呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S02E10

Part 1 April 16, 2021, 3:09 p.m.

第二季第十集
你还好吗?
Are you okay?
还好
Yes.
疼吗?
Does it hurt?
疼啊小苏
Yes, Sue.
疼屎惹
It hurts.
不过我敷了个豌豆袋
I got a bag of peas on it.
或许我们应该放弃
Maybe we should just give up.
不不不不不我很抱歉
No. No, no, no, no, I'm sorry.
我就像...是一只暴躁的熊
I'm being... I'm being a cranky bear.
我...
I...
我只是...面对这样的情况有点沮丧罢了
I'm just... I'm frustrated with the situation,
但这只是个小挫折我们一定会解决它的哟
But it's a minor setback. We'll figure it out.
每一次我们尝试亲热的时候你都是从我身上倒过去
Every time we try to hook up you just fall through me
然后就受勒个大伤了
and really hurt yourself.
我知道但我...甘愿受着伤我就喜欢!
I know but it's a... it's a good hurt. I like it!
而且你失去了几乎你拥有的一切
Plus you've destroyed, like, everything you own.
是我知道就像是
Yeah, I know. I feel like
一个醉酒的摔跤手似的
a drunk old wrestler or something.
好啦让我再试一次
Okay, let me just try one more time.
我真的觉得不管用!
I really don't think it's gonna work out!
小苏拜托了!
Sue, please!
好吧
Okay.
真乖
Sweet.
好吧或许你是对的
Okay, maybe you're right.
或许我们不该再尝试了
Maybe we should stop.
臣妾做不到啊
I don't think I can do this.
什么...什么?
What... what?
我觉得两个人谈恋爱不可能建立在
I don't think I can be in a relationship
碰不到对方的基础之上啊
if we can't touch each other.
这是...这是什么意思?
What does... what does that mean?
你在说什么?
What are you saying?
我是说...
I'm saying...
我觉得...
I think...
我们应该再拉一个女孩上♥床♥
we should bring another girl into the bedroom.
什...神马?
What... what?
我们应该真正地来一场灵魂附体的爱爱
I think we should have possession sex.
啊好啦这个...
A'ight. This one...
这个会使你身体兴奋
is gonna give you a body high.
这个会使你精神振奋
This one is gonna be a mental high.
而这个更多地会让你有真实的感觉
And this one is more of an existential high.
什么是真实的感觉?
What's an existential high?
嗯看情况
Well, that depends.
你是个什么样的人?
What kind of a man is you?
我不造
I don't know.
我不...
I don't...
我不知道
I don't know.
我不知道泰森我特么不知道!
I don't know, Tyson, I don't know!
好好没事儿没事儿啊
Okay, okay, it's okay, it's okay.
那么很明显不能用这种了
Definitely not this one then.
好吧不管怎样把便宜到死的那个给我吧
Okay, give me whichever one is the freest.
- 便宜到死? - 抱歉就是免费的那个
- Freest? - I'm sorry. The most free.
呵呵你以为我们是慈善机构吗?
What, you think this is a charity drive, yo?
不! 我不是... 泰森别呀!
No! I don't... Tyson, come on!
别像个丁克似的我需要这个药啦!
Don't be a dink, man. I need it!
我有这个才能和我的
I need it so I can have sex
鬼魂女友来一发
with my ghost girlfriend.
你为什么不找一个
Why don't you just get
活生生的女朋友?
a live girlfriend?
我不知道! 我试过
I don't know! I've tried.
我只是...我...
I just... I...
社交我不是很在行
I wasn't socialized properly.
我的童年很苦逼
I had a rough childhood.
哦你觉得你的童年算是苦逼的?
Oh, you thought you had it bad?
你知道别人在高中都是
Want to know what they used to call me
怎么称呼我吗?
in high school?
你知道那种一包包的糖吧?
You know those little sugar packets?
- 是那种代糖(甜心小矮子)? - 不是!
- Like Sweet'N Lows? - No!
他们都叫我”糖包弟弟”
They used to call me Sugar Packets,
混♥蛋♥ 因为劳资是白人!
asshole, 'cause I'm white!
我不知道说什么好兄弟
I don't know what to tell you, man.
撸夫以前都会给我这些药药的
Roofie used to give me drugs
拥有我这么一个可爱的朋友不得有点代价嘛
in exchange for my beautiful friendship.
哥在你眼里长得像撸夫吗?
Do I look like Roofie to you?
对啊多少有点
Yeah, kinda.
哦麻蛋不是吧
Oh, hell no.
真的?
Really?
当然!
Yeah!
这样真好兄弟
That's cool, man.
嘿那这样吧
Hey, I'll tell you what.
我就免费给你一个魔菇吧
I'll give you one mushroom for free.
- 一个魔菇? - 对啊!
- One mushroom? - Yeah!
这个计量够让我疯狂起来吗?
Is that enough to get anybody messed up?
对我就很管用啊!
Works on me!
好吧(咋俩得用不同的计量吧)
Yeah.
呵呵
Yeah.
嗯嗯如果写成
Okay, how about
“一对夫妇寻求女性一枚来个灵魂附体的3P”怎么样?
couple seeks woman for spiritual threesome?
- 啊真暖心 - 好咧
- Aw, that's sweet. - Good.
但如果想要有人回复广♥告♥
But if we want our ad to get a response,
别写得这么敏感露骨好嘛
it needs to be less subtle.
- 哦 - 比如...
- Oh. - Like...
浪荡的阿飘女孩儿
horny ghost girl
寻找一个不羁的替身女性
seeks fun-loving female to possess
以此来和她饥渴的人类恋人来一场风花雪月夜
for night of sin with her hungry human lover.
哇奥
Whoa.
这是你刚刚想出来的吗?
Did you just make that up right now?
- 嗯嗯 - 才思敏捷啊
- Mm-hm. - That's good.
你真的很棒
You're really good.
你应该当一个低俗小说的
You could have been an author
鬼魂作家
of ghost erotica.
我确实是
I was.
好吧
Okay.
那么...
And...
提交
posted.
狩猎开始啦!
There we go!
我不得不说我不太相信
I gotta say though, I don't have a lot of faith
互联网里的这些个网友
in the people inside the internet.
我是说你真的确定会有人
I mean, do you think anybody's
给我们回复吗?
really gonna respond to this?
您有新邮件
You've got mail.
看看! 有人回复我们了呢
Look at that! We got one response.
您有新邮件
You've got mail.
您有新邮件
You've got mail.
您有新邮件
You've got mail.
您有...
You've got...
好吧哈哈
Okay, well.
欢迎你的到来
Thank you for coming.
呃要不你给我来一个
Uh, why don't you start off by telling us
自我介绍
a little bit about you.
好的嗯嗯
Okay, great.
我叫乔丹娜
My name is Jordana,
我住在布鲁克林
I live in Brooklyn,
而且我是第一个答复者
and I'm a first responder.
呃不实际上你是第三个
Uh, no. Actually you are the third responder.
呃第一个来面试的孩子
Uh, the first responder
学历有点太高了
was a little too educated,
吓得小苏都不敢靠近
and it intimidated Sue over here.
呵呵? 我才不是吓尿的那个逗比呢
What? I wasn't the one who felt intimidated.
第二个面试者呢
And the second responder,
她有着一张