疯狂思想

等等 你知道凯莉和布莱恩的事吗
Wait, you know about Carrie and Brian?
-什么 -但你刚才说
- What? - You just said--
-我知道 但 是凯莉吗 -没错
- I know but Carrie? - Exactly!
-不对 -啥
- No! - Huh?
-布莱恩想上你 -凯莉
- Brian tried to fuck you. - Carrie?
-布莱恩上凯莉吗 -布莱恩要上我吗
-Brian fucked Carrie? -Brian fucked me?
-不可能 -不可能
- No! - No!
-等等 什么 -等等 什么
- Wait, what? - Wait, what?
布莱恩要怎么上我
How did Brian fuck me?
我有相当可靠的证据 在组里看到
I have it on very good authority that the studio saw
《针灸杀手》的早期录像
early footage of Acupuncture Killer
他们想让你演《奥德赛》的主角
and they love you for the Odyssey lead,
尤其是与布莱恩自己的故事非常相似
especially hand-in-hand with Brian's own story,
是那种有得有失的交易
some publicity-perfect storm kind of deal.
这不可能是真的
This can't be true.
布莱恩不认为你能胜任这个角色
Brian didn't think that you could handle the role.
他千方百计确保
He went out of his way to make sure
你没有得到这个工作
you did not get the offer.
伙计 我得走了
Dude, I gotta go.
天啊 太谢谢你了
我是不是在哪见过你
你是谁
你知道的
♪ 击中它 ♪
♪ Hit it ♪
♪ 我要逃 ♪
♪ I got ♪
我不明白他们怎么能让一个女演员
I never understood how an actress
展示自己的脆弱呢
can be expected to show vulnerabilities,
展现她真实的自我 真正地展现她自己
show her true self, really reveal herself
如果她不信任
if she doesn't trust--
哎呀 布莱恩啊
Oh, Brian!
天哪 兄弟
Oh my goodness, bro.
杰 嘿 伙计
Jay, hey, man.
老兄 我真不敢相信能碰到你
Dude, I can't believe I ran into you.
我就在外面乱逛 真是惊喜啊
I was walking around outside and it's whoa!
杰 那不是你的车吗
Isn't that your car, Jay?
不 那不是我的车
No, it's not my car.
可是车牌上是你的名字欸
Dude, it's got your name on the license plate.
《奥德赛》
The Odyssey.
哦 这事儿啊
Oh, yeah.
杰 关于那
Um, Jay, about that--
布莱恩出马我就能拿到那角色 我就知道
Brian got me the role, I knew it.
事实上我给工作室打过电♥话♥的 杰
Actually, I called the studio, Jay,
我为你争取了 真的 兄弟
and I fought for you, I really did, man,
但他们偏不同意
but they're going in a different direction.
我认识的那个布莱恩会说
The Brian I know would say,
梅维斯拿到了主演这一角色
"Mewes gets the lead part."
杰 我能做的都过了
Jay, I did everything I could.
那是他妈的胡说八道 兄弟
It's fucking bullshit, bro.
我们该走了
Oh, we should get going.
让我给你点建议吧杰森
Let me give you a little piece of advice, Jason.
你听说过一位叫做
Did you ever hear of a hockey player
萨姆·雷诺克斯的曲棍球运动员吗
by the name of Sam Lennox?
给我他妈的闭嘴 好吗 兄弟
Fucking don't do this, please, bro!
杰 你还好吗
Jay, you alright?
你需要给谁打电♥话♥或者说一下 或者
Do you need to like call someone or talk it out or--
或者我应该
Or maybe I should--
或者你♥他♥妈♥的应该为你的朋友站出来
Or maybe you should stand up for your fucking friend, man,
拜托
please.
我们回头见
I'll see around.
哥们 你知道吗
Dude, did you know?
知道什么
What?
布莱恩并不想让我留在《奥德塞》里
That Brian didn't want me in The Odyssey!
谁跟你说的
Who told you this?
别对我撒谎
Don't lie to me!
我特么没撒谎 只是问问
I'm not fucking lying, I'm just asking.
你知道吗
And you know what?
最近 你真的很特么缺钱 哥们
Lately, you're really out of fucking pocket, man,
别他妈去想搞好关系什么的破事儿了
forgetting the relationship and shit like that.
那都搞砸了 你没跟我说 好吗
Oh, that's fucked up, you didn't tell me, alright?
布莱恩背后捅我刀子是一回事 而你呢
Brian stabbing me in the back is one thing, but you?
拜托
Come on!
我可没背后捅你刀子 混♥蛋♥
I didn't fucking stab you in the back, motherfucker.
你就从来没想过
Like did it ever occur to you
或许我才是真正出于对你好的吗
maybe I was looking out for your best interests?
是吗 怎么说
Oh, how exactly?
行 你知道吗
Fine. You know what?
我爱你爱到死 好吗
I love you to death, okay?
你是我这世上最好的朋友
You're like my best friend in the world,
但你不是最重要的
but like you are not a leading man.
布莱恩要拍一部电影
And Brian's gonna make a movie
整个世界都他妈会看到的
the whole fucking world's gonna see.
而如果你在舞台上失败 哥们
And if you fail on that stage, man,
那会很糟糕
that's huge.
会很难从那个失败中走出来
And it's tough to get out from under that
还他妈会很痛
and it fucking hurts.
当你演出失败 你就会变成他妈的狗屎
When you carry a flop, you turn to fucking shit.
我 我吸毒上瘾
I-- I became a stoner.
你有想过是为什么吗
Do you ever wonder why?
扎克和米瑞拍了部黄♥片♥
Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
你开始寻求物质的解脱 对吗
You start turning to substances, okay?
那是我说的
That's me saying it.
人们还他妈在笑话《长牙》
People are still fucking making fun of Tusk,
和该死的《耍酷一族》 和这种破事
and fucking Mallrats, and shit like that.
我他妈最大的恐惧就是电影扑街
And my big fucking fear is the movie flops
而你坐在一边
and you're sitting around
他妈的幻想减轻疼痛
wanting to fucking dampen the pain,
接着也许你♥他♥妈♥
then maybe you fucking...
来吧 你可以说出来 兄弟
Come on, you can say it, bro.
我们并不想真的这么做 伙计
We don't really wanna do this, dude.
让我们 让我先享受会儿大♥麻♥先
Like let's just-- let me enjoy my joint.
直说吧 兄弟 来呀 说呀
Just say it, bro, come on, fucking say it!
也许你该又他妈开始吸毒了 好吧
Maybe you start fucking using again, alright?
也许该给胳膊上他妈的狠狠打上一针
Maybe you fucking wind up with a goddamn 12-gauge in your arm.
也许我他妈得带你到9家别的戒毒所
Maybe I gotta fucking take you to nine more fucking rehabs,
看你从一家家中跑出来
watch you run out of another one,
我他妈一定是你的人肉降落伞
and fucking I gotta be your goddamn human parachute,
把你从他妈的低谷里给救出来
save you from the fucking rock bottom
而你♥他♥妈♥却总是想要将我们
that you're always trying to drag
一起拽进低谷里 兄弟
both of us fucking down to, man.
对不起 不是无缘无故的
I'm sorry, not for nothing,
但我又得他妈的再经历一遍 兄弟
but I go through that shit again, dude.
我有孩子了
I got a kid of my own!
你在我电影里真是他妈的好
You're fucking great in my movies.
别误会我
Don't get me wrong.
你生而为了扮演杰的 但操蛋的
You're born to play Jay, but fuck, dude
那只是一份了不起的工作而你不是那演员
dude, that's a big fucking job and you're not that actor.
所以以后别他妈再缠着别人了
So stop fucking hounding people about it.
或许它不会扑街 而是他妈的一炮而红
Or maybe it doesn't flop, and it fucking skyrockets,
而我生来就是为了演他妈的《奥德赛》
and I'm born to play the fucking Odyssey.
我成功了 我的事业超越了你
I nail it, my career surpasses yours,
而我不是在你该死的裤兜里
and I'm not in your fucking pocket
好让你想掏的时候就才掏出来
to pull out when you want.
你让我进你的电影里
And then you put me in your movie
我他妈成功了 这是第一次
and my shit kills it, and for the first time ever
在凯文·史密斯的电影历史上
in the history of Kevin Smith movies,
能赚钱的一部
the movie makes money!
那他妈的怎么样
How about that shit?
好吧 我 好像现在不是他妈的
Okay, I'm-- like this is so not the fucking time
做这事的时候
to even do this.
好像
Like...
我不知道你是否注意到了
I don't know if you noticed,
但我他妈要参演一部喜剧了
but I'm about to go to a fucking comedy show!