呆逼还愿人（2014）
Deadbeat
第二季
剧集 | 呆逼还愿人（2014） | 导航列表
呆逼还愿人（2014）
Deadbeat S02E10
Part 2
April 16, 2021, 3:09 p.m.
she had a face that looked like, uh,
像是被网球拍打过的
like a baby bird that had been beaten
小鸟宝宝的脸
with a tennis racket.
嗨 我是艾莉森?凯利 我是个模特
Hi, I'm Allison Kelley, and I'm a model.
艾莉森是个模特呢
Allison the model.
好吧
Okay.
所以是什么原因让你想
So why do you want to engage
接触灵魂附体的爱爱?
in possession sex?
嗯 我从来都不知道自己的父亲是谁
Well, I never knew my father
直到有一天我突然发现
until one day I found out
以前我偶然和他上过床
I accidentally had sex with him
照片还被贴在他游艇上的啪啪墙上
as part of a photo-bang on his boat.
所以现在普通的性♥爱♥
So now normal sex with a man
对我来说都是浮云罢了
just does nothing for me.
还要说吗? 我是个纯素食主义者
What else? I'm a vegan.
哦 下一个!
Oh, next!
我刚才忘了说
I should just mention
在人家的那个地方
that above my pubic region
有一些纹身什么的
I have a couple of tattoos
形状像疱疹发作似的
in the shape of a herpes outbreak.
那么 贝丝除了你那一级棒的柔软的肉床
So Beth, other than your gorgeous Tempur-Pedics,
再让我们多了解了解你吧?
what else should we know about you?
好啊 嗯 我以前是一个教师
Well, um, I used to be a school teacher,
但是我辞职了 因为我意识到
but then I quit when I realized
在克雷格列表里找些活
I could make more money doing odd jobs
可以挣更多钱
off Craigslist.
Craigslist是美国大型免费分类广♥告♥网站, 经常有人用来约X
头一天我可以只穿着比基尼
Yeah, one day I could be cleaning
给别个宅男的公♥寓♥打扫卫生
some dude's apartment wearing only a bikini,
第二天我就可以当一枚代笔写手
and the next I could be ghost-writing
写一篇关于赞扬演员
a term paper about
詹姆斯 麦卡沃伊的文章
acclaimed actor James McAvoy.
今晚我得参加一个
Tonight I'm actually entering
呃 一场湿T恤比赛
a, uh, a wet T-shirt contest,
怎么说呢 如果我还想交得起
which, ironically, I need to win
这个月的水费的话 我必须得去赢得这场比赛
if I'm gonna pay this month's water bill.
凯文 她跟你好像啊!
Kevin, she's like you!
我才没去过湿T恤比赛呐!
I never entered a wet T-shirt contest!
我是说 人家没有故意要去
I mean, not on purpose.
不是 我是说她是个自♥由♥职业者
No, I mean she's a freelancer.
哦 哦是的! 哦 棒棒哒!
Oh, oh yeah! Oh nice!
嗯 我...我也是自己的老板呢
Yeah, I... I, too, am my own boss.
虽然有时候我老板很混♥蛋♥
Though I find he's kind of a dick sometimes.
还好 我的团队可是有组织有纪律哒
Fortunately I'm really organized,
所以我不会有那样的烦恼
so I don't really have a problem with that.
不会吧! 她就像你似的 做事有条理!
No way! She's organized just like you!
我能说一句吗?
Can I just say something?
我读到你们的故事时
When I read your guys' story,
我觉得这是我听过的
I thought it was the most romantic thing
世界上最浪漫的事
I'd ever heard.
怎么说 两个人不能够性福
I mean, two people unable to consummate
因为其中一个人
their relationship because one of them
没有实体?
doesn't have a body?
我读到这个 我就知道我得来了解了解
When I read that, I knew I was supposed to see it,
所以 我得赶在别人举报你们的帖子
and, uh, I had to respond before someone flagged it
以至于帖子被删之前回复你们
and it was taken down.
我很荣幸 作为你们爱爱的容器
I would be honored to be your sex vessel.
我喜欢这姑娘
I like her.
是的 我也觉得!
Yeah, me too!
- 稀饭得不得了呢! - 嗯嗯
- Like a lot! - Yeah.
嗯 那好吧
Yeah, okay.
好啦 恭喜你 你得到了这份工作
Yeah, you're hired. You got the job.
好的 那么 你要什么报酬?
Okay, uh, what's the catch?
- 免费服务! - 这么棒
- No catch! - Good.
哦 但我另有一事相求
Oh, but there is one other thing.
呃 我觉得我的公♥寓♥里面有一些
Um, I think there's something supernatural
超自然的东西存在
going on in my apartment.
咱们能不能
Do you think we could, like,
做一笔交易呢?
work out some kind of deal?
啊 但这个...不就是”报酬”的定义么
Yeah, but that's the... the very definition of a catch.
凯文 拜托? 我不想失去这个女孩
Kevin, please? I don't wanna lose this one.
她很完美
She's perfect.
况且我一直都梦想
Plus I've always wanted
拥有像这么一对巨♥乳♥
a set of jugs like those.
我也是的呢
Me too.
那么 贝丝
So Beth,
你最后一次遇到
when was the last time
灵异事件是什么时候啊?
you experienced anything strange?
上周的时候 我在一个水池中醒来
Last week, when I woke up in a pool of water.
我是说 一开始 我以为是我家的狗狗
I mean at first, I thought my dog
爬到我床边和我一起睡觉
had climbed into bed with me
然后尿在我床单上了
and pissed the sheets,
后来我才意识到
but then I realized
我特么都没有养狗
I have never owned a dog.
哇哦
Whoa.
所以我知道一定是他干的
So I knew it had to be him.
谁?
Who?
撒旦
Satan.
撒旦?
Satan?
是的 路西法
Yeah, Lucifer.
那个黑暗王子?
The dark prince?
是的 黑暗王子
Yeah, the dark prince.
堕落天使
Beelzebub.
就是那个反基♥督♥教的恶魔?
Like the antichrist?
对 火焰之王
Yes, the lord of fire.
为什么以火焰之王著称的恶魔
Why the devil would the lord of fire
会把你拖到水中?
be haunting you with water?
我是说...
I mean...
因为他想冷静冷静
Because he's trying to cool off.
对了
Right.
我是说 压根儿找不到别的解释
I mean, how else do you explain
来说明为什么这个幽灵在
that the hauntings didn't begin
我成为恶魔崇拜者之前不骚扰我?
until I converted to Satanism?
你现在是撒旦教哒?
You're a Satanist now?
我的意思是 我不需要你
I mean, I don't need you
来驱邪或是什么的
to exorcise him or anything.
我想让你帮我跟他对话
I just need you to help me talk to him.
哦...
Yeah...
这可是个重要的基本原则
This is a prime example of something
你应该要在面试中提到的呀
I wish you'd have mentioned in your interview.
我以为你看见我的纹身了?
I thought you saw my tattoo?
咩有
No.
呃 那啥
Uh, look,
你会帮助我跟撒旦说话不咯?
are you gonna help me talk to Satan or not?
义不容辞
What the hell?
乖乖撒旦旦 你在不咯
Here Satan, Satan, Satan.
撒旦?
Satan?
你在这儿咩?
Ya in here?
啊 伙计?
Huh, buddy?
嘿...嘿 撒旦 在吗 伙计
Hey... hey Satan there, bud.
如果你 呃...
If you're, uh...
如果你是躲在浴帘后面的话
if you're hiding behind the shower curtain,
别吓人哦
don't be scurred.
好啦 一 二 三
Okay, one, two, three.
- 呼你熊脸! - 天了噜 尼玛啊!
- The spirits! - Jesus, fuck!
尼玛啊 日了狗了 我的天啊
Motherfuck, shit, oh my God.
撒旦 别杀我 求你啦!
Satan, don't kill me, please!
撒旦?
Satan?
哦 我才不是呢
Oh goodness, no.
我是迈克尔神父
I'm Father Michael.
什么鬼?
The fuck?
呆逼还愿人（2014）
Deadbeat
剧集 | 呆逼还愿人（2014） | 导航列表