疯狂思想

幸运 我的人生时常感觉到幸运
Lucky, it's how my life feels sometimes.
好像这不是我的人生
Like it isn't mine
而是另一个乱七八糟的现实
but some fucked-up alternate reality.
我是个幸运的人
I'm a lucky man.
你觉得我没意识到这点
You think I don't realize that.
我第一次杀的人名字叫埃迪
First time I killed, name was Eddie.
我忘不了他的眼神
Can't forget the look in his eyes.
恐惧
Fear.
我从没见过这种眼神
Hadn't seen anything like it before.
纯粹的恐惧
Pure fear.
他为了活命可以付出一切
He would have done anything to live.
但是枪在我手上
But I had the gun
西塞罗一声令下
and Cicero gave the order.
埃迪的命数戛然而止
Eddie's luck had run out.
我想我才是幸运的人
Guess I'm the lucky one.
杰森 谢谢你
Jason, thank you.
非常震撼的表演
That was a really strong performance.
我被你打动了
You got me.
深深打动了
Right here.
我必须要说 杰
I've gotta say, Jay--
不介意我叫你杰吧
Um, oh, do you mind if I call you "Jay"?
不介意
Sure.
杰森 我在想 你刚才表演的台词
Jason, I was wondering is-- was that on the script
是我们给你的吗
that we sent you?
是啊 看 就在这
Uh, yeah, look, it's right here.
你看 你刚才念的角色是
You see, you were reading the-- the character
是汉克的对白
of Hank's dialogue.
是 我知道
Yeah, yeah, I know that.
但是 我们觉得你更适合演汤米
Well, we kind of saw you more for Tommy.
汤米
Tommy?
汉克的吸毒哥们
Hank's uh, stoner buddy.
挺搞笑的人
The fun guy.
我知道谁是汤米 但是
I know who Tommy is, but--
老兄 这个角色绝对适合你
Dude, it's the perfect role for you, bro.
我们大爱你在《疯狂店员》里面的表演
I mean we loved you in Clerks.
还有《疯狂店员2》
And Clerks II.
棒极了
Loved you.
看这个
Come on, dude,
真高兴哒哒么
pooch to the doochilly moochilly.
是么么 算了
Snooch to the-- ugh.
萨姆·雷诺克斯
Sam Lennox.
什么
Excuse me?
金色火箭
The Golden Rocket.
嗯 我知道萨姆·雷诺克斯
Yeah, I know Sam Lennox.
我家有个曲棍球棍
I've got a hockey stick back at my place
上面有金色火箭的亲笔签名
signed by the Golden Rocket himself.
那是我最宝贵的东西之一
It's one of my most prized possessions.
他能做得到前无古人的精妙击球
That man could hit a slap shot like no motherfucker alive.
那场比赛其他部分乏善可陈
Rest of his game wasn't up to much,
但是那次击球
but that slap shot...
砰
Pow!
就因为这一球 他声名鹊起
He built a career for doing one thing incredibly.
然后这个男人就成为了传奇
And the man is a fucking legend.
你可能要好好思考一下这件事 朋友
You might wanna think about that, mate.
每次我看到墙边那根球棍我都会沉思
You know, I do every time I see that stick on my wall.
决定好了演哪个角色就联♥系♥我们
You let us know about the part.
我会的
I'll let you know.
我的联♥系♥方式都在这了
All my details are on here.
你可以随时找我 不管白天还是夜晚
You get in touch anytime, day or night.
好的 谢了
Will do, thanks.
杰
Jay.
砰
Pow!
梅维斯
Mewes!
是杰·梅维斯吗
Jay Mewes?
忙啥呢
What's up, man?
哥们 我能跟你合个影吗
Dude, can I get a picture with you, huh?
可以 当然可以
Sure, yeah, sure, of course.
天啊 你简直是个传奇
Oh man, you're a fucking legend.
我简直不能相信你还活着 兄弟
I can't believe you are still alive, bro.
谢了 非常感谢
Thanks, yeah, thanks for that.
哥们 你们应该再拍一部
Dude, you guys should do another
《杰与沉默鲍勃》
Jay and Silent Bob movie.
是啊 这得听凯文的
Um, yeah, it's up to Kevin.
太棒了 谢了 哥们
This is awesome, thanks, man.
没事
No problem, yeah.
大家好 我是杰森·梅维斯
Hey, I'm Jason Mewes
我在新泽西州一个叫高地的小镇长大
and I grew up in a small town called "Highlands", New Jersey.
不夸张地说 我是镇里
You could say I was that mischievous kid
我在这
都能闻到
你的蛋蛋
口区
人尽皆知的淘气孩子
known around the town,
但是事实是我有个悲惨的童年
but the truth is my childhood was kind of fucked up.
我妈经常开车
My mom used to drive around
带我去人家的邮箱里偷东西
and have me steal from mail boxes.
她一个人养三个孩子 还没钱没工作
She was single, three kids, no money, no job.
好吧 起码是没有合法的工作
Well, at least not a taxable one.
哦忘了说 她还有毒瘾
Oh, and did I mention she was addicted to drugs?
我猜心理医生一定会告诉你
Guess a shrink would tell you
这个经历会对后面的人格有很大影响
that part kind of becomes relevant later on.
我妈吸毒致死
The drugs killed my mom,
但是我现在要讲的不是这个故事
but that's not the story I'm here to tell.
至少今天不讲
Not today anyway.
我想讲的是一个叫凯文·史密斯的朋友
I wanna talk about a dude named "Kevin Smith".
这个混♥蛋♥改变了我的人生
This motherfucker changed my life.
我们初见时他并不想跟我混在一起
He didn't really wanna hang out with me when he first met me,
但是我对他死缠烂打
but I would not leave it alone, man,
直到最后他开始觉得我还挺有趣
until finally he started finding me funny.
我们已经在一起混很久了
Before you know it we're hanging out all the time,
一起看漫画书什么的
reading comic books and stuff.
形影不离
Inseparable!
不好意思说远了
But I'm getting a little ahead of myself here.
我最开始在新泽西州做屋顶工
I started working in New Jersey as a roofer
凯文突发奇想要拍电影
while Kevin had this crazy idea he could be making movies.
然后他就去了电影学校
So he went off to film school.
再然后凯文就辍学了
Next thing I know Kevin quits film school
他刷爆了所有的信♥用♥卡♥
and he's using all his credit cards
筹钱拍电影
to make his own movie.
关于店员的一些疯狂想法
Some madness about clerks.
接着《杰与沉默鲍勃》就诞生了
And thus Jay and Silent Bob were born.
凯 文 · 史 密 斯 的 《 疯 狂 店 员 》
圣丹斯国际电影节的爆冷黑♥马♥
我叫杰 这位是我异性恋
I'm Jay and this is my
灵魂伴侣"沉默的鲍勃"
hetero life mate Silent Bob.
《 杰 与 沉 默 鲍 勃 》
最受粉丝喜爱
我是阴蒂指挥官
I am the clit commander.
《 杰 与 沉 默 鲍 勃 》
占领了好莱坞
♪ 十五块 小小人 ♪
♪ 15 bucks, little man ♪
♪ 把那东西交出来 ♪
♪ Put that shit in my hand ♪
梅维斯正与酗酒作斗争
我们联♥系♥到了杰森·梅维斯
他首次公开谈论他的酒瘾问题
杰森
梅维斯
旧瘾复发
重回康复中心啦！
公正
Justice!
杰森·梅维斯被抓捕
梅维斯的
戒酒之战
不是那么沉默的杰
真 的 开 始 戒 酒 了
感谢你的付出 克莱尔
Thank you for your contribution, Claire.
谢谢你的捐款
Thank you for the chip in.
我知道现在看还很不现实
I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but--
但是一切都会好的
It's gonna get better.
你一定要坚强 要挺住
You just have to be brave and hang in there.
谢谢
Thank you.