我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E12

Part 5 March 2, 2023, 9:36 a.m.

Intruder!
Whoa!
Ooh!
该死妈妈
Damn, Mama.
可是我并没有对白人鬼这么做
But I didn't do it to the white ghost.
那很不对
That's not great.
听阿提的话妈妈你的死期还没到
Listen to Artie, Mama. This ain't your time.
你还是这么生龙活虎
You're still so funky.
她的确是
She certainly is.
我生命中的两个最爱
The two loves of my life.
我等不及要在天堂或地狱加入你们
I can't wait to join you up... or down there.
我问一下喔鬼做♥爱♥是怎么样？
Say, what's ghost sex like?
超爽的你完全融入彼此的能量中
It's amazing. You completely merge with each other's energy.
而且没有性别之分对吧阿提？
And there's no such thing as gender. Right, Artie?
我看到罗
I saw that!
我才不管你们这两个娘炮说什么
And I don't care what you two fruits say.
我要炸死自己
I'm 'sploding!
这座城市、这个社区
This city, this neighborhood,
这是我的归属
it's where I belong.
把这里贵族化的人以为他们能把我赶走
The gentrifiers thought they could get rid of me,
但是当我成为一个恶鬼
but when I'm a ghost,
我就能永远折磨雅痞和观光客了
I can torment yuppies and tourists for all eternity.
（“建筑物”即将被炸毁）
今天的天气晴朗纽约市准备
It's a beautiful day as New York City prepares
做它最会做的事：
to do what it does best:
用很烂的东西取代老旧的东西
replace something old with something terrible.
在我身后的公♥寓♥即将被炸毁
The town house behind me is all set to go
砰砰砰我要你进我房♥间
"boom, boom, boom, I want you in my room."
等等公♥寓♥里面还有人
Wait! Wait! There's still someone in there!
不莉莉恩
No. Lillian!
我还活着可恶
I'm alive, damn it!
嘿你们这群逊咖连一栋建筑物都炸不毁吗？
Hey, can't you jamokes even blow up a building right?
我就怕会发生这种事
Look, I was afraid this might happen.
市长说我们不能用上等的炸♥药♥
The mayor says we can't use the good explosives.
他怕一匹拉马车的马可能会受伤
He's afraid a carriage horse might get hurt.
这个城市是怎么搞的？
What is wrong with this city?
就连烂大♥麻♥和好的炸♥药♥都弄不到
You can't get weak weed or strong TNT no more!
莉莉恩
Lillian!
我以为你挂了
I thought you were dead.
我在1970年代应该就会挂了
Well, in the '70s, I would've been.
那时候你可以整晚呼大♥麻♥
Back then, you could smoke reefer all night
然后还可以开车到市区炸掉证券交易所
and still drive downtown to blow up the stock exchange!
（女巫从爆♥炸♥中活下来）
各位先生女士我当了《纽约无》频道的记者这么多年
Ladies and gentlemen, in all my years as a New York None reporter,
这毫无疑问是我见过最具纽约风格的一件事
this is without a doubt the New Yorkiest thing I've ever seen!
去吃屎吧乔吉利欧
Hey, blow it out your ass, Georgiulio!
我认识你老爸
I knew your father!
而且她还没闹够喔
And she's not done.
嘿另外一件事
Hey! Another thing!
朱利安尼毁了时代广场
Giuliani ruined Times Square!
我想念旧的宾州车站
I miss the old Penn Station.
《周六夜现场》早就不好笑了
SNL has not been funny
自从我藏在约翰贝鲁西穿的蜜蜂戏服里面以后
since I hid in the bee costume around Belushi!
我就是纽约宝贝
I am New York, baby!
我哪儿都不会去
And I ain't going nowhere!
我说的对不对？
Am I right?
闪边吧寿司浣熊
Move over, Sushi Raccoon.
她才是全新的《纽约无》新闻台独一无二的年度纽约客
There's a new New York None Second to None New Yorker of the Year.
你知道我有什么毛病吗赞？
You know what's wrong with me, Xan?
我的手♥机♥上面有一个清单
Ooh! I have a list on my phone.
我照顾每一个人除了一个人：金咪者
I take care of everybody except one person: the Kimster!
“金咪者” 那也在我的清单
"The Kimster." That's on the list.
我老是被扯进别人的屁事
All I do is get sucked into other people's bull-sugar.
我得想出我想要怎么过我的人生
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life,
但是我这几天却一直在处理泰坦斯和麦奇的事
but I spent the past few days dealing with Titus and Mikey,
唱歌♥给杰奎琳听
singing to Jacqueline,
试着阻止莉莉恩把她自己炸死
trying to stop Lillian from blowing herself up.
现在我没有家、没有工作也没有马
And here I am, homeless, jobless, horseless.
你不会有事的
You're gonna be okay.
让这个世界变得更好的第一步
"The first step toward fixing the world
就是记住你内心的善良力量比你内心的邪恶力量更强大
is remembering the good inside you is stronger than the bad."
你刚才说什么？
What did you say?
那是来自我读了三遍的一本书
It's from this book I'm reading for, like, the third time.
那是一列魔法电车
That's a magic trolley.
那不是魔法电车那只是我们还没发掘的科学
It's not a magic trolley. It's science we haven't discovered yet.
而且这不是一本童书
And it's not a kids' book.
我是从巴克里那儿拿来的
I mean, I got it from Buckley,
但是书里有关于性别政♥治♥的寓言
but it's, like, an allegory for gender politics.
《葛里姆拉斯传奇》
The Legends of Greemulax.
哥伦比亚大学的学生都在看
Yeah, everybody at Columbia is reading it.
哇不管是谁写的都一定是个美丽的天才
Wow. Whoever wrote it must be a beautiful genius.
我是说我不知道他长什么样子可是我已经
I mean, I don't know what he looks like, but I'm, like,
对他深深着迷
obsessed with him.
所以你想要和作者当最好的朋友？
So you'd want to be best friends with the author?
不管“她”是谁？
Whoever she is?
不
No!
不不这是不可能的
No! No! No, that's impossible!
爱丝佩恩普尔希普是根据你的角色
Exthipianne Porheep is based on you.
还有我不知道怎么拼你的名字
Also, I don't know how to spell your name.
你就是KC施密特？
You're K.C. Schmidt?
你爱我的大脑想看吗？
You love my brain. Wanna see it?
不你的大脑也不在那儿…不
No! And that's not where your brain... no.
怎么会有人付钱看你想出来的点子？
Why are people paying money for your ideas?
等等大家都是怎么购买♥♥我的书？
Wait. How are people buying my book?
点击购买♥♥的地方根本就没架设好
The buying clicky place isn't even set up.
我的天啊你是说网站吗？
Oh, my God, do you mean a website?
已经架设好了但是流量太大了网站一直瘫痪
It's set up. It just keeps crashing 'cause there's too much traffic.
网路管道太满了
The tubes are full.
我灌满了网路管道
I filled the tubes.
等等布丁哥阿甘是根据谁的角色？
Wait, who's Turdgun the Pudding Man based on?
泰坦斯了了
Titus. Got it.
你要叫我《玩具总动员》的安弟
Call me Andy from Toy Story,
因为你会有胡迪
'cause you're gonna have a woody for my buzz.
发生什么事？
What's happening?
我不知道那是一间厕所或是一个球坑但是…
I don't know if that was a bathroom or a ball pit, but...
尚恩怀特？《葛里姆拉斯传奇》是你写的
Shaun White? You wrote The Legends of Greemulax?
你感觉得到她但是你刚刚在球坑里拉了一堆屎？
You could read that but you just dropped a deuce in the ball pit?
不我所有客户的小孩现在都在读你的书
No, all my clients' kids are reading your book right now.
小LL酷、小提米李琼斯、蛋派特洛
LL Cool Jr., Tiny Lee Jones, Egg Paltrow.
环球菁英国际经纪公♥司♥ 这几个礼拜一直在找KC施密特
UTI has been trying to track down K.C. Schmidt for weeks.
你找到她了
Well, you found her.
没错我不是尚恩怀特
That's right. I'm not Shaun White.
我的名字是金咪施密特而且我是个女生
My name's Kimmy Schmidt, and I'm all girl.
你的费洛蒙一团乱
Well, your pheromones are a mess.
你有没有经纪人？我很想分
Are you set up anywhere? 'Cause I would love to be
《葛里姆拉斯传奇》的一杯羹
in the Greemulax business.
不行你不能抢走她
No, you are not poaching her!
你要什么？《野鸭变凤♥凰♥》电影票？
What do you want? Mighty Ducks tickets?
或是请冯迪索在你的生日趴跳舞？
You want Vin Diesel to dance at your birthday?
在彼得鲁格牛排馆
You wanna split a baked potato
和凯瑟琳海格的老妈分吃烤马铃薯？
with Katherine Heigl's mom at Peter Luger's?
她不能给你那一切
She can't give you any of that.
那是真的
That's true.
但是金咪你曾经告诉我你想要改变这个世界
But, Kimmy, you once told me that you wanted to change the world.
当时我说你发疯了
And I said you were crazy.
我说你比你看起来还要笨
I said you were dumber than you look.
我还说红发是近亲交♥配♥的征兆
I said red hair is a sign of inbreeding.
我想我要跟伊莱走
I think I'm gonna go with Eli.
可是…我错了
But I was wrong.
你可以改变世界金咪施密特
You can change the world, Kimmy Schmidt,
因为你已经改变了这个世界最重要的一个人
because you already changed the most important person in it:
我
me.
你太棒了宝贝