我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E10

Part 3 Feb. 28, 2023, 11:29 a.m.

泰德替你当电工啊那真好
Wow. Tad's doing electrical work for you. That's neat!
我和泰德就像艾格和贾方
Tad and I are like Iago and Jafar,
迪士尼卡♥通♥的第一对同志伴侣
the original gay Disney duo.
笑声这是大家玩得开心的征兆
Laughter: a sure sign of a good time.
不好意思我得接电♥话♥
Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.
现在安德鲁离开了餐桌
And now that Andrew has stepped away from the table,
这就是该谈谈他的时候了
it's time to talk about him.
是啊
Yes.
你们俩在一起多久了麦奇？
How long have you two been together, Mikey?
一年？
Um, a year?
是啊我猜是吧因为我跟他认识的时候
Yeah, I guess so, 'cause when me and him met,
冯迪索和巨石强森还是朋友
Vin Diesel and the Rock were still friends.
我们约会了很久了耶
- Oh. - That's a long time to be dating.
太久了吧
That's too long.
现在我要用我在说的话
And now I'm gonna fill this silence
填满这段沉默的时刻
with the words I'm saying right now.
（《葛里姆拉斯传奇》）
嘿你有看到七只猫经过这儿吗？
Hey, have you seen seven cats come through here?
莉莉恩人们可以改变吗？
Lillian, can people change?
你说的是更年期还是狼人？
Are you talking menopause or werewolves?
因为其中一个是为了吓唬小孩瞎掰出来的传说
'Cause one of them is a legend made up to scare children,
另外一个是狼人
and the other one is werewolves.
我的意思是一个坏人会突然一下子变成好人吗？
No, I mean can a bad person all of a sudden become a good person?
就像《魔鬼克星》里的史莱姆
Like Slimer from Ghostbusters.
他在真人电影里是坏人
In the movies, he's a bad guy,
但是在卡♥通♥里是魔鬼克星的成员
but in the cartoons, he's just part of the team.
什么改变了？
What changed?
甜心这是真实世界
Oh, honey, this is the real world.
人们不会改变不会像那样改变
People don't change. Not like that.
但是如果我说的那个人
But what if the person I'm talking about
受到一本很特别的书的启发呢？
was inspired by a very special book?
如果你说的是耶稣我不想听
If this is about Jesus, pass!
嘿
Hey.
嫉妒吧？
Jealous?
（居家翻修猛♥男♥泰德费瑞
和高大版嘻洛的新男友亲热）
我不敢相信我认识报上的人
I can't believe I know someone in the paper!
我是“高大版嘻洛”的室友
I'm roommates with "Tall Cee Lo."
给我啦
Give me that.
你这个夭寿金发贱♥人♥
You skinny blonde bitch!
-谢谢你 -你要
- Thank you. - You want proof
“人不会改变”的证明吗？
that people are who they are?
那是希芭古德曼吗？
Is that Sheba Goodman?
对她不在牢里也不在内华达州
Yeah, and she's not in jail or Nevada!
那个小贱♥人♥骗了我
That little dirtbag scammed me.
我以为她在吃内华达州披萨
And to think I actually felt sorry for her,
我还真的替她感到难过呢
thinking she was eating Nevada pizza.
-什么？不 -那会是什么东西？
- What? No! - What would that even be?
那些钱呢？
What about the money?
我寄了一万元给保释担♥保♥人
I sent ten grand to a bail bondsman.
一万块钱啊
Ten grand.
她用来开那间超蠢的全年无休的万圣节主题商店
She used it for her stupid year-round Halloween store.
全年无休？有意思
Year-round? Interesting.
所以大家就能庆祝国吓日
So one could celebrate the Fourth of Boo -ly
还有马丁路德惊吓纪念日和圣诞节
and Martin Boo -ther King Day and... Chri-i-istmas.
我要找到那个地方
I'm gonna find that place,
我也要好好地教训她
and I'm gonna teach her a lesson,
先从关闭那整家店开始
starting with shutting the whole thing down!
我要先找到它它到底有多吓人？老实说
Not if I find it first. How scary is it? Be honest!
（《享受吧一个同志的旅行》）
他来了
There he is.
你又忘了我的名字了？
Did you forget my name again?
-噢你 -你还是没说
- Oh, you. - You still haven't said it.
你红了
You're blowing up,
这次不是因为你吃了坏掉的螃蟹
and this time, it's not from eating old crab.
我超强的
♪ Crushing it ♪
麦奇就快要甩掉安德鲁了
Mikey's this close to dumping Andrew and running to me
然后会像奥♥运♥的那些输家奔向我
like those losers in the Olympics.
“嘿我们一起去巴西绕圈子跑吧”
"Hey, let's go to Brazil and run in a circle."
你今天能不能和泰德吃午饭？
So can you have lunch with Tad today?
因为秀犬狗食要拍你在下一次同志约会的时候
Because Show Breed Dog Food wants you to be photographed
拿着一袋他们的健康狗饲料
holding a bag of their healthy coat formula on your next gay date.
反正我刚好也在用这项产品
It's a product I use anyway.
（秀犬狗食健康狗饲料）
棒呆了
Crushing it!
欢迎光临万圣节360 我能…
Welcome to Halloween 360. Can I h...
噢…惨了
Oh, crap.
（万圣节360）
没错
Yes.
你玩完了
You are done here.
你偷了你死去老爸的钱用来开一家蠢店
You stole from your dead father to open a dumb store
而且店名根本就莫名其妙
with a name that doesn't even make sense.
店名叫万圣节360
It is called Halloween 360
是因为这家店全年无休
because it's open all year.
那不是一年那是一个圈圈
That's not a year. It's a circle...
地球是圆的莉莉恩
The Earth is round, Lillian.
我都不知道你是怎么做到的
I don't even know how you did it.
我把钱寄给保释担♥保♥人
I-I sent that money to a bail bondsman.
是吗？
Did you?
首先根本就没有迪普罗郡
First of all, there's no Diplo County.
迪普罗是继反骨搭档组之后最伟大的歌♥手的名字
Diplo is only the name of the greatest musician since the Vengaboys.
我用网站架设平台
I made that bail bondsman website
建立了保释担♥保♥人的网页然后再把支付方法
on Squarespace, and then I connected the pay portal
连结到我的行动支付帐号♥就发财了
to my Venmo account, and blazmo.
那是千禧世代说“钱来也”的方法
That's how millennials say "cha-ching,"
因为“钱来也”有负面意义
because "cha-ching" might be offensive.
我们不知道也不敢问
We don't know, and we're afraid to ask.
可是警♥察♥打来的电♥话♥呢？
But the phone call with the cop...
是啊那是我朋友丹尼斯
Yeah, that was my friend Dennis.
我从他跳舞的脱衣舞店打来
I called from the strip club that he works at.
所以他才会打扮成一个警♥察♥
That's why he was dressed like a cop.
是啊
Whoo! Yas!
我看不到那画面
I couldn't see that.
那帮助了我的表演
Well, it helped my performance.
谢天谢地这家店还在
Thank gosh it's still here!
我从家里把这台推车带来
I brought this cart from home.
我没有钱了要跟我说
Tell me when I run out of money.
蜘蛛？好上加好
Spiders? Yes and yes.
鬼怪？
Ghosts?
我就不客气了
Don't mind if I boo.
骷髅骨
Skeleton.
我有一个喔可是她也许需要一个舞伴
I have one, but she could use a dance partner.
还有那些南瓜马桶
These toilet pumpkins!
我是说南瓜马桶
I mean toilet pumpkins.
你们不配用真正的马桶
You don't deserve a real toilet.
给我用南瓜马桶
Go in the pumpkin!
噢不又发生了
Oh, no. It's happening.
她在干什么？
What the hell is she doing?
别看我谁都别看我
Don't look at me. Nobody look at me!
莉莉恩你是对的
Lillian. You're right.
人们不会改变得那么快
People don't change that fast.
这是接受了两年心理治疗的我
This is me after two years of therapy.
莉莉恩你认识这个疯婆娘？
Lillian, you know this freaky bitch?
法兰达德不可能突然就变成一个好人
There's no way Fran Dodd is just good all of a sudden.
你这是在干什么？
What do you think you're doing?
这些是被偷的赃物
This is stolen merchandise.
我要进行公民逮捕
I'm making a citizen's arrest!
想得美我知道你不是公民
Nice try! I know you're not a citizen.
你只是个开了一家店的蠢富二代
- You stupid brat with your baby store! - Ah! Ow!
你以为自己是谁？
- What do you think? - Ow!
跟我比起来你什么都不是
You're nothing compared to me!
我用好了谁能丢给我一个木乃伊吗？
I'm done. Can someone throw me a mummy?
-扔条腿给我 -我要打电♥话♥报♥警♥
- ... throw a leg at me! - I'm gonna call the cops!