萌犬先生（2017）

I think today was the worst day of my entire life
因为我终于发现
because as it turns out, like,
自己既不聪明 也没运动细胞
I'm not smart or athletic.
我根本就不是全能型的
Like, I'm not the full package at all.
我 我就是个绣花枕头
I'm just, I'm just like an empty package.
感觉挺棒的
It was kind of awesome you know?
与众不同又很酷
Like, so different but cool.
他的房♥子是著名建筑师设计的
He has this house from this famous architect,
我们喝了我都念不出名字的酒
And we had wine I couldn't pronounce.
-他对你有感觉吗 -我不知道
- Ooh, did he seem into you? - Uh, gosh, I don't know,
但是他邀请我去参加盛会了
but he did invite me to the gala, so...
南 你怎么不早讲重点
Nan, way to bury the lead!
谢天谢地 我不会孤苦伶仃一个人
Yes, thank god, I'm not going to be there on my own
在那里听丹抱怨安保了
listening to Dan talk about securities.
我知道 而且我有机会盛装打扮
I know, and I'm going to get all fancy, you know?
杰森带我去过最高级的地方也就是汉堡世界了
The nicest place Jason ever took me was, like, Burger World.
天啊
Oh. God.
对了 你能帮我找出那里所有不对劲的地方
So listen, can you help me find everything that's wrong
好让我不必在那结婚吗
with this place so I don't have to get married there?
好的 交给我
Yes, done. On it.
太好了 要是哪里不对我会给你救场的
Perfect, and if it's weird I will rescue you,
要是没有问题的话 你就让我知道
and if it's not weird, you just let me know
你有多想上这个男人
how much you want to bone this guy.
好的 我不知道
Right, I don't know.
现在还为时过早 他是特别有魅力
It's early, you know, and, like, he's really attractive,
但又有点刻板
but he's also kind of stiff.
假正经
Ooh, naughty.
不 他是特别正经的那种 什么事都是
No, he's, like, super serious, like, about everything.
他从来不大笑
I mean, like, he never laughs.
他就说 「有意思」
Like, he just says, "That's funny."
我也不知道 反正管他呢
But I don't know. Like, who cares, right?
-我高兴就行 -对
- I mean, I'm having fun... - Yeah.
至少我每次拿酒喝时
And at least he's not lecturing me
他不会对我说教
on the evils of the 1% every time I reach for a La Croix.
有意思
That's funny.
-你要给他们吃什么 -都是好东西
- What are you giving them? - Ooh. All the good stuff.
生三文鱼 藜麦 新鲜的苹果
I've got raw salmon, quinoa, fresh apples,
还特意混合了一点蛋白粉
and a special blend of protein powder.
给马丁喂东西
Okay, I just -- you have to be kind of careful
你得谨慎点
what you give to martin
因为他的肠胃有点脆弱...
because his stomach is a little iffy, so....
不用担心
Don't worry about it.
绝对不会伤害到他的
It is literally impossible that this would harm him.
好吧 你是专家
All right, well, you're the expert.
我估计谦逊恭敬就是这样吧
I guess this is what being humble looks like.
开饭了 孩子们
There, boys.
我已经责怪过南了
I mean, now, like, now I see that I've blamed Nan.
我已经责怪过训练课程了
Like, I've blamed training courses, like,
我连文化都责怪过了 但我一次都没责怪过自己
I blamed culture at large, but I never once blamed myself.
亨特 坐下
Hunter? Sit.
趴下
Lie down.
装死
Play dead.
以前 我总是批判那些
And in the past, I've always judged these dogs
做足全套「坐 别动 装死」的狗
who do the whole sit, stay, play-dead thing.
如果你仔细想想
Like, just the phrase "play dead"
其实「装死」这个词就挺致郁的
is actually pretty dark, if you think about it.
好 坐下
Okay, sit.
别动
Stay.
但是也有可能亨特想明白了一些我没想明白的
But maybe Hunter has something figured out that I don't.
我一直以来都扮演老师的角色
Like, I've always been the teacher,
但可能我也需要学习一些东西
but maybe I have something to learn.
太夸张了 为什么要这么浮夸
Ugh, too much. Why do you need all that?
你能相信那盏水晶灯有多华而不实吗
Can you believe how gaudy that chandelier is?
你几乎都能听到
Yep. Like, you can almost hear
为打造它而饱受压♥迫♥的
the cries of the steelworkers
钢铁工人们的哀嚎
who were systemically oppressed to build it.
是的 还有 有必要弄那种金叶子吗
Yeah, and like, chill with the gold leaf, okay?
你有钱大家都知道了
Everybody understands you're rich.
是的 我们都看出来了
Yes! Like, we get it, okay?
为了建造这座神奇的大理石宫殿
You had to destroy vast tracts of virgin land
你不得不毁掉大♥片♥大♥片♥的荒地
to build this magical marble palace.
难以置信
Sheesh.
-你喜欢这里 -什么
- You like this place. - What?
不 这地方太过分了 不
No, this place is offensive. No.
你就是喜欢
Yes, you do.
你爱上这里了 有点吧
You love it, don't you? A little bit?
好吧 好吧
Fine. Fine!
这地方让我觉得自己是个公主 我喜欢
It makes me feel like a princess and I love it.
我再也不想离开这里了
I never want to leave this place.
-别告诉丹 -我不告诉他
- Don't tell Dan. - I won't tell him.
他会洋洋得意的
Because he's going to be so smug.
-女士们 勃艮第起泡酒 -香槟
Ladies, Crémant de bourgogne. Ooh, champagne.
严格来说 这不算香槟 是起泡葡萄酒
Technically it's not champagne, it's sparkling wine.
反正是能让人喝醉的
Well, still gets you drunk, right?
说得对
I heard that.
有意思
That's funny.
问题是 亨特太信守承诺了
The thing is, Hunter is so committed
因为我还以为 那对小情人走了之后
because I thought, like, once the lovebirds left, like,
亨特就不会再假装在乎
Hunter would stop pretending to care, like,
他们的想法 我们就可以
what they thought and we would just, like,
放松一点 玩一会
You know, let down a little bit, like, we would play.
但是他就待在原地
But he just stayed -- like,
严格执行命令
he takes that word really, really literally.
一方面 我尊重这种承诺
And on one hand, like, like, I respect that commitment.
我唯一投入过的事就只有
All I've ever been committed to is, like,
狼吞虎咽吃早餐
binge eating my breakfast,
但是另一方面 这可能是
but then again, like, this is possibly, like,
我整个狗生中最不好玩的一次了
the least fun I've ever had in my entire life.
我可是曾经连续盯着墙面
And like, I'm someone who has stared at a wall
四小时的无聊狗
for four hours straight.
南
Nan?
你在这做什么
What are you doing here?
你好凯文 其实我是来约会的
Hi, Kevin. I'm actually, I'm on a date.
跟一个男人吗
With a man?
是的 和那个男人 埃里克
Yeah, with this, this guy, Eric?
他是会员
He's a member.
埃里克·巴克斯特吗 怎么可能
Eric Baxter? How is that even possible?
说实话 你们... 「做完」之后
You know, honestly, when you guys, like, after you do it
或者其他的 如果聊起来
or whatever, like, if you're talking
说到我对杜肯俱乐部的申请
and the topic of my duquesne club application
那就... 埃里克
came up, it would be... Eric!
埃里克 怎么样
Eric, what's up, man?
南 我们走吧
Hey. Nan, are you about ready to go?
亨特九点之前得进狗舍
Hunter really needs to be kenneled by 9:00.
-好的 当然 -好吧 我明白了
- Oh, sure, yeah. - Okay, I get it.
我喜欢你的风格 我懂的
I like your style, man. I get that.
好吧
Okay.
那人是谁
Who is that guy?
我也不知道
I don't know.
你就像帅气版的老年耶稣
You're like a sexy old Jesus!
现在回想起来
In retrospect, yeah, like,
我当时的确隐隐知道有不对劲
I guess I knew something was wrong,
但我正努力像亨特一样
but I was trying to, like, be like Hunter
我就想 我会挺过去的
and I thought, you know, like, I'm going to tough it out.
疼痛只是软弱离开身体
Like, pain is just weakness leaving the body.
但没想到 离开身体的不是疼痛
But as it turns out, it wasn't pain leaving the body.
离开身体的是其它东西
It was something else leaving the body all together.
我应该还没说过
I don't believe I've told you,
你今晚美极了
but you look absolutely lovely tonight.
谢谢 你应该是没说过
Thank you. Yeah, I don't think you mentioned it, actually.
我们应该...进去看看狗了