疯狂思想

是的 伙计 《奥德赛》
Uh, yeah, man, yeah, The Odyssey.
这是隔壁邻居 也叫布莱恩
This is also Brian from next door.
我投标了那部漫画
I've been bidding on that fucking comic
作为给你的惊喜
as a surprise to you.
我也在竞标
I've been bidding on that as well.
你就是另一个投标人啊
You are the other bidder?
你就是那个粗鲁的小混♥蛋♥啊
And you're that rude little motherfucker.
给我坐下
Sit the fuck down!
你要为了我杀了布莱恩吗
You were about to kill Brian for me?
不确定 但是
Not exactly, but...
是的 我猜是的
Well, yeah, I guess I was.
宝贝
Baby.
凯莉
Carrie.
我爱你
I love you.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
我们怎么处理奥哈洛伦
What are we gonna do about O'Halloran?
宝贝 他现在是个目击者
Baby, he's a witness now.
《奥德赛》的目击者 你说得对
The Odyssey's, you're right about it.
我不是目击者
I'm not a witness.
我什么都不会说
I'm not saying anything.
我觉得你最好完成工作 宝贝
Well, I guess you better finish the job then, angel.
你确定吗
You sure?
别 求你们了
No, please.
还有什么选择
What's the alternative?
什么
What?
我想你是对的
I guess you're right.
杰森 等等
Jason, wait.
怎么了
What is it?
告诉我
Say it for me.
拜托
Please.
是的
Oh yeah.
么么哒 臭鸡♥巴♥
Snoogans, motherfucker!
你犯有一级谋杀罪
You have been found guilty of murder in the first degree.
法庭上保持肃静
Silence in court!
陪审团达成审判 影片《疯狂店员》
...also starring in such movies as Clerks,
《猜·情·寻》和《耍酷一族》里的主演
Chasing Amy, and Mallrats has been called back
被传唤至法庭
into the court as the jury has reached a verdict.
本该是能树立榜样的知名人物
A celebrity capable of setting an example.
然而你却
Instead you chose to act
自始至终表现得很卑鄙无♥耻♥
in a consistently despicable manner,
无论是在银幕上还是播客上
be it on the screen or over a podcast.
案件的关键在于
The crux of the case came when DNA evidence
在案发现场发现了DNA证据
was found at the scene of the crime.
因此 本法庭别无选择
Therefore, this court is left with no choice
必须判处无期徒刑
but to impose a sentence of life imprisonment.
此刻你有什么需要辩解的
Do you have anything to say to the court at this time?
史密斯先生
Mr. Smith?
我 我无法 我无法相信
I c-- I can't-- I can't believe this is happening.
法官 不是我
It wasn't me, man!
-我冤枉 -就这样
- I'm innocent. - That'll do.
不是胖的那个 是瘦的那个
It wasn't the fat one, it was the skinny one!
-肃静 -天啊
- Silence! - Man!
大♥麻♥的残余
The remnants of a marijuana cigarette
在布莱恩·奥哈洛伦的尸体上
with traces of Kevin Smith's DNA was found
发现了凯文·史密斯的DNA痕迹
on the body of Brian O'Halloran.
沉默的鲍勃希望杰
Silent Bob wants Jay to go step
吸[踩]那个烟卷
on that fucking joint.
有人说这起谋杀是大♥麻♥妄想症的结果
Some suggest that this murder is the result of reefer madness.
因为凯文·史密斯是个大♥麻♥瘾君子
As Kevin Smith was a loud proponent of marijuana smoking,
那么问题来了
it brings into question--
等等 等等
Wait. Wait, wait!
等等 我有突发新闻
Wait, I'm getting breaking news.
凯文·史密斯犯有
Kevin Smith has been found guilty
谋杀布莱恩·奥哈洛伦的罪名
of the murder of Brian O'Halloran.
凯文 凯文
Kevin! Kevin!
他在这里 凯文
Here he is. Kevin.
走开 婊♥子♥
Move, bitch!
-凯文 -凯文·史密斯
- Kevin! - Kevin Smith.
滚开 贱♥人♥ 不是我
Out of my way, bitch! It wasn't me.
凯文 凯文
Kevin! Kevin!
拜托 不是我 是另一个人
Come on, man, it wasn't me, it was the other guy!
拜托
Come on!
是杰
It was Jay!
杰
Jay!
我想感谢为此案件辛勤付出的侦探
I'd like to thank the detectives who worked so hard on this case
作出的迅速公正的判决
to bring us a swift and just verdict.
文尼·琼斯最近怎么样
What's the latest with Vinnie Jones?
他和这件案子有关吗
Does he link to this case?
洛杉矶警♥察♥局有一份针对文森特·琼斯
The LAPD has an outstanding arrest warrant
两起杀人案件未处理的逮捕令
for Vincent Jones regarding two separate murders.
然而 最新情报表明他目前藏身英国
However, latest intelligence suggests he's currently hiding
躲在英国地下组织内
in the United Kingdom amidst his extensive criminal network
他广泛的犯罪网络中
within the British underworld.
-杰 -杰森来了
- Jay! - It's Jason!
杰森 滚开屌♥人
Jason! Move, bitch.
杰森 你对法庭的判决有何感想
Jason, how do you feel about the court's decision?
这完全是种羞辱
Absolutely mortified.
你仍相信凯文是无辜的吗
Do you still believe Kevin was innocent?
现在我相信 凯文嫉妒
Now, I believe you know, Kevin's jealousy
布莱恩·奥哈洛伦的职业发展
over Brian O'Halloran's career directing,
有点奇怪
it's a little funky,
但我无法想象凯文会这么做
but I can't imagine Kevin doing anything like this.
Jason
Oh, Jason.
杰森 你被邀请参演
Jason, is it also true
奥哈洛伦先生的处♥女♥大作
that you've been hired onto what would have been
是不是也是真的
Mr. O'Halloran's big directorial debut?
布莱恩和我说了许多
Well, Brian and I spoke at lengths
关于让我主演《奥德赛》的事
about me playing the lead in The Odyssey,
在拍摄《怒犯天条》时
and matter of fact the first time
他首次向我展示这一项目
he showed me the project, it was on the set of Dogma.
所以我想我应该接受这一安排
So I think I should follow through with it
还有谁比克里斯·诺兰
and who better than Chris Nolan
更适合布莱恩呢
to fill Brian's remarkable shoes.
我说这会很棒 很棒
I mean it's gonna be great. Great.
杰森 最后一个问题
Oh, Jason, one last question.
杰森 杰森
Jason! Jason!
阿诺德先生
Mr. Arnold!
-阿诺德先生 -侦探先生
- Mr. Arnold! - Detective.
你不觉得你在这里
Do you not believe your presence here
有点不合时宜吗 因为你
is a little inappropriate considering what you--
杰森·梅维斯是个犯罪高手
Jason Mewes is a criminal mastermind.
据说你对梅维斯的痴迷
Your obsession with Mewes is alleged
可以追溯到你对一个角色的试镜失败
to have dated back to your unsuccessful audition
后来杰森获得了这个角色
for a role that Jason was offered.
么么么么么
Noogles to the snoo--
下一个
No, next. Oh.
这是事实 你这么说无凭无据
That's substantiated and you can't prove that.
你很丢脸 失去了影响力
You have been disgraced, thrown off the force,
在臭名昭著的安全监控视频流出后
and could face criminal assault charges
你将面临暴♥力♥殴打指控
after the infamous security video was leaked.
是吗 混♥蛋♥
Now are you, motherfucker?
今天你在这里依然坚持
And yet you stand here today still insisting
梅维斯是凶手吗
that Mewes is a murderer?
如果我必须花费余生的每分每秒
If I have to spend every goddamn second
证明杰森·梅维斯是凶手
of the rest of my life proving that Jason Mewes is a murderer,
我会的
I will.
我是夏洛克·福尔摩斯的后裔
I'm a descendant of Sherlock Holmes,
他妈的
motherfucker.
我能解决任何问题
I can solve anything.
你听见了吗 梅维斯
You hear that, Mewes?