小偷小抢

What else are you into? Horoscopes and fat babies?
没错 因为有人要是喜欢什么 那就太烂了
Right. Because if everyone likes something, it must be lame.
差不多吧
Kinda. Yeah.
希望这是给你自己的 而不是给他
I hope it's for you and not him.
因为不然的话
Because otherwise,
那内衣只是家长无意义的说教了
lingerie is just some one-sided patriarchal bullshit.
你更喜欢这样的吗
So, is this more your speed?
至少
I mean, at the very least,
你可以不用选个这么显眼的
you could just not pick the obvious choice.
那我该怎么办
And what am I supposed to do?
听从你对于感情的建议吗
Listen to your relationship advice?
我只是说
I'm just saying, like...
你在乎到底什么能让你快乐吗
Do you even care about what pleases you?
你呢 艾洛蒂
What about you, Elodie?
你好安静
You're awfully quiet.
我怎么了
What about me?
你和你的女朋友喜欢什么
What kind of stuff are you and your girlfriend into?
就是普通的...东西
You know, just the usual... stuff.
我没有多少可以比较的对象
I don't really have a lot to compare it to.
真可爱
Aw. That's cute.
说得好像你和很多人一起过似的
Like you've been with that many people.
布雷迪不是你的第一个男人吗
Wasn't Brady the first guy you boned?
你能不能别喊得这么响
Can you please not yell that out?
-你没有回答问题 -好吧
- You didn't answer the question. - Yes.
你又和几个男人上过床
Okay, I mean, how many guys have you had sex with?
两三个吧 得看你的标准了
Two or three. Depending on how you look at it.
-谁 -不用你操心
- Who? - Don't worry about it.
伙计们
Uh, guys?
我有点需要你们的帮助
I kind of need your help in here.
我卡住了
I'm stuck.
天啊
Oh, boy.
到底怎么回事
Okay, so, what's happening here?
我觉得这些东西可能没洗过
Well, I figured they haven't been washed.
-所以 -我来
- So... - I got you.
我来猜猜看
Let me guess.
你们第一次做是情人节
First time you guys did it was Valentine's Day.
我觉得应该是床上撒玫瑰花瓣什么的
I'm seeing, like, rose petals on the bed and shit like that.
不 其实是冬季舞会
No, actually it was winter formal
那时我们第一次互相说"我爱你"
and it was the first night we said, "I love you."
听起来差不多
Sounds about right.
我觉得很完美
Sounds pretty perfect to me.
没错
It was.
天啊
Oh, my gosh.
自♥由♥了
Free.
其实 很快
Actually, it was pretty quick.
并不意外
That... doesn't sound surprising.
说到底 性♥爱♥前的一切才是最美好的部分
Everything before sex is kind of the best part anyway.
老实说性♥爱♥很奇怪 但也很美好
Sex can honestly be so weird, but also really good.
你呢
How about you, huh?
你跟你女朋友之前做过吗
Have you and your girlfriend done it before?
有 很多次
Yeah. A bunch of times.
真的吗 因为我感受到了浓厚的处♥女♥气息
Really? 'Cause I'm getting major virgin vibes.
别理她
Ignore her.
你们的第一次像冬季舞会一样特别吗
Was your first time as special as a winter formal?
没什么特别的 就像某个周二
It wasn't anything special. It was just, like, a Tuesday.
这很可爱
It's cute.
是给我自己的
And it's for me.
所以...要挑什么礼物呢
So... what's it going to be?
太多了 我不知道
There's just so many. I don't know.
这个有用吗
Maybe this will work?
你要公鸡环干什么 绑上去吗
What would you need a cock ring for? Like, a strap-on?
-这有点太过了 -这有什么用
- It feels a little advanced. - Yeah, how would that even work?
你能给我们看看佐伊的照片吗
So, can you show us a photo of Zoey?
我真的需要直观的印象
Like, I really need a visual,
她姓什么 或者
and like, what is her last name? Or, like,
她长得怎么样 你从来没给我们看过
what does she even look like? You never even show us her, ever.
好吧
Okay, fine.
我没有女朋友
I don't have a girlfriend.
我...
I've...
从来没有女朋友
never had a girlfriend.
我从来没做过爱
I've never had sex.
那你是什么 病态的吗
So, what are you? Like, pathological?
我不是有意说谎
I didn't mean to lie.
只是...
I just...
那天随口说的
kinda came out the other day.
所以 佐伊是谁
So, who is Zoe?
老家的一个朋友
She's a friend from home.
她有女朋友 只是...
She has a girlfriend, just...
不是我
not me.
我想要更进一步 但...
I've wanted it to be something more, but...
她不愿意
she didn't.
太糟糕了
That sucks.
你知道你需要什么吗
You know what you need?
这个
This.
因为爱别人之前 你得先爱自己
Because before you love someone else, you got to love yourself.
我并不想把事情弄得这么尴尬
I didn't mean to make things weird.
看来 你的建议并非一无是处
Turns out, not all of your advice is useless.
不好意思 我能检查一下你的背包吗
Excuse me. Can I check your bag?
你好啊
Oh, hello again.
可以了吗
We cool?
很好 因为我下面有些敏感
Good, because I'm having some sensitivity down there.
你知道是什么意思
You know how it is.
你觉得这个牌子的润滑油怎么样
What are your thoughts on this brand of lube?
厉害 莫 我真的以为
Slick, Moe. I seriously
我们肯定要被抓了
thought we were going to be caught for sure.
我可不会
Not me.
谁
Who--
卢卡 又想干什么
Oh, Luca, what do you want from us?
"今晚十点 纸老虎 有很棒的演出"
"Cool show tonight at PT, 10:00 p.m."
卢卡挺有型的
Luca's kinda hot.
怎么了 我还是看得出来的
What? I can still tell.
当然 如果你喜欢黑暗的 神秘的...
Yeah, if you're into the whole dark, mysterious--
坏了 那是你♥爸♥
Oh, shit, it's your dad.
糟了
Oh, shit.
该死
Oh, fuck.
那...
That's...
不是你妈
not your mom.
你知道我很喜欢独自占有你的全部
Well, you know I love when I can get you all to myself.
你是这么说
You say that, but...
但大多数时候你身边都有一堆人
most of the time, you have ten guys around.
现在旁边没人
Well, no one's around right now.
我才想起来
I actually just remembered...
我给我们俩准备了一些东西
I got something for us.
是吗
Oh, yeah?
我只是觉得
I just thought...
也许我们可以试试
maybe we could try...
这个
this.
为什么 用它干什么
Why? What for?
我和朋友们聊过
I talked to friends
她们说这个能增加点情趣
and they said that this could make things a bit more fun.
我不知道你想让我怎么接受
I'm not sure how you want me to take this.
-布雷迪 我只是... -绝对不行
- Brady, I was just-- - No. Fuck this.
天呐 为什么对你来说什么都不够好
God, why is nothing ever good enough for you?
就这样了吗 结束了吗
So that's it? End of conversation?
是的 你该走了
Yeah. You should go.
-布雷迪 -不 我请你离开
- Brady-- - No, I asked you to leave!
艾洛蒂 莫
你们在吗
糟糕
Well, shit.
这可不好
That's not great.
门没锁
It's unlocked.
我看过一部黄♥片♥的开头就是这样