善地
The Good Place
第三季
剧集 | 善地 | 导航列表
善地
The Good Place S03E07
Part 1
Dec. 11, 2019, 3:31 p.m.
这么说 我妈还活着 她现在住这儿
So my mom is alive, and she lives here.
你为什么不早点说 老兄
Why didn't you tell me sooner, man?
我已经告诉你 你死了
I had already told you that you died
我折磨了你几个世纪
and that I had tortured you for centuries
而且你注定还要下地狱
and that you're doomed to be tortured again.
我只是不想再让你心塞了
I just didn't want to be, like, a bummer.
但该知道的事 你现在全都知道了
But now you know everything important about your life.
我发誓这次是实话
I promise.
一位警♥察♥上门通知我
A police officer came to my home
我妈在雷可福磊斯合唱团演唱会上
and told me that my mom had been accidentally trampled to death
弯腰调整趾环时被踩踏 去世了
when she bent down to adjust her toe ring at a Rascal Flatts concert.
那个警♥察♥是找人扮演的
That police officer was an actor.
大约一个月前 你妈喝醉了
See, about a month before, your mom had gotten drunk,
误打误撞走进一个慈善拍卖♥♥会
wandered into a charity auction,
以三万美金拍下与吉恩·西蒙斯的约会夜
and bid $30,000 for a date with Gene Simmons,
Kiss乐队主唱及贝斯
比其他出价者高出两万九千八
outbidding everyone else by $29,800.
她不想付钱 所以假死
She didn't want to pay, so she faked her death,
搬来内华达州 化名为戴安娜·特里梅因
moved to Nevada, and reinvented herself as Diana Tremaine.
戴安娜·特里梅因是我的御用假名
Diana Tremaine is my fake ID name.
她竟然盗用我偷走的名字
How dare she steal the identity I stole?
我知道这一时难以接受
Look, I know this is a lot to take in,
但我们是来帮助你妈进入"善地"
but we're here to help your mom get into the Good Place.
无论你有什么怨气 记住 别意气用事
Whatever you're feeling, remember, this is not about you.
好
Right.
你怎么能这么对我
How could you do this to me?
善地
第三季 第七集
你找到我啦
Yay, you found me.
搞什么 妈
What the hell, Mom?
听我说 宝贝 我能解释
Okay, baby, I can explain everything.
我们先深吸口气
Let's all just take a breath.
你还没向我介绍
You haven't even introduced me
这位高大性感的亚历克斯·特雷贝克是谁呢
to this stretched-out, sexy Alex Trebek.
美加双国籍著名主持人
我叫迈克尔 很高兴见到你 唐娜
I'm Michael. It's nice to meet you, Donna.
我现在叫戴安娜 你懂的 为安全起见
it's Diana now for, you know, police reasons.
话说这豪华别♥墅♥是谁的
By the way, whose McMansion is this?
我男友戴夫的
My boyfriend Dave's.
他有点傻 但非常体贴 也很讲究
He's kind of a dork but real sweet and so fancy.
他的餐巾是用衬衣那种材料做的
His napkins are made out of, like, shirt material.
那叫布
Cloth.
好吧 这下我明白了
Okay, now this is making sense.
你改头换面 傍了个王老五 住进大房♥子
You change your name, bag a rich loser with a tacky house.
我懂了 这是你的一个骗局
I get it. You're running a scam.
不 宝贝 我对他像美甲下的指甲一样真
No, baby, this is as real as the nails under my acrylic nails.
-我和以前不同了 -少跟我胡扯
- I'm a different person. - Spare me.
你永远都是狗改不了吃屎
You will always be sun-baked Arizona trash,
因为我从小就这么被你带大的
and I know that, because I grew up baking right beside you.
天 家里来客人了啊
Jeez, I didn't know we had company.
-你好 我是戴夫 -迈克尔
- Hey. Hi, I'm Dave. - Michael.
你就是传说中的戴夫
Of course you're Dave.
戴夫 咱俩得好好谈谈
Hey, Dave, you and I need to have a little conversation.
戴安娜
Diana!
这小妞是谁
Who the hell is this chick?
我的心肝小宝贝 帕特丽夏
This is my little potato pie, Patricia.
你是谁啊
And who might you be, by the way?
埃莉诺是我姐妹会的好友
Eleanor is my sorority sister.
没错 温馨美好的卡帕·捷塔·琼斯
Right. Good old Kappa Zeta...Jones.
我竟然要排这么长的队去见我姐
I can't believe I have to wait in line to see my own sister.
我以前从没排过任何队
I have never waited in any kind of formation before,
更别说站着等了
let alone a line.
这里全是她的作品吗
Is this whole room just her work?
别被骗了 奇迪 卡米拉就是个骗子
Don't be fooled, Chidi. Kamilah is a charlatan.
她只不过画了几个圈 大家都为之疯狂
All she has to do is paint some dumb shapes, and people go mad.
这些不是一般的圈 是一对胸
Those aren't dumb shapes. They're a pair of boobs.
边上还有俩相距更远的胸
And then two extra side boobs.
代表了世上有各种形态大小
It symbolizes that boobs come in all shapes and sizes
和间距不同的胸
and distances apart.
我们还是走吧
Maybe we should just go.
我可以帮助其他很多人
There are plenty of other people I could help,
比如我好友 本·阿弗莱克
like my good friend Ben Affleck
帮他摆脱对后背刺青的疯狂痴迷
and his crippling addiction to back tattoos,
或找我另一个好友 马特·达蒙
or my other good friend Matt Damon
帮他戒掉对本·阿弗莱克的疯狂痴迷
and his crippling addiction to my friend Ben Affleck.
你们俩和解 这点很重要
It's important that you make amends.
你和卡米拉的竞争关系
Your competitive relationship with Kamilah
是你无法进入"善地"的主要原因
is largely the reason you didn't get into the Good Place.
对她来说也一样
It stands to reason that the same would be true for her.
行吧 但我等不下去了
Fine. But the waiting is over.
借过 借过 借过
Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.
塔哈妮 你是排着队来见我吗
Tahani, were you waiting in line to see me?
太可笑了
That's hilarious.
青蛙敬畏地凝视着树梢之时
As a frog stares up in awe at the tree top,
亦是人性凝望纯粹耀眼的真♥相♥之刻
so, too, does humanity gawk at the purity of a blinding truth.
纸巾和叉子在后面
Napkins and forks are in the back.
现在做煎蛋卷也是艺术了啊
So making omelets is art now, is it?
你这种层次 肯定理解不了
Not that I'd expect you to understand,
但这是对恭顺 消耗 死亡和教育等
but it's a commentary on the world's fascination
众多世间魅力的理解与表达
with subservience, consumption, death, and pedagogy.
切达干酪还是瑞士奶酪
Cheddar or Swiss?
我不要煎蛋卷
No, I don't want an omelet.
我只是来姐妹小聚一下
I just came for a quick sisterly chat.
我妹妹塔哈妮拒绝点煎蛋卷
My sister, Tahani, refuses to order an omelet.
因此 此次展览现在结束
As a result, the exhibit is now over
永不再启
and will never be shown again.
不受理退款申请
There will be no refunds.
典型的塔哈妮作风
卡米拉救了她的命 她还这样
可耻的背叛
塑料花姐妹情
我说得对吧
我刚看了一眼我的苹果手表
Hey, now. I just checked my Apple Watch,
现在该喝玛格丽特了
and it's marg-o-clock.
迈克尔 你是做什么的
So, Michael, what do you do?
我是个建筑师
Well, I'm an architect.
不会吧 我也是
Get out of here. Me too.
戴夫超级出色
Dave's real good.
你们真该去看看I15高速上的猫头鹰餐厅
You should see the new Hooters on I-15.
非常经典 看起来像银行
It looks classy, like a bank.
你们俩是怎么认识的
So how did you two love-rats meet?
说来有趣
It's a fun story.
当时我负责拆除一栋危楼
I was working on this project tearing down a condemned bar
叫做"沙漠皮疹"的酒吧
called the Desert Rash.
我去现场见承包商
I went in to meet with the contractors,
而戴安娜就坐在酒吧里喝着七七七
and Diana is sitting at the bar drinking a 7 and 7 and 7.
七分钟喝下七杯施格兰七号♥金酒
7 shots of Seagram's 7 in 7 minutes.
这是戴安娜的晨间饮料
It's Diana's morning drink.
没错 那会确实还很早
That's right, it was very early in the morning.
这个小火箭筒发现我要关了酒吧
Well, this little spitfire finds out it's me who's closing down the bar.
立马拿刀架住了我的脖子
Next thing I know, she's got a knife to my face.
如果不是我这辈子没见过
I would have been scared if she hadn't been
她这么美丽的尤物 我肯定会吓着
the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen in my life.
一来二去 电光火石之间
One thing leads to another, and all of a sudden,
我俩就进了后巷的厕所里干柴烈火
we're playing tonsil tennis on a broken toilet in the alley out back.
真浪漫
Cute.
你和埃莉诺怎么成为朋友的
So how did you and Eleanor become friends?
就当是我们曾"住在"
Let's just say that we "Lived"
同一片"街区"吧
in the same "Neighborhood."
真是把一件寻常事说出花来了
What a fun way to say a normal thing, right?
我得去准备一下
Well, I've got to go get ready.
今天是家庭教师协会选举 我要竞选秘书
Today is PTA elections, and I'm running for secretary.
她可是种子选手呢
And she's a shoo-in, too.
小帕 我们得准备准备了
Hey, Patty, we got to get ready, okay?
我知道我们是来让你妈妈走上正路
善地
The Good Place
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