萌犬先生（2017）

Like, honestly, I'm kind of excited.
克拉克&蝴蝶结服饰
埃里克·巴克斯特
-他就是埃里克·巴克斯特 -对 很帅吧
- Oh, this Eric Baxter? - Yeah, he's cute, right?
老绅士
Older gentleman,
超级成功人士 界线含糊的物质主义者
super successful, borderline materialistic.
-是啊 -是啊 我喜欢你这样
- Yeah. - Yeah, I like how subtle
不着痕迹地接触跟杰森截然相反的男人
you're being about taking Jason's diametric opposite.
不 他就像终极版的杰森
No, it's like he's like the ultimate Jason.
他就像十五年后的杰森
I mean, he's like, like, Jason in like 15 years
有抱负且事业成功
if he got really ambitious and successful
但仍然很酷
but he was still, like, cool.
他集♥合♥了两者的全部优点
You know, he's like the best of both worlds.
而且严格来说 他提出帮忙训练马丁
Besides, I mean, is it really a date
我才联♥系♥他
if technically he asked out Martin
这不算真的约会吧 我觉得不算
and then I called him? I don't think so.
不 南 宝贝儿 你等了多久才打电♥话♥的
No, Nan, babe, how long did you wait to call?
我等了有四个小时
I waited like four hours.
抱歉 我不知道啊 我不懂这些事
Is that, I'm sorry, I don't know! I don't know these things.
我有好几年无人问津了
I've been off the market for, like, years and years.
我很确定古人都知道
I'm pretty sure there are cave paintings
要等三天才能联♥系♥对方
that say wait three days to call.
美女们 假如
Ladies, theoretically,
有人本周末要去一个高档俱乐部
if someone were to be going to a fancy club this weekend,
这上面哪款造型更像坎耶·维斯特和
which one of these would read more like
尼尔·德格拉斯·泰森的结合体
Kanye West meets Neil deGrasse Tyson?
-天啊 我认输 -好
- Oh, boy, I'm tapping out. - Okay.
好吧 凯文 你永远成不了上面这些人
All right, Kevin, you'll never be either one of those men,
不只是因为你是白人 好吗
and it's not just 'cause you're white, yeah?
还有不要穿迷彩去参加杜肯盛会 懂吗
Also, don't wear camo to the Duquesne Gala, you know?
低调点吧
Try to be subtle.
等等 你怎么知道有杜肯盛会
Wait, how do you know about the Duquesne Gala?
因为丹想要我去
Because Dan is making me go
因为他的父母希望我们在那举♥行♥婚礼
because his parents want us to get married there.
等等 你能把我弄进去吗
Wait a second, can you get me in?
你已经说你要去了啊
No, you already said you're going.
我在候选名单上 八♥九♥不离十了吧
I mean, I'm wait listed. Same thing, right?
拜托了
Come on.
帮哥一把嘛
Help a brother out.
没门
Nope, nope.
-你好 -你好 瞧你这身
- Hi there. - Hi. Wow, look at you.
这是你平常训练的装扮吗
Is this your usual training ensemble?
我想着我们是训练马丁 不是我 所以
You know, I thought we were training Martin, not me, so --
没事 反正今天任务不重
It's all right, it's going to be a light day anyway.
进来吧
Come on in.
好 来吧 小家伙
Okay. Come on, bud.
你好 马丁
Hello, Martin.
你家真是...
Wow, your house is --
抱歉 太乱了
Sorry, I know, it's a total mess.
我会让你见识什么叫乱
I'll show you a mess.
也不是
Not really.
好了 训练区在后院
Anyway, the training area is out back.
好 来吧
Okay. Come on.
这里当然就是亨特
Yeah, this, of course, is Hunter's
最喜欢的一块场地
favorite part of the compound.
你还真的设计了训练课程
You have, like, an actual training course.
是啊 一开始是由于兴趣
Yeah. Yeah, it started out as a hobby
后来更像是着迷了一样
and has become more of an obsession.
可以开始了吗
Should we begin?
好 我准备好了
Yeah, I'm ready.
简直疯了
It's just crazy,
亨特这种狗自信的气场太强大了
the confidence that dogs like Hunter exude.
他们流露的那份神气
They have this swagger
是源于一生都被肯定
that just comes from being affirmed their whole life,
因为我看到院子里亨特用来训练的设备
because when I saw what Hunter had in the yard,
我就想 当然了
I was like, oh, of course, like,
所以他的身手才这样敏捷
that's why he's so good at these things.
我想到 现在我也有这些设备
And I thought, now that I have the same equipment
像亨特那样接受训练 我也可以身手矫健
and training as Hunter, like, now I'll be an athlete too.
我做几个指令 你跟我学
I'm gonna try a few things and you follow.
好
Oh. Sure.
-明白吗 -明白
- Capisce? - Yeah, capisce.
你给了我一个无法拒绝的条件
You made me an offer I can't refuse.
这是「教父」里的台词
That's from "The Godfather."
有意思
That's funny.
亨特 来吧
Hunter, come on!
跳 跳
Hup! Hup!
鉴于他所有的社会优势
In light of all his societal advantages,
其实亨特也没多厉害
Hunter didn't look all that impressive.
稳住 跑跑跑
Stay. Go, go, go.
看着挺容易的
It looked kind of easy.
我有点迫不及待想让他见识见识
I was kind of excited to show him up.
乖狗狗 真棒 你来试试
Good boy! Awesome! Now you try.
好的
Sure thing.
好了 快停下
Hey, hey, hey, stop doing that.
听着 别给我搞砸了 好吗
Listen, don't screw this up for me, okay?
好 乖狗狗 来吧
Okay, good boy, come on.
然后我被吓到了
Then I was just shocked.
就是那 马丁 穿过来
Right there, Martin, come through,
穿过圆环
through the hoop.
我都不想提发生了什么
I don't even want to talk about what happened.
过来 穿过管子
Over! Through the tube.
马丁 来啊 马丁 穿过来
Martin, come on, Martin. Go through.
过来 快
Come over, come, that's --
是啊 毫不意外
Like, of course, yeah,
我在身体上输了 「万万没想到」啊
I-I failed physically, like, surprise, surprise.
不对 这边 过来
No, on this side. Come on.
但南一直对我说些
But Nan was saying all these things
我完全听不懂的话
that were, like, meaningless to me...
我只是一直在想 我够聪明了
I just kept thinking, oh, I am smart enough.
在某个时刻只需要灵光一闪
Like, at some point it's just going to click
我就会懂 但是那一刻从没出现
and I'll get it but, like, that moment never came.
亨特什么都懂
Hunter understood everything.
看他做得好像很简单
He made it look so easy.
我啥都不懂
I don't understand anything.
我看着就像个蠢蛋
I just, I just looked like a stupid idiot.
加油啊 加油啊 小家伙
Come on. Come on, come on, buddy.
我知道你不自在 来吧 快出来
I know, you're embarrassed. Come on. Come on out.
你说他缺乏运动细胞看来没开玩笑
You weren't kidding about his lack of athleticism.
其实还挺让人震惊的
It's stunning, actually.
别说我没提醒你吧
Don't say I didn't warn you, right?
或许现在该休息一下了
Well, maybe it's time for break anyway.
-好 -想喝杯酒吗
- Oh, good. - And perhaps a glass of wine?
好啊 那太好了
Yeah, that would be great.
跟成年人在一起感觉真好
It's just really nice to spend time with a grown-up, you know?
比如说 你有正当的职业
Like, you have a real job,
不玩电子游戏
And you don't play video games,
可能你以前抽大♥麻♥
and maybe you used to smoke pot
但你现在觉得「我根本不需要它」
but now you're like, "I don't even need it"
因为完成任务能得到同样的乐趣 不是吗
because accomplishing tasks can be equally as fun, right?
你还真是讨人喜欢
Well, you certainly are a delight yourself.
谢谢
Thanks.
-再来点酒 -好的 谢谢
- More wine? - Yes, please.
我曾经读到过 在某些文化中
You know, I read in some cultures
拒绝喝酒是非常不礼貌的
it's considered rude to refuse wine.
是吗
Really?
好喝
Yum.
我从没这么做过
You know, I never do this,
但是你介意把酒杯放在杯垫上吗
but would you mind terribly using a coaster?
那 那就有
Th-there's one --
好的 好的
Yep, yep. Yep.
我觉得今天是我整个狗生中最惨的一天了