结伴婚礼

什么是挠痒痒
What the fuck is tickle scratching?
就是 我们互相温柔地挠对方的背
We, like -- We scratch each other's backs in a gentle way,
但是并不尴尬
but it's not weird.
就像
It's like...
什么
What?
死直男
Oh, God damn it.
爱丽丝
Alice.
什么
What?
婚礼的事我陪你去
I'll do the wedding thing with you.
真的吗
Really?
是的
Yeah.
谢谢 谢谢 谢谢
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
好了
Oh. Okay.
本
Ben?
怎么了
Yeah.
-你能感受到我勃起了吗 -不能
- Can you feel my boner? - No.
保罗
Um, Paul...
天哪 好时光啊
Oh, God. Great times.
五月18日-20日
保罗与玛丽莎的婚礼
保罗 还记得大学时的
Paul, remember the late-night
深夜玉米卷之旅吗
taco trips in college?
我们以前 我不知道你们知不知道
We used to -- I don't know if you guys know.
我们以前 我们以前常常走着去穿梭餐厅
We used to go -- We used to walk through the drive-through
就是 去 买♥♥那些玉米卷
and, like, uh, and order... all of these tacos.
你们懂吧
Uh...you know?
对不起
Uh...Sorry.
我忘了讲到哪儿了
I lost my place.
稍等一下下
Oh, one second.
这是什么味道
What is that smell?
我警告过你的
I tried to warn you.
看看这个 有两张床呢
And look at this. It's got two beds.
亲爱的 看看这个
My dear, look at this.
整整两张独♥立♥的单人床呐
Two whole beds for two human adults.
是啊 是啊 这城♥堡♥可舒服了
Yeah. Yeah, this chateau is marvelous.
-本吉 -这是什么口音
- Benjy -- - What is this voice?
-什么口音 -澳大利亚的
- What is it? - It's Australian.
-是吗 -是啊
- Is it? - Yeah.
要一起去阳台吃鱼子酱吗
Do you join me for some caviar on the veranda.
什么鬼的
Whatever.
这地方真♥他♥妈♥恶心
This place is fucking disgusting.
我要换衣服去游泳池了
I'm gonna change and go to the pool.
好的
Okay.
你好啊 伙计
Hey, man.
好的
Okay.
约书亚
Joshua.
约书亚 请你不要这样做好吗
Joshua, will you not do that, please?
你这副模样的时候很吓人
You freak people out when you do that.
那个小混♥蛋♥总有一天要杀人的
That little fucker's gonna kill someone someday.
我已经预测到了
I just know it.
你知道吗 前几天 他问我要我的牙
You know, the other day, he asked me for my teeth
他想吃它们
so that he could eat them.
我很抱歉 我无意笑的
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh.
不 没关系
No. It's fine.
不过我确实有个恶魔孩子
I do. I have a demon child.
-顺便说一下 我是艾莉 -你好
- I'm Ellie, by the way. - Hi.
-这是玛姬 -你好
- This is, uh, Maggie. - Hey.
我是爱丽丝
I'm Alice.
-你来参加婚礼吗 -是啊
- You here for the wedding? - Yeah.
你是保罗还是玛丽莎的朋友
You friends with Paul or Marissa?
都不是
Uh, neither.
我是 我是跟着他来的
I'm, uh, I'm that guy's plus one.
-所以你是那种女孩 -哪种
- So you're one of those girls. - One of what?
那种只和白人约会的亚洲女孩
One of those Asian girls that only dates white guys.
天哪 不是 疯了吧
Oh, my God. No, I'm not. That's insane.
我 我的前夫以前是亚洲人
I -- My ex was Asian.
以前 你前夫死了吗
"Was"? Did he die?
是吧 我倒挺希望他死了
Yeah. I'd like to think that he did.
在我看来 你就是咬定白人了
Seems to me like you're due for a white guy.
-是吗 -这就是乒乓球效应
- Am i? - It's the Ping-Pong Effect.
你总是想和和你旧爱相反的人约会
You always date the opposite of the person you just dated.
亚洲人和白人是对立的吗
Are Asians and whites opposite?
天哪 你得原谅我妹妹
Oh, my God. You'll have to excuse my sister.
她有种族歧视倾向
She has a tendency to be racist.
我只想知道她和泳池里的
I just want to know if she's smashing that hot guy
那个帅哥是不是一对
in the pool.
什么 本吗
What, Ben?
-当然不是啊 -为什么不是呢
- God, no. - Why not?
因为本不跟人约会 他只跟理想约会
'Cause Ben doesn't date people. He dates ideas.
相信我 我不是他的理想型
And trust me, I'm not his type of idea. Blah.
那他的理想型是啥
Well, what is his type of idea?
怎么 你有兴趣吗
Why? Are you interested?
我还没跟他说过话 但他看起来挺帅的
I haven't talked to him, but he's cute.
我完全可以帮你们牵线哟
Well, I can totally hook that shit up.
-是吗 -是啊 当然了
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, for sure.
我们一路走来历经了不少磕磕碰碰
It has not been an easy ride.
我十分清楚这一点
And I know that.
我也明白 是我让你受这么多苦
And I know what I've put you through.
我也清楚我能成为怎样的人
And I know how I can be.
我能很坚强
I can be tough.
但你永远在那儿
But you're always there...
太他妈热了
It's so fucking hot.
时刻准备着在我撑不住时扶住我
...always ready to catch me when I fall.
永远是我最好的朋友
Always my best friend.
-我想去尿尿 -如果我们余生都能
- I need to pee. - If we can just sit on the couch
舒舒服服地坐在沙发上 吃着中餐
and eat Chinese food and watch "The Great British Bake Off"
-看着"英国烘焙大赛" -我要溜了
- for the rest of our lives... - I'm gonna make a run for it.
不 等等 我觉得快结束了
No. Wait. Wait. Wait. I think we're nearing the end.
因为我们会抚养出好多漂亮的孩子
...because we're gonna raise beautiful babies!
他还在他妈的说孩子
He's fucking talking about babies.
我真的快要尿裤子了
I'm literally gonna piss myself.
你能让你女朋友小点儿声吗
Can you tell your girlfriend to keep it down?
对不起 她真的是能尿在裤子里的人
I'm sorry, but she's literally gonna piss herself.
还有我不是他的女朋友
And I'm not his girlfriend.
那太恶心太放肆了
That's disgusting and presumptuous.
愿生命的祝福与爱的喜悦
May the blessings of life and the joy of love
能永远相伴于你们
be your constant companion.
现在你们可以用一个吻来锁定终身啦
You may now seal your union with a kiss.
走吧
Let's go.
太好了
Yes!
抱歉 抱歉 抱歉
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
本 这是玛姬 她喜欢你 好吗
Ah! Ben, this is Maggie. She's into you, okay?
玩得高兴 别搞砸了 借过 借过
Have fun. Don't fuck it up. Excuse me. Excuse me.
真是 猝不及防啊
That was...unexpected.
是啊 她就是这种人
Yeah. She does that.
你想来杯啤酒吗
Uh, do you want to get a beer?
好啊
Yeah. I'd love to.
要不等他们完事先吧
Maybe just let them finish up first.
当然 是啊
Of course. Yeah.
干得好 伙计们
Great job, guys.
好吧
All right.
每个人 每个人 准备好你们的杯子
Everybody -- Everybody, on your cups!
来吧 来吧 来吧
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
预备 开始
Ready! Go!
♪ 我知道这很难 但你有我相伴 ♪
♪ Oh, I know it's hard, but you stay with me ♪
我就直说了啊
I'm just gonna say it.
你看起来像幸存者玩得很好的那种人
You look like someone who would do okay on "Survivor."
真的吗
Really?
你觉得我会赢吗
Like, you think I'd win?
你是那种很耐看的帅气
You're good-looking enough to get far
但还达不到拿冠军奖金程度的美貌
but not good-looking enough to win.