善地
The Good Place
第三季
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善地
The Good Place S03E06
Part 1
Dec. 11, 2019, 3:31 p.m.
好吧 好吧 考虑下高二的同学
Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's do sophomore year high school.
-内森·伯林盖姆 -不喜欢你
- Nathan Burlingame. - Didn't like you.
凯丽·曼萨德
Kylie Mansard.
觉得你又凶又犀利
Thought you were cool but intimidating.
不是吧 我当年还觉得她很凶呢
No way. I thought she was intimidating.
所以才把她推进河里
That's why I shoved her into that creek.
"辣椒闹剧"之后
Well, after my chili episode,
我向行政部门申请休假一年
I asked the administration for a one-year sabbatical
好消息 我直接被解雇了
and, good news, they fired me.
我可以自♥由♥自在 随心所欲了
So I am free and easy.
"灵魂小队"其他队员去拯救杰森的父亲了
Well, the rest of the Soul Squad is off helping Jason's dad.
我们要拯救谁呢
Who are we saving?
反正我的高中同学是没戏了 别问我为什么
No one from my high school, I will tell you that much.
拯救他人灵魂之前
Well, before we do anything,
我得先和西蒙妮分手
I have to break things off with Simone.
要是我不小心把宇宙奥秘透露给她
If I slip up and tell her about the universe,
就会害她永生坠入地狱
it could doom her for eternity,
我已经很久没跟她说话了
and I've avoided talking to her for so long,
她以为我的喉炎恶化了
she assumed I had laryngitis, and it went too far,
-严重到都得服用抗生素了 -淡定
- and now I'm on antibiotics. - Okay, settle down.
你的良知不允许你撒谎 对吧
Your moral code means you can't lie, right?
你得玩消失 不告而别 拉黑她的手♥机♥号♥
You need to just ghost her. Disappear. Block her number.
而且 你还可以心安理得霸占她留在你公♥寓♥的东西
Bonus, anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you.
我经常这么对我前任
I've done that to dozens of people,
他们都释怀了
and all of them got over it.
其实 你的前任都对你念念不忘
Actually, none of your exes have ever gotten over you.
那可不 姐闪闪惹人爱啊
You're damn right they didn't.
我就是想以不让她伤心的方式和平分手
I just wish I could end things in a way that I knew wouldn't hurt her.
叮
Bing!
我以前经常凭空出现
I usually appear out of thin air
每次都会伴随美妙的"叮"声出场
and there would be a pleasant bing sound,
但我现在没有超能力了 所以只好自带配乐了
but I don't have my powers, so I'm doing my own bings now.
叮
Bing!
奇迪 要不我帮你打造一个虚拟现实模拟机吧
Chidi, what if I could create a virtual reality simulation
你可以模拟各种分手的场景
where you could practice different breakup scenarios?
-还有这种操作 -当然啦
- You can do that? - I think so.
我对你和西蒙妮了如指掌
I do know everything about you and Simone
精通电脑编程 虚拟现实
and computer programming and virtual reality
人工智能 人类大脑
and artificial intelligence and the human brain
我无所不知
and everything else.
算是美貌与智慧并存了
I'm kind of a nerd.
我这就着手打造虚拟机
I'll start building the simulator now.
叮
Bing!
别看我 转过身去
Don't- Turn around.
好尴尬
It's embarrassing.
叮
Bing.
善地
第三季 第六集
兰迪·硬汉·野蛮人
不国际机场
杰克逊维尔 小爷回来了
Jacksonville, what up?
杰克逊维尔美洲虎队的标志喊叫
-嗷呜 -嗷呜
- Duval! - Duval!
可怜的拉里
Poor Larry.
但是...
But...
"有一种爱叫做放手"
"If you love someone set them free."
我有个好友兼瑜伽学徒 单名"毒刺"[歌♥手]My good friend and yoga pupil Sting, no last initial,
这句话是他的至理名言
told me that.
我等不及带你们俩游览杰克逊维尔的酷炫景点了
I can't wait to show you guys all the cool sites in Jacksonville.
比如那个沼泽 我 "药哥" "傻强"
Like, that swamp is where me, Pillboi, and Donkey Doug
以前经常在那儿企图用激光笔照瞎飞行员
used to stand and try and blind pilots with laser pointers, and--
以后再四处逛逛
Maybe we should do the tour
先去拯救你父亲的灵魂吧
after we, you know, save your father's soul.
我一直很好奇
I've been meaning to ask.
你怎么想要拯救你父亲呢
Why are you trying to save your father?
经常听你提起你的好兄弟"药哥"
I've heard you mention your friend Pillboi many times,
但从来没听你提过你父亲
but you've not mentioned your father once.
怎么会
What do you mean?
我一直把"傻强"挂在嘴边啊
I talk about Donkey Doug all the time.
-等下 "傻强"是你♥爸♥ -是啊
- I'm sorry. The man you call donkey Doug is your father? - Yeah.
那个跟你一起用激光笔照瞎飞行员的"傻强"
The Donkey Doug with whom you tried to blind airline pilots with laser pointers?
是呀
Yeah.
那个咬了巴斯光年被迪士尼世界禁入的"傻强"
The Donkey Doug who's banned from Disney World for biting Buzz Lightyear?
说句公道话 他当时认错人了
In his defense, he thought it was someone else.
认成谁了
Who?
我和迈克尔想出了一个拯救我爸的计划
So Michael and I have a plan to save my dad.
这么多年 "傻强"一直麻烦不断
My whole life, Donkey Doug was always getting in trouble
就是因为想一夜暴富
because of some get-rich-quick scheme.
挂在汽车尾部的蛋蛋 展示男子气概
他卖♥♥过伪造的"卡车球"
He sold counterfeit truck nuts.
他曾发明了一种新运动
He created a sport
穿马蹄铁玩躲避球 参与的人都死翘翘了
that was a cross between dodgeball and horseshoes and everybody died.
-他还粘... -这个好办
- He glued... - This should be easy.
我们不差钱
We have plenty of money.
要是直接给他钱 他会不开心
If we just give him money, he'll blow it.
他想自己发家致富
He's gotta feel like he did it himself.
几年前 "傻强"差点就拿到电工证了
A few years ago, Donkey Doug was very close to getting his electrician's license.
如果我们能说服他完成培训
So if we get him to finish the training,
他就能过上体面的生活
he can earn an honest living
慢慢积攒"良善积分"了
and be on his way to getting more Good Place points,
这正是我们来此的原因
which is why we're all here.
出发拯救我老爸吧
Okay, let's go save my dad.
出租车
Taxi!
需要帮你放包吗
Need help with your bags?
不用 我能行
Nah, I got it.
-天啦噜 杰森 -傻强
- Damn, Jason! - Dude, Donkey Doug!
你居然直呼他"傻强"
You call him Donkey Doug in person?
我和杰森的关系可铁了
Me and Jason are cool like that.
我不拿他当儿子
I don't think of him as my son.
我当他是兄弟[孩子]I think of him as my boy!
我确实是你孩子啊
I mean, I am your boy.
没错 但感觉更像是
Yeah, but it's more like,
亲如父子的兄弟
"That's my son right there, son."
而不是亲如兄弟的父子
But not like, "Son, son."
就像好哥们 而不是...
But like, "My boy." But not like--
好了 我们懂了 不用解释了
Yes, yes, we get it. Thank you.
这位是我的朋友 迈克尔
This is my friend Michael.
天啦噜 你咋这么像警♥察♥
Crap. You look like a cop.
你是警♥察♥吗 如果是 必须告诉我哦
Are you a cop? Because if you are, you have to tell me,
如果我不知道你是警♥察♥
and you're not allowed to arrest me
那我无论做什么 你都不能逮捕我
for anything you saw before I knew you were a cop.
-我不是警♥察♥ -嗯 迈克尔人很好 不用担心
- I-I'm not a police officer. - Yeah, Michael's cool.
这位是塔哈妮 好像是我老婆
And this is Tahani, who is my wife, I guess.
了不得 你小子撞大运了
Dang, nice pull, son!
我们俩去泡鸳鸯浴吧
How about you and me go check out my Jacuzzi
互相填补空虚
and put stuff in each other?
提醒一下 我是他的妻子
Again, I'm his wife.
我第一次撩妹失败哎
That's the first time that line has ever failed.
你一定很爱他
You must really love him.
欢迎回家 快请进吧
Welcome to the family! Come on in!
这个模拟程序了解你和西蒙妮的性格
This program knows everything about your personality, Simone's personality,
精通人类复杂的情感关系
and all human relationships.
该程序不能预测事情的走向
It can't tell you exactly what will happen,
但可以根据你的表现 模拟西蒙妮的反应
but it will approximate Simone's reaction to anything you say to her.
还可以玩俄♥罗♥斯♥方块呢
Plus, it has Tetris.
这个程序
Would this work with,
能让我和杰森·斯坦森共处一室吗
say, me and, say, Jason Statham
不是在咖啡馆
and instead of a café,
而是在配有柔软大床和红牛的酒店房♥间里
it was, say, a room with a futon and a bunch of Red Bull?
怎么每次出现新发明
Why is it that every time a new thing is invented,
你们人类总是用作色情用途呢
humans immediately try to use it for porn?
因为我们欲♥火♥焚身呗
Because we're disgusting.
我和埃莉诺会利用显示器观测模拟动态
Eleanor and I will be watching on the monitor.
透过你的视角进行观察 戴在耳朵上
We'll see what you see. Put these in your ears.
善地
The Good Place
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