布偶演播室（2015）

The Muppets S01E08

Part 1 March 12, 2021, 2:09 p.m.

我的首位嘉宾
My first guest was host of
曾经有她自己的深夜脱口秀《切尔西晚间秀》
her own late-night talk show, "Chelsea Lately."
不过你们最熟悉的可能是
But you probably know her best as that lady at the airport
在机场嚷着要搜身的她
who asks for a pat-down.
欢迎切尔西·汉德勒
Chelsea Handler!
么么哒
Mwah!
嗨斯库特能请来切尔西·汉德勒你真是太棒啦
Hey, Scooter. Great job on the Chelsea Handler booking.
是啊
Yeah.
请坐请坐欢迎欢迎
Have a seat, yes. Welcome, welcome.
-谢谢你邀请我 -斯库特
- Thank you for having me. - Scooter?
-呃你还在吗 -哼
- Uh... hello? - Huh!
有时候我妈上♥床♥睡觉后
Sometimes after mom goes to bed,
我呃会把电视调到那些儿童不宜的频道
I, uh, switch the TV up to the naughty-language channels.
没错然后我就发现了切尔西·汉德勒
Yeah. And that's where I found Chelsea Handler,
她正在讲她的黄段子
telling her sassy jokes.
我那时呃
I was, uh...
原谅我这么表达我那时被迷得神魂颠倒
pardon my naughty language... smitten.
是的她真的给我补充了很多
Yeah. She really filled in some of the gaps
当年生理健康课上没有提及的东西
from the talk we got back in health class.
你知道我要问什么的啦
Now, you would know.
最近感情事怎么样啦
How is it out there in the dating world?
唔说实话啊我刚刚逃离又一个噩梦
Ugh. Honestly, I am fresh off of another nightmare.
我是说我之前在和一个油腔滑调的俱乐部创始人兼吹牛大王约会
I mean, I was dating some club promoter/bouncer who was so oily,
如果我向他泼饮料他都不会被弄湿呢
by the time I threw my drink at him, he didn't even get wet.
我认为我要找的那位真命天子
I think what I'm looking for...
而我终于愿意承认了
and I'm finally willing to admit it...
只要贴心就够了
is just somebody who's nice...
-嗯哼 -而且有份稳定的工作
- Mm-hmm. - ...and has a steady job.
等等我就是那个有稳定工作的贴心的人
Wait! I'm a nice guy with a steady job.
你知道的他要心思细腻而且积极向上
You know, some sweetheart who's thoughtful and optimistic.
噢我的天呐她说的就是我啊
Oh, my God. She's describing me.
我猜我就是想找个善良而又惹人爱的小呆瓜
I guess I'm just looking for a kind, lovable dork.
真讨厌就差一点儿
Darn it! So close!
你在开玩笑吗你就是一个十足的呆瓜
Are you kidding me? You're a textbook dork.
-不我可不是 -斯库特每次你连搭个电动扶梯
- No, I'm not. - Scooter, you yell "Whee"
-都会激动得尖叫 -这个嘛你得原谅我
- every time you ride an escalator. - Well, excuse me
我很喜欢那些神奇的飞梯
for enjoying the magical flying stairs.
还有上周五晚你不愿意和我去俱乐部玩耍
And last Friday night, instead of club hopping with me,
-而是要 -拍一个要传上网的短片
- you were... - Shooting a YouTube video
教人如何用麦片盒做出个斯巴达头盔
on how to make a spartan helmet out of cereal box.
-我了个去我就是个呆瓜 -对哒
- Cheese and crackers, I am a dork. - Yep.
伙计们我觉得我有机会能成为切尔西·汉德勒的男人了
Fellas, I think I got a shot at being Chelsea Handler's man!
嗯只是男宠而已
Mm... boy toy.
相信我斯库特你就是个当男宠的命
Trust me, Scooter. You are a boy toy.
哼
Hmm.
#噢#
# Ooh! #
耶
Yeah!
#嗯#
# Unh! #
唔是时候开始了
Hmm. Time to get things started.
#哈哈哈#
# Ha ha ha! #
虾流笑画浸工偶的糖果
Verde ger. Diverda shurger.
噢嗯你知道吗大厨
Ooh... uh, you know, Chef,
我觉得那笑话有点下流
I think that joke's a little off-color.
噢那素汉德勒式的幽墨
Ooh. Itsa Handler hoomer.
汉德勒式幽默噢那好吧那就说得通了
Handler humor. Oh. Well, that almost makes sense now.
嗨嗨科密特
Hey! Hey, Kermit.
-怎么了 -科密特我有大事要告诉你
- Yeah? - Kermit, I got some great news.
-我听着呢 -我在考虑
- Yeah? - I'm thinking about taking
和贝姬往下一步发展了
the next big step in my relationship with Becky.
你要告诉她你肚子上的毛都快掉光了
You're gonna tell her you're losing
而那些都是后来植入的吗
the hair on your stomach and those are mostly plugs?
-这应该是好事吧唔这样我能游泳了 -嗯哼
- It's coming in good, huh? I can swim, - Mm-hmm.
还可以骑马
ride horses...
总之明天我就要请贝姬搬来跟我住
Anyway, tomorrow, I'm asking Becky to move in with me.
-你就要什么 -没错这一定特别棒
- You're what?! - Yeah, it's gonna be fantastic.
我再也不会一个人孤孤单单的了
I'll never have a moment alone again.
另外她才刚开始学如何拉小提琴
Plus, she just started to learn how to play the violin.
这样我就能听她练习啦
So I get to listen to that!
-嗯 -噢还有啊和她一起分享我那小小的浴室
- Mm. - Oh! And it's gonna be so much fun
一定相当有趣哟
sharing my one little bathroom together.
呃你你要明白弗兹你还不怎么了解贝姬
Uh, y-you know, Fozzie, you barely know Becky.
我们都已经在一起整整十二周了
Know her? We've been together for 12 whole weeks.
这可是我一生中最长的恋爱了之前记录是十一周
This is the longest relationship of my life by 11 whole weeks.
所以呃我猜你已经下定决心了对吧
So, uh, I guess your mind's made up, huh?
科密特如果我不知道她是如此完美的话
Kermit, I wouldn't be doing this
我是不会这么做的
if I didn't know she was perfect.
-真的吗 -伙计这一定会赞爆了
- Yeah? - Man, this is gonna be great!
我等不及让另一个人来告诉我
I cannot wait to let someone else
晚上该看哪些电视节目了喔
tell me what I should watch on TV at night. Oh!
-嗨嗨弗兹呃 -怎么了
- Hey... hey, Fozzie? Uh... - Mm?
我其实并没有很多机会和贝姬相处
...you know, I haven't had a lot of time to spend with Becky.
呃我们今晚聚一下怎么样
Um... how about we all go out tonight
让我们都互相了解一下
and get to know each other better?
今晚罗尔夫酒吧是问答之夜我们可以去那儿
It's trivia night at Rowlf's. We can go there.
贝姬可是一直嬴的
Becky wins all the time, too.
而且他们有特别赞的奖品比如啤酒啊
And they got amazing prizes, like beer...
可能只有啤酒所以在酒吧见啦
Maybe it's just beer. See you there?
-说定了 -好咧
- You bet. - All right!
今晚见我很期待哦
Tonight. Looking forward to it.
啊你这个大家伙
Ah. You're a big fella, aren't ya?
-咿呀咿呀 -我喜欢弗兹的其中一个原因
- Nyow, nyow. - One of the things I love
是因为他天真无邪像孩子一样的性格
about Fozzie is his innocent, child-like quality.
这也是为什么我总得照看着他
That's also why I have to look out for him.
-噢噢 -哎呀
- Ow! Ow! - Oops!
他真的没准备好和任何人同居
He's not ready to move in with anybody...
噢
Ow!
更不用说他十二周前才认识的人
...much less someone he met 12 weeks ago.
这一步迈得太大了你不能够在这些事上着急
That's way too big a step. You can't rush these things.
-对对吧波波 -啥玩意儿
- R-right, Bobo? - What?
什么你在跟我说话吗
Wh... y-ou talking to me?
是啊我对你说了都有五分钟了
Yeah, for the last five minutes.
噢
Ooh!
我还以为你在做那些访谈的东西呢
I thought you were doing one of those interview thingies.
-不是的 -嗨你能帮我一个忙么
- No. - Hey, can you do me a favor?
你能打开这个不
Can you open this?
我的爪子打不开
These tabs aren't made for paws.
好啦伙计们
Okay, guys,
我现在就要进去然后我就要约她出去
I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna ask her out.
那你为什么站成这个样子双手还叉着腰
So, why you standing like that, with your hands on your hips?
你看起来简直像那些选美大赛的小姐们
You look like one of those little girls in a beauty pageant.
-没错而且不是冠军 -不
- Si, and not the winner. - No.
听好了如果你要约切尔西
Listen, if you're gonna ask Chelsea out,
你就得用你的双手做些别的事情
you got to do something else with your hands.
-没错 -噢好吧那行
- Yeah. - Oh, okay. Well,
或许我可以我可以把手挥来挥去
maybe I'll just... I'll move them around,
你懂的像人们聊天时那样
you know, like people do when they talk.
-不不不别这样好嘛 -这不行嗯嗯
- No, no, no. Do not do this, okay? - No. Mnh-mnh.
你是要泡妞不是要让飞机着陆
You're trying to land a woman, not a plane.
-说得好 -好啦现在你们两个的话
- Yeah. - Okay, now you guys are
在我脑海里挥之不去了
just getting in my head.
我之前从没想过用我的手做什么
I've never thought about my hands before,
我现在也不会改变主意的
and I am not gonna start now.
-哼随便你吧 -好吧
- Hmm! Suit yourself. - Okay.
进来
Come in.
噢嗨切尔西
Oh, hey, Chelsea!
嗯刚刚你表现真好
Uh, great job out there.
噢谢谢你斯库特谢谢
Oh, thanks, Scooter. I appreciate it.
-嗯哼 -你今天一整天都对我特别好
- Mm-hmm. - You've been so sweet to me all day.
噢这个嘛
Oh! Well
是的我一直呃我也一直都是个呆瓜
Yes, I've, uh... I've also been a dork.