我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E12

Part 2 March 2, 2023, 9:36 a.m.

So I'm gonna lose my home.
Whoa.
我在楼梯或是木屑粉碎机附近都会头晕
I always get so dizzy around stairs and wood chippers.
-喂？ -泰坦斯
- Hello? - Titus.
我是麦奇你方便讲话吗？
It's Mikey. Is this an okay time?
这个嘛…
Well,
我正在接受训练当《狮子王》的候补演员…
I'm training as an understudy in The Lion King, so...
《狮子王》？哇
The Lion King? W-wow.
我活在梦中
I'm living my dream.
不是那个我被桂格脆船长追着跑的梦
And not the one where I get chased by Cap'n Crunch.
听好我就长话短说这是关于我的婚礼
Lookit, I'll make this quick. It's about my wedding.
我们找不到人唱
We got no one to sing
《义大利曼波》那是天主教弥撒的传统
the "Mambo Italiano" part of a traditional Catholic Mass,
我希望你知道
and I was hoping, you know,
你可以来唱
you'd do it.
请稍候
Please hold.
娜娜你真有智慧
Nono, you're wise.
噢只是我的口音而已亲爱的
Oh, it's just the accent, dear.
娜娜跟夏风一样笨
Nono is as stupid as the summer wind.
我的前男友为什么要请我在他的婚礼上唱歌♥？
Why in living hell would my ex ask me to sing at his wedding?
没有人会请
One does not ask
泰坦斯做这种事除非那个人想要…
such a thing of a Titus unless one wants...
戏剧场面
... drama.
嘿麦奇
♪ Hey, Mikey ♪
别跟无趣的安德鲁结婚
♪ Don't marry boring Andrew ♪
跟我私奔吧
♪ And run off with me ♪
我们会领养一些异国种族的宝宝
♪ And we'll adopt some ethnic babies ♪
那就是我要你做的事
That is exactly what I wanted you to do.
安德鲁我恨你
Andrew, I hate you.
我了啦我逊毙了
I get it. I suck.
我很乐意在你的婚礼上唱歌♥ 麦可
I'd be happy to sing at your wedding, Michael!
太好了
Great.
时间是星期六下午三点
It's Saturday, three p.m.,
在圣马利欧食堂教会和棒球打击场
at St. Mario's Churcheteria and Batting Cages.
我会穿戴着铃铛去
I'll be there with bells on.
我超爱那件衣服
I love that outfit.
（搜寻房♥地♥产♥：
曼哈顿办公室空间高级、免费）
（没有网路连结）
别关掉无线网路
Don't turn off the Wi-Fi!
我要怎么找到一间新的办公室？
How am I gonna find a new office
或是因为哪些名人是黑人♥大♥吃一惊？
or be surprised by which celebrities are black?
杰奎琳你的家具呢？
Jacqueline, where's your furniture?
它是不是像崔普、你老公
Did it leave you just like Tripp, your husband,
和你所有的有钱朋友一样离开你？
and all your rich friends?
不是
No!
我正在和克隆尼玩恶作剧大战
I'm in a prank war with Clooney.
我的下一步就是把理查坎德丢下大峡谷
For my next move, I'm gonna throw Richard Kind into the Grand Canyon.
反正呢
Anyway,
我把这件事当成趁机健身的一个机会
I see it as a great opportunity to get a workout in...
除非你跳过瘦腿日？
unless you skip leg day.
绝对不会
Never.
就连我的女佣开枪射我那天都不会
Not even on the day my maid shot me.
（怀特经纪公♥司♥）
Hmm.
你看到今天早上的《纽♥约♥时♥报♥》吗？
Did you see The Times this morning?
看来你的前任客户
Evidently, your former client
“为《猫》音乐剧中葛雷猫尼尔的角色注入新生命”
"breathes new life into the role of Greg Catnear in Cats."
放心我不会抽葛雷舞台剧收入的佣金
Don't worry. I won't commission Greg's theater salary.
崔普的演艺事业蒸蒸日上
Tripp's thriving, by the way.
他们在挖掘漫威最冷门的超级英雄
They're digging deep into the Marvel library.
你有没有听过一个叫 “葛洛伯”的超级英雄？
Did you ever hear of a superhero named Glorbo?
他有一把刀子还能跟小鸟说话
He's got, like, a knife and can talk to birds.
反正呢崔普就是葛洛伯
Anyway, Tripp's Glorbo.
你为什么要抽葛雷的佣金？
Why would you commission Greg?
是我替他争取到那份工作的
I'm the one who got him that job.
还有因为他和环球菁英国际经纪公♥司♥ 签约到2021年
Oh, 'cause he's signed with UTI through 2021.
我要抽他接下来两年所有收入的佣金
I commission everything for the next two years.
那不公平
Well, that's not fair!
噢不在演艺圈？
Oh, no! In show business?
我并不是律师
Well, I'm not a lawyer,
如果你觉得这不公平请你的法律团打给我们的律师团
but if you think it's unfair, have your legal team call our guys.
除非乔治克隆尼也把他们偷走了
Unless George Clooney stole them too.
或者你今晚可以陪我一起吃晚饭
Or you could have dinner with me tonight.
你说什么？
Excuse me?
我只是说我们在一起会很棒
I'm just saying we'd be great together.
考虑看看好吗？
Think about it, okay?
我很希望你在我底下
I'd love to have you under me.
如果你站起来我就赢了瘦腿比赛
If you stand up, I win the leg-off.
嘿等你变成一个鬼
Hey, when you become a ghost,
你可以骚扰那个害我嗑安♥非♥他♥命♥上瘾的人♥渣♥吗？
can you haunt the scumbag who got me addicted to meth?
噢查理
Aw, Charlie.
我不能骚扰我自己
I can't haunt myself.
嘿红发妞
Ooh, ooh! Hey, Red,
你看到我的相簿吗？
have you seen my photo albums?
我觉得应该还在里面
I think they might still be inside.
你认为我的口袋会装着
And you think I'm walking up here
三百到五百万元走来这里
with three to five million dollars in my pocket.
但是我的口袋里只有…
But all I've got in my pocket is...
口袋屁♥眼♥
A pocket butthole!
Oh.
很抱歉我弄不到那笔钱莉莉恩
I'm sorry I couldn't get the money, Lillian.
甜心没关系
Honey, it's okay.
是该离开这地方了
It's time to move on.
真的假的？
Seriously?
可是你住在这儿四十年了啊
But you've lived here for 40 years.
一点也没错
Exactly.
住在同一个地方也太久了吧
That's too long to be living someplace.
住在任何地方都太久了
It's too long to be living anyplace.
况且我做好的计划
Besides, what I got planned...
让我感到很兴奋
I'm very excited for it.
当他们把这地方炸掉以后
When they blow this joint up, it's gonna be
就会是我人生全新篇章的开始
the start of a whole new chapter for me!
Wow.
你要做什么？
What are you gonna do?
我要成为纽约的传奇人物
I'm gonna be a New York legend,
就像琼瑞佛斯或是杰基葛里森
like Joan Rivers or Jackie Gleason.
Oh!
他们都是演员
They're both actors.
他们生前曾经是
Well, they were.
我要跟他们一样
I'm gonna be just like them.
我觉得这超酷的
Well, I think that's pretty cool.
噢是吗？
Oh, yeah?
我不敢告诉你因为我以为
I was afraid to tell you 'cause I thought
你会劝我打消主意
you'd try and talk me out of it.
才不会
No way.
你完全值得和那些家伙相提并论
You totally deserve to be up there with those guys.
或是一起埋在地下
Or down there or wherever.
现在你知道我为何需要我的相簿了吧
Now you see why I need my photo albums.
因为所有的报纸很快都会想要我的照片
Because all the papers are gonna want a picture of me soon,
看看我被炸掉以前长什么样子
to see what I looked like before I blew up!
那可能得花上一段时间
Well, it might take a while.
对我来说？才不会
For me? No.
只会有一声“砰”就结束了我就会无所不在
It's just gonna be like, boom! And I'll be everywhere.
- Kablooey! - Kablooey!
泰泰宝宝的前途一片光明
♪ Things are looking up for baby Ty-Ty ♪
他是上帝的宠儿
♪ God's favorite person ♪
活在他的梦中
♪ Is living his dream ♪
而且并不是桂格脆船长的那个梦
♪ Again, not the one with Cap'n Crunch ♪
泰坦斯准备好要上台了吗？
Hey, Titus, are you ready to go on?
-娜娜病得很重 -不是我害的
- Nono's pretty sick. - I didn't do it!
-不是我害的 -她坚持今晚一定要上台
- I didn't do it. - She's insisting on going on tonight,
但是那会把她害死
but that should kill her.
你会在明天的早场节目登台表演
You'll be in the matinee tomorrow.
可是不行明天是…
But no! Tomorrow's...
菲力士的婚礼我知道