呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S02E12

Part 3 April 16, 2021, 3:09 p.m.

好吧好吧那我让你去
Okay, um, okay, then I dare you
那个小角落里
to go in the corner
吻那个奇怪的家伙
and kiss that weird guy.
我?
Me?
不行等等我选真心话!
No, wait, truth!
-不行! -不能反悔!
- No! - No backsies!
-不能反悔! -嗷好吧!
- No backsies! - Awww. Fine.
? 棍子上棍子下 ?
? Up the pole, down the pole ?
pole 极点/杆子
? 太空步任何孔 ?
? Astroglide, any hole ?
嘿我的吉娃娃啊
Ay, Chihuahua.
嘿吝啬鬼
Hey Scrooge Nuts?
你真的以为我们会这样放你进来吗?
You really think we're gonna let you in?
你♥他♥妈♥没点屁用
You're freaking worthless.
你比鲁道夫更没用
You're more worthless than Rudolph
比人们发现鲁道夫的鼻子能发光之前更没用!
before they realized what his nose could do!
红鼻子驯鹿鲁道夫曾因红鼻子受嘲笑后因能发光而受欢迎
话说你做的还不错
You're doing great, by the way.
加油啊哥们儿
Keep it up, bro.
现在开始唱歌♥ 你个小傻b!
Now sing, you son of a bitch!
唱啊!
Sing!
? 平安夜 ?
? Silent night ?
啊卧♥槽♥ ? 圣善... ?
Ow! Fuckin' ? Holy... ?
啊!?...夜 ?
Oh! ?... Night ?
? 真宁静... ?
? All is calm... ?
啊!
Oh!
? 真光明 ?
? All is bright ?
他准备好了!
He's ready!
新的圣诞老人
The Santa Claus.
美♥利♥坚♥共和国!
USA!
美♥利♥坚♥共和国!
USA!
美♥利♥坚♥共和国!
USA!
美♥利♥坚♥共和国!
USA!
美♥利♥坚♥共和国!
USA!
好样的派克!
Way to go, Pac!
咱们进行到冲刺阶段了
We're in the home stretch.
-啥冲刺阶段? -我对比尔的复仇计划
- Of what? - My revenge on Bill?
啊对没错就是它
Oh yeah. Right. That.
你觉得咱们还有必要这么做吗?
Do you think we still need to do that?
我不知道啊但是你还想要
I don't know, do you really want
把治你情伤的药拿回来吗?
your heartbreak medicine back?
来吧哥们儿!
Come on, bro!
我找到了一个有你名字的袜子!
I got a stocking with your name on it!
那上面就写着圣诞老人啊
That just says Santa.
哎你现在也算我们的一员了嘛
Well, I guess you're one of us now.
啊卧♥槽♥
Oh, fuck.
苏你真的在跟一个人类约会吗?
Sue, is it true that you're dating a solid?
呃他是个灵媒
Well, I mean, he's a medium,
所以我觉得这没什么啊
so it's, like, not a big deal.
嗯哼床上怎么样?
Uh-huh. How's the sex?
挺好的
It's fine.
那你们用套套吗?
Okay, do you use a condom?
还是说他会穿过你
Or does he, like, jizz through you
射到自己的脸上?
onto his own face?
不好意思呃我要走了
Excuse me, um, I'm just gonna go
去把我光环弄亮一点
freshen up my aura.
欢迎来到秘密圣诞老人兄弟会亲们
Welcome to Secret Santa, bitches.
你们都是知道流程的
You all know how this thing works.
树下的每份礼物都会有我们其中一个的名字
Every gift under the tree has one of our names on it,
就这么简单流程就是这样
and that's it. That's how it works.
好了这份礼物是给...
All right, this gift is for...
圣诞老人迪兰的!
Santa Dylan!
好!
All right!
我真好奇里面是什么哦!
I wonder what it could be!
这他妈是在开玩笑吗?
Is this some sort of fuckin' joke?
这份礼物明显
This gift is clearly over
超出了10块钱的预算
the ten dollar spending limit,
这可是违反规则的!
a monumental violation of the rules!
这玩意儿谁买♥♥的昂? 谁?
Who bought this present, yo? Who?
够了
That's it.
我去查表
I'm checking the list.
多查几遍
Check it twice.
-是比尔 -干嘛?
- Bill. - What?
我没买♥♥那个礼物
I didn't buy that present.
这可是你的名字啊兄弟
It's your name, dawg.
服不服比尔
Suck it, Bill.
去看看外面的世界多精彩吧
See what life's like on the outside.
你懂这意味着什么比尔
You know what this means, Bill.
哇哇哇等等等等!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait!
嘿等等等等
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
你..你在干嘛?
What... what are you doing?
那礼物是我带来的
I brought that gift.
兄弟们我要告诉你们件事儿
My brothers, I gotta tell you something...
我是个媒介我现在
I'm a medium, and I'm here
跟一位前任圣诞老人的灵魂在一起
with the ghost of a former Santa
他的名字是加里波挈提好吗?
named Gary Poquette. Okay?
他逼我带这份礼物过来
He's the one who made me bring that present
以此把圣诞老人比尔弄下台
to bring down Santa Bill.
把我弄下台? 为什么?
Bring me down? Why?
因为你把他送你的小妹妹钱包
Because he's mad at you for regifting
转送给别人了他很生气
the vagina wallet he gave you.
等等!
Hold up!
这是个二手礼物?
This was a regift?
绝对不是!
Of course not!
等等加里以为我把
Wait, Gary thinks I regifted
小妹妹钱包送给别人了?
the vagina wallet?
是啊亲
Yeah, bro.
你是说这个小妹妹钱包吗?
You mean this vagina wallet?
什么鬼?
What the hell?
我没送任何人二手礼物
I didn't regift anything.
我超喜欢这个礼物的
I love this present.
我每次打开它
Every time I open it up
钱包里的小女孩都盯着我
and the little lady is staring up at me
看我吃巧克力棒!
every time I buy a Power Bar!
我只是想跟我的兄弟一起
I just wanted to share that experience
分享这种经历
with my bro.
我只是想做一个
I just wanted to be the guy who knew
可以送出最完美的礼物的人
how to get the perfect present.
当我以为圣诞老人比尔
When I thought that Santa Bill
把小妹妹钱包送人的时候
had regifted the vagina wallet,
我开始质疑我生命的意义
I began to question my whole purpose in life.
现在我总算是解放了!
But now I'm finally free!
谢谢你送给我的礼物派克
Thank you for that gift, Pac.
灵魂脆巧克力
嘿
Hey.
嘿
Hey.
肖恩的事儿我很抱歉
I'm so sorry about Sean.
-他是个傻b -他不是
- He's an asshole. - No, he's not.
只是...可能他们笑的对
It's just... maybe they're all right to laugh.
你想想一个鬼和一个人谈恋爱?
I mean, a ghost dating a solid?
这很傻b啊!
It's stupid!
我怎么能跟一个
How can I be in a relationship with someone
跟我在不同维度里的个体
if we're not even on the same plane
谈恋爱呢?
of existence?
我觉得可能关键在于
I guess it all just depends
你到底在寻找什么
what you're looking for.
我就是想跟一个能够感知到
I just wanna date someone who I can feel
我的灵魂状态的人约会
without having to be in someone else's body.
你懂吗?
You know?
已经过了超久了...
It's just been so long since I...
-自从我... -失去感觉以来?
- Since I've... - Felt?
我...我...米莉我...