我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E06

Part 3 Feb. 24, 2023, 9:30 a.m.

金咪不
Kimmy. No.
瞧这才是
See, this
我们希望你写的书
is what we want from you.
（恐惧的地下通道金咪施密特的悲惨故事）
大家还是认为你是鼹鼠女
People see you as a Mole Woman,
我的工作就是把你放进那个框框里
and it's my job to keep you in that box.
不我之前就被关在一个框框里
No! I've been put in a box.
对没错这就是我们需要的东西
Yes! Yeah, see, that... that is the kind of stuff we need.
这是一门生意
This is a business,
没有人会买♥♥你写的童书
and nobody's ever gonna buy your children's book.
对不起我只是活在现实世界
I'm sorry. I'm just living in the real world.
我猜我终于知道当大家不再对你有礼貌
Well, I guess I finally found out what happens
开始露出真实的自己
when people stop being polite
是怎么一回事了
and start getting real.
真实故事
True story!
（挚爱的父亲、虔诚教♥徒♥ 希望他生前学会西语）
Hang on.
等一下…
It's over?
结束了吗？
天啊
Oh, my God.
莉莉恩… 我是不是跟你说错时间了？
Lillian, did I give you the wrong time?
理查坎德把山米罗马尼亚餐馆的菜单
Agh! And Richard Kind gave such a beautiful reading
朗读得真是美妙
of the menu from Sammy's Roumanian.
你别想唬烂我
I don't think so.
你的说词就像胸罩和牙膏
Your story's like bras and toothpaste,
因为我才不买♥♥帐
'cause I ain't buying it!
是什么露了馅？
What was it?
这条古♥柯♥碱项链？
The coke necklace?
那只是第一条线索
Well, to start with.
那些只是《齐柏林飞船第四张专辑》封面上的符号♥
I mean, those are just symbols from Led Zeppelin IV.
你老哥看到你突然像个大人一样
And your brother seemed awfully suspicious to see you
看起来也起了疑心
acting like a grown-up.
还有小妞
And, kiddo,
我看得出来那是夹鼠器的瘀青
I know a rat-trap bruise when I see one.
我只想要吃那块起司
I wanted that cheese, man.
所以是怎样
So, what, you're just
你是想要让
the black sheep
你们家族团结一致的败家女
trying to hold it together for the family,
可是后来我出现…
but then I show up...
我马上就看出来你看穿了我
And I could tell that you were onto me,
所以我就故意跟你说错时间
so I gave you the wrong time
因为我不需要你来乱
because I don't need that noise.
所以…
So...
这全都是为了塔布曼钞票
it's all about the Tubmans.
没错
That's right.
我知道要出新钞票
I updated it!
时间到了富兰克林百元钞票
Time's up, Benjamins!
我的信讬基金完全被我爸掌控
My trust fund was completely controlled by my father.
我每次想要钱就得去哀求我爸
Anytime I wanted cash, I had to go beg Daddy
不管是为了创业点子
for business ideas or mail-order grooms
或是邮购扫把或是赛驴
or racing donkeys!
那是体育界的未来
It's the future of sports!
但是他们今晚宣读遗嘱以后…
But after they read that will tonight...
你老哥就会掌控你的钱
Your brother is gonna be in control of your money!
如果他觉得…
And if he thinks...
“希芭现在很有责任感
"Sheba's so responsible now!
她都戴了手表她很显然也洗了澡”
She's got a watch! She's clearly showered!"
他就会让我掌控我的钱
He's gonna give me control.
然后我就要开一家
And I'm gonna open
全年无休的万圣节专卖♥♥店
a year-round Halloween store.
那会有12倍的赚头猪头
It's 12 times the profits, idiots.
我不会让那种事发生
I'm not gonna let that happen.
我要去找伊森然后告诉他
I'm gonna find Ethan and I'm gonna tell him
你在搞什么鬼
exactly what you're up to.
如果你以为我会就这样放弃
And if you think that I'm gonna give up,
那你就没看过我试着一个人换灯泡
then you have not seen me try to change a light bulb alone!
而且我是波兰人
And I'm Polish.
好耶你真是个天才就是我
Yes! You're a genius, me.
然后披风侠就变成杭克薛
"Then, The Capist turns to Honk Shoe."
等等… “杭克薛”？
Wait. "Honk Shoe"?
杭克
Honk...
薛
Shoe.
杭克
Honk...
薛
Shoe...
杭克薛？
Honk Shoe?
金咪我啥都没有
Kimmy, I have nothing!
我不到一个小时后就要去开会
And my meeting is in less than an hour.
意思就是20分钟后我为什么要那么说呢？
I mean, 20 minutes. Why would I say it that way?
我给了你我所有的点子
Well, I'd give you all of my ideas, but I know for a fact
但是我很肯定没有人要那些点子
that no one wants them.
等等
Wait.
那太完美了
That's perfect.
我需要点子他们才会付我钱
I need something so I can get paid,
如果他们真的买♥♥下我的点子
and if they actually wanna buy it,
我就得写更多集的剧本不能发生这种事
I'd have to write. That's not happening.
我知道这跟性无关但是我才不要后九咧
Now that I know it's not sexual, I don't want a back nine.
我家就是你家
Well, mi casa es su casa.
-这代表你要我的书吗？ -没错
- Does that mean "take my book"? - Yes.
试着别笑出来
Try not to laugh.
我猜这是一个不了解这个世界是怎么运作的婴儿写的
I guess it was written by a baby who doesn't understand the world.
金咪这本书写得真烂
Kimmy, this is so bad.
不过却非常真挚
But so sincere.
好恶哦
Gross.
谢谢你
Thank you.
杰
Jan...
杰我们得谈谈
Jan, we need to talk.
对啊我们现在该怎么办？假装是长颈鹿吗？
Yeah. What should we do know? Pretend to be giraffes?
长颈鹿会发出什么声音？
What noise does a giraffe make?
长颈鹿
Gira-a-a-affe!
长颈鹿不会发出声音杰
Giraffes don't make any noise, Jan.
这是我在大学学到的
- I learned that in college. - Oh. Um...
gira-a-a... gira-a-a...
听好我在地下碉堡得逃避现实
Look, in the bunker, I needed to escape reality,
但是现在我得面对现实
but now I'm trying to face reality.
我现在是个成熟的大人了
I'm a grown-up now.
你的肩带大概感觉得到我的咪♥咪♥
Your straps have probably noticed my boobs.
可是大人不会有一天醒来
But grown-ups don't just wake up one day
就决定他们要写一本书那会解决所有的问题
and decide they'll write a book that's gonna fix everything.
如果我想要改变世界我就得开始改变自己
If I want to change the world, I've gotta start by changing myself.
只要我还在我永远不会让那种事发生
As long as I'm around, I'll never let that happen!
我已经改变了杰我改变了很多
I've already changed, Jan. A lot.
我和人类学家在同一个地方买♥♥衣服
I buy clothes at the same place as anthropologists.
我有一张签帐金融卡和一份工作
I have a debit card and a job,
我拥有一部份的福利
where I'm partially vested.
等我有全部的福利就会有背心穿了
When I'm fully vested, I'll have a vest.
穿背心真的很赞因为袖子不会沾到布丁
Vests are fun 'cause your sleeves don't get in your pudding.
只是如果我想要成为一个真正的大人
It's just, if I'm ever gonna really be a grown-up,
如果我想要真正做什么事
if I'm ever gonna actually do something,
我就得摆脱阻止我前进的东西
I've gotta get rid of the stuff that's holding me back.
“东西”？
Um... "stuff"?
像是什么？
Like what?
像是…
Like...
我的凯蒂猫床单
my Hello Kitty sheets
还有我的一周七天的内♥裤♥
and my day-of-the-week underwear...
还有胸罩我得穿特别一点的胸罩
and bras. They had to be made special.
你只是在犯傻金咪
You're being silly, Kimmy.
幸好我回来了我要阻止你改变任何事
Good thing I'm back pack to stop you from changing anything!
来吧
Now, come on.
我们去踏上一场冒险旅程吧
Let's go on an adventure!
好啊杰
Yes, Jan.
一场冒险旅程
An adventure.
有些人会说…
Some say...
这是最伟大的冒险旅程