女浩克（2022）

and I mean, as you saw, I now have superpowers, which is nuts.
不 我不是想问这些 这些我不关心
No, I didn't mean... I don't want that.
你有对象吗 有男朋友吗
Are you dating a guy? Is there a boy in your life?
还没有
Oh. No. No, no. No.
不会吧 真遗憾 你会找到的 别太难过
Oh, no! I'm sorry. You'll find someone. Don't feel bad.
我一点都不难过
Oh, I don't feel bad.
这就对了 你多少还有点时间
That's right! You know what, you still have a little time.
露露 你是支持爱德华还是雅各布
Lulu! Team Edward or Jacob?
天啊...别提了 这两个演员我可都约会过
Oh, my... Let it rest! You know I dated both those actors.
什么情况
What the hell?
嘿 珍妮佛 又见面了
Hey, Jen! So good to see you.
看到你这副自暴自弃的打扮 我很欣慰
I love that you never make any effort at all.
您怎么在这里
What are you doing here?
这是我朋友的婚礼 你可别在这捣乱
This is my friend's very real wedding! You can't pull your crap here!
好吧 看来寒暄到此为止了
Okay. Well, I see the chit-chat is over.
我来回答你刚才非常粗鲁的问题
The answer to your extremely rude question
我正好在和新郎的一个朋友约会呢 是他邀请我来的
is that I happen to be dating a friend of the groom, and he invited me.
-泰坦妮亚 -嘿 亲爱的
- Titania! - Hey, girl, hey!
你居然来了 你可是大忙人啊 有那么多生意要打理
You made it! You're so busy, though. You have, like, 5,000 businesses.
-没错 -真的
- I do. - Yeah.
什么 不是的 她千方百计混进来 就是要找我的麻烦
What? No. No. She has weaseled her way into this wedding to mess with me.
这太明显了吧 大家都看不出来吗
That is so obvious. Why does nobody else see that?
行了 你太吵了
Okay, you're being very loud.
珍妮佛 我知道你的意思 真的 我明白
Jen, I hear you. Again. I do.
可是你说得有点过了
- But you sound insane right now.
泰坦妮亚不会在我的婚礼上
Titania wouldn't just show up to my wedding,
和你大打出手的
try and trying to kill you or something.
我是真心实意 来为露露和新郎送上祝福的
I'm literally just here to celebrate the love of Lulu and her groom.
-仅此而已 好吗 -你真是太好了
- That's all, okay? - That's so sweet.
对 明白了吗 你根本不是主角 珍妮佛
Yeah. See? Not everything is about you, Jennifer.
随便
Whatever!
-抱歉 我知道有点奇怪 -抱歉
- Sorry. I know this is a little weird. - Oh, sorry.
一和陌生人说话 我就有点无所适从
I haven't perfected the least awkward way to approach a stranger.
-没事 再努力点 -是啊
- Yeah, could use a little work. - Yeah.
争取下次自我介绍别搞砸了
Work on that for the next time I bungle another intro.
-你行的 -我叫乔希
- Cool. - I'm Josh.
-我是珍妮佛 -你是哪边的
- Jen. - Bride or groom?
新娘那边 露露是我的高中同学
- Bride. I went to high school with Lulu. - Mmm.
哇
- Wow.
-你呢 -我是新郎那边的
- You? - Groom.
其实没必要分那么清楚
But it all blends together.
-能问你个问题吗 -可以
- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.
你们那边可以携伴出席吗 我不知道他们是什么规矩
Did they give you a plus one? I don't understand how they decided.
对 他们没明说 但我是无所谓
- Yeah, they didn't, but I don't mind. - Mmm.
其实我的计划是 在这里认识一位
See, my plan was to strike up a very normal conversation
专心致志吃蜜饯果仁的漂亮女士
with a beautiful woman stuffing her face with candied nuts.
我可是个坚决执行计划的人
- Oh! - I'm very good at sticking to my plans.
-对 我看出来了 -是吧
- Yeah. I can tell. - Yeah.
天啊 珍妮佛 天啊 找到你太好了
Oh, my gosh, Jen. Oh, my gosh, I'm so happy I found you.
一半的服务员都跑了 因为“我对待他们太过分了”
Half the staff is quitting because of "how I'm treating them."
你能不能帮我把这里收拾一下
Could you help me clean up around here?
把这收拾干净 还有把空杯子拿去洗干净
Straighten up? Take up some of these empties, tidy up?
里面也需要你帮忙收拾一下 拜托了
I could use your help. It's on the inside, please?
-好吧 -谢了 珍妮佛
- Yeah. Yep. - Thank you, Jen.
-好 -回头见
- Yeah, yeah. - See you later.
再见
Bye.
七万五千美金的信♥用♥卡♥欠款
$75,000 of credit card debt,
巧合的是 保罗在账单寄到的当天消失了
and Paul conveniently disappears the day the bill came.
这么多年以来 小斯潘塞的抚养费 我一分钱也没见着
Well, I never saw a dime for raising Spencer Jr. alone for all those years.
我花了一万美金 给他办新奥尔良爵士风格的葬礼
I spent $10,000 on a New Orleans jazz funeral
因为阿尼不小心吞了氰化物药品
after Arnie accidentally swallowed a cyanide pill.
女士们先生们 我对各位深表同情
Ladies and gentlemen, I hear you, believe me.
请问各位最初是如何发现不朽先生
Can I ask how you all first became aware of Mr. Immortal's
这种行为模式的
pattern of behavior?
是我先发现的
It was because of me.
我朋友给我发了个链接 是一段发在“情报联盟”上的视频
My friend sent me a link to a video posted on that site, Intelligencia.
那个曝光渣男的网站
The one for hateful man babies?
没错 就是那个
Yep, that's the one.
视频里这个男人走到
You saw this man walk into
情报联盟
一个交通繁忙的路口 被四辆车同时撞了
a busy intersection and then he gets hit by four different cars.
他的身体复原了 然后他就站起来走了
His body regenerates and then he just gets up and walks away.
我当然立刻就认出 这人是我的白♥痴♥老公罗杰
I, of course, immediately recognized my idiot husband, Roger.
这就是我最担心的事
This is what I was worried about.
你不但之前装死过很多次
Not only did you fake your own death multiple times,
而且你竟然还多次伪造身份
but you also forged multiple fake identities.
坦白地说 你的这些配偶 可以对你提出刑事控告
Frankly, all of these spouses should be filing criminal charges.
你没进监狱算你走运
You are lucky you're not in prison.
要是不这样的话 我就不能 了解女性了...我心甘情愿
I will never understand women if I lived to be a... And I will.
你要知道
Understand this.
我会尽最大努力帮你摆平这件事
I'll get you the best deal under the circumstances.
-谢谢你 -别碰我
- Thank you. - Don't touch me.
但是我告诉你 你得付出代价
But let me tell you this. You're gonna have to pay.
你在笑什么呢
Why are you smiling?
挺有趣的
It's kinda fun.
不 她绝对会干的 这活简直就是给她准备的
No, she'll totally do it. This is such a Jen job.
我以前总这么使唤珍妮佛
I make her do stuff like this.
嘿 伴郎们正在玩《马力欧卡丁车》
Oh! Hey! So, the groomsmen were playing Mario Kart
他们的衬衫都皱了
and their shirts got wrinkled.
天啊 玩游戏弄的
Oh, my God, from a video game?
是啊 电子游戏现在是体育运动 ESPN和各种地方都在播
Yeah. Video games are sports now. They're on ESPN and everything.
-没错 -所以你是负责熨衣服的 对吧
- Yeah. - So you're on ironing duty, right?
-是我吗 -对 新娘小队上吧
- I am? - Yeah. Go bride squad!
真是谢谢你了 加油
Thank you so much. Amazing.
-珍妮佛 你的伴郎到了 -天啊 他来了
Jen! Your groomsman is here! Oh, my God! He's here!
乔纳森来啦 乔纳森
Jonathan is here! Jonathan!
珍妮佛 看看你要和谁一起走红毯
Look who you get to walk down the aisle with!
他太勇敢了 今天早上还在闹别扭呢
He's so brave. We had to resuscitate him this morning.
原来是这个乔纳森
Jonathan, of course.
女士们 塞巴斯蒂安 这样吧
Ladies, Sebastian, how about this?
我手上还有一些 1981年购入的苹果公♥司♥的股票
I still have all of those Apple shares I bought in 1981,
加上我第一任妻子 克伦威尔男爵夫人留给我的黄金
plus all the gold left to me by my first wife, Baroness Cromwell.
我们把这些平均分成八份给各位 然后彻底了结如何
How about we split it evenly, eight ways, and call it a day?
-非常公平 -慷慨大方 公平公正
- Very fair. - Generous and fair.
这样每个人都能重新开始新生活
Then everyone can move on with their lives.
我会立刻起草文件
I will draw up the paperwork immediately
-尽快彻底解决此事 -请等一下
- and we will get this all sorted out. - Just a minute.
我和他的婚姻长达十♥八♥年♥ 而她的才三年而已
We were married for 18 years and she was only with him for three.
凭什么她和我分到的一样多
Why should she get the same amount?
因为我和这个蠢货有个孩子
Because I had a kid with this fool.
-为什么她犯了错却要牵连到我 -我的儿子不是错误
- Why should I be punished for her mistake? - My son is not a mistake.
你用了“错误”这个词
You used the word "mistake."
-我只想为我那十♥八♥年♥... -你就是犯了错误
- I just want my 18 years... - You made a mistake.
就是错误
Mistake, mistake, mistake.
呦 准备好了吗 全场的朋友们
- Yo, yo, what's going on, my party people?
这里是你们的DJ 无敌切德浩克
- It's your boy, DJ In-ch-ch-chedible Hulk!
-现在我们开始... -真够可以的
- Let's get it started... - Unbelievable.
给这对新人助助兴吧
...for the new couple!
给我满上一大杯 伙计
Hit me with a heavy pour, buddy.
需要再收五块钱
That will be an extra $5.
欢迎光临 本酒吧只收现金
好吧
Of course.
接下来的四小时我还要干点什么
What else am I gonna do for the next four hours?
好的 我知道了 塞巴斯蒂安 我们就这么办
Okay, I got you. Sebastian, this is what we're gonna do.
你在莱克劳恩买♥♥墓地的钱 会偿还给你
You are gonna be reimbursed for the Lake Lawn mausoleum.
爵士风葬礼 很别致 我喜欢你的风格
Jazz funeral, so chic. I love your style.
泰勒 你将获赔因为帮保罗 在皮埃蒙特卖♥♥稀有玉石
Taylor, you will receive backpay for the two years
而辞职所损失的两年工资
that you quit your job to help Paul run a rare jade shop in Piedmont.
谢里尔 你想要现金 对吗 没问题
Cheryll, cash. You want it? You get it.
-现金啊 -埃米
- Cash money! - Amy.
在呢
Yes.
你将获得一个诚挚的道歉 附加深邃的眼神交流