结伴婚礼

为什么长得好看非要跟幸存者扯上关系
What does good-looking have to do with "Survivor"?
你肯定得要好好打扮修整一番
You got to be built.
你♥他♥妈♥得
You got to be fuckin'...
幸存下来
and survive.
问题是 你怎么这么菜
The question was how are you so bad?
-明明是 好吧 -你怎么这么菜
- It was -- Okay. - How are you so bad?
我 好吧听着 翻杯游戏我很菜
I -- Look. Okay. I'm bad at flip cup.
我 我说了 好吧 我认了
I'm -- I'm saying it. I'm admitting it.
翻杯游戏我玩得太垃圾了
I'm bad at flip cup!
-他翻杯游戏玩得超烂 -翻杯我超烂
- He's bad at flip cup. - I'm bad at flip cup.
来吧 真心话还是大冒险
Uh, hey, truth or dare.
真心话
Truth.
好 真心话请闭眼
Okay. I truth you to close your eyes.
-真难吃 -是吗
- This is bad. - Oh, really?
罗非鱼竟然没赢到你的胃
The diner tilapia wasn't a winner?
这新闻真劲爆
That's a shocker.
玛姬怎么样
How was Maggie?
她挺好的
Um...she was good.
没错 她很 她很
Yeah, you know, she was... she was really --
对 她挺好的
Yeah. She was cool.
你一定很喜欢她喽
Wow. You must really like her.
我 我不知道 我只是
I don't -- I don't know. I just, um...
我觉得我们可能保持不了长♥期♥关系
I don't think we have that long-term potential,
但我跟她在一起很开心
but I had a fun time with her.
你和她只呆了一晚上
You spent one night with her.
你怎么就知道你们是哪种潜质呢
How can you possibly know what kind of potential you have?
爱丽丝 等你单身时间和我一样久
Alice, when you've been single as long as I have,
你就知道你想要什么了
you know what you want.
等你知道你自己想要什么了
And when you know what you want,
你切断诱饵的方式就能更利落
you can cut bait way quicker.
没错 但你不知道你想要什么
Yeah, but you don't know what you want.
你的标准太低了
You have the worst standards.
我的标准很实际
I have realistic standards.
真的
I do.
杰茜·兰姆丝呢
What about Jess Ramsey?
我挺愿意跟她约会的 但人家订婚了
I would date her, but she's engaged.
为什么你总是像一些连环杀手一样
Why do you always say her first and last name
把她连名带姓地叫
like some sort of serial killer?
因为我暗恋她
'Cause she's a firsty-lasty.
我也一样 我是本·金
It's the same thing with me. I'm Ben King.
你嫉妒了 因为没有人喜欢你
You're just jealous 'cause you're not a firsty-lasty --
-爱丽丝·莫里 -行了 行了
- Alice Mori. - All right. Fine.
我们就这个论点来假设一下
Let's pretend, for the sake of this argument,
要是杰茜·兰姆丝明天离婚了
Jess Ramsey gets divorced tomorrow.
然后走到你门前 她说
She shows up on your doorstep, and she's like,
天哪 本·金 我们在一起吧
"Oh, my God, Ben King! Let's be together! Unh!"
这能说明些啥啊
That's not an impression of anything.
你对她的爱不会超过两星期的
You wouldn't last two weeks.
你会鸡蛋里头挑骨头
You would find something wrong with her,
-然后你就会脱身离去 -不对
- and then you would bail. - That is not true.
-这就是真的 -你不懂
- Yes, it is. It's so true! - You don't know that.
我只想保证和我共度余生的是对的人
I'm just trying to make sure the person I end up with is right.
我想找到
I'm trying to find, you know...
-别说唯一 -唯一
- Do not say "the one." - ...the one.
天哪
Oh, my God.
你简直太蠢了
You're just...so stupid.
我可不这么觉得
I don't think I am.
像你这样高得离奇还瘦成这样的人
Someone as grotesquely tall and gangly as you
是没有挑剔的权力的
doesn't have the right to be picky.
爱丽丝 谢谢夸奖
Wow. Thank you so much, Alice.
那你呢 特雷弗怎么样
And what about you? How was Trevor?
什么都没发生 我就要了个电♥话♥
Oh, yeah. Nothing happened. I just got his number.
-好吧 -但我只是
- Okay. - But I just...
我得先做个保养
I got to do a little personal maintenance first.
-当然 -你知道我要说什么吗
- Yeah. Sure. - You know what I'm saying?
把小浣熊从垃圾桶里放出来
Got to run the raccoons... out of the trash cans.
我知道 我知道 爱丽丝
I know -- Alice, I know.
-我要修剪一下黑色的草地 -我知道
- I got to mow the back lawn. - I got it.
我有一个毛茸茸的屁♥股♥和一个阴♥道♥
I've got a hairy ass and vagina.
我听懂了
I heard you.
爱丽丝 都是借口
Alice, these are just excuses.
-你心里清楚 -才不是借口
- You know that. - They're not excuses.
我现在没心情约会 就是这样
I'm not in the mood to go on dates right now. That's it.
你余生都要因为奈特闷闷不乐吗
Are you gonna spend the rest of your life moping about Nate?
我没有因为他闷闷不乐
I'm not moping about Nate.
去他妈的 只是因为我
Fuck! What the -- It's just I...
我对别人打开心门需要一点时间
It takes me a while to open up to people,
而且现在我也不想对人敞开心扉
and I just don't want to give anyone that time right now.
懂了吗
Okay?
你为什么觉得你不是因为奈特而不开心
How do you not think that you're moping about Nate?
每次我见你 你都像在哭着找奈特
Every time I've seen you, you've just been like "Nate!"
-奈特 -我讨厌你模仿我的声音
- "Nate!" - I hate when you do my voice.
真的很讨厌
I literally hate it.
-奈特 -别叫那么大声
- "Nate!" - Stop saying it so loud.
别人都知道你说的是什么了
Someone here can know who you're talking about.
-你能别说 -这有谁认识奈特的吗
- Can you not say -- - Does anyone here know Nate?
你♥他♥妈♥给老子闭嘴
Shut the fuck up.
在三十六年的婚姻中
我学到了三件事
第一
别带着气上♥床♥睡觉
第二
把每天都当作结婚那天
第三
永远不要一起榨果汁
六月1日-3日
悠悠与太池的婚礼
你们有预约吗
Do you happen to have a reservation?
没有 其实是因为某人
No, we don't, actually, because someone
忘记订周末的房♥间了
forgot to book the hotel room this weekend.
我没忘
I didn't forget.
我只是订房♥间的时候有点分心
I was distracted when I made the reservation.
你为什么分心了呢
Why were you distracted?
请问你们还有空房♥吗
Do you have any rooms available?
有
Yes.
-看到了吗 解决了 -都解决了
- Ah! See? It works out. - It all works out.
我们有一间 棕熊套房♥
We've got one of our, uh, Brown Bear rooms...
-棒极了 -配有两张单人床
- Cool. - ...which have two twin beds,
或者灰熊套房♥ 全橘色装♥修♥
or the Grizzly Suite, which is completely orange
还有震动特大床
and has a vibrating king-size bed.
-我要棕熊套房♥ -棕熊套房♥
- I think Brown Bear. Yeah. - The Brown Bear Room...
-听起来不错 -对 那很可
- ...sounds good. - Yeah. That's the...Yeah.
好了 税后是83.5美元
Okay. That'll be $83.50 plus resort tax.
她付钱呀
Ooh. She's got it.
-我出钱 -对啊
- I got it. - Yeah.
你们来这干什么
So what brings you guys out here?
我们来这参加婚礼
We're just here for a wedding.
天哪 我喜欢婚礼
God, I love weddings.
我想跟自己结婚
I'm trying to get married myself.
你问过你女朋友了吗
Have you asked your girlfriend?
我没有女朋友
I don't have a girlfriend.
-好吧 -好吧
- Okay. Yeah, okay. - Yeah. All right.
好了
Yeah. There you go.
就右拐 再左拐 再右拐
Just take a right, a left, a right,
再右拐一下 就到了
another right, you'll be right there.
-你听清了吗 -上面写着304房♥呢
- Did you get that? - It says 304.
多谢
Enjoy. Thank you.
谢了 史蒂夫
Thanks, Steve.
住得愉快
Have a great stay.
我还是不相信你领过圣餐
I still can't believe you took the Communion.
什么 怎么了 我想要那儿的薄脆饼干
What? Why? I wanted the cracker.
天哪 看看这个
Oh, my God. Look at this. Mm.
-来了 -真是小孩子
- Here we go. - Oh, baby.
欺负人
"Mm. Bully."
约翰森 今天很高兴我们能签署合并合同
"Yes, Johnson, I'm very happy we could sign this merger today."