善地

The Good Place S03E12

Part 3 Dec. 11, 2019, 3:31 p.m.

because it removed all the variables that make life on Earth hard.
对没有房♥租
Yeah, there was no rent to pay,
没有种族和性别歧视
no racism, no sexism.
没有颁奖礼上"带货"明星的明争暗斗
No awards-show gift-suite publicist infighting.
真的呀大家为了带货简直算尽机关
What? Those gift suites can be a real minefield.
但肖恩也没错
But Shawn is also right.
我们四人能提升也许是侥幸
The four of us becoming better people could be a fluke.
那就重复实验吧
So let's repeat the experiment.
像西蒙妮那样收集数据
It's what Simone taught us about data collection.
重复实验比对结果是否相同
Try it again and see if you get the same results.
妙啊我打造一个新的社区
Of course! I build a new Neighborhood.
我们挑选四个新人
We choose four new people,
告诉他们身处"善地"
tell them they're in the Good Place,
给他们出难题观测他们的变化
create challenges for them, track their progress.
我猜他们会和"初代四人组"表现一致
My guess is they will do what the original four did.
将伯之呼守望相助
Seek help, support each other,
审时度势日臻完善
make wise decisions, improve.
若是这样
If they do,
那就证明人类并非"人性本恶绝对没跑儿"
then it's proof that humans are not "Bad, full stop, end of story."
真是异想天开
This is so stupid.
把社区建在哪里呢
Where would you even put this Neighborhood?
我不同意将其建在"善地"
I wouldn't allow it to be built in the Good Place,
绝对不行
that's for sure.
估计你们也不想建在我的地盘
And I doubt you'd want to come back to my neck of the woods.
我有个主意
I have an idea.
明迪我们得借用你的后院
Hi, Mindy. We need to use your backyard.
用我的后院做什么
You need my backyard? For what?
我们在进行一项重要的实验...
We're conducting an important experiment--
打住无所谓了
You know what? I don't care.
其实刚问出口
In fact, as soon as I started asking the question,
我就反悔了
I thought to myself, "Why are you asking this?
反正我也不在意
You don't care about the answer."
你们自便别来烦我就行
Do whatever you want. Just leave me out of it.
有需要就找德里克
And if you want to talk to someone, talk to Derek.
他见到你一定很高兴
I'm sure he'll be happy to see you.
德里克是谁
Who's Derek?
德里克不算是我前男友
Don't think of Derek as my ex-boyfriend.
我创造了他所以...
I made him, so...
他算是我儿子
he's more like my son.
但我当初创造他
Although I did make him
确实是因为嫉妒你和塔哈妮
because I was jealous of you and Tahani,
所以他算是我的备胎炮♥友♥
so he's kind of my rebound booty call.
那他就是你的儿子兼备胎炮♥友♥
So he's your son-rebound-booty-call.
好吧非要定义的话
Fine, if you want to put labels on it,
他确实是我的儿子兼备胎炮♥友♥
I guess he's my son-rebound-booty-call.
但他对我无足轻重
But he doesn't mean anything to me.
而且德里克一直都...
Also, Derek never really...
差强人意
worked right.
他傻得冒泡
He's a buffoon.
你完全不必担心
You have nothing to worry about.
"彼何以爱汝
"How should he love thee?
"何以赏汝之才思
"Or how deem thee wise
"若汝不任其遨游"
"Who wouldst not leave him in his wandering?"
我都没注意到你在这儿
I didn't see you there.
我刚吟诵了爱伦坡的诗
I was just reciting some Edgar Allan Poe.
你好我是德里克
Hi. I'm Derek.
欢迎来到中间地带
Welcome to the Medium Place.
德里克你怎么变化这么大
Derek, why are you so different?
这你得感谢明迪
You have Mindy to thank for that.
她在屋后空地上发现了一根柱塞
See, she found a plunger sticking out of the ground behind our house,
她每按动一下
and every time she hits it,
我就会昏死
I pass out.
每次醒来后我都会有小小的提升
When I come to, I'm a little bit smarter and a little bit better.
不是吹牛我的"小♥弟♥弟♥"现在都快长熟了
Not to brag, but I almost have a full-grown penis now.
硕大伟岸功能几近完备
It's resplendent and mostly functional.
明迪重启了你多少次
How many times has Mindy rebooted you?
说不好五十万次吧
I don't know. Half a million.
-不是吧 -她经常重启我
- What? - She reboots me a lot.
时而纯属无聊
Sometimes when she's bored
时而只是"想静静"
or just needs some "alone time."
时而就为找乐
Sometimes just for laughs.
德里克
Derek.
-我们进去吧 -好
- Shall we head inside? - Okay.
好吧
Cool.
我说一下规定
So here are the rules.
迈克尔可以随心打造新社区
Michael designs the new Neighborhood however he wants.
"恶地"负责选择四个新人
The Bad Place gets to choose the four new humans.
但新人的品质
But they have to be the same general level of badness
必须和"初代四人组"相同
as the original four, all right?
不能是连环杀手独♥裁♥者
No serial killers, no dictators,
也不能是男团经理
no one who managed a boy band.
迈克尔不会提前收到新人的档案
Michael will not get the files in advance,
这样他就没有大量时间准备了
so he does not have forever to plan.
但他随后可以任意更改社区配置
But he can then change the Neighborhood however he wants.
我十亿个不同意
Yeah, I have about a billion objections to this.
我也是
So do I.
很好这样就公平了
Good. That means it's a fair compromise.
最后一个问题...
So one last issue--
社区中的其他居民由谁扮演
where do we get all the other residents for this place?
我的初代社区旨在折磨人类
Well, my original Neighborhood was built for torture,
所以其他居民都是恶魔
so everyone was a demon.
这可行不通
We can't have that.
不如从"善地"找人吧
I say we get them from the Good Place.
我死也不同意
Over my dead skin suit.
还能怎么办
Well, what other option do we have?
有人想尝尝中间地带的零食吗
Would anybody like a Medium snack?
我可是要再享用一杯经典马提尼
I myself will be enjoying another classy Martini.
请见谅
Don't mind if I do.
我可以造人
I can make the people.
就像创造德里克一样
Just like I made Derek.
-你确定 -嗯
- Are you sure? - Yes.
如果法官恢复我在中间地带的超能力
If the Judge restores my powers in the Medium Place,
我就办得到
I can do it.
新人会比初代德里克高级得多
They'll be way more advanced than the original Derek.
-无意冒犯 -没事
- No offense. - None taken.
好其他居民由珍妮特的孩子扮演
Okay, the other residents will be comprised of Janet babies.
你有地球历一年的时间帮助新人向善
You will have one year of Earth time to try to improve the humans.
我会监测全部情况
I will be monitoring everything
以防有人作弊并追踪人类的进步
to ensure there's no cheating and to track the humans' progress.
就这么定了
Deal?
屡试不爽
Classic.
-珍妮特 -你好
- Janet? - Hi, there.
-准备好开工了吗 -准备好了
- Ready to start building? - Yes.
我有一些想法
I have some ideas
用于打造基础社区
for how to design a sort of basic Neighborhood,
了解新住客后再针对性改进
which we can then tailor to the guests as we learn more about them.
你刚刚说有一些想法...
Now, when you say, some ideas...
-十一万亿个想法 -棒
- I have 11 trillion ideas. - Yes.
有你真好珍妮特
I'm so glad you're here, Janet.
-乐意效劳 -好那...
- Me too. - All right, so...
你想先打造什么基础设施
What's your first basic idea?
餐馆名称
真棒简单粗暴
Perfect. So basic.
当初建造这里是为折磨你
This house was built to torture you.
你怎么让迈克尔又原样重建了呢
Why did you have Michael re-create it exactly?
我回看的那段记忆中
Well, in the memories I watched,
我们就是在这里坠入爱河
this was where we fell in love.
所以我想复♥制♥当年的成功
So I figured, why mess with success?
我又说胡话了
I mean,what am I saying?
这里太扯淡了
This house is stupid.
你这个小弱鸡我讨厌你
And you're lame, and I hate you.