结伴婚礼

他就问 你想结婚吗
And he was like, "Do you want to get married?"
好市多 你是说那个跟仓库一样的超♥市♥吗
Costco? Like, the warehouse place?
-没有错 -这也太让人吃惊了
- Yes! - That is amazing.
你们这些人又在背着我说我的坏话吗
Are you guys talking shit about me again?
没有 我们在说你是怎么跟我求的婚
No. We're talking about your proposal to me.
没错 是好市多吗 布雷特
Yeah. Uh, Costco, Brett?
对对对 就是好市多
Hell yeah, Costco.
兄弟 你可真浪漫
Real romantic, dude.
谁会在乎呢
Who gives a fuck?
这么做几乎可以说是毫无意义
When did we all decide that this was necessary?
我的意思是 我是很喜欢戴夫和茱莉亚
I mean, I love Dave and Julia,
但是为什么我们都
but why did we all
他妈要飞到夏威夷来举办婚礼呢
have to fly the fuck out to Hawaii for this?
我觉得 这里很 这里很好啊
I mean, it's ver-- It's nice here.
-很好 -不 布雷特说的有道理
- It's nice. - No, but Brett has a point.
这里不比杂货店或者商城特殊到哪里去
This is way less special than a-a grocery...emporium?
-你怎么形容好市多 -天哪 谁在乎
- What do you call Costco? -Oh, my God. I-- Who cares?
你们这些异性恋都想太多了
Straight people o-ver-think-ing it.
是 当然 当然
Yes. That's true. That's true.
-特别是 这个小家伙 -那个小家伙
- Especially...this little man. - That one.
他可是小中之小 等等
Oh, he's the worst of the worst. Wait.
尼克 还记得莎莉·克鲁姆吗
Nick, remember, uh, Sally Klum?
克鲁姆肖特
Klumshot.
克鲁姆肖特是谁
Klumshot?
我们别讲这个故事了
We're not telling this story.
不 要讲
No, we are telling this story.
这可是本·金的经典故事
It's a Ben King classic.
我们一定要讲
We have to tell it.
-有个女孩叫莎莉·克鲁姆 -克鲁姆肖特
- There was this girl Sally Klum. - Klumshot.
尼克无缘无故地叫她克鲁姆肖特
Nick called her Klumshot for no reason.
-因为很有趣 -是很有趣
- Cause it's funny. - It is funny.
总之 她很棒 而且很风趣
Anyway, she was wonderful. So fun.
结果本三周之后就把她给甩了
And then Ben dumped her after three weeks
因为 原话是 他没办法逗笑她
because, and I quote, he couldn't make her laugh.
"她不懂我的幽默"
"She wasn't responding to my humor."
我嘴巴没那么小
I don't have a tiny little mouth.
我只有这么做才能模仿出你的声音
It's the only way I can do your voice.
就像我这样讲话
Like I talk like this.
"她没有和我的"
"She wasn't engaging with my..."
好了 好了大家
Guys. Okay, okay.
-等等 -没有人能让我笑
- Hold on. - "No one makes me laugh."
-这个就比较像了 -那当然
- That's kind of close. - Yeah.
我可以澄清一下吗
Can I clarify?
她没有幽默感
She didn't have a sense of humor.
我们的笑点不一样
We couldn't laugh together.
你们这些异性恋
Straight people...
-都想太多了 -想太多
-...o-ver-think-ing it. -...o-ver-think-ing it.
你现在也这么说吗
You're doing it now?
对 我是他们的一份子了
Yeah. I'm part of them now.
-想太多 -想太多
-O-ver-think-ing it. -O-ver-think-ing it.
我喜欢她 她很棒
I love her. She's great.
所以现在是什么情况 你们俩怎么了
So, like, what is this? What's going on with you two?
-什么 -什么 关于我们
- What? - What -- What about us?
你们之间有一种很奇妙的氛围
You have ridiculous vibes coming off of you,
而且你们对此表现得都很怪异
and you're acting weird about it.
别说成这样
Don't -- Don't do this.
-说成什么 -不好意思 什么
- Do what? - I'm sorry. What?
-我们怎么了 -说成啥了
- What did we do? - What, do what?
是
Yeah.
我们 我们是朋友 只是朋友
We're -- We're friends. That's it.
怎么了
What?
-你们肯定做过了 -真的吗
-Y-You've fucked. -You fucked?
-是在这吗 -做过了
- Oh, right here? - They fucked.
做过了
They fucked.
-他们真的做过了 -我的天哪
- They really, really fucked. - Oh, my God.
做过了 他们真的做过了
They fucked. They really, really fucked.
嘿 他们做过了
Hey, they fucked.
-这个地方真好 -我知道
- It's so nice here. - I know.
我觉得可以放心地说
I think we can safely say
我朋友的婚礼比你朋友的好
that my friends' weddings are better than yours.
本 这又不是个比赛
You know, it's not a competition, Ben.
-是吧 -还好吗
- Yeah. - Everything okay?
没事 还好 就是我爸
Yeah, yeah. Just my dad.
你现在还生他的气吗
Are you still mad at him?
我不是生气 我就是 我也不知道
I'm not mad. I just... I don't know.
我不知道怎么和他说伴郎的事
I-I don't know what to tell him about this best-man thing.
你为什么不直接说
Why don't you just be like,
好啊 爸爸 听起来不错
"Yeah, Dad. Sounds great.
现在我们抱一个吧
Let's hug now"?
好吧
Okay.
嘿
Uh, hey.
我一直在想关于上一场婚礼的事
So I have been thinking a lot about the last wedding.
你知道的 发生了 发生了些什么
You know, what, um... what ha-- what happened.
然后 你知道 那项活动
And, um, you know, like, the, uh, the activities
就是我们共同参与的
that we engaged in and --
好
Okay.
-怎么了 -没什么
- What? - No.
不好意思 我
I'm sorry. I...
-到底怎么了 -我 不
- What? - I -- no.
我也想了很多
I-I have been thinking a lot about it, too.
朝着好的方向想的吗
In a good way?
对
Yes.
你也是朝着好方向想吗
You too -- in a good way?
-本 你也是吗 -对啊
- Ben! You? - Yeah.
好
Okay.
-那就好 -那就行
- All right. - All right.
我好想你啊
Oh, I missed you.
真的吗
Did you?
等等 那我们之前为什么没约会过
Wait, wait. Why haven't we hung out?
-你没有约我 -是你没有约我
- You didn't ask me. - You didn't ask me.
-我告诉你我很忙 -你才没有
- I told you I was busy. - No, you weren't.
-什么 -你害怕了
- What? - You were scared.
对 你就是怕了 你个胆小鬼
Yeah, you were, you scared little bitch.
-这是个什么衣服 -是件连体衣
- What is this outfit? - It's a romper.
-怎么弄 -脱掉就好了
- How does it work? - Get -- Just get it off!
-告诉我怎么脱 -快脱
- Tell me where! - Get it off!
-嘿 爱丽丝 -怎么了
- Hey, Alice. - What?
这么说感觉不太好
I don't wanna alarm you...
-但我觉得我真的很适合穿长袍 -哇
- ...but I think I'm a robe guy. - Oh, wow.
难以置信 它居然这么适合你瘦削的身体
Can't believe that fits your lanky body.
我的意思是 它只是刚好合身
I mean, it only kind of does,
但我觉得我的腿露得刚刚好
but I feel like I'm showing just enough leg.
-对吧 -没错 当然
- Right? - Yeah. Yeah.
其他部分都很宽松 我也觉得很美
And the rest is just breezy, and I feel beautiful.
好 但是 你要换衣服吗
Okay, but, um, are you gonna get dressed?
就剩下十五分钟了
'Cause it's in 15 minutes.
不 不 我就这么穿
Oh, no, no, no. This is me now.
-我要一直这么穿 -永远吗
- This is me for all time. - Forever?
-好吧 我喜欢 -真的吗
- Okay. I like it. - Oh, you like it?
-当然了 -那就好
- Yeah. - That's good.
-嘿 -嗨
- Hey. - Hi.
你知道吗 大家说得对
You know, everyone has a point.
我们在一起挺好的
I don't think we look bad together.
每个人都这么想吗
It's everyone that thinks that?
-是啊 -真的吗
- Yeah. - Yeah?
我是说 他们经常这么跟我说
I mean, they say it to me a lot.
-你没听到过类似的话吗 -没有
- Don't you get the same thing? - No.
我最常听到的是 你为什么花这么多时间
I mostly get, "Why do you spend so much time
和那个无线电器材公♥司♥的员工待在一起
with that Radio Shack employee?"
那个公♥司♥现在已 已经一文不值了
Radio Shack is -- is not a thing anymore.