呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S02E10

Part 4 April 16, 2021, 3:09 p.m.

你不相信灵魂伴侣这说法吗?
Don't you believe in soulmates?
不信!
No!
但这个名字要是作为我要新成立的
But that's a really great name
一个鬼魂交♥友♥网♥站的名称
for a ghost dating website
也是棒棒的呢所以多谢啦
that I'm about to create, so thank you.
关键是凯文和我
The point is, Kevin and I,
我们...我们真的很谈得来
we... we get along really well,
现在是时候来个肌肤之亲了
but it's time to get physical.
你说的对!
You're right!
对不起我...
I'm sorry, it's...
都怪我死在了来大姨妈的那天我焦躁
the whole dying on my period thing.
就是...荷尔蒙过多懂不?
It's just... I'm just so hormonal, you know?
但是我真的为你感到高兴亲爱的
But I am really happy for you, girl.
天了噜呀!
Oh my God!
你要是穿上这件
You would look so hot
进入那个身体肯定会特别性感哦
wearing a body wearing this.
- 真的吗? - 当然啦!
- You think? - Totally!
只是期盼他不要迷上
Let's just hope he doesn't
那位肉便器女士吧
fall for the sex vessel.
哦
Oh.
你穿的是什么鬼?
What are you wearing?
这是我唯一能找到的伪装服啦!
It's the only disguise I could find!
嘿你好呀
Hello, there.
安息日香肠(什么鬼)
Shabbat Salami.
我想见见这家装♥修♥得
I am looking to locate the manager
精致美丽的小店的经理
of this fine establishment.
嗯哪我就是你要找的人
Well, you found him.
哦!
Oh!
我是多诺万?彼得斯
Donovan Peters.
请问你是?
And you are?
拉比?彼得斯
Rabbi Peters.
纯属巧合
No relation.
有什么我可以为你效劳吗?
So what can I do you for?
呃朋友应该说是
Well, my friend, it's more
我能为你做什么吧
what I can do you for.
我非常非常想担当今晚
I would very much like to emcee
举♥行♥的湿T恤比赛的主持人!
the wet t-shirt contest here tonight!
我才是今晚比赛的主持人
I emcee the wet t-shirt contest.
我知道或许我们可以
I understand. Maybe we can
再协商协商的嘛
come to some sort of arrangement here,
比如说我们可以轮换着做主持人啦
you know, we can have some sort of role-swap.
呃比如说我来主持
Uh, you know, I emcee
湿T恤比赛
the wet t-shirt contest
而你可以呃去我的神殿
and you can, uh, come to my temple
给小宝宝做做割礼什么的
and cut the skin off of baby penises.
不不好意思拉比
No, I'm sorry, rabbi.
这个呃...
That's, uh...
没有商量的余地
that's not gonna happen.
你知道呃...
See, uh...
这个地方就相当于是我的神殿
See, this place is my temple.
而湿T恤比赛
And the wet t-shirt contests
就像我每周的弥撒一般
are my weekly mass.
哦多诺万
Oh, Donovan.
多诺万啊多诺万我也不希望
Donovan, Donovan, I had hoped
事情变成这样
it wouldn't come to this.
如果我今天晚上不能主持湿T恤比赛
Either I emcee that wet t-shirt contest tonight,
那么你就可能会被血浸得非常非常湿
or you are going to get very, very wet.
非常湿
Very wet.
哦...
Oh...
不是吧老兄?
really, dude?
你非得要这样干吗?
You really wanna do this?
你在干嘛...你特么都干了什么?
What are you doing... what are you doing?
这是天神的旨意!
The Lord's work!
蓝调摇滚里
In nomine Patris,
女神和圣斯皮里图斯省,圣马力诺
et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.
阿门
Amen.
主祷文...
Pater Noster...
大家准备好要看T恤湿身秀没有啊?
Who's ready to see some t-shirts get wet?
但是女士们我有一个非常
But ladies, I have one very,
非常重要的问题要问你们!
very important question for you!
通过神的教会
Dost thou desire by faith in Jesus Christ
你的欲望因信耶稣基♥督♥
to obtain eternal life
而获得永生?
through the church of God?
大家要不要往她们的乳♥头♥上来点儿水啊?
And who wants some water on their titties?
现在我将为你施洗...
And I now baptize you...
以父之名...
In the name of the Father...
...以圣子之名...
... and of the Son...
以...
And of the...
妈蛋! 我的天啊
Holy shit! Oh my God.
给老子滚出
Get the fuck out
我的精神圣殿
of my spiritual sanctuary,
你这该死的异教♥徒♥
you God damn heathen.
奥日!
Aw, fuck!
妈蛋! 本来进行得挺顺利哒
Fuck! It was going so well,
一切都在正常运转着
the whole thing was going perfectly.
日!
Fuck!
日了狗了
God damn it.
我的主啊你为什么这样考验我呀?
Why must you test me this way, my Lord?
啊神父这都是我的错
Ah, this is my fault, Father.
你知道上帝明显不大想让我
You know, clearly God does not want me
跟我的女朋友上♥床♥
to have sex with my girlfriend.
凯文上帝才不会管
Kevin, God doesn't care
你能不能跟贝丝上♥床♥呐
if you have sex with Beth.
他只是觉得你应该先娶她为妻
He just wants you to marry her first.
啊我...我得...
Yeah, I got a... I got a...
我得坦白一件事神父
I got a little confession to make, Father.
贝丝不是我的女朋友
Beth is not my girlfriend.
- 我懂了 - 是啊
- I see. - Yeah.
好那你对我说两次“天父敬启”
Well, how about you give me two "Our Fathers"
和三次“万福马利亚” 我们就算扯平
and three "Hail Marys" And we'll call it even.
不不不我是说...
No, no, no, I mean...
我的女朋友已经死了
I mean my girlfriend is dead.
这样啊那就四次“万福马利亚” 吧
All right. Four "Hail Marys."
不不我没有表达清楚
No, no, I'm not making myself clear.
我的女朋友小苏
My girlfriend Sue,
她现在是个幽灵知道么?
she's a ghost, okay?
而...贝丝只是
And... and Beth is just
非常和我们意的一位作为容器的女子
this very surprisingly accommodating woman
我们是在网上认识的她很愿意
that we met online who was willing
让我的女朋友附体在她身上
to let my girlfriend possess her body
在她嗑嗨的时候
while she was super high
我可以和女朋友做一场爱
so I can have sex with it.
你听懂了吗?
You understand?
你现在要多少个"万福玛利亚"来着?
How many "Hail Marys" Are we looking at now?
我知道贝丝只是迷失了方向
I knew Beth had lost her way,
但不至于到这么无可救药的地步吧
but I didn't think she was this lost.
非常跑偏
Pretty lost.
唉救她为时已晚
Well, I'm too late for her.
而我却一直执着于
And I've been so consumed
试图给贝丝施洗
with trying to baptize Beth
我却忘记了教堂里传颂的最重要的
that I forgot about the most important tenet
一点教条:
of the church:
传播神的思想
spreading His word.
现在我是个幽灵我可以...
Now that I'm a ghost, I can...
接触所有其他迷失的灵魂
reach all of those other lost souls
拯救他们的思想
and convert them,
至少要尝试尝试
or at least try.
说到底就是一个数字游戏罢了
Well, it is a numbers game after all.
你可以和贝丝来一场风花雪月夜了
You can have your night of sin with Beth.
我不会再来打扰她了
I'm not going to be bothering her anymore.