我本坚强（2015）

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt S04E07

Part 4 Feb. 27, 2023, 9:41 a.m.

was totally into me...
虽然我没见过他但我打赌他是同志
Didn't meet him. Confident he's gay.
她突然就不想再当我的朋友了？
... suddenly, she doesn't wanna be friends anymore?
或者是她现在变成大人物你才会想要当她的朋友？
Or do you only wanna be friends with her now that she's a big shot?
因为我得实话实说我从来没听过你打给唐娜玛丽亚
'Cause real talk, I never once heard you call Donna Maria.
你却老是跟那几个白人骚货讲电♥话♥
And you're always on the phone with those white bitches,
史沛妮和费莱雀什么的
Spinny and Fletcher or whatever.
对啊可是她也没打给我
Yeah, but she didn't call me!
也许是因为你没有积极地跟她联络
Maybe 'cause you didn't make an effort.
我是缺乏积极态度的专家
And I'm an expert on lack of effort.
鸡鸡和星星你说得对
Chicken and stars, you're right.
当我的头发被曲柄扯断的时候
When my hair got ripped out by the crank,
我用来编织友谊手环送给大家
I made friendship bracelets for everybody...
除了唐娜玛丽亚以外
except Donna Maria.
我和她没有任何共通点所以我就懒得理她
I didn't have anything in common with her, so I didn't bother.
现在她认为你会对她有兴趣
And now she thinks you're only interested
是因为她变成了商场女王
because she's Queen Bitch of Dog Mountain.
你就像洗车场的伊兰金咪
You're like Ilan from the car wash, Kimmy.
你少肖想了他是个肌肉猛♥男♥
You wish. He's a beefcake.
等等伊兰是那个肌肉猛♥男♥老爸？他是有什么毛病啊？
Wait, is Ilan the muscular daddy? What's wrong with him?
他一点都不在乎我
He doesn't care about me.
他办不到
He can't.
他被我的明星光芒闪瞎了
He's blinded by le this!
但是我在乎唐娜玛丽亚啊
But I do care about Donna Maria.
她变成唐娜玛丽亚阿姨之前我就认识她了
I mean, I knew her before she was Tía Donna Maria.
就跟我和麦奇一样
Like me and Mikey.
我想吃罐子里的美乃滋
He knew me back when the closest I got
却只能趁贝比的妈妈不注意
to eating mayonnaise out of a jar
从贝比的脸上舔干净的时候他就已经认识我了
was licking it off babies' faces when their mothers weren't looking.
我要让唐娜玛丽亚知道
Well, I'm gonna show Donna Maria
我和洗车场肌肉猛♥男♥完全相反
I'm the opposite of a car wash beefcake.
我是治愈系的暖女
I'm a... boat dirt... bird salad.
-你好啊美女 -麦特
- Hey there, beautiful. - Matt.
我能送你一些小饰品吗？
Can I, uh, buy you some bric-a-brac?
我早上都得上班所以也许就送我一个
Well, I have to work in the morning, so...
镀锌信箱用来装信好了
maybe just a galvanized bin for holding mail.
是啊 1978年
... then, in 1978,
布朗博士汽水把他们的制瓶厂搬到
Dr. Brown's moved their bottling plant
布朗克斯区
to the Bronx
这栋建筑物变成一家睿侠电子商店
and this building became a RadioShack.
与此同时在以色列…
Meanwhile, in Israel...
大伙儿我找到麦特了
You guys. I found Matt.
蜜蜜尬意
Mmm, Mimi likey.
我要喝得烂醉跟他来一炮
I'll take those seconds extra sloppy.
小麦麦？
Matty?
妈咪卡娜希斯？
Mommy Kanassis?
麦特是你儿子？
- Matt is... your son? - Oh!
天啊
Oh, God.
他们全都是别人的儿子
They're all someone's son!
他们都只是小贝比
They're just babies!
他们是我们宝贝的小贝比
They're our precious babies!
所以女人才不会干这种事
That's why women don't do this.
男人怎么能和那么年轻的女孩约会？
How are men okay with dating girls that young?
因为我们是色胚子只要是女的我们都会上
Oh, because we're gross. We'll put it anywhere.
我们不玩了
Shut it down.
好吧那我也要闪了因为我很生气
Okay, yeah, I'm leaving too! 'Cause I'm upset!
但没有气到我不会趁乱顺手牵羊
Not so I can grab stuff in the confusion.
气泡水还是矿泉水？
Sparkling or still?
目前来说我两者皆是
Currently, I am both.
我要气泡水
Um, sparkling water, please.
谢谢你
Thank you.
我应该把话先说清楚
I should just get this out of the way,
不然我们就没办法享用晚餐
or we'll never be able to enjoy our meal.
晚上好梅铎先生
Good evening, Mr. Murdock.
您的干洗衣服还没送回来
Your dry cleaning didn't come.
你知道我一直想问你
Eh, you know, um, I wanted to ask you.
我读过报导说你的经纪人和崔普诺博一样
I read that you had the same agent as Tripp Knobb.
你有没有去过在他私人水族馆举♥行♥的
So did you ever go to one of those Sea Cow-a-Bunga-Bunga parties
海牛砰碰叫趴踢？我只是…
at that private aquarium of his? I just...
我以为我熬得过这顿晚餐
I thought I could get through this dinner.
我可以拥有世上任何的男人伊兰
I could have any man in the world, Ilan.
但是他不能只是对我成名后的好处感兴趣
But he has to care about more than just the trappings of my fame.
这很吸引人我知道
It's seductive, I know.
“您想要喝哪一种水先生？” 那就是我的世界
"What kind of water would you like, sir?" That's my world!
你只是看了一眼现在就想要更多
You got a glimpse, so now you want more,
但是身为夜魔侠的门房♥
but as the Daredevil's doorman...
我不能让任何人进来
I can't just let anyone in.
我的天啊
Oh, my God. Uh...
我以为我可以熬过这顿晚餐但是我就是…
you know, I thought I could get through this dinner, but I just...
是啊我…
yeah, I-I-I...
我不知道我受不受得了
I don't know if I can take it.
Aw.
这太可悲了
It's just so pathetic.
是啊
Yes.
啥米？
What?
我曾经被真♥主♥党抓走
I was once captured by Hezbollah.
他们逼我吸鸦♥片♥上瘾
They got me addicted to opium.
还逼我把我最好的朋友活活打死
They made me beat my best friend to death.
我试图逃走从窗户跳下去结果摔断了我的两条腿
I broke both my legs jumping out of the window and trying to escape,
然后我在经历海♥洛♥因♥戒断症状时
and, while suffering heroin withdrawal,
把自己和我朋友的尸体
I dragged myself and my friend's dead body
拖过贝卡谷地50公里
50 kilometers through the Beqaa Valley.
我熬过那一切我连那种事都熬过来
You see, I got through that. I made it through that.
但这种事？
But this?
我不知道我受不受得了
I don't know if I can take this.
-名气这种东西… -天啊你能不能闭嘴？
- Well, the thing about fame... - Oh, my God, would you shut up?
给我闭嘴好吗？
Just shut up, okay?
我不是你的粉丝
I am not a fan of yours.
我会是什么的粉丝？
What would I be a fan of?
你唯一挂名的作品是
Your only credits are
流浪汉打架光碟片
a Bumfights DVD
YouTube手扶梯凸槌影片大汇集
and a YouTube compilation of escalator fails
以及在还没有播出的一集
and playing Doorman Number Six
《夜魔侠》中饰演“六号♥门房♥”
on an as-yet unaired episode of "Daredevil."
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
我曾经是以色列特种部队队员
I used to be Israeli Special Forces,
现在我替一家穆兰尼保全公♥司♥工作
and now I work for a company called Mulaney Security.
有一个儿童电视节目雇用我们
See, we were hired by a certain children's television show
挖出你见不得人的事
to dig up dirt on you.
我的老板知道佛朗帕斯先生干过的各种坏事
Now, my employers, they know that the khara is about to hit the fan
就快要被踢爆了…
on Mr. Frumpus.
所以他们就要我们进行对手研究调查每一个他可能
So they want us to do oppo research on anyone that he may have,
你知道“试镜”过的人
um, you know, "auditioned."
一开始是这样但是你后来却爱上了我
It started that way, but then you fell in love?
我的工作就是找到方法毁了你
My job was to find ways that we could ruin you
以免你想把事情公诸于世
in case you ever went public,
但是我们怎么还能再让你的生活过得更惨？
but how could we possibly make your life any worse?
我们还能夺走你的什么？
What could we take away?
你住在一艘立起来的拖船
You live in a sideways tugboat.
你在洗车场偷喝咖啡
You steal coffee from a car wash.
你需要顺口溜才会拼你的姓
You need a mnemonic to spell your own last name.
我想要点小鳕鱼
I was thinking about the scrod.
天啊你知道吗？我观察了你好几个礼拜
Oh, God, and you know what? I've been watching you for weeks,
但是光是今天
but just today...
我就看到你吃了三罐美乃滋
I saw you eat three jars of mayonnaise.
对只有三罐
Yes, only three.
Ooh!
焦糖牛奶糖
Caramels!
你把自己的脚趾看成糖果
You mistook your own toes for candy.
然后你跌倒了又爬不起来
Then you fell and couldn't get up.
金咪
Kimmy!
我又跌倒了
It's happening again!