善地

The Good Place S03E07

Part 3 Dec. 11, 2019, 3:31 p.m.

my much older mother.
她伪造了死亡更名换姓
She faked her death and changed her name.
抱歉摇醒了你的梦但事实如此
Sorry to burst your bubble, but that's the deal.
我已经知道了埃莉诺
I already knew all that, Eleanor.
我们第一晚见面时候、她都告诉我了
Your mother told me everything the first night we met.
第一晚
The first night?
不也不算是第一晚
Well, no, not the first night, actually.
第一晚基本都在做♥爱♥
That was mostly sex.
你妈床上傲人索要无敌
Your mother is a very confident and selfish lover.
真是苦了你
Yikes.
不不这正合我意因为我是"床上小白"
No, no, no, it's perfect for me 'cause I don't know what I want.
总之第二天早上她就全都告诉我了
But anyway, the next morning she told me everything.
等帕特里夏再大一点我们也会告诉她
And we're gonna tell Patricia once she's a little bit older.
目前来说一切都棒极了
For now, everything is going great.
不老兄你不了解我妈
No, dude, you don't know my mom.
她曾经拿了一大堆东西放在购物车里
She used to put, like, 50 things in a shopping cart,
然后去"少于12件商品"专用结账通道
then go to the "12 items or less" aisle,
大喊"有老鼠" 没付钱就跑了
scream "Rat," and run out the door without paying.
她就是个骗子
She is a liar.
她对我非常坦诚
Well, listen, she has been nothing but honest with me.
而且我喜欢她的放荡不羁
And I like that she's got a wild streak.
让我有点"性"奋
It kind of gets my motor running.
老实说
Tell you the truth--
受她影响我都调皮起来了呢
she's turning me into a bit of a bad boy.
你当我是艾薇儿·拉维妮吗
I mean, who am I, Avril Lavigne?
我懂了
I get it.
坦白也是骗局的一部分
Coming clean was all part of the scam.
太聪明了他认为她很诚实
It's brilliant because he thinks she's honest.
等她把他的钱都卷走时
So, when she runs off with all his money,
他完全措手不及
he'll never see it coming.
拜托埃莉诺
Come on, Eleanor.
我变了你变了说不定她也变了
I changed, you changed, maybe she changed, too.
不可能
No, no way.
你为什么不相信她如今诚实地乖乖做人
Why can't you accept that she might be living a good, honest life?
还是个贴心的伴侣是个好妈妈
That she's an attentive partner and a good mom?
因为我想要那样的妈妈
Because I wanted that mom.
我想要能为我做午后甜点的妈妈
I wanted the mom who made me afternoon snacks
而不是叫我去麦当劳游乐球池里
instead of just telling me to look for loose fries
找软掉的薯条
in the McDonald's ball pit.
凭什么帕特里夏能有这样的妈
Why does Patricia get that mom?
如果唐娜·谢尔斯卓普真的改变了
If Donna Shellstrop has truly changed,
也就是说她是一直都能做出改变
then that means she was always capable of change,
只是我不值得她做出牺牲
but I just wasn't worth changing for.
我虽然自诩为是你父亲般的人
I know as your self-appointed father figure,
我应该说点什么安慰你
I'm supposed to say something comforting here,
但我不知道说什么了
but I'm--I'm kind of stumped.
好了公布结果了
Okay, final tally--
戴安娜·特里梅因43票
43 votes for Diana Tremaine,
艾琳·卡普肖12票
12 votes for Eileen Capshaw,
博发·迪兹纳兹1票
and one vote for Bofa Deeznutz.
别这样看我
God, don't look at me like that.
你又不真是我爸
You're not my real dad.
恭喜了主席女士
Congratulations, Madam Secretary.
简直太疯狂了
It's so crazy, right?
我得弄个计算器或者地球仪
I'm gonna need to get a calculator and maybe a globe.
我其实不太了解这工作
I don't really understand the job.
听着我很抱歉
Listen, I'm sorry
我之前觉得你是在演戏
that I didn't think this whole thing was real.
我没想过有一天
I just never thought I'd see the day
你也会做出承诺
when you made a commitment to...
任何承诺
anything.
是我错了
I was wrong.
谢谢宝贝我很感动
Thank you, baby. That means a lot.
-我来帮你 -不不不不是那个
- Let me help you. - No, no, no, not that one!
不是这个抱歉
Not that one! No, sorry, sorry.
这是专门用来洗内衣裤的
This powder is only for my delicates.
你从来不洗胸罩
You don't wash your bras.
不不
No. No.
我就知道
I knew it.
我妈是个骗子
My mother is a con artist.
被我发现了吧
Got ya.
我进入"死后世界"受折磨之前
So, before I'm tortured in the afterlife,
我将因破坏艺术
I get to spend the rest of this life
在匈牙利监狱度过我的余生
in a Hungarian prison for destruction of art.
真有意思
That's fun.
这种模仿货哪称得上是艺术
Destruction of extremely derivative art.
卡米拉的画多年来都不过尔尔
Kamilah's work has been mediocre for years.
要是父亲和母亲看到了
Mother and Father are probably rolling over
估计死人都能气活
in their cryogenic chambers.
是吗你不觉得他们会感到骄傲吗
Really? You don't think they would be proud of her
整个博物馆侧翼都在展出她的作品
for having a whole museum wing dedicated to her work?
我父母的要求非常高
My parents' standards were incredibly high,
难以取悦
and they were impossible to please.
而且他们经常让我们姐妹俩争宠
Plus, they always pitted my sister and me against each other.
他们俩是一个鼻孔出气
The two of them were a unit,
而我和卡米拉...
and Kamilah and I...
姑娘们你们有新挑战了
Girls, we have a new challenge for you.
你们有四个小时
Each of you has four hours to complete a rendering
画出法国♥军♥事历史上你最喜欢的时刻
of your favorite moment in French military history.
赢者可以把画挂在大厅
The winning painting shall be hung in our foyer
直到纪念弗朗索瓦·密特朗的派对结束
during our party honoring Francois Mitterrand.
而输的人则需要提供派对时
The losing paining shall provide the kindling
壁炉所需要的柴火
for the fire that rages in our hearth during that party.
是不是很棒啊
Doesn't that sound wonderful?
是的母亲
Yes, Mother, it does.
谢谢你们给我们这次机会
Thank you for this opportunity.
谁将成为胜出的画家
Who will be the winning artist,
谁又将落败
and who will fail?
静待分晓
Let's find out.
这些画
These paintings...
画的是我们
They're us.
你们是乳♥房♥♥
You're the boobs?
抱歉杰森说过之后我越看越像
Sorry. Once Jason said it, that's all I can see.
又来了
Here we go.
干嘛
What?
塔哈妮你干嘛别这样
Tahani, what are you doing? Stop it.
不我要拥抱你因为我爱你
No. I'm going to hug you because I love you
因为你跟我一样孤独
and because you feel just as alone as I do.
很遗憾我们的父母这么差劲
I'm sorry our parents were such wankers.
我明白你不会接受我的道歉
And I understand that you can't accept my apology
这样会抹杀你的创造力
because that would quench your creative thirst.
他们强迫我们竞争
They forced us to compete,
这些竞争正是你几十年来创作的动力
and that competition has fueled your art for decades.
太糟糕了我很抱歉
It's so awful, and I'm so sorry.
他们很差劲是吧
They were wankers, weren't they?
地球上最差劲的父母
The absolute biggest wankers on Earth.
放了他们吧
Let them go, please.
她要放了他们
卡米拉真善良啊
戴安娜·特里梅因你个小恶魔
Diana Tremaine, you little devil.
新名字不变的套路
New name, same game.
好吧我跟戴夫一直很幸福
Fine. Things have been going good with me and Dave,
只是有时候我会从他钱包里顺一点钱
but sometimes I sneak a little bit of cash out of his wallet,
藏起来就怕万一有天东窗事发
and I hide it away, just in case everything blows up
我得逃出去
and I need to skip town.
开心了吗
Are you happy?
不我不开心
Actually, no, I'm not happy,
但我觉得你开心
but I think you are.
你一直给自己留着跑路的招数
You're holding on to this exit strategy,
想着可以说走就走
telling yourself that you can bail at any time,
但事实上
but the truth is...
你喜欢这种安定的生活