疯狂思想

和一个女性朋友网聊
Skyping a girlfriend.
-什么女性朋友 -欧洲的梅根
- What girlfriend is that? - Megan from Europe.
欧洲的梅根想看你的奶头吗
Megan in Europe wanted to see your titties?
你在说些什么啊
What are you talking about?
当我进门的时候
When I walked through the door,
你在用摄像机拍你的奶头
you were flashing your titties to the camera.
你♥他♥妈♥疯了吧
You've been acting fucking crazy.
是不是你每次去演什么好莱坞
Is this what I'm gonna have to deal
回来就要让我受这样的气啊
with every single time you're up for some Hollywood role?
我想要从前的那个杰
I need the old Jay back.
也想要沉默的鲍勃吗
Silent Bob, too?
去你♥妈♥的♥
Fuck you!
我想要我爱的男人
I want the man I fell in love with.
奇了怪了 那你最近离我这么远干嘛
That's weird, 'cause you've been a little distant from him lately.
杰森 你♥他♥妈♥有点偏执了 知道吗
Jason, you're being fucking paranoid, okay?
只有我而已
It's me.
这就想让我相信了 是吗
You would love for me to believe that, wouldn't you?
你要去哪里
Where are you going?
为派对做好准备
Getting ready for the party.
你好 你好
Hello, hello!
杰森·梅维斯
Jason Mewes.
丹尼·特雷乔 我不知道你会在这里
Danny Trejo, I didn't know you'd be here
什么 这是什
and what-- what's the--
我在体验我要演的新角色
I'm method acting for a new role now,
就着卡隆演下去吧 行吗
just run with it Cabron, alright?
是的 但是 我没有
Yeah, but, I don't--
我以为你会和你的小凯莉在一起
I thought you'd be here with your little Carrie.
她开着自己的车
She took her separate car,
她要在这里见我 但是
she's gonna meet me here, but--
我觉得最好不要在天堂里惹麻烦 对吧
That better not be trouble in paradise, I'm sensing, is it?
不 不 一切都很好 我保证
No, no, everything's good, I promise.
你确定吗 你知道你可以跟我倾诉
Are you sure? 'Cause you know you can talk to me.
我知道 但我不喜欢 你是不是
I know, but I do not get like-- are you su--
听着 我一直想和你随便聊几句
Look, I've been wanting to have a little chitty chatty poo with you.
聊 聊几句吗
A little...a little chitty chat?
-我们开始吧 -怎么了呀
- Let's do it. - What's up?
嗯 我听说
Well, I've been hearing
你最近和降龙爪有点麻烦
about you having trouble with the ball grabber.
什么降龙爪
The ball grabber?
这是他们给他起的外号♥
That's what they call him.
你知道吗 我很担心你 杰森
And you know, I worry about you, Jason.
-你知道吧 -我知道的
- You know that. - I know.
如果那个混♥蛋♥和你干上了
If that motherfucker fucks with you,
我要把他的心脏挖出来
I'll cut his fucking heart out.
卧♥槽♥ 丹 我是说很感谢你
Shit, Dan-- I mean I appreciate that.
谢谢您
Thank you.
你知道他们叫我什么吗
You know what they call me?
弯刀 对吧
Machete, right?
你知道为什么吗
You know why?
因为电影吗
Because of the movie.
因为我他妈真有一把大砍刀
Because I got a big motherfucking machete,
这就是原因
that's why.
一把大砍刀
A big machete.
哈莉·奎因·史密斯
Harley Quinn Smith!
在我有生之年
as I live and breathe.
-丹尼 -我都要窒息了
- Danny. - Be still my heart.
丹尼 我没想到会在这里见到你
Danny, I didn't expect to see you here.
为什么每个人都这么说
Why does everybody keep saying that?
一个小女孩不能玩玩吗
Can't a little girl have some fun?
伙计 你来接凯文吗
Dude, you're here to pick Kevin up?
是的 我觉得他比我更喜欢我的新驾照
Yeah, I think he's enjoying my new license more than I am.
哈莉 我的天哪
Harley, oh my God!
你好
Hi.
-我们能去自♥拍♥一个吗 -当然
- Can we take a selfie? - Of course.
好的 我走啦 好吧 哈莉
Alright, I'm gonna go ahead, alright, Harley.
再见 你能告诉爸爸我在等他吗
Bye. Will you tell dad that I'm waiting.
我太怕了不敢走 我觉得永远都逃不掉
I'm too scared to go and I feel like I'll never escape.
没问题 没问题
No problem, no problem.
记住 只要有蛋就不是同性恋
Remember, it's not gay as long as the balls
别碰下巴
don't touch the chin.
太好了 存着吧
Nice! That's gonna be a keeper.
-我的荣幸 -很高兴见到你 伙计
- Pleasure. - Nice meeting you, man.
先生
Sir!
你♥他♥妈♥的去哪儿了 伙计
Where the fuck have you been, dude?
你♥他♥妈♥的去哪儿了
Where the fuck have you been?
等等 你在说什么
Wait, what are you talking about?
别他妈的那样
Don't fucking act like that.
好像你觉得我他妈不知道 伙计
Like you don't think I was gonna fucking find out, man.
他妈的 你丫满脸都写着
Motherfucker, that shit is written all over your face,
罪恶感
the goddamn guilt.
你以为我不知道
You didn't think I'd know.
你在说什么吗
What are you talking about?
我说的是你在那房♥子里舔鸡♥巴♥
I'm talking about you up in that house sucking dick,
因为我可以在这里看到精♥液♥
'cause I can see the cum right there.
-骗你的啦 -哦 该死
- None! - Oh, shit!
你还记得我们在泳池里互撸吗
You remember when we jerked each other off in the pool?
那是一个美好的回忆
That's a great memory.
-你拿到那本书了吗 -我做到了
- Did you get that book? - I did.
我读了这本书 伙计
I read the book, dude,
它把我的技术带到了一个全新的高度
and it is taking my craft on a whole another level.
太棒了 谢谢您
It's awesome. Thank you.
这就行 操 你知道吗 伙计
Right on, man. Fuck, you know what, dude?
去他妈的那些该死的东西
Fuck all that holy shit.
我只是在想 文尼·琼斯
I was just thinking, Vinnie Jones.
他妈的怎么了 伙计
What the fuck, man?
别在游泳池里拉屎
Don't shit in the pool.
也许他真的跟那个选角的
Maybe he did have something to do
有什么猫腻
with that casting director.
你知道我的意思吧
You know what I'm saying?
我是认真的 别在游泳池里拉屎
I'm serious, don't shit in the pool.
布莱恩·奥哈洛伦在这儿吗
Brian O'Halloran here?
你知道他在不在吗
Do you know if he showed up?
你是认真的吗
Are you serious?
我他妈说的是文尼·琼斯
I'm talking about fucking Vinnie Jones,
你说的是布莱
you're talking about Bri--
是的 他妈的布莱恩·奥哈洛伦在这里
Yeah, Brian O'Halloran is fucking here,
我在进去的路上经过他
I passed him on the way in.
阴蒂上尉
Captain clitoris.
我要去和他谈谈
I'm gonna go talk to him about that--
等等 哈莉·奎因来接你
Wait, Harley Quinn came here to pick you up.
她在前面 对不起
She's out front. Sorry--
我孩子都他妈来了
My fucking kid's here.
我们还坐在这聊什么聊
Why are we sitting here talking?
快走吧 妈呀
Let's get the fuck out of here, bitch.
杰和沉默的鲍勃 好久不见
Jay and Silent Bob, it's been a while.
非常感谢你来参加我的聚会
Thank you so much for coming to my party.
我们的聚会
Our party.
天哪 真♥他♥妈♥吓坏我了
Oh my God, I had a fucking blast.
我们只是在这聊天
We've just been sitting here talking,
他刚在楼上大冒险来着
he was upstairs having misadventures in the house
你懂
and shit.
但我要走了
But I'm gonna go.
我有一个播客要录制 我得离开这里
I got a-- a podcast to record and I gotta light out of here.
我有九个播客
I got like nine podcasts.
我在这很享受
So I've loved being here.
感谢你们的邀请
Thanks for having us.
但是 但派对才刚开始
But-- but we're just getting started.
可惜了 我的孩子像狗一样在车里出汗
Sadly, I got my kid sweating in the car like a dog
我要在她被热死前赶过去
and I should probably go before she overheats and dies.
-很高兴 -谢谢
- Pleasure! - Thank you.