善地

The Good Place S03E08

Part 1 Dec. 11, 2019, 3:31 p.m.

公共图书馆
这图书馆太闷了
This library's depressing.
他们在诗歌♥区只有杰夫·福克斯沃西的书
All they have in the Poetry section is Jeff Foxworthy books.
我们要找一个鸟不拉屎的地方
Well, we needed someplace deserted,
没有比亚利桑那的公共图书馆
and there's no place more deserted than
更荒凉的地方了
a public library in Arizona.
现在快走吧
Now let's go, man.
我们只剩几个小时的时间
We only have a few hours
就得去机场接那帮人了
before we have to pick the gang up from the airport.
启动珍妮特的记忆装置
Fire up Janet's memory gizmo.
让你的大脑充满"死后世界"的记忆很危险
Flooding your brain with memories from the afterlife is dangerous.
有一次重启你和奇迪陷入了爱河
In one of the reboots, you and Chidi were in love.
你就不能相信我的话吗
Can't you just take my word for that?
不我做不到
No, dude, I can't.
我和父母的关系一团糟
My screwed-up relationship with my parents
我觉得自己不会爱上任何人
made me believe I could never really love anyone.
我要亲眼看看
I need to see it for myself.
那是我的记忆我要找回来
Those are my memories. I want them back.
好吧坐下
Okay, fine. Have a seat.
好在我们把拆掉"街区"之前
Luckily, before we shut the neighborhood down,
珍妮特保存了所有重启版本
Janet saved a complete record of all the reboots.
戴上
Put those in your ears.
-干什么用的啊 -到时就知道了
- What's all that for? - You'll see.
我们先从简单的三秒记忆开始
We're gonna start with a simple, three-second memory.
为什么只有三秒
Why only three second--
埃莉诺
Hi, Eleanor.
早上好埃莉诺
Buongiorno, Eleanor.
早上好巴姆酱和薇琪
Morning, Bambadjan. Morning, Vicky.
那俩人真他喵是个傻叉
Those two are such forking dweebs.
我说过于人间回忆"死后世界"
As I told you, recalling afterlife memories here on Earth
会有明显副作用
has some significant side effects.
大概二十分钟后你会恢复正常
You should be back to normal in about 20 minutes.
善地
第三季第八集
看着好点了
Ah, looking a little better.
还是香蕉管用
The banana must have helped.
在我们继续之前我有个很重要的问题
Before we go any further, I have one very important question.
我秃头时性感吗
Did I look hot bald?
因为我感觉姐就算秃头颜值也能抗住
'Cause I always kind of felt like I could pull it off.
我对人类外表的吸引力无法做出评判
I have no real ability to gauge physical attractiveness in humans.
但是你秃头时颜值跳水了
But no, you did not pull it off.
好了那个小片段会重塑大脑回路
Okay, that short clip should have rewired your brain,
就像接种一样
like an inoculation.
现在可以给你看第119次剧本中精彩部分了
So now I can show you the highlights of reboot 119.
我会跳过所有吃饭睡觉的场景
I'm skipping all of the sleeping and chewing.
你们总是要么睡觉要么吃东西
You guys are always either sleeping or chewing something.
我们来讨论自♥由♥意志与决定论
So, we are moving onto the subject of free will versus determinism.
终于学完了尼采
We are officially done with Nietzsche.
我会想尼采啦
I'm gonna miss Nietzsche.
我这一生都觉得自己比别人好
I spent a lot of my life thinking I was better than everyone else,
尼采证明了我是对的
and he showed me why I was right.
阅读清单给我都有什么呢
Give me that reading list. What do we got?
亚里士多德笛卡尔
A little Aristotle, little Descartes,
还有托米·小奎奎
little Tommy Quine-Quine.
这是我给圣托马斯· 阿奎那的爱称
That's what I call Saint Thomas Aquinas.
上了三个月的哲学课你已经...
Three months of philosophy class, and you're already--
你冲我笑啥傻小子
What are you grinning at, weirdo?
走吧居民会议要迟到了
Come on, we're gonna be late for the neighborhood meeting.
我得说
I gotta say,
看来我的哲学课上得不错
it seems like I was really nailing that philosophy class.
你敢相信我在高中被选为
Can you believe my high school voted me
"最可能英年早逝且一事无成的人"吗
"Most Likely to Die Young and Unaccomplished?"
你确实英年早逝且一事无成
You did die young and unaccomplished.
说得对
Fair enough.
接着戴上
Put those back in.
宠物挑选日
我最爱的四位居民
My favorite four residents.
别告诉别人
Don't tell the others.
欢迎来到"宠物挑选日"
Welcome to "Pick a Pet Day."
我们有上百位美丽的动物任君挑选
We have hundreds of beautiful animals for you to choose from.
当你做出最终选择时
And when you do make your choice,
你的宠物将会永远与你的灵魂紧紧相连
your pet will bond to your soul forever.
太棒了
Fabulous. I haven't had a pet
在芭芭拉·史翠珊给我的克隆暹罗猫自杀之后
since Barbra Streisand gave me one of her cloned Siamese cats,
我都没有养过宠物
and it killed itself.
我要去看看我神话中的宠物亲爱的
I'm going to look at the mythical pets, darling.
你选好了来找我
Catch up when you're ready.
-能否赏光 -当然
- May I? Yeah? - Yes.
可以领神话中虚幻的宠物吗
Dude, we can get mythical animals?
那我能养只企鹅啊
Maybe I'll get a penguin.
企鹅是真的
Penguins are real.
要的就是这种精神埃莉诺
That's the spirit, Eleanor.
它们对我来说也是真的
They're real to me too.
这只狗狗好像我小时候养的那只
This one looks just like the one I had when I was a little kid.
太可爱了
He's so cute!
但这只是不是更可爱点
But is--is this one a little-- a little cuter?
这只看着比较活泼
I mean, this pup looks friskier.
但这只更萌一点
But this one looks a little--a little sweeter.
也许吧
Maybe...
这是奇迪的克星选择恐惧症啊
It's Chidi kryptonite, a choice between any two things.
乖乖蜥蜴他有得纠结了
Settle in, lizard. This is gonna be a while.
迈克尔什么是"镜像半人马"
Michael, what's a "Mirror Centaur?"
一种惊奇生物
A stunning creature,
它半人的部分是自己伴侣的模样
whose human half takes on the image of its companion.
你们好
Greetings.
我是踏哈妮
I am T'Hania,
美貌女神
Goddess of Beauty.
我的老天爷
Oh my.
我要选最可爱的那只吗会不会太肤浅
I mean, should I take the cutest puppy, or is that shallow?
可以让它们分开吗
And is it even okay to separate them?
它们会不会是兄妹
Are they brother and sister?
又或者是一对
Or--or perhaps, married?
兄弟它们是天堂上的狗狗
Dude, they're heaven puppies.
我肯定两只都很棒
I'm sure they're both incredible.
你就选一个吧
Just choose one.
你说得对我选黑色那只
You're right. The black one.
它是我的第一感觉我就要它了
That was my first impulse, and that is the one I'll take.
很抱歉奇迪两只狗狗都被选走了
I'm so sorry, Chidi. Both puppies have been taken.
想到有这种结果了
Yeah, I should have seen that coming.
我的犹豫不决再次夺走了我的幸福
My indecision has once again cost me happiness,
现在我要承担这苦果
and I will now suffer the consequences.
还有多少宠物没被选走
How many pets have gone unclaimed?
三个
Three.
一条近5米长的白化巨蟒
A 16-foot albino python...
还有个叫"狼蛛乌贼"的生物
Something called a "Tarantula-squid,"
以及这只猫头鹰
and this owl.
狼蛛乌贼狼蛛乌贼
The Tarantula-squid. Tarantula-squid.
狼蛛乌贼狼蛛乌贼
Tarantula-squid. Tarantula-squid.
我选猫头鹰
I'll take the owl.
瞧瞧
Check it out.
珍妮特给它做了顶牛仔帽
Janet made him a little cowboy hat.
好傻啊
Isn't that stupid?
奇迪在吗
Chidi? Hello?
斯宾塞喜欢安静的环境
Spencer doesn't like loud voices.
发生什么了
Yeesh. What happened, man?
我想训练它玩接球游戏
Well, I was trying to teach him to play fetch,
就像我小时候训练狗狗那样
like I did with my puppy as a kid,
但它没有把棍子接回来
but instead of retrieving the stick,
还用它锋利的爪子袭击了我的脸
he attacked my face with his razor-sharp talons.
你为什么不直接找迈克尔要只狗
Why don't you just ask Michael for a dog?
因为是我自己没有及时选出一只狗
Because it was my mistake to not pick a puppy fast enough.
我自作孽不可活现在要血偿
I made my bed, and now I'll bleed in it.