天生冤家（2015）

The Odd Couple S03E07

Part 1 March 5, 2021, 1 p.m.

好吧这有点不太正统
Okay, this is a bit unorthodox.
通常我是在我的办公室给伴侣做咨♥询♥
Normally, I do couples counseling in my office.
一次一对伴侣
And, you know, one couple at a time.
那么这要从哪说起
Now, how did this all start?
拜托
Please!
拜托
Please!
一个一个说
One at a time!
我先说
I'll go first!
整件事是从我的笨瓜丈夫送花给
It all started when my dumbass fool of a husband
别的女人开始的
sent flowers to another woman.
如果你不介意
Uh, if you don't mind,
这个笨瓜丈夫自己的故事可以自己讲
this dumbass fool of a husband can tell his own story.
两天前
戴安把我赶出来了
Diane gave me the boot.
女人赶丈夫出门的时候
When women kick their husbands out,
是不是都给丈夫发了张到我家的地图
do they actually hand them a map to my place?
泰迪怎么了
Teddy, what happened?
上周吃晚餐的时候你和戴安还上演了
Just last week at dinner, you and Diane were engaged
热辣的脚来腿去的调情戏码
in a rather saucy game of footsie.
参与其中的感受其乐无穷
Oh, that was fun to be in the middle of.
戴安发现我送花给塞蕾娜·威廉姆斯了
Diane found out I sent flowers to Serena Williams.
我绝对清白
It was completely innocent.
我只是想让她给我的两个球签个字
I was just trying to get her to sign my balls.
为了慈善拍卖♥♥
For a charity auction!
你把这个情况跟戴安解释了吗
Well, did you explain the situation to Diane?
说了不过当你老婆举着大胡椒瓶子
Yeah, but it's a little hard to talk
追着你打时交流略微有些不畅
when your wife is chasing you with a pepper grinder.
那娘们能化万物为武器
That woman can weaponize anything.
奥斯卡泰迪和戴安的婚姻
Oscar, Teddy and Diane are clearly in the middle
一看就是出现危机了
of a marital crisis.
不是隔几年就要演这么一出
Nah, this happens every few years.
先打
They fight,
泰迪来这冷静一下
Teddy comes over here to cool down,
他们再和好天雷勾动地火
they make up, and, bam,
又开始演桌下前戏
they're back to foot foreplay.
那他为什么拿着行李箱
Well, then why does he have a suitcase?
因为我想让她以为我再也不回去了
'Cause I want her to think I'm not coming back.
不过是个伪装
But this is just a decoy.
薯片
Chips!
还有呢
And...
蘸酱
Dips!
肯定特别好玩
Ah, it's gonna be so great.
我们拿几瓶啤酒
We'll grab a couple of beers,
然后看拳击
we'll watch the fight,
享受一下男男动作戏
and enjoy a little man-on-man action.
听着这么污呢
That didn't sound right.
享受一下男人之间的动作戏
Enjoy a little man-with-man action.
还是那德行
Well, that's not better.
奥斯卡如果是一打再打
Oscar, if these fights are recurring,
明显是有问题悬而未决
then clearly there's a problem that won't go away
会一再重演
until it's addressed.
对不过呢
Yes. On the other hand...
泰迪你是一位丈夫一个父亲
Teddy, look, you are a husband and a father,
不像奥斯卡你是个成熟的大人了
and, unlike Oscar, a mature adult.
我觉得你知道改怎么做
I think you know what to do.
他说得对
He's right.
去朗福德找找乐子
Happy hour at Langford's?
去朗福德找找乐子
Happy hour at Langford's!
泰迪你必须处理好这件事
Teddy, you've got to deal with this.
抱歉兄弟有话明天再说吧
Sorry, buddy, you'll have to wait till tomorrow,
因为这个哥们要跟我折腾一宿
'cause this dude and I are about to go at it all night!
死去吧
Damn it!
这事挺逗
This is fun.
你能相信费里斯希望你
Can you believe Felix wanted you
给你老婆打电♥话♥ 好把事情解决掉吗
to call your wife and work it out?
说得像我会听一个
Yeah, like I would take advice
有俩独轮车的人的话
from a guy who owns two unicycles.
我懂你买♥♥个自行车能死啊
I know. Just get a bicycle!
太棒了艾米丽
Oh, great, Emily.
来两瓶啤酒谢了
Can we get two beers here, please?
今天我不当班
Oh, I'm actually not working today.
太棒了省小费了
Perfect, don't have to tip you.
我们是来庆祝的
We're actually here to celebrate
因为有个天大的好消息
because we have big news. Mm-hmm.
我们要成为室友了
We are going to be roommates!
你俩不是已经住一起了吗
Thought you were already living together.
不是我之前是在她家借住
No, I was just crashing at her place.
于是我正式邀请她搬进来
So I asked her to move in with me officially,
她答应了
and she said yes. Yay!
所以天大的消息就是你们即将
So the big news is you're gonna continue to do
接着做你们已经开始做的无聊的事了
the uninteresting thing you were already doing?
别泼冷水
Don't rain on our parade.
就是我们很兴奋呢
Yeah, we're really excited. Mm-hmm.
你说得对这是兴奋的事我...
You're right, this is exciting. I'm...
不会给你拿酒
Still not getting you a beer.
戴安来信息了今晚就到这里了
Uhp, text from Diane. Time to call it a night.
抱歉兄弟
Aw. Sorry, buddy.
我的婚姻重于跟你混日子
My marriage takes precedence over goofing off with you.
我记得她让你把这句加在结婚誓言里了
Yeah, I remember she made you put that in your vows.
等等是费里斯发的
Oh, wait, it's from Felix.
我乞求您向您的妻子致电方可打开一条
I implore you to call your wife and open up the lines
婚姻交流的通路来治愈...
of spousal communication so the healing can..?
这是写了多少
How long is this thing?
别想了
Forget that.
别让费里斯破坏我们的夜晚
Let's not let Felix ruin our night.
万一戴安想找我怎么办
Well, what if Diane needs to reach me?
你能不能别再当妻管严了
Would you stop letting her call all the shots?
让她等着知道谁才是当家做主的人
Make her wait a little, show her who's boss.
对
Yeah!
-是她对吧 -绝对是她
- It's her, right? - It's definitely her!
我希望这回走对楼层了
I just hope we're on the right floor this time.
对啊
Yeah.
那个老头太混球了
That old man was a jerk.
一冰箱的雪糕一口都不给我们吃
Freezer full of popsicles, he wouldn't even give us one lick.
-对是这家 -好的
- Yeah, this is the right place. - All right.
瞧瞧是哪位妄图用酒精淹没问题的人回来了
Look who is back from trying to drown their problems in booze.
这题我会
I know that one!
是我们
It's us!
因为问题是淹没不了的
But you cannot drown your problems
问题会游泳
because problems know how to swim.
给他们的腿绑上石头
Let's tie rocks to their legs.
要不要给石头[冰块]上浇点芝华士
How about we pour some scotch on those rocks?
说得好赞
Nice! Nice!
费里斯你放松一点喝一杯
Hey, Felix, why don't you relax and have a drink.
别说傻话
Don't be silly.
我的牙已经刷好牙线剔好水牙线冲好
I've already brushed, flossed, water picked,
牙龈保健操做好了
and done my gum exercises.
是啊因为喝酒会妨碍
Yes, because drinking would get in the way
管别人的闲事
of meddling in other people's business.
泰迪作为一个最近失恋心碎
Teddy, as a person who has recently had his heart broken
而且痛彻心扉的人
and fed into a wood chipper,
我劝你且行且珍惜
I urge you not to take your relationship for granted.
我们有个邻居是婚姻调解师
Now, one of our neighbors is a couples therapist.
我很乐意把她的电♥话♥号♥给你
I would be happy to give you her number.
谁管你乐不乐意啊
Who cares about your happiness?
别多管闲事了
Butt out.
没问题我能做到
Oh, sure, I could do that.
那么做可容易了
That would be the easy thing to do.
可不费力气了
The lazy thing to do.
这是奥斯卡的典型作风
The Oscar thing to do.
而刚好与费里斯的作风相反