善地
The Good Place
第三季
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善地
The Good Place S03E09
Part 1
Dec. 11, 2019, 3:31 p.m.
《你能做的最好的事》
待捐赠
-你好 -你好
- Hello. - Hello.
希望我们找对房♥子了
Hope we have the right house.
我在找道格·福赛特
I'm looking for a Doug Forcett?
我就是
Well, I'm Doug Forcett.
什么 对 你当然是
How? Yes. Yes, you are.
不好意思 我是《卡尔加里时报》的记者
Sorry, um, I'm a reporter for the "Calgary Times Examiner."
我叫迈克尔·斯科普[独家新闻]My name is Michael Scoop.
这是我的摄影师珍妮特·斯科普
This is my photographer, Janet Scoop.
她是我妹妹 身材火♥辣♥
She's my sister with the scoops.
嘴欠啊
Boy.
镇上有人说
Some people in town are saying you live
你活得潇洒惬意啊
a pretty interesting life out here.
自给自足 遁隐于世
Growing your own food completely off the grid?
我们很想在奇闻故事栏刊登一篇关于你的文章
We would love to do a human interest story about you for the paper.
意下如何
What do you say?
好吧 让我想想
Okay, well let me think.
首先 你愿意为我写一篇全新报道
Well, first off, I'm so flattered that you'd want to do
我感到很荣幸
a whole news story just about me.
太好了
That's so nice.
向你们"独家"全家表示由衷感谢
A heartfelt thanks to the whole Scoop family.
我能问一下 你们报纸是用再生纸印刷的吗
Can I ask... is your newspaper printed on recycled paper?
是的 非常再生 再生到极致了
Yes, no, very recycled. The most.
那就行 进来吧
Well, all right then. Come on in.
太好了
Great, great.
怕我们一会儿忘了
You know, before we forget.
能让珍妮特给你拍张照吗 放在报纸上
Can Janet take a photo of you for the paper?
你能往上看一点吗 再往右
Okay, can you look up a little and to the right?
微笑 但是嘴笑眼不笑
Smile, but only with your mouth and not your eyes.
好极了
Perfect.
善地
第三季 第九集
1972年 我和朋友兰迪吃了点致幻蘑菇
It was 1972. My friend Randy and I ate some magic mushrooms.
兰迪问我 "你觉得你死后会怎样"
Randy asked me, "What do you think happens when you die?"
于是我就领悟了"死后世界"的真谛
And I saw with perfect clarity how the afterlife works.
瞬间懂得 我必须完美地度过这一生
Immediately I knew I had to live a perfect life.
也不是瞬间
Well, not immediately.
第二天我一直在看功夫电影
The next day all I could do was watch kung-fu movies
撸着我以为是猫的毯子
and stroke a blanket that I thought was my cat.
但是很快 我就设计了一种
But soon after, I designed a life that would maximize
能让我以最高分进入"善地"的生活
my point total and help me get into the Good Place.
从那之后我一直这样生活
And I've been living it ever since.
我知道 听起来很扯淡
I know, this sounds crazy.
不 实际上很有道理
No! No, actually it makes-- it makes perfect sense.
天啊 你们坐了十分钟
Boy. You've been sitting here for ten minutes
我还没问你们要不要喝水吃东西呢
and I haven't offered you anything to eat or drink.
你们想来点水 还是新鲜小萝卜
Would you like some water or fresh radishes?
水就可以了
Water would be great.
珍妮特 他太酷了
Janet, how cool is he?
作为一个名人 他也太接地气了
You know, for a celebrity, he's amazingly down to earth.
明星和我们没什么区别
Stars. They really are just like us.
他的举动都很体贴
He's so thoughtful with his actions.
幸好他出现了那次幻觉
Thank goodness he had that hallucination.
他的幻觉本可能跟兰迪那次一样
He could have had the one Randy had
看见的一切都是耳朵的假象
where everything was made of ears.
一点帮助都没有
Way less helpful.
我们得详细了解他的为人
We have to learn everything we can about what makes him tick
以此来帮助其他人
so we can use it to help others.
他就是"人性蓝图" 珍妮特
He is the blueprint, Janet.
答案就在他这里
He figured it all out.
来了 两杯水
Here we go--two waters.
如果哪里不满意 就告诉我
Let me know if you're not happy with them.
水太烫 有冰块
I have ice cubes if it's too warm
太凉 有保温杯
and a koozie if it's too cold.
这水的回味真独特
Well, that has an interesting aftertaste.
是从附近河里打的吗
Is that from a nearby river?
当然不是 为什么要跟河狸和鱼抢新鲜水源呢
No. Why take fresh water away from the beavers and the fish?
我把我的堆肥厕所和滤水系统接在一起了
No, I have my composting toilet hooked up to a water filtration system.
一个人的废料是另一人的水源
One man's waste is another man's water.
这两个人都是我
And both men are me.
我很激动能够放松心情喝一杯
Yeah, I'm pretty excited to relax and have a drink.
拯救灵魂的感觉很好
I mean, saving souls feels great,
但从悉尼到布达佩斯 到凤♥凰♥城再到卡尔加里
but Sydney to Budapest to Phoenix to Calgary--
时差倒得我已经不会说话了
I'm so jetlagged, I can't even regrender my chorf.
我都不知道自己在说啥
Don't even know what I was trying to say.
你得活动一下
You need to get your blood flowing.
那边有台球桌
There's a pool table over there.
想来一局吗
Wanna play?
好啊 为什么不呢
Yeah, sure. Why not.
开始吧
Let's do it.
塔哈妮 我能问问你的意见吗
Tahani, can I ask your advice about something?
你是指你说话声音太刺耳吗
Is it about your grating speaking voice?
谢天谢地你终于提这件事了
I'm so glad you finally brought it up.
因为说实话 只需几节发声课
Because, honestly, with a few elocution lessons--
不 我是想问奇迪的事
No, I wanna ask you about Chidi.
我的声音怎么了
What's wrong with my voice?
没事 非常动听
Nothing. It's lovely.
奇迪怎么了
Tell me about Chidi.
你一个人住这里 没人倾诉
So, it must get lonely up here all by yourself
一定很孤独吧
without anyone to talk to.
我有很多朋友
I've got lots of friends.
比如这个小家伙
There's this little guy, for example.
这只蜗牛
Yeah, it's a snail.
嗨 蜗牛 我不给它们起名字
Hi, snail. I don't name them in case
说不定它们有自己喜欢的名字
they already have a name they prefer.
这是个有机花♥园♥吗
So, this is an organic garden?
是 我吃的东西都是自己种的
Yeah. Everything I eat I grow myself.
这块小萝卜地在我搬来时 就有了
The radish patch was actually here when I moved in.
如果挖掉就太残忍♥了
I thought it'd be mean to dig it up.
对小萝卜吗
Mean to the radishes?
我还种小扁豆 因为它们只需极少的水
I also grow lentils because they require very little water
碳排放量也很小
and have the smallest carbon footprint.
他只吃扁豆和萝卜
All he consumes are lentils and radishes.
不 珍妮特 他还喝自己的排泄物
No, Janet. He also consumes his own waste.
所以 一切都好
So, everything's fine.
你怎么打台球来着 规则是什么
How do you play pool again? What are the rules?
这就是台球最好的地方 哥们
That's one of the best things about pool, dawg.
没有规则
There are no rules.
我百分百确定有规则
I am 100% sure there are.
我和我兄弟玩的是特别式杰克逊维尔版台球
Me and my friends play a special Jacksonville style of pool.
叫做"特别式杰克逊维尔版台球"
It's called "Special Jacksonville-style pool."
你可以打任意一个球 不过必须用手
You hit whatever ball you want but you use your hands.
就这样
And that's it.
该你了 我得一千分
Okay, your turn. I got a thousand points.
这是另一条规则 自己定分数
that's the other rule. You make up your own points.
我得五百万分
I got five million points.
我去 你怎么学这么快
Damn, how'd you get so good at this so fast?
在另一条时间线上
So, in this whole other timeline,
我和奇迪互相说了"我爱你"
Chidi and I said "I love you" to each other.
但他不记得任何事
But he doesn't remember any of that happened,
我的问题是 应该什么时候告诉那个人
so I guess my question is, when is the right time
在"死后世界"的另一个时间线上
to tell someone you were passionate lovers
你们两个曾是热恋的情侣
in an alternate timeline in the afterlife
但他完全不记得这事 因为严格来说
but he doesn't remember because technically
在多元宇宙的这一部分 那一切都没有发生
none of that happened in this strand of the multi-verse?
算了这样吧 我直接去雅虎上搜答案
You know what? I'll just check with Yahoo answers.
肯定有人在上面发表了
I'm sure someone's weighed in.
不 我很高兴你会征求我的意见
Nope, nope. I'm flattered you would seek my advice.
虽然我觉得这样有道理
Though, I suppose, it makes sense.
我肯定在每次重启中不变的是
I'm sure the one constant in all the reboots
你和我是最好的朋友
is that you and I are best friends.
是的
善地
The Good Place
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