吸血鬼生活

What We Do in the Shadows S01E01

Part 2 April 19, 2020, 9:18 a.m.

- The door's closed, Master. - Close it more.
再来一次
More.
很好
Good.
现在我们终于
Now that we are gathered here...
作为一个整体聚集于此
together as one, finally,
根据协议的规定
in accordance with the protocols...
你制定的协议
Which you made up.
是的
Yes.
我们收到了这封
We have received this letter.
来自阿法纳斯男爵的信
From Baron... Afanas.
真的吗
Really?
是的
Yes.
男爵
The Baron...
要来拜访我们了
is coming to visit us.
老天爷啊
Holy shit.
安静点吉尔莫
Silence, Guillermo.
只允许吸血鬼发表评论
Vampire comments only.
男爵从来不离开故土
The Baron never leaves the old country.
他说了此次来拜访我们的目的吗
Has he told us what the purpose of his visit is?
没有
No.
男爵坚定地认为
The Baron is a firm believer
吸血鬼应该统治世界
that vampires should rule the world.
我认为男爵这次来访的主要目的
I think the main purpose for the Baron's visit
是来看看我们吸血鬼
is to find out whether we as vampires
是否在美国定居下来了
have populated America.
但如你们所看到的那样
But as you can see,
这地方太他妈大了
the place is fucking massive.
他具体什么时候来
When is he coming, exactly?
-明天 -操
- Tomorrow. - Shit.
你为什么不早点把信给我
Why didn't you give this to me earlier?
今早才到的主人
It arrived this morning, Master.
阿法纳斯男爵
Baron Afanas is...
是一位非常迷人的吸血鬼皇室成员
a very charming member of the vampire royalty.
几百年前
A few hundred years ago,
我们有过一段非常亲密非常漫长的性关系
we enjoyed a very intense, very long sexual affair.
非常狂野
It was pretty wild.
试过很多高难度体♥位♥
Lots of acrobatic stuff.
拉兹洛在场的话
This could make it awkward,
看到他
to see him with Laszlo...
也许会很尴尬
present.
别跟外人说
Just between you and I,
不久以前男爵和我
a while back, the Baron and I
有过一次很刺♥激♥的嘿♥咻♥
enjoyed a very intense sex affair.
兽♥性♥十足
Very animalistic.
各种高难度体♥位♥
Acrobatic stuff, you might say.
所以我个人
So I, personally,
非常期待与他再度建立联♥系♥
am very much looking forward to reconnecting.
我们应该有一辆由12只黑色短吻鳄拉的战车
We should get a chariot led by 12 black alligators.
-这主意不错 -那要很多短吻鳄很多漆
- I like that. - That's a lot of alligators, a lot of paint.
厢式旅行车怎么样
What about a van?
厢式旅行车
A van?
那不一样是吧
That's not the same, is it?
你能确保它是黑色的吗
Can you at least make sure it's black?
能明天用黑色厢式旅行车
Yeah. Black van for tomorrow?
非常好那给男爵准备什么血呢
Excellent. Uh, what about the Baron's bloodlust?
-处子 -对就这么定了
- Virgins. - Oh, yes, let's do that.
吉尔莫明天晚上弄两个处子
Guillermo, two virgins by tomorrow evening.
对当男爵一到
Yes, when the Baron arrives
我们就能享用处子之血了
we shall feast on virgin blood.
只有吸血鬼能笑
Vampire only laughing.
-我们应该告诉柯林·鲁宾逊吗 -拉兹洛
- Should we tell Colin Robinson? - Laszlo,
这真是个馊主意
that is a terrible idea.
他会毁了整个晚上
He'll ruin the evening.
什么会毁了整个晚上
Uh, what would ruin the evening?
我跟你说了门没关好
I told you... didn't close the door properly.
你们在开家庭会议吗
Are we having a house meeting?
-不 -没有
- No. - No.
所以你们都聚在这
So, your gathering here...
只是巧合
is just a coincidence?
是啊
Yes.
我叫柯林·鲁宾逊
My name is Colin Robinson.
我就是传说中的
And I am what's known as
柯林·鲁宾逊
通灵吸血鬼
a psychic vampire.
也叫元气吸血鬼
Or energy vampire.
这是我的办公室
This is my office.
也是我的狩猎场
Also known as the hunting ground.
嗨小黛
Hi, Deb.
元气吸血鬼仅仅通过和人聊天
Energy vampires drain people's energy
就可以吸干♥他♥们的精气
merely by talking to them.
实际与预算本年度截止到现在为止不了
Actual v. Budget, year-to-date, no thanks.
你要忙活一整天了
You're gonna be at that all day.
我们要么用长时间的谈话
We either bore you
让你厌烦
with a long conversation...
现在感觉好点了我这周末感觉有点不舒服
Feeling better now, I was a little sick this weekend.
嗨堂
Hey, Don.
堂
Don?
我也要尿尿
I have to pee, too.
要么
Or...
我们激怒你
We enrage you.
事实上你可能认识元气吸血鬼
In fact, you probably know an energy vampire.
我们是吸血鬼中最常见的一种
We're the most common kind... of vampire.
我们可以白天出行不受太阳影响
We are day-walkers, not affected by the sun.
我们还是唯一一种
And we are the only kind of vampire
能吸干其他吸血鬼精气的吸血鬼
that can drain another vampire's energy.
非常酷
It's very cool.
他的能力到了晚上会变得更强
The power grows stronger in him by the night.
我要做很多不同的工作
There's different kinds of jobs that I have to do.
保持屋子的整洁
Keep the house tidy.
确保没有阳光照射进来
Make sure there's no sunlight.
阳光为什么吉尔莫
Sunlight! Why, Guillermo,
为什么
why?!
我绝不答应
Not on my watch.
处理尸体
Getting rid of carcasses,
是个重担子
I feel, is a big one.
我们现在在楼梯底下这是我的卧室
So, we are under the stairs and this is my bedroom.
这是我装扮成《夜访吸血鬼》中
This is a picture of me as Armand
由安东尼奥·班德拉斯饰演的
from Interview with the Vampire
阿曼德一角时的照片
played by Antonio Banderas.
那是我第一次在主流电影中
That was the first time I've ever seen
见到拉美裔吸血鬼
an Hispanic vampire in mainstream, like, movies.
我说 "如果他能做得到那我...
And I said, "If he can do it, I-I...
我也能"
I can do it."
吉尔莫用板把这整扇窗封住
Guillermo... boarded this whole window up,
否则日光穿透的风险很大
it's a huge sunlight risk.
可别让男爵醒来被阳光直射
We wouldn't want the Baron waking up to sunlight
最后变成烤肉
and being turned into barbecue meat.
死死封住
Yeah, really cover it.
他最近发表了不少言论比如
He's made a lot of comments recently, like,
"我将把你变成吸血鬼"
"I'm going to make you a vampire."
这是个小型棺材玩具
This is a little coffin toy that, uh...
我希望有朝一日能睡在里面
I hope to be in one of these one day.
你们好我的好朋友们
What ho, good friends.
你好
What ho!
还是有几个地方能找到处子的
There's still a few places to find virgins.
"实角演"是指实况角色扮演
LARPing stands for Live Action Role Playing.
勒纳夫
实况角色扮演者
在正常生活中我只是乔纳森
In regular life, I'm just Jonathan.
卡德加
但在这我是个尊贵的骑士
But here, I am a very high-level paladin.
我不杀人
I'm not a killer.
我只是去找容易...