我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E08

Part 3 Feb. 27, 2023, 9:41 a.m.

代表你会有更多工作机会
means more opportunities for you.
听好
Look.
我讨厌科利奥兰纳斯伯特但是他说的是实话
I hate Coriolanus Burt, but he's telling the tru-tru.
那又怎样？你给我乖乖闭嘴
So what? You keep your mouth shut,
这可能是
and this just might be the best thing
-对你最好的事 -拜托让我过
- that ever happened to you. - Please let me through.
我怀里有一只雪貂
I have a ferret in my shirt
它需要它的止泻药噢不
who needs her diarrhea medicine and... oh, no.
（佛朗帕斯指控者有一只怪宠物）
他们喂你吃了什么黛芬妮？
What did they feed you, Daphne?
我超爱橄榄园义大利餐厅
Oh, I just love the Olive Garden.
每道菜都是热腾腾地上菜服务生也好到不行
Everything comes out hot, the servers are a delight...
-还有食物的份量 -食物的份量
And the portions!
看看你在办公室找到真爱
Oh, look at you, huh? Finding love at work.
你知道我和你妈是在夏令营认识的吧
You know, your mother and I met at summer camp.
他当时是辅♥导♥员我是培训辅♥导♥员
Ah, well, he was a counselor. I was a CIT.
毒橡木掉进我的泳裤
I had gotten poison oak in my swim trunk area...
爸没人想听那件事
Dad, nobody wants to hear that.
我们今晚再聊如何？
How 'bout we tell you the rest tonight?
-你能不能来我们家吃晚饭金咪？ -我们会再告诉你
- Can you come over for dinner, Kimmy? - We'll let you know.
我们整个下午都会在外面不过我们有汽车电♥话♥
We're out all afternoon, but we'll have our car phones.
掰了
- Bye-bye. - Bye.
听好也许我们今晚可以不跟我爸妈一起过
Look, maybe tonight we could do something without my parents.
你不觉得不见你父母太快了吗？
Uh, but don't you think it's a little soon to be not meeting your parents?
我都还没去过你住的地方
I still haven't seen your place.
我不能让你去那里
Oh, that's not an option
因为我住在虾子和花生工厂楼上
because I live above a shrimp and peanut factory.
虾子和花生工厂？
A shrimp and peanut factory?
我知道对吧？
I know, right?
所以我会让珍妮丝和戴夫知道我们会一起看益智节目
So I'll let Janice and Dave know we're in for Jeopardy!
好吧
Okay.
-为了泰坦斯去为了戏剧留下来 -泰坦斯
- Go for Titus. Stay for drama. - Titus?
这是麦奇来自我们一起
It's Mikey, from that dream you had
开了一家松饼餐厅的那场梦呀？
where we opened a pancake restaurant together?
-麦克你好你听起来很好 -听好
- Michael, hello. You sound well. - Look,
我看了关于佛朗帕斯先生的新闻
I was reading about this Mr. Frumpus stuff,
然后发现你替他试过镜
and then I realized that you auditioned for him.
你替我担心真是贴心
Oh, how sweet of you to worry about me,
你还要担心臭氧层和深夜谈话节目的战争
what with the ozone layer and the late-night wars.
佛朗帕斯先生的事是真的吗？
Is it true about Mr. Frumpus?
我真的希望不是真的
I really hope not
不只是因为我有四分之一木偶血统
and not just because I'm 1/4 marionette.
麦克我不想谈过去的事
Michael, I don't wanna talk about the past.
我想高唱关于未来的事
I wanna sing about the future!
生化人雪儿她是金属做的雪儿
♪ Cyborg Cher. She's a Cher made of metal ♪
但是有雪儿真正的脸蛋
♪ But with Cher's real face ♪
如果你需要找人谈谈我就在这儿
Well, I'm here if you ever need to talk.
身为一个朋友所以要保持联络喔
As friends. So keep in touch.
我什么都没摸
I didn't touch anything!
我是说我会和你保持联络反正呢掰掰
I mean, I will keep in touch with you. Anyway... orange tube.
科利奥兰纳斯伯特是我的真名
Coriolanus Burt is my real name!
(伊♥斯♥兰♥国称伯特为一个“耻辱”）
我并不是看着房♥间的东西
I didn't come up with it by
就随便替自己取名字
looking around at random things in the room.
你为什么不去作证让警方将佛朗帕斯绳之以法？
Hey! Why aren't you out there nailing Frumpus to the wall?
反而是让这家伙受到千夫所指
Instead, this guy's taking all the heat!
你怎么知道那不是我你这种族歧视者？
How do you know that isn't me, you racist?
我本来以为是你直到你走进来
Well, I thought it was you until you walked in here.
听好我本来要出面作证但是那会毁了我的演艺生涯
Look, I was gonna come forward, but it's career suicide,
你知道我希望我的演艺生涯怎么结束
and you know how I want my career to end:
从《好莱坞广场》最上面一排掉下来挂掉
falling off the top row on Hollywood Squares.
大家都认为那家伙是骗子但是你知道他不是
Everybody thinks that guy is a liar, but you know he's not.
也许你出面作证他们就会相信他
Maybe if you came forward, they would believe him.
泰坦斯拜托考虑一下
Titus, come on. Think about it.
现在在电视上的可能就是你
That could be you on the TV right now.
喂？
Hello.
泰坦斯你正在坐着吗？
Titus, are you sitting down?
没有真是糟透了
No, and it's terrible.
科利奥兰纳斯伯特上个月拍了一支广♥告♥
Coriolanus Burt shot a commercial last month
客户现在想要找你重拍
that the client now wants to reshoot with you!
我？
Me?
-这是我天生注定要扮演的角色 -这是全国性广♥告♥
- It's the role I was born to play! - It's a national.
比蕾芭麦肯泰尔拍的肯德基广♥告♥更威
To one-up KFC and Reba McEntire,
冰雪皇后连锁店要介绍有史以来第一个黑人男性冰雪皇后
Dairy Queen is introducing the first-ever black male dairy queen.
有史以来第一个？
First-ever?
这就是我们游♥行♥抗♥议♥的原因
This is why we march.
抱歉莉莉恩我要出名了
Sorry, Lillian. Fame calls.
我要放罗伦的鬼魂去找你
I'm siccing Roland's ghost on you!
很好我们就可以一起做性感的陶艺品
Good! Then we can make sexy pottery together.
听好我需要你的帮忙
Look, I need your help.
事情变得很复杂
Things are getting complicated.
我就知道你没这能耐做这种事
Ugh, I knew you weren't cut out for this.
当小三不只是要在他老婆经过热水浴缸时
Being the other woman isn't all holding your breath underwater
躲进水底憋气
when his wife passes the hot tub.
你得有周全的计划第二支手♥机♥
You need to have a plan. A second phone.
你们不能被看到公开在一起
You can't be seen together in public.
我为什么把这件事当成真的一样？
And why am I treating this like it's a real thing?
如果没有乔许的话这件事情就会简单很多
This would all be so easy if Josh were out of the picture.
我是说他们到底是看上他哪一点？
I mean, what do they even see in him?
Ugh.
为什么？谁会想要啊？
Why? Who wants that?
你们真是有够变♥态♥
You people are sick!
听好你得放慢脚步
Listen, you have to slow down.
不然你就会跑去大都会博物馆慈善晚宴威胁要自杀
Before you go threaten to kill yourself at the Met Ball,
你得知道不管是他
you need to know if he...
或者是这对老夫老妻对你有没有同样的感觉
or this older couple... feels the same way about you.
你说得对
You're right.
这一切都是全新的体验
This is still so new.
我得知道珍妮丝和戴夫和我之间的感情是不是真的
I need to find out if what Janice and Dave and I have is real.
她怎么会是我唯一的女性朋友？
How is she my only female friend?
也许是因为你会在我面前说出那种话
Maybe because you say stuff like that in front of me.
CHERYL 删掉刚才的30秒
C.H.E.R.Y./L., erase the last 30 seconds.
不不要拜托这太痛苦了不
No! Please! It's so painful! No!
怎么样好姊妹？
What up, girlfriend?
噢
Oh, hey!
嘿亲爱的嗨
Darling, hi!
你的差点是多少金咪？
What's your handicap, Kimmy?
珍妮丝的差点是5 我的是椎间盘突出
Janice's is five, and mine's a slipped disk.
你还好吧？乔乔呢？
Are you okay? Where's Joshy?
乔许不会来加入我们
Joshua won't be joining us.
我以为我们三个好朋友可以一起打迷你高尔夫球
I thought we could play mini golf as a... threesies.
天啊金咪我们以为只有我们这么想
Oh, God, Kimmy, we thought it was just us.
这几天下来你让我们找回年轻的感觉
These last few days, you made us feel young again.
就像以前跟乔乔那样
Like it used to be with Joshy.
是啊可是我们真的要这么做吗？
Yeah, but are we really gonna do this?
背着我们长大成人的儿子偷偷打迷你高尔夫球？
Play mini golf behind our adult son's back?
干这种事的人有一种称呼耶
There's a name for people who do that.
才没有呢
No. There's not.
我查过网路上面说没有这种事
I checked the Internet. It said this isn't a thing.
可是我们知道有这种事
But we know it is.
拜托我可以给你们乔许不能给你们的事情
Come on. I can give you things Josh won't.
坐在沙发上边吃爆米花
On the couch... popcorn,
边看电视上《外科医生》的重播
M.A.S.H. reruns on the tube.
你们可以跟我解释所有的笑梗
You can explain all the jokes to me.
我要用橘色的球
I call orange.
我的王国遭到一场冰风暴的侵袭
My kingdom hath been struck by a Blizzard!
为了帮助大家把我挖出来
To help diggeth me out,
我下旨冰雪皇后冰风暴冰淇淋全部都是买♥♥♥一♥送♥一♥
I decree all DQ Blizzards are two for the price of one!
拜托救救我
Please! Help me!
卡抱歉泰坦斯你必须和科利奥兰纳斯演得一模一样
Cut! Sorry, Titus, we need you on the same mark as Coriolanus.
拜托救救我
Please, help me.
拜托救救我