疯狂思想

所以你知道吗 哥们
So you know what, dude,
如果你真的这么想的话
if that's really the way you feel about shit,
滚边去
Like fuck off.
去你♥妈♥的♥
Go fuck yourself.
你知道吗 去踩到那个上去
You know what? Go step on that.
沉默鲍勃想要杰踩到那个烟头上
Silent Bob wants Jay to go step on that fucking joint.
最后一步 享受新生
记住 不管事实如何 你不是偶然拿到这本书的
谨慎选择它的下一个主人
费尼 伙计
Ferny, man.
我要开掉那个白♥痴♥保安
I gotta fire that security idiot.
凯文他妈的在和奥哈洛伦合作
Kevin and O'Halloran are fucking working together,
伙计 想要毁掉我
dude, to destroy me.
什么
What?
伙计 他们想毁掉我的事业
Dude, they're trying to sabotage my career.
杰森 放松 兄弟
Jason, relax, man.
发生什么了
What's going on?
我搞砸了 哥们
I messed up, dude.
我整本书都看了
I read the whole book.
该死
Oh, shit!
我一步步照着做的
I followed it step-by-step
它理清了我的思想 伙计
and it cleared my thoughts, dude,
一开始我觉得我能搞定的
and at first I thought I could handle it,
但接着凯文 然后我 我觉得
but then with Kevin and-- and then I-- I feel
好像我他妈要疯了一样 伙计
like I'm losing my fucking mind, man.
呼吸 杰森
Breathe, Jason.
我要疯了
I'm going crazy.
不 你是在进化
No, you are evolving.
你只是在另一架飞机上来看这个世界
You're seeing the world from a different plane!
是那本书让你有这个感觉的 哥们
The book does that to you, man.
我曾经经历过
I've been there.
什么 你说什么
What-- what do you mean?
杰森 我也曾经是一名演员
Jason, I, too, was an actor,
在我祖国还很受欢迎
hugely popular in my home country.
但我被诅咒了
But I was cursed.
我遇到的每个人都无可救药地爱上了我
Everybody I meet falls hopelessly in love with me.
相信我 杰森 这是个诅咒
And believe me, Jason, it is a curse.
所以就像你一样 我也决定去改变
So just like you, I decided to change,
以战胜诅咒
beat the curse.
所以我到美国来表演 扮演坏人和黑帮
So I came to America to act, to play the bad guy, the gangster
然后有一天晚上 我碰到一位导演
and--and one day I met with a director late at night,
他当然 也无可救药地爱上了我
and he of course, was hopelessly in love with me,
于是我就有了个计划
and I had a plan.
好吧
Okay.
你只是想要吓唬他一下
小小的吓唬一下就完事
加油啊演技大♥法♥ 加油宝贝
方法
什么情况 什么什么什
怎么回事 怎么怎么怎
???!!!@***?!
你觉得我是怎么认识局长的
How do you think I met the chief?
她逮捕你的吗
She arrested you?
我人生中第一次陷入爱河
For the first time in my life I was in love,
深陷爱河
deeply in love.
她巧妙地帮我把指控给取消了
She massaged the charges and made them disappear.
为了她 我不再演戏并且再也不见
For her, I quit acting and went into hiding
那些曾经爱过我的人
from all who loved me.
我一秒都未曾后悔过
And I don't regret it for one second,
因为是时候放弃这本书了
because it was time to give up the book,
但只能是给到正确的人
but only to the right person.
我有点糊涂了
Uh, I can't think straight.
好吧 凯文 他曾经背叛过我
Right, well, Kevin, he betrayed me,
伤了我的心 哥们
he broke my heart, dude.
接着奥哈洛伦和凯莉
And then O'Halloran and Carrie--
杰森 只要有沉默鲍勃在的一天
Jason, as long as there is Silent Bob,
就永远有杰
there will always be Jay.
任何妨碍杰进化成杰森的人或者事
Anything and anyone in the way of turning Jay into Jason
都要处理掉
must be dealt with.
这也是为什么我决定给你这本书
This is why I chose to give you the book.
你说的对
You are right.
谢了 哥们
Thanks, man.
对了 杰森
Oh, and, Jason!
我有预感可能这个日后会有用的
I have a feeling this might come in useful.
业余炸♥药♥指南
你是个危险的人 费尔南多
You're a dangerous man, Fernando.
这肯定会很有意思
我无法将你的胸部从我脑海中忘掉
现在就来我家吧 我们完成交易
前门是开着的
布莱恩 ;）
找到你了
There you are.
我甚至今天不该来这儿的
I'm not even supposed to be here today.
是的 混♥蛋♥
That's right, motherfucker.
电影全靠这里了
Carried that movie.
我得再看一遍
Oh, I gotta see this again.
我甚至今天不该来这儿的
I'm not even supposed to be here today.
他妈的每一次 都要笑死我 伙计
Every fucking time, it kills me, man.
你想要什么
You want what?
给我口♥交♥
A blowie.
没什么大不了的
Not a big deal.
不会太久
It won't last long.
你休想 小混♥蛋♥
You can forget about it, you little shit.
可你已经给我看过你的乳♥房♥♥
Oh, you've already showed me your titties.
那是为了我的未婚夫
For my fiancé.
他那么想要那本漫画 可能亲自给你口
He wants that comic book so bad he'd probably blow you himself.
还有 那不能算完整的乳♥房♥♥
Also, it's not the full titty
你都没看到乳♥头♥
unless you see the nip.
我甚至今天不该来这儿的
I'm not even supposed to be here today.
天哪
Oh, man.
卧♥槽♥
What the fuck?
怎么回事
What is going on?
也没下雨啊
It's not raining.
天哪
Fucking sake.
傻♥逼♥镜子
Stupid mirror.
天哪
Jesus!
天啊
Jesus?
谁让你进来的
Who let you in?
过来
Come on.
过来 天哪 小心
Come on, Jesus. Look out.
乖孩子
Good boy.
他妈的怎么了
Fuck is going on?
抓到你了 混
Got you, mother--
杰
Jay?
你在这里干什么
What are you doing here?
怎么了 杰
What the fuck, Jay?
天哪 你个混
Oh, man, you son of a--
好吧 好吧
Okay, okay.
给我看看完整的乳♥房♥♥ 我们说好的
Show me the full titty and we have a deal.
滚回去打手♥枪♥去吧
Go back inside and jerk off.
天哪
Oh God!
你喜欢这他妈的金火箭吗
You like the fucking Golden Rocket?
杰 你可以演《奥德赛》了
Jay, you can have The Odyssey.
凯莉
Carrie.
混♥蛋♥ 我知道你和凯莉事了
I know about you and Carrie, motherfucker!
凯莉呢
What about Carrie?
凯莉吗
Carrie?
杰森
Jason!
那他妈的是谁
Who the hell is that?
你要杀了布莱恩·奥哈洛伦吗
Are you about to murder Brian O'Halloran?
我看到电脑上的东西了 对吧
Look, I saw what was on the computer, right?
我看到你们在埃斯特班家拥抱
And I saw you guys hugging at Esteban's.
没有
No.
杰森 你这混♥蛋♥
Jason, you asshole.
我要布莱恩在埃斯特班家
I asked Brian to take you seriously
-真心把你当成演员 -是的
- as an actor at Esteban's. - Yeah.
我说如果你能演《奥德赛》
I told him it would mean the world for you
那就此生无憾了
if you got the role in The Odyssey.