我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E09

Part 3 Feb. 28, 2023, 11:29 a.m.

So if you don't succeed,
可以尽管怪拉门或是蝴蝶
feel free to blame Sliding Doors or butterflies
或是你们的老妈或是婴儿盖文
or your mom... or baby Gavin.
不过你们应该怪你们自己
- Ooh. - But you should blame yourself,
因为你们的命运掌控在自己的手中
because you're in control of your destiny.
我14岁那年就决定我要住在伦敦
When I was 14, I decided I would live in London,
在公♥关♥界上班剪大卫史派德的发型
work in public relations, and get David Spade's haircut.
猜怎么着
Well, guess what.
（护照）
明天我要飞去伦敦开始新工作
Tomorrow I fly to London for my new job.
宝贝要…离开了
Baby's... leaving?
很不幸的不是每个人
Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed
都拥有我给我自己的优势
with the advantages I've given myself.
我说的当然是那18个护校学生
I'm speaking, of course, of the 18 nursing students,
一个约克牛排馆的女服务生
one York Steak House waitress,
还有邓斯维尔唯一的女稻草人
and Durnsville's only girl scarecrow,
她们从1998年就失踪到现在
who have all gone missing since 1998.
为了纪念她们我会放生20只罕见的亚马逊蝴蝶
In their honor, I will be releasing 20 rare Amazonian butterflies
由生物系捐赠
donated by the biology department.
Whoa!
全体人员
All units,
全面通缉一辆没车窗的灰色1991年吉姆西货卡
an APB for a windowless gray 1991 GMC Creeper last spotted
最后被见到是在砰砰炸♥药♥小子大道
on Boom Goes the Dynamite Kid Boulevard.
那辆车曾经出现在
Matches the vehicle seen in the vicinity
最近几起绑♥架♥案的犯案地点附近
of several recent kidnappings.
乖乖隆个咚那就在这附近耶
Hot diggity dog, that's right near here.
我已经可以看到新闻头条了
I can see the headline now:
“拯救警♥察♥阅读障碍护士”
"Rescues Cop Dyslexic Nurses."
近距离看它们真的很恐怖
Oh! Up close, they're horrible!
Ah!
宝贝
Baby!
你知道吗葛蕾琴
You know what, Gretchen?
我已经当了九年的美容师了
I've been a Cosmetologist for nine years now,
但我只是一直在签名
and all I've done is sign autographs
还有演出汤姆克鲁斯所有的特技动作
and do all of Tom Cruise's stunts.
预备…开拍
And action!
泰坦斯你在说什么
Titus, what are you saying?
我知道我签了一份合约
I know I signed a contract,
但是我不能等九亿九千9百九十九万九千九百九十一年才离开这里
but I don't think I can wait 999,999,991 years to get out of here.
这件事我要怪罪给那个太阳从月亮上
Wow. I'm gonna chalk that one up to the tiny aliens
射进你梦中的小外星人
that the sun shoots off of the moon and into your dreams.
这和事实无关我只是在闹情绪
This is not about facts. I'm just being emotional.
教会对我们很好
The church has been good for both of us.
我加入美容教会前在网路上卖♥♥我的头发
Before Cosmetology, I was selling my hair on the Internet
还在只穿上衣的脱衣舞厅跳舞
and dancing at a tops-only strip club.
有人应该来这里替我的大头照签名
Somebody should be down here signing my head shots.
你想要当一个出名的演员
You wanna be a famous actor?
一年前葛雷肯尼尔就是在做这些事
A year ago, this is exactly what Greg Kinnear was doing,
但是现在他得了一座奥斯卡奖
but now he has an Oscar
作品是《双面情人3：大门响叮当》
for Sliding Doors 3, colon, Jingle All the Door.
你有一天也可以成为他
- Wow. - That could be you someday,
只要你对创办人有信心
if you put your faith in the Founder
然后写一张银行本票发挥你的潜力
and actualate your potentiality through cashier's checks.
汤姆克鲁斯需要你从一架直升机上面往下跳
Tom Cruise needs you to jump out of a helicopter
跳进另一架装满鳗鱼的直升机
into another helicopter that's full of eels.
再见葛蕾琴
Good-bye, Gretchen.
不管怎样我都不会再回来这里了
One way or another, I'm not coming back here.
没错我们认为这个特技动作会害死你
Yeah, we're thinking this stunt is gonna kill you.
但这是为了重拍《世界大战》所以…超值得的
But it's for a remake of War of the Worlds, so... worth it!
（庆祝一年昏迷不醒）
（昏迷纪念日快乐希望你早日苏醒）
（听说你的昏迷指数变成1）
医生说我应该念东西给你听所以…
The doctor said I should read to you, so...
“恭喜你购买♥♥了双节棍
"Congratulations on your purchase of nunchucks.
双节棍的使用方法…”
To use your nunchucks"...
金柏莉
Kimberly?
宝贝你还好吧
Baby? Are you okay?
护士
Nurse!
我的宝贝的机器
Nurse, my baby's machines!
我马上就来这里只有我一个人
I'll be there in a minute. It's just me here.
我们很难找到更多护士
We've had such a hard time finding nurses
因为她们都被抓抓走走了
'cause of the whole grabby-grabby, takey-takey.
布莱恩
Bryan?
嘿
Hey.
这里不是伦敦对吧
This isn't London, is it?
不是
No.
朱立安福尔希斯
Julian Voorhees?
那个亿万富翁
The billionaire?
我们在我当空服员的网捷航♥空♥认识
We met on a NetJets flight I was working,
我用最古老的方法收服了他
and I locked it down old-school.
你怀孕了
You're pregnant?
但是你在骑机器牛出意外以后…
But after your mechanical bull accident...
可是医生都说这是奇蹟
The doctors say it's a miracle.
你很幸运你替网捷工作
You're so lucky you work for NetJets.
要不是我在面试时全身都是呕吐物
I would've gotten that job
我也会得到那份工作
if I hadn't been covered in vomit at my interview.
我在达美航♥空♥班机上见过最有钱的家伙
The richest guy I ever saw on Delta
是我们运送代言百威啤酒的麦肯锡犬的那一次
was when we were transporting the corpse of Spuds MacKenzie.
你不会在工作上遇到有钱人
So you won't meet someone at work.
所以才要来皮埃尔酒店的酒吧
That's what the bar at The Pierre is for.
我只觉得岁月不饶人
I just feel like the clock is ticking.
有位智者曾经说 35岁是女人“退房♥”的年纪
As a wise man once said, 35 is checkout time for women.
要我把两只脚都塞进我的嘴巴
And honestly, it's getting harder and harder to do that thing
愈来愈困难了
where I put both feet in my mouth.
别跟我提纽约的房♥地♥产♥
Don't tell me about New York real estate.
我在每一区都盖了大楼
I put up buildings in every borough!
Mm.
他是一名房♥地♥产♥大亨
Oh, he's a real estate developer.
我对圣母玛利亚发誓
I swear on the Virgin Mary!
-嗯 -而且他不是犹太人
- Yeah, right on. - And a non-Jewish one.
你知道该怎么做姊妹
You know what to do, girl.
我真是笨手笨脚
Oh! Clumsy me.
真是对不起
I'm so sorry.
嘿别道歉
Hey, don't apologize.
我超爱的
I love this,
因为我是个百分百直男
'cause I'm so straight.
是吗证明给我看
Oh, yeah? Prove it.
天啊那真是又棒又性感
Whoa, boy, that was... that was so good and sexy,
不过我明天得很早起床
but I-I gotta get up real early.
你不如现在就“起来”
How about you get up right now?
让我们看电视吧
Let's watch TV!
理查韦恩盖瑞韦恩你是我的…
Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, you are my...
接♥班♥人
The Apprentice.
棒呆了
Fabulosity!
You did a great job with that fruit garden.
你是怎么做到的
How'd you do that?
好吧快滚吧
I told you to get out of here.
你还不能走欧玛萝莎
But not you, Omarosa.
施密特女士 WDUR新闻台的卡拉度丝黛
Ms. Schmidt, Carla Tuesday, WDUR.
（昏迷女孩现在只是女孩）
得意新闻台？
The DUR?
你是邓斯维尔的黄金女郎
You were the golden girl of Durnsville...
全班第一名正要去伦敦上班
top of your class, on your way to a job in London.
（邓斯维尔女人不会去伦敦）
现在呢
So now what?
我错过了我生命中的一年
Well, I missed out on a year of my life.
小布兰妮也剃了光头
Britney shaved her head.
而且不这不是我的计划
Um... and no, this wasn't the plan.
但是如果我去了英国
But if I had gone to England,
我就不会知道我的男友
I never would have known
布莱恩对我有多真心
how devoted my boyfriend, Bryan, was.
Oh.
我的宝贝从来没有离开我身边
My baby never left my side.
真是一个超浪漫爱情故事
What an amazeballs love story.
你不只是被车子撞到金柏莉
You didn't just get hit by a car, Kimberly.
你被爱神的箭射中也被车撞到
You got hit by Cupid's arrow and a car.