善地

The Good Place S03E13

Part 3 Dec. 11, 2019, 3:32 p.m.

so I'm just gonna roll with it.
你的冰淇淋是什么口味
What flavor did you get?
混合味
I got a twist--
一半是草莓味
half strawberry,
一半是"男同事窃取你的灵感被炒鱿鱼"味
half male-coworker-gets-calledout-for-stealing-your-ideas.
简直是完美拍档啊
Those go great together.
其他居民似乎都很纯良
All the other residents seem so nice.
居民们确实都是大好人
The residents are great, yes.
但你不用勉强自己迅速把人认全
But, don't feel like you need to get to know all of them right away.
先接触我和迈克尔就好了...
Maybe just talk to Michael and me for the first--
前六千年先熟悉我们俩就行
I dunno, 6,000 years or so.
总之纵情享乐吧妹子
Anyway, you just chill, baby girl.
我们俩稍后再来看你
We'll check in with you later.
进展很顺利啊
That went pretty well, right?
我"假装陌生人"的演技都能赢一座小金人了
I've always been good at pretending I've never met people before.
戏精附体是我的拿手好戏啊
It's kinda my go-to power move.
互换身份似乎歪打正着了
I think this new dynamic may actually be good.
这样我就有大把时间观察情况制定计划
You know, it gives me more time to observe and plan.
你是门面担当
You'll be the face of the operation
而我是智力担当
and I'll be the mastermind behind the scenes,
法国电影大鼻子男主替人写情书
就像"大鼻子情圣"一样
like Cyrano de Bergerac.
前卡戴珊家族成员肯豆和凯莉之母
就像克丽丝·詹娜一样
Like, Kris Jenner.
精辟
Totally.
说得对我看行
Yeah, I think this is gonna be okay.
-嗯 -不不行
- Yeah. - No, it won't.
行不通
It won't be okay,
所以你得消除我的记忆让我重启
which is why you need to erase my memory and reboot me.
你说什么呢别他喵地犯傻
What are you talking about? No forking way.
-我们才不会重启你 -肖恩说得对
- We're not rebooting you. - Shawn was right.
把西蒙妮带来我们真被将了一军
Bringing Simone to this neighborhood, it's checkmate.
我简直手足无措了
It completely neutralizes me.
我自顾不暇哪还能帮助新人
I'll be too freaked out to help the new residents.
要反击肖恩为今之计
The only way to outflank Shawn
只能消除我对西蒙妮的记忆
is to make it so I don't remember Simone.
不就和前任低头不见抬头见吗
So, you have to run into your ex occasionally.
生活就是充满恶趣味啊
That's a part of life, man.
我之前经常在超♥市♥碰见我前任
I used to run into my exes all the time at the mall,
在牙医诊所也碰到过
at the dentist office,
我有时还醉酒后发短♥信♥跟他们约炮呢
when I drunk texted them and told them to come over.
西蒙妮很敏锐
Look, Simone is really perceptive.
我可能会不小心泄密
I might slip up and reveal something.
不仅是因为我见到前任会不自在
Look, this isn't just about me feeling awkward around my ex.
还是因为如果我见到前任不自在
It's more about, if I am awkward around my ex,
大家都会跟着永世受折磨
everyone gets tortured forever.
不肯定有别的办法
No, there has to be another way.
我想到了
I've got it.
让奇迪忘掉西蒙妮就好了保留剩下的记忆
Just remove Simone from Chidi's memory and keep everything else.
-机智吧 -这样行不通
- Boom. - It doesn't work that way.
你们三个共同相处了很久
You all spent a lot of time together,
所以他对你和西蒙妮的记忆相互交织
so his memories of you and her are all swirled together.
再想别的办法吧
But let's keep thinking.
两位我已经考虑过所有可行办法了
Guys, I've thought about this from every angle.
如果不彻底消除我的记忆
If we don't wipe my memory,
我肯定会毁掉这次实验
I will, one way or the other, ruin the experiment.
-你们清楚我说的是实话 -不不行
- You know I'm right. - No. No, man.
不能这样
It can't be,
如果消除你遇到西蒙妮后的记忆
because if we erase your memory all the way back to before you met Simone,
你就会忘记我们在澳大利亚的相遇和学习小组
that includes Australia and the study
忘记"灵魂小队" 忘记一切
and the Soul Squad and everything.
-那样也会忘记... -我们的感情
- That would be erasing-- - Us.
我清楚
I know.
我们打算消除奇迪的记忆
So, the plan is to erase Chidi's memory all the way back to
让他忘记生前差点被空调砸死后的所有事情
when the air conditioner fell on his head in his original timeline.
法官限我们明早前完成
The judge has given us until tomorrow morning
之后就会放另外两个新人进入
before we have to bring in the other two subjects.
塔哈妮欢迎派对明晚举♥行♥
Tahani, the welcome party will be tomorrow night.
下次见面我就是个萌新了
Next time you see me, it'll be like I'm a new resident.
我就不认识你们了
I won't know any of you.
那你会记得我们在澳大利亚
So, will you remember that time in Australia
曾经一起熬夜吃披萨吗
when we stayed up late and we ate pizza together?
不不会记得
No, buddy, I won't.
你会记得我们点过披萨吗
Will you remember when we ordered the pizza?
不
No.
你会记得披萨吗
Will you remember pizza?
我会记得披萨是什么吗
Will I remember what pizza... is?
当然我还是知道披萨的
Yeah. I'll still know what pizza is.
好也不算很亏
Okay, so not a total loss.
但这也太悲情了
But this is awful.
你们俩就不能在一起了
You two won't be together anymore.
你们是我见过最模范的情侣了
I haven't met a more perfect couple
我当年可是撮合了"公鸭"和金斯伯格大♥法♥官呢
since I set up Drake with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
对我们会被拆散
Yes, we will no longer be together.
"恶地"这一招
The Bad Place has pulled off
真是阴狠歹毒禽兽不如
the most intricate cork blork of all time.
"脏话过滤器"把脏话过滤成了艺术
It's a nice touch that the cursing filter maintains the rhyme.
细节点赞
I appreciate that attention to detail.
等等我还不死心
Hang on. I'm not giving up yet.
我们来一场传统的头脑风暴吧
Let's have an old-fashioned brainstorming session.
一边吃中餐
We'll get Chinese food,
一边往天花板上插铅笔
and we'll throw pencils and stick them in the ceiling,
大家随口说说自己的点子
and someone will say something innocuous
电光火石之间我突然有了灵感
and I'll say, "Wait. Say that again."
迈克尔如果有别的选择我们也不会走这一步
Michael, if there was another choice, we'd choose it.
信我吧
Believe me.
你喜欢研究人类吧
You like learning about humans, right?
这就是人类经常面临的两难处境
This is a classic human situation.
你的朋友们深陷泥潭
Your friends are going through something awful,
而你却无能为力
and there is nothing you can do about it.
好啦长痛不如短痛
Anyway, let's just rip the Band-Aid off.
打个响指消除记忆吧
Snappy, snappy, wipey, wipey.
我得静一静所以...
I need a few minutes to work it all out, so...
我也不想这样对不起
I hate this. And I'm sorry.
我说过很讨厌这样了吗我真是满心的拒绝
And did I say that I hate this? Because I hate this.
你为拯救朋友们决定牺牲自己不必道歉
You don't need to apologize for making a huge sacrifice to save your friends.
大家就是因此才喜欢道德哲学教授呀
This is why people love moral philosophy professors.
这样吧
Well, how about this?
以后我每次胃疼
Every time you see me get a stomach ache,
你都当做是我在思念你
imagine I'm thinking of you.
-那你脑子里一直都是我啊 -没错
- So, all the time? - Exactly.
抱歉打断你们的二人时光
Sorry to interrupt.
我想趁消除记忆前送你们俩一点东西
I wanted to give both of you something before we do this.
就当是临别赠礼吧
Think of it as a going-away present.
那些你们忘却的回忆
詹娜·卡戴珊家谱树
我一般看电影不会哭...
I don't normally cry at movies...
但刚才那段视频实在太感人了...
But that one was pretty good...
女主倾城绝色
That girl was hot.
男主也风流倜傥
The guy was, too.
我会很想你埃莉诺
I'm gonna miss you so much, Eleanor.
可你不会记得我
Except you won't.
我就是因此而心慌
That's what's so scary about this whole thing.
我会很想你
I'm gonna miss you.
而你只会把我当做下凡的天仙
You're just gonna think I'm some sexy godlike figure
对我一见钟情二见倾心
who you wanna hump immediately after meeting her.
我知道你是想讲个笑话活跃一下离别感伤的气氛
I know you're deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
这不是笑话我就是美若天仙
It's not a joke. I'm a legit snack.
我相信你
But I believe in you.
我一点都不怕被重启
I am not even scared to get rebooted
因为我知道你会在这里守护我
because I know that you'll be here, taking care of me.
真希望我们能多相处一段时间
I wish we had more time together.
时间意味着虚无