硅谷

and I want what's best for him
因为我希望他开心 所以从现在起
'cause I want him to be happy, so from now on...
你就是我朋友了
you're my friend.
你是我最好的朋友
You're my best friend.
尽管你会时不时出错
Even if you make the occasional oopsie.
你在逗我吗
Are you fucking with me?
我为什么要逗我最好的朋友呢
Why would I do that to my best friend?
你就像亲兄弟一样
Love you like a brother. Uh...
绝对不行
Absolutely not.
我们还没跟你说是什么事情
We haven't told you what we want yet.
-反正不行 -坐下
- Irrelevant. - Sit down.
谢谢
Thank you.
我想谈谈你们的魔笛职脉分数
I'd like to talk to you about your Piper-Pulse numbers.
我喜欢这个 翠西
I'd like that, Tracy,
因为我他妈的都不知道那是什么玩意
because I have no idea what the fuck that is.
你当然知道 那是翠西用来
Of course you do. It's the system that Tracy created
让员工给高级管理层提供反馈的系统
for employees to give feedback on senior management.
重点是 我正好认识一些AT&T的人
The point is, I happen to know a lot of folks over at AT&T,
而且我认为暗中使用一些
and I think it might help us
我收集的信息可以对我们有所帮助
if I back-channel some of the information I've gathered.
在那之前 我想告诉你们各自的表现
But before I do, I'd like to tell you how you're doing.
我知道我的表现
I know how I'm doing.
我他妈的棒呆了
I'm fucking killing it.
我搭造的都是最厉害的
I'm building great shit out there.
是的 你的敏锐分数非常棒
Yes. Your acumen scores are excellent.
在满分为10的系统里 你的得分是9.9
On a scale of one to 10, you're at a 9.9.
所以 除了迪尼希 大家都打了10分
So, all 10's and... Dinesh.
但是 我想讨论一下你的人际分数
But, it's your interpersonal rating I'd like to drill down on.
只有1.5分
It's at 1.5.
你的同事们认为你难以接近
Your coworkers find you unapproachable,
粗暴 而且会用令人不安的眼神伤害别人
rude, and capable of great hurt with an unsettling stare.
好吧
Okay.
我们想让AT&T看到一个有活力的公♥司♥
We want AT&T to see a thriving company.
如果你真心在人际关系和
If you really make a concerted effort
团队建设上共同努力
at outreach and team building,
你就能提高这个数字
you could get your numbers up.
翠西 我感谢你愿意加入
Tracy. I appreciate you wanting to participate
这个数字的世界
in the world of numbers.
我觉得你的努力很可爱
I find it endearing.
但你的这些数字都是狗屁
But yours are horseshit.
它们毫无意义
They measure nothing.
如果我想 我可以在周末前全部得满分
If I wanted to, I could have all 10's by the end of the week.
吉尔弗约尔 魔笛职脉是一种
Gilfoyle, metrics like Piper-Pulse
被广泛接受的
are a widely accepted measure
计算同事感受的计分系统
of how your peers feel about you.
说到这个 莫妮卡 你的人际分数是2分
Speaking of, Monica, your interpersonal is at a 2.
什么
What?
不 那只是因为朴雅卡和她那...
No, that's just because Priyanka and her little...
代号♥F的一帮小巫婆们把数字拉低了
witch's nest over at Foxhole are bringing my numbers down.
不 你的大多数低分
No. Most of your lower scores
来自工程师们 他们有84%都是男性
are coming from engineers, who are 84% male.
也许你应该试试扩展一下
Maybe you should try some of that outreach.
不管我做什么 我确信我至少比你强
Whatever I do, I'm sure I could do it better than you.
两天
Two days.
全部10分
All 10's.
说定了
Deal.
你好 你也好
Aloha. Aloha to you.
你好 你...
Aloha. Alo--
-迪尼希 -什么鬼
- Oh, hey, Dinesh. - What the fuck.
我喜欢你的胡子
I like your beard.
你怎么在这里 AJ呢
Um, why are you here? Where's AJ?
AJ来不了了
Oh, AJ can't come.
你想让他在出发前考个潜水证 对吗
You wanted him to become a certified scuba before the trip, right?
没错 我们好...
Yeah, so we could...
他妈的一起潜水 盖布
fucking scuba, Gabe.
他昨晚完成了全部潜水考试
Well, he finished all his check dives last night,
但潜完要等24小时才能坐飞机
but you have to wait 24 hours before you fly,
所以我们决定换位置
so we decided to trade places.
-换一天 -不
- For the day? - Uh, no.
从头到尾...
F-for-for all of it.
-为什么 -因为...
- Why? - Because it...
-这样容易点 -不
- it-it'd be easier? - No.
而且你怎么坐在头等舱
And what are you doing in first class?
飞行员是巴基斯坦人
So, the pilot is from Pakistan.
我说 "我认识一个巴基斯坦人
I said, "Hey, I know a guy from Pakistan.
是我同事"
I work with him."
然后他说 "不如你坐在
And then he said, "Hey, why don't you
前面的大座位上来吧"
come to the front and sit in the big chairs."
但...但那个巴基斯坦人是我
B-but that's me. I'm the guy from Pakistan.
我告诉他了 然后他把我安排在这里了
I told him that, and then he-- and then he put me here.
好吧 但我这个巴基斯坦人
Okay, but I, the guy from Pakistan...
-没错 -却要坐在经济舱
- Right. - ...am back in economy.
先生 你需要坐到你的座位上
Sir? You're gonna need to take your seat.
巴希尔机长想让你尝尝
And Captain Bashir wanted you to have
他母亲亲手做的咖喱角
these samosas his mother made.
不用了 谢谢
Oh. No, thank you.
技德
这他妈是逗我呢吗
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
丹尼 不好意思
Hey, Danny? Excuse me?
-你穿的是什么 -一件衬衫
- What are you wearing? - A shirt.
-天哪 -我觉得盖文的很多话都很有道理
- Oh my God. - I think a lot of what Gavin is saying makes sense.
当然有道理了 我说了很多年了
Yeah, of course it does. I've been saying it for years.
-所以你认同他的说法 -不 他是胡扯
- So, you agree with him? - Well, no. He is full of shit.
但你说的同样的话 就不是胡说八道
But, you aren't, even though you're saying the same things?
没错 因为我是认真的 而且我先说的
Yeah, because I mean it! And I said it first!
听起来有点小气和私人恩怨
That feels petty and personal,
这是有违盖文的技德准则的
which is against Gavin's code of tethics.
那到底是什么意思
What does that even mean?
理查德 你会签盖文的宣誓书吗
Hey, Richard, are you signing Gavin's pledge?
什么
Ah, what?
因为由于我在一个没有技德的公♥司♥工作
Because I'm getting a lot of heat from my friends
我很多在脸书的朋友都对我很有意见
over at Facebook for working at an untethical company.
好吧 脸书说我们没有技德
Okay, cool. So, Facebook is calling us untethical.
是的 因为他们签了宣誓书
Yeah, because they signed the pledge.
-还有谷歌♥ 亚马逊和推特 -我不关心
- So did Google and Amazon and Twitter. - Don't care.
说到这个 即使我们不签
Speaking of, even if you don't sign,
你能不能至少不在推特上发表评论
could you at least stop tweeting about it?
"任何签这个什么技德的人都是印蛋"
"Anyone who signs this Tethics thing is a thumbass"?
-这都讲不通 -当然能讲通
- That doesn't even make sense. - Yes, it does.
按手印的蠢蛋
It's dumbass but with thumb.
印蛋 简直完美的造字
Thumbass. It's basically perfect.
技德是技术道德 那手印那部分是什么
Tethics is tech ethics. What's the thumb part?
而且你为什么用你自己的推特账号♥
And why are you tweeting that from your personal account?
《边缘》杂♥志♥说你是"著名技德反对者
The Verge referred to you as "notable tethics holdout
和业余讽刺喜剧演员理查德·亨德里克斯"
and amateur insult comedian Richard Hendricks."
安迪?包洛维兹称你为
Andy Borowitz wrote a pointed piece about you
"多疑的理查德"
called "Doubting Richard."
看到了吧 这才叫讲不通
Ah, see? That doesn't really make any sense.
双关在哪里 这有什么意思
I mean, what's the pun? What am I supposed to be enjoying there?
现在你在嘲讽包洛维兹吗
Now, you're harshing on Borowitz?
没错 这些妙语是他想出来的
Well yeah, if he's coming up with those zingers.
如果你那么喜欢安迪?包洛维兹
If you like Andy Borowitz so much,
为什么不嫁给他
why don't you marry him?
竟然被你这拖了三个月孩子抚养费的人说出来
Says the guy who's three months behind in child support.
狗不是孩子
A dog is not a child!
AT&T的迈克尔·艾森柏格来电♥话♥了
Uh... Michael Eisenberg from AT&T is on the phone.
-他说是急事儿 -太好了
- He says it's urgent. - Ah, great.
迈克尔 怎么了
Hey, Michael, what's up?
-你当众侮辱了我老板吗 -什么 没啊
- Did you just publicly insult my boss? - What? No.
"签这个技德什么玩意的都是印蛋"
"Anyone who signs this Tethics thing is a thumbass."
[签这个技德什么玩意的都是印蛋 #技德]
我领导刚签了盖文·贝尔森的宣誓书