呆逼还愿人（2014）

Deadbeat S02E08

Part 4 April 16, 2021, 3:08 p.m.

冷静点我有密♥码♥
Relax, I got the code.
我猜我们得仔细看看了哈?
I guess we should have seen that comin', huh?
- 啊 - 呃打过飞机的手!
- Ah. - Ugh, dick hands!
嘿小心着点儿我的摇钱手!
Hey, watch my moneymaker!
我们搞砸了 !我们被
We're screwed! We're screwed
一个打飞机的和一个手♥淫♥的搞砸了!
by a jerkoff and a jackoff!
别把我跟他说得一样老兄
Don't lump me in with him, man.
我才不是那个打飞机...
I wasn't the one jerkin'...
小点儿小点儿小点儿小点儿小点儿
Blob, blob, blob, blob, blob.
小点儿?
Blob?
噢老兄还真有你的活儿啊!
Oh, man, there was a job for you!
我再也不小瞧你了兄弟!
I gotta stop misunderestimating you, pal!
没啥
That's okay.
别再这样啦拜拜!
Don't do it again, bye!
你...你就像
You... you're just like,
黄金一样有用啊!
worth your weight in gold!
我以前从没在这儿打过飞机!
I've never jerked off in here before!
你敢把鸡鸡拿出来我就把它砍下来!
You take it out, I take it off!
唷就是这地方派克
Yo, this is the spot, Pac.
哪儿?就在这儿?
Where, right here?
好吧就是这儿行动起来
Okay, that's the spot. Go, go, go.
噢这东西不好使啊
Oh, this thing isn't gonna work.
我们得用手提钻啥的才行
We're gonna need a jackhammer or something.
开什么玩笑?
What?
把锤子给我
You give me the hammer.
我给你证明手♥淫♥的好处
I'll provide the jack.
棒极了
Nice.
这是礼貌
Courtesy.
对加油卡尔!
Yeah, go Carl!
噢就这样！
Oh, yes!
稍微慢点儿
Slow it down a bit,
找对地方
find the sweet spot.
太棒辣!
Yes!
太棒辣卡尔
Ye-es, Carl.
噢额滴神那! 噢老兄
Oh, God! Oh, dude.
噢你的尸体也太臭了
Oh, your dead body stinks so bad.
噢当然了怪那个挂了的人去吧
Oh sure, blame the dead guy,
我们并没把所有卷心菜都搬进来
not all the cabbage we have down there.
谁会把卷心菜带进地窖啊?
Who brings cabbage into a bunker?
泰森快帮我看看有流血咩?
Tyson, check it out. Is it bleeding?
美国在线的1000小时免费券?
AOL 1000 free hours?
从很久前我就没见过这...
I haven't seen one of these since...
嘿搞什么飞机?
Hey, what the fuck?
噢噢!
Ow, ow!
别扔了嘿噢!
Stop, hey, ow!
你会杀了我们的!
You're killing us!
我们是来帮你的我们是来帮你的
We're here to help, we're here to help.
停别再向我们扔光盘辣!
Stop, stop throwing CD-ROMs at us!
- 哈! - 巴掌手镯
- Ha! - Slap bracelets.
啊我被击中了!
Ahh, I've been struck!
啊!
Ahh!
啊哦好疼啊
Ah, oh, this hurts.
哦真特么疼!
Oh, this hurts!
老兄帮帮忙啊!
Man, do something!
- 做啥啊! - 我不能呼吸了
- What! - I can't breathe.
我能呼吸但是太疼了
I can breathe but it hurts.
放轻松漂亮妞
Easy, pretty girl.
放松放松
Eaaasy. Easy.
压强太高了
The pressure's so high,
她把那玩意儿按了至少
she must have pumped that thing
五十次!
fifty times!
泰森去抓住她老兄!
Tyson, go get her, man!
好吧好吧!
All right, all right!
别担心
Don't worry,
我们不是来伤害你的
we're not here to hurt you.
我们不是来伤害你的没关系
We're not here to hurt you, it's okay.
她在搞什么飞机?
What the hell is she doin'?
- 哇哦! - 噢不泰森也被打倒了
- Woah! - Oh, no. Tyson's down.
这是我们防守的底线了
That was our last line of defense.
噢事情进展的也太不顺利了
Oh, this has gone so badly.
你们这些机器人想干嘛?
What do you robots want?
我们不是机器人!
We're not robots!
那就是僵尸!
Zombies!
啊!
Ah!
你们永远不会把我从这儿活着带走的
You'll never take me alive.
噢别啊别别别别别停下!
Oh, no, don't, don't, don't, don't, stop!
停下停下好吗?
Stop, stop, okay?
杰森让我们来的
Jason sent us.
杰森已经死了!
Jason's dead!
而且没门你们不能吃他的脑子
And no, you cannot have his brains.
我们不想要他的脑子好伐?
We don't want his brains, okay?
我们也不是僵尸
We're not zombies,
也不是机器人好吗?
we're not robots, okay?
世界并没有在2000年灭亡
The world didn't end in 2000.
一切都很正常
Everything is perfectly normal.
我们来这个精♥子♥库
We're just here in the sperm bank
是因为你男票当然现在已经是个鬼魂了
because your boyfriend, who's a ghost now,
跟我说了因为我是个灵媒
spoke to me because I'm a medium,
他让我把你从这儿带出去
and he asked me to get you out of there,
所以我组了这么一个由手♥淫♥者和毒贩子
so I assembled this rag-tag group
组成的下层社会小团体
of masturbators and drug dealers
来帮我就酱
to help me, that's it.
很简单
Simple.
我需要证明你能跟杰森说话
I want proof you can talk to Jason.
我们最后的争吵是关于什么的?
What was our last argument about?
噢唷我知道
Oh, yo, I know this.
如果世界没灭亡
Which "Friends" star would go on
老友记里的哪个明星
to have the biggest career
会混的最好
if the world didn't end.
我... 我说了修蒙(老友记中Ross)
I... I said Schwimmer.
你选了修蒙?
You picked Schwimmer?
杰森!
Jason!
真的是你!
It's really you!
噢不
Oh, no.
我不能离开这个地窖
I can't leave this bunker.
别啊! 为啥?
Come on! Why now?
为... 为... 为神马?
Wh... wh... why?
我在这儿待了14年
I have been down there for 14 years
等待世界灭亡
waiting for the world to end.
所有人都会觉得
Everybody's gonna think
我是个没脑子的人!
I'm a total airhead!
我会因为智商低而出名的!
I'll be famous for being retarded!
不不不不世界
No, no, no, no, the world is
现在已经大不一样了
a very different place now.
因为智商低而出名
Being famous for being retarded
已经算是最好的名声了
is like the best kind of fame.
并且你也不能再说
And also, you can't really
智商低这个词儿了
say retarded anymore.
是啊这么说确实显得智商很低
Yeah, which is totally retarded.
派克说得对
Pac is right.
现在最出名的是
Our biggest celebrity
是一个大屁♥股♥的美国小骚妞
is a big-assed Armenian bitch
和一个三线的说唱歌♥手
who made a sex tape
录了一盘性♥爱♥录像
with a low-level R&B singer.
这个淫♥娃♥居然赚了几百万美元
And that whore made millions.
相信我作为一个前电视真人秀明星
Believe me, as a former reality TV star,
美国人都爱看傻瓜
America loves idiots.
所以世界运转的很好
So, the world is fine,
我会成为一个富得流油还名声大噪的傻瓜?
and I'm gonna be a rich and famous idiot?
没错!你懂我
Yes! Nailed it.