善地

The Good Place S03E09

Part 3 Dec. 11, 2019, 3:31 p.m.

Michael, would you care to say a few words?
你说真的啊好的
You're serious. Yes.
好吧
Okay.
马丁有很多身份
Martin was a lot of things.
主要是蜗牛
A snail, mostly.
但也是朋友
But also a friend.
马丁教我们领会人生领会爱
Martin taught us about life, about love,
以及透明胶也不是万能的
and about the limits of scotch tape.
再见了马丁
Goodbye, Martin.
祝你走上快乐泥泞的小路老朋友
Happy, slimy trails, old friend.
抱歉我必须马上就走了
I'm sorry, I've got to leave right away.
我决定以马丁的名义
I've decided to make a donation
向加拿大软体动物协会捐款
to the Canadian Mollusk Association in Martin's honor.
协会办事处在埃德蒙顿
Their office is in Edmonton,
我步行去来回差不多要三周
so it will take me about three weeks to walk there and back.
保重小心点小家伙
Take care. Okay, look out little fellow.
抬头看看有鞋过来了
Heads up. Here comes a shoe.
道格听我说
Say, Doug, look.
你介意我们再问几个问题吗
Do you mind if we ask you just a few more questions?
你在这里的生活你的活法
What you're doing here-- how you're living your life--
实在太棒了
just so wonderful.
但我能给你一点小小的建议吗
But can I maybe give you just a little advice?
我知道我应该献更多血
I know--I should donate more blood.
我会尽力不过我上次去献血
I'll try, but the last time I went down there
他们说我贫血太严重结果反而给我输了血
they said I was so anemic, they ended up giving me blood.
不听着
No, look, look.
我当记者很长时间了道格
I've been a reporter for a long time, Doug.
见过形形色♥色♥的人
Met all sorts of people.
足迹遍布这个疯狂的蔚蓝星球[地球]Traveled all over this crazy blue marble.
见各种普通人
Meeting regular folks.
每张面孔都是不同的故事道格
Every face tells a story, Doug.
要我说那些所谓的普通人
Why, I'd say that those so-called regular folks
常常到头来并不那么普通
often turn out to be not so regular after all.
-迈克尔 -抱歉
- Michael. - Sorry.
重点是我从未见过一个像你一样
The point is, I have never met anyone so dedicated
致力于让别人及蜗牛幸福的人
to making other people and snails happy.
如果你说的"死后世界"是真的
If what you're saying is true about the afterlife,
那你现在挣的分数肯定绰绰有余了
then you must have earned more than enough points by now.
所以放松一下吧朋友找点乐趣
So, loosen up, bud. Have a little fun.
吃点扁豆以外的食物
Eat something besides lentils.
你说萝卜吗
Like radishes?
不不道格该死的
No, no, Doug. Dammit.
吃冰淇淋或者煎鸡扒
Just have ice cream or chicken parm.
享受人生
Live your life.
去旅行
You know, travel.
喝普通的水不是你体内流出来的水
Drink regular water that wasn't inside you.
放松放松
Okay? Just relax.
谢谢你迈克尔但是不行
Thank you, Michael. But no.
我不能做那些事
I can't do any of those things.
为什么
Why not?
因为我不能冒险
Because I can't risk it.
有个"会计"不知在何处
There's an accountant out there somewhere
衡量着我所做一切的价值
measuring the value of everything I do.
万一我一放松做了一些丢分的事
What if I relax and do something that loses me
导致我不能进入"善地"了
just enough points to keep me out of the Good Place
从此永久被折磨呢
and I'm tortured for eternity?
不我必须重视每时每刻
No, I have to make every moment count.
这是唯一理智的活法
It's the only rational way to live.
请恕我失陪我要步行去埃德蒙顿
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to walk to Edmonton
给蜗牛慈善捐85美元
to give $85 to a snail charity.
为什么你不干脆点把我们带去"恶地" 老兄
Why don't you just take us to the Bad Place already, dude?
因为我想看到迈克尔意识到自己失败时
Because I want to see the look on Michael's face
他脸上的表情
when he realizes he failed.
我喜欢看人们脸上那种表情
I love seeing the look on people's faces.
那是我工作最有趣的部分
It's the best part of my job.
老兄迈克尔不会来这里
Dude, Michael's not coming here.
面对事实吧
Face it, man.
你被击败了
You are outmatched,
因为迈克尔和珍妮特聪明懂行
because Michael and Janet are brilliant and savvy
他们一直领先你十步之遥
and they've been ten steps ahead of you this whole time.
不管你让我们在这里坐多久
We can sit here as long as you want.
你永远永远也别想
But you will never, ever, ever,
见到迈克尔或珍妮特...
see Michael or Janet aga--
天啊太艰难了一败涂地
Yikes, that was rough. Total bust.
道格完全就是灾难
Doug is a complete disaster.
我还喝了他的尿
And I drank his piss.
你好迈克尔
Hello, Michael.
看到了吗他脸上的表情太爽了
See? See the look on his face? So great.
你好肖恩以及其他恶魔
Hello, Sean. Other demons.
你们来这里做什么
What are y'all doing down here?
你以为呢你个肉中刺
What do you think we're doing, you hemorrhoid?
我们要将这场游戏一次了结
We're ending this charade once and for all.
这四个人类是"恶地"的合法财产
These four humans are the legal property of the Bad Place.
我们要将他们带去"恶地"
That's where we're taking them.
还有你
And you.
你想要他们得先过我这一关
If you want them, you're gonna have to go through me.
这就是我的想法
That's the idea.
真是个糟糕的想法
Well, it's a bad idea.
迈克尔你什么时候才能...
Michael. When will you ever--
去他的来战吧
Screw this. Let's fight!
你们躲到安全的地方去
Get somewhere safe, you guys.
坏消息
Bad news.
我一直去健身房♥锻炼
I've been going to the gym, a lot.
不
No.
场面失控啊
What is happening?
放开他
Let him go!
放开他
Let him go!
练了十二年击剑格斗开始
Twelve years of fencing. En garde.
显然我从来不在比赛中用这招
Obviously, I'd never do that in a competition.
用了就要扣分了
That would be a three-tenths deduction.
不不当心当心
No, no, watch out. Watch out.
我还没把叫珍妮特的缩成弹珠过呢
I've never marbleized a Janet before.
杰克逊维尔风格宝贝两千分
Jacksonville style, baby. Two thousand points!
多谢杰森
Thanks, Jason.
珍妮特门
Janet. Door.
三百分最佳得分
Three hundred points-- best score ever!
只有我觉得珍妮特现在超级性感吗
Is it just me or is Janet a straight-up hottie right now?
你差一点就被拉进地狱了怎么还这么饥渴
How are you this close to being dragged to Hell and still horny?
不知道
I don't know.
你怎么知道他们是恶魔
And how did you know they were demons?
我不能现在告诉你
I can't tell you that now!
去他的我还等什么呢
Screw it. What am I waiting for?
我们可能过30秒就要死了
We could die in the next 30 seconds.
迈克尔给我看了一段我们在"善地"的记忆
So, Michael showed me a memory of our time in the Good Place
咱俩有一段
and you and I were, like, a thing.
-还有... -逮到你们了
- And-- - Gotcha!
不是"我在包里翻出两粒散落的药丸
Not like a casual, "Hey, I found two loose pills in the bottom of my tote,
我们吃了看看有什么效果吧"这种玩闹
let's pop 'em and see what's good," kinda thing.
我们当时相爱了而且很有可能
We were in love, and there's a real possibility
我再次爱上了你
that I'm in love with you again.
就在这里在这个维度的世界
Here. On this plane of existence.
今天
Today.
现在
Now.
在加拿大与恶魔决斗期间
In Canada during this brawl with demons.
把她拖到门那里
Let's get her to the door.
不不
No! No!
棒
Cool.
虽然只是部分身体穿过"死后世界"的门
When I'm even partway through the door to the afterlife,
我的超能力回来啦
my powers come back.
真的吗
They do?
真的多谢关心
They do. Thanks for asking.