't you take it up with Cornhole Incorporated?
看看丹一脸害怕
Look how scared Dan is.
试试吧 就当为了我
Just try, okay? Try for me.
这就像窥探他们性生活的「窗户」
It's like a window into their sex lives
我可巴不得关上这窗户
that I wish I could close.
你现在心情如何
So, how are you feeling about things?
挺好的
I'm good, yeah.
完全没事 你呢
Totally. You?
我也是
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
我好喜欢「只做朋友」这事
I am digging the "just friends" thing.
我刚只是想问你会不会感到尴尬什么的
I was just wondering if you were, like, feeling awkward or anything.
本来没事 但你一天两次提起这茬
Uh, you know, not until you bring it up like twice a day...
那就有点...
and then it gets a little...
-懂了 超级有用的反馈 -是啊
- Yep. Got it. Super helpful feedback. - Yeah.
吃屎吧 丹
Suck it! Suck it, Dan!
你被你未来的老婆狂虐了一顿
You just got owned by your future wife!
接受现实吧
Get used to it!
加油 丹
Go, Dan!
当你跟某个人相处这么久后
It's just when you've been with somebody this long,
最终会放弃演「保持新鲜感」
you eventually give up on the exhausting pretense
这个劳心伤神的戏码
of, like, keeping things fresh.
无所谓啊
And that -- that -- that's fine.
挺好的
It's, like, that's great.
这代表一切都严格按计划进行
It means that everything is going exactly as planned.
我觉得逐渐降低期待
I mean, I think the gradual lowering of expectations
或许是爱的最高形式
is possibly the highest form of love.
家有萌犬
第一季 第三集
克拉克&蝴蝶结服饰
-棒 是我的最爱 -是吗
- Oh, yes, that's my favorite one. - Right?
-挂上面太棒了 -我就知道
- I love it on there. - I know!
各位 我感觉这还挺棒的
You guys, I think this is kinda great.
是啊 我一直这么说
Yeah, I've been saying.
-我有种「不祥」的预感 -怎么了
- I'm having a disgusting feeling. - What?
我感觉希望来了
I think it's hope.
我真的开始相信
See, like, I am actually starting to believe
一个广♥告♥活动可以成为一种善行
that an ad campaign can be a force of good,
如果糟糕的事没有很快发生
and if something horrible doesn't happen very soon,
我的整个世界观就会崩溃
my entire world view is gonna implode.
呸呸
Yuck!
看看这堆垃圾
Look at this mess!
世界观已重塑
World view restored.
你们弄的什么玩意儿
What are you guys doing?
你们这些无能小蜜蜂在瞎忙活吗
You bumbling bees been bumbling around?
忙着笨手笨脚地干活吗
Busy at work with your bumbling?
是啊 快做完了
Uh, yeah. So, uh, you know, it's nearly done.
我知道还要做很多润色
Uh, I know there's still a ton of fine tuning to do,
但我想我们已经准备好
but I think -- I think we're in a really good place
周五向崔斯坦展示了 好勒
to show Tristen on Friday, so...Okay.
是个好的开始
Well, it's a good start.
好的 好的开始
A good -- a good start?
是啊
Yeah.
每个环节你都同意了
You approved every -- every step of this.
对 但是很乏味
Yeah, well, it's flat, you know?
我觉得需要加上老凯文风格
I think it needs the old Kevin touch.
深入挖掘吧
Just dig deeper.
你们会懂的
You'll get it.
「好的开始」
"Good start."
知道什么才是「好的开始」吗
Tell you what'd be a good start,
就是把凯文淹死在特么的儿童泳池里
is drowning Kevin in a kiddie pool.
什么
What?
抱歉
I'm sorry.
刚才那话太过分了
That was really inappropriate,
只是 我摊上这样一个上司
and I just -- I have this boss?
你现在很棒了
You are amazing right now.
但他总是干这种事
This is always what he does, though.
走进来
He comes in,
什么都要指指点点 施展凯文魔法
he puts his little Kevin magic touch on things,
你都还没注意到 所有有意思
and before you know it, anything interesting or --
我也说不上 或是重要的事
or, like, I don't know, important
-就全都被毁了 -对 我对天发誓
- is, like, completely ruined. - Yes. I swear to God.
如果他要我们这周末加班
If he makes us work this weekend,
我肯定宰了他
I am going to murder him.
这家伙怎么还是你们的上司
How is this guy still your boss?
因为裙带关系啊
It's nepotism.
因为他娶了大老板的表亲之类的吧
Because he's married to the owner's cousin or something?
那我得让我的表亲们把眼光放高点
Man, I gotta get my cousins to step it up a little.
虽然我和南现在相处很愉快
Even though Nan and I have this amazing relationship,
但有时候我还是会感到不安
it's -- it's not like I don't sometimes still have insecurities.
我又不蠢
I mean, like, I'm not an idiot.
我知道我不再像狗粮模特那样好看了
Like, I realize I'm not food-bag-model good-looking anymore.
我觉得自己双眼有点下垂
I think my eyes have gotten like, kinda droopy.
我懂的
Like, I get that.
我不是她最初遇见的那条狗狗了
Like, I'm not the same dog I was when she met me.
只需要给我们三天 就够了
We just need three days. That's it.
-三天就够了 -对
- That's all I need. - Yes.
我只要让这个
I just need to keep
有多动症的多毛人形布偶没空捣乱
this hairy A.D.D. Man-muppet at bay
72小时就够了
for like 72 hours.
你可以从他的车下手
Oh, you could mess with his car.
真的 很容易