我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E09

Part 1 Feb. 28, 2023, 11:29 a.m.

-你好药头查理 -她是我的
- Howdy, Meth-Head Charlie! - She's mine!
跟我的室友在纽约吃吃喝喝真是有趣好玩的一天
What a fun New York day being a foodie with my roomie.
我们吃了披萨、可拿滋甜甜圈…
We had pizza, a Cronut...
我从可爱的多拿滋店偷拿的甜甜圈
A doughnut that I stole from a crow, yes.
然后你在凯兹熟食店重演了梅格莱恩的那场戏
... and then you did the Meg Ryan scene at Katz's Deli!
那只是我对三明治的反应
Girl, that's just how I react to sandwiches.
危险陌生人
Stranger danger!
金咪
Kim, Kim,
-他是第四台的维修员 -你们好两位
- it's the cable guy. - Uh, evenin', folks.
我只是得进去一下替你们的路由器升级
I just need to get inside so I can update the router.
这整个街区都会有一些全新的免费频道可看
This whole block is getting a bunch of new channels for free. Ah!
好吧好耶
Yeah.
等等免费
Wait. Free?
为什么会有人免费给我们任何东西
Why would anyone give us anything for free?
如果你真的是第四台的维修员
If you're from the cable company,
衣服上面为什么没有标志
why is there no logo on your shirt?
那个袋子为什么看起来是空的
- Oh... - And why does that bag look empty?
还有你的厢型车为什么挂着佛蒙特州车牌
Also, how come your van has Vermont plates?
如果你要替路由器升级你的厄凯平板电脑咧
And if you're updating the router, where's your Urk Pad?
我的厄凯平板电脑在我的包包
Oh, uh, my Urk Pad is in my bag.
骗子厄凯平板电脑是把厄凯尔传送到巴黎的机器
Liar! The Urk Pad is the machine that sent Urkel to Paris.
你不是第四台维修员
You're not the cable guy.
快滚吧你这变♥态♥狂
Get out of here, you creep!
好吧
Fine!
你知道吗我本来要杀死你们
You know what? I was gonna murder you guys!
你高兴了吧
Are you happy? Huh?
没错我本来要把你们的尸块都放进我在佛蒙特州的冰柜
Yeah, I was gonna put you both in my freezer in Vermont!
那就是这个袋子的用处
That is what the bag was for!
天啊
God!
That's gonna be, uh...
you know, a fascinating transition.
Wow.
有一个白人刚才想要杀死我们
A white guy just tried to kill us.
这个社区变了
This neighborhood is changing.
幸好有我负责看出谁是变♥态♥狂
Well, good thing I'm around to spot creeps.
幸好你待过地下…
Good thing you were in the bunk...
别给我说那个字
Don't ever say that!
你觉得我这么容易惊吓是件好事吗
You think it's a good thing I'm so easily freaked out?
（妈妈的派）
Yah!
-快上车金咪 -想都别想
- Get in the van, Kimmy. - Never!
-猜猜我是谁 -我不喜欢
- Guess who! - I don't like that!
凯特布兰琪演技好还是她只是长得很高
... is Cate Blanchett good, or is she just tall?
我要把你的大胡子拔光
- Ow! - I'm gonna rip your beard off!
（第一万名顾客）
不好意思
Sorry.
不好意思大伙儿
Sorry, everyone!
故事说完了吗我们能看电视你能按♥摩♥我的脚吗
Is your story over? Can we watch TV now and you rub my feet?
Ooh!
屋飞有《双面情人》可以看了
HouseFlix just got Sliding Doors.
真好笑
Huh. It's funny.
我被绑♥架♥那一天本来要在放学以后
I was supposed to see Sliding Doors
看《双面情人》
after school the day I was kidnapped.
那真的很好笑
That is funny.
女人都很好笑金咪
Women are funny, Kimmy!
我也从来
You know, I never got
没看过《双面情人》我真的很想看
to see Sliding Doors either, and I really wanted to.
我可以对着荧幕大叫
I could've yelled stuff at the screen like,
“我知道你耍了什么手段葛妮丝你用了裙带关系”
"I know what door you're sliding through, Gwyneth: nepotism."
小心罗好莱坞
Ho-ho, watch out, Tinseltown.
没有人防得了泰坦斯
No one's safe from Titus!
那部电影上映时
But when that movie came out,
我刚刚逃婚正在来纽约的路上
I was busy running away from my wedding to go to New York.
我的巴士刚好经过印第安纳州
My bus actually went through Indiana.
姊妹在另一个人生我们有可能会遇到对方
Girl, in another life, we could've run into each other.
因为我知道我们在前世见过面
'Cause I know we met in a past life.
我是成吉思汗你是一匹我吃掉的马
I was Genghis Khan, and you were a horse I ate.
很多事情在另一个人生都会很不一样
In another life, a lot of things could've been different.
也许你会是亚洲人
Maybe you'd be Asian.
不过这由不得我们决定
But it's not up to us.
世事无常我们能掌控的
Life happens, and the only thing
只有我们面对人生的方法
we can control is how we deal with it.
现在你自♥由♥了我们终于能看《双面情人》了
But now you're free, and we're finally watching Sliding Doors.
我要去穿我的睡衣
I'm gonna put on my PJs.
别不等我就开始看喔
Don't start without me!
你还在等什么
What's the holdup?
快把你黝黑的屁♥股♥移上我的车女士
Get that tan fan' in my van, ma'am.
可是…我放学以后
It's just... I'm supposed to go to the movies
约好了要和朋友去看电影
with my friends after school,
但是如果我上课迟到被留校察看我就没办法去看了
but if I'm late and get detention, I won't be able to,
所以我不能告诉你护理学校在哪里
so I can't show you where the nursing college is.
很抱歉先生
I'm sorry, sir.
是喔我说你有黝黑的屁♥股♥ 也是骗你的
Yeah, well, I lied about you having a tan fan'.
其实你的屁♥股♥很苍白
That's a pale tail!
我会靠自己找到那些护士
I'll find my own way to the nurses,
因为男人最会看地图
'cause men are good at maps!
（纽约）
这里就是纽约市吗
Is this New York City?
我现在可以当同志了吗
Am I allowed to be gay now?
不对和不行我们在印第安纳州邓斯维尔
No and no. We're in Durnsville, Indiana, sir.
没错
That's right.
同时有“您已进入邓斯维尔”
Home of both the "You Are Now Entering Durnsville"
以及“您正离开邓斯维尔”的标示
and the "You Are Now Leaving Durnsville" signs.
有些护理学校的学生失踪了
Some nursing students went missing earlier,
我们得找到她们
and we gotta find 'em,
有很多医生需要老婆
'cause there's doctors out there that need wives.
我们要在这里待多久
How long are we gonna be here?
至少两个小时我们得搜索城里的每辆汽车
A couple hours, at least. We gotta search every vehicle in town.
可是我明天要为《狮子王》试镜耶
But I have an audition for The Lion King tomorrow.
真是的
Oh, boy.
我不想告诉你实话小兄弟
I hate to break it to you, buddy,
但是他们已经拍了那部电影
but they've already made that picture.
而且是一部卡♥通♥片
And it's cartoons.
魔鬼蛋
Deviled eggs?
你从密西西比州就在吃那些蛋
Have you been eating those since Mississippi?
《双面情人》
Hmm, Sliding Doors?
我可以看场电影杀时间
I could kill time with a movie
只要我能买♥♥到学生票或老人优待票
if I can get a student or senior citizen discount.
警官
Officer.
这里的人会不会看黑人的年龄
How good are folks around here at telling black people's ages?
超不会的老先生或小屁孩
Oh, the worst, old-timer or kiddo.
请注意月台间隙
Mind the gap.
挡住那道拉门
Hold that sliding door!
可恶那道拉门会滑耶
Ugh, bloody wanker! The door slid.
英国腔讲得真好小辣椒
Nice accent, Goopy.
你到底应该是从加拿大的哪个地方来的
What part of Canada are you supposed to be from, exactly?
Shh!
（主要发型师：赛门汤普森）
“赛门汤普森主要发型师”
"Simon Thompson, key hairstylist"?
怪不得
Well, that explains it.
他用主钥匙替她剪头发
He cut her hair with a key!
说真的
For reals?
你怎么连一次都没笑那部电影烂透了
How could you not laugh once? That movie was "turrble."
不才没有呢
No, it wasn't!
我是说对啦我知道真正的人生不是那样
I mean, sure, I know that's not how life really works.
随便一件事就能改变一切
Like some random occurrence changes everything.
但是其他的部份…
But the rest of it...
伦敦
London.
海伦曾经拥有的人生
The life that Helen had.
她死了两次之前没错
Before she died twice? Yes.
现在
But now,
看了那部电影… 我要离开这里
after seeing that movie, I'm gonna get out of here.
我要像海伦一样住在伦敦
I'm gonna live in London like Helen
然后在PR上班
and work in PR!
PR就是波多黎各